🚀 go-pugleaf

F R I D A Y  H E A D L I N E S 
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 SAN JOSE; A travesty has occurred that is yet another in a bizarre chain of
events unfolding in what we reporters call "the Slant-Eyed Wars". When we
began our coverage last August, various "Hate Crimes" were springing up
surprisingly, from some of Silicon Valley's higher echelons. Senior Vice
President of Microsoft - Harold Shmipes was caught on tape verbally abusing
a waiter at Fung Lum's Chinese restaurant in Campbell, while in Beautiful
Palo Alto - Juan Alvarez, Store Manager of Fry's Electronics - Palo Alto,
was arrested for reportedly "Jumping Up & Down while ranting: CAN'T YOU
FRIGGIN' CHINKS OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE????"
 Last night's incident made these "minor" occurrences pale by comparison. 12
year San Jose resident, Sang Tow, was accosted in one of the strangest of
places - the booth of a parking structure. The accostee, rumored to be
Ex-V.P. of Netscape Corp.: Leonard Fledman. He allegedly yelled at the top
of his lungs " FUCK YOU - YOU FUCKIN' SLANT-EYED BITCH!" and drove off
before Mr. Tow could respond. Another sad day in the Sillycon Valley.
 Mr. Tow is the father of 23 and has 113 living relatives in the surrounding
area. He is employed with 52 of those.
 Bizarrely enough - this story has a recent postscript. 1 Day after being
interviewed, Mr. Tow brought an AK-47 Automatic Weapon to his place of
employment, and went on a shooting spree, a little after 2pm, police say. He
killed 17 people and wounded 26 more. The event came to a close, when Mr.
Tow turned the weapon on himself and yelled simply "You Plick" before
pulling the trigger. The incident is being called "The great Slant-Eyed's
Revenge" by local lawmakers.