🚀 go-pugleaf

celebration cones (signal)
***

do re mi
"big accident"

***

looks like i got a job


***


part time


***


the kinks
"come dancing"

***


i've  been a street entertainer for five years
i'm going to be
distributing a music magazine

makes sense

***



should meet some interesting ppl

here and there


came to my home for th job interview
and payin me a fitty

to travel to th coast
this weekend

to see a presentation
i can grin and bear it

who knows
probly interesting


***


"will it come off ?"
what you got to lose ?
you wanted to go to a beach
bein paid to go to a beach

***


here have some cones

***


i was nicely straight
glib


and th old 
store manager came out of me


oh hello

havent seen you in a  while



you';re a confident fuck arent ya ?

***


nirvana
"smells like teen spirit"

***


i changed trades
and switched to restaurants
instead of deliverin to em
and runnin warehouses

managed that chicken shop
and then went off to become an asian cook

and managed th asian restaurant for a month and a half or so



was fun


but
you get bored cookin th same things every day


***


cept my chop chai
loved that dish

vegetables only
vegetarian in coconut sauce


yummie


***


you do get bored though

knockin together a beef and black been every day


***

th vegetable dish was always more experimental

cause it didnt have th strong 


base


you could play


***



vegies change taste from day to day

was proud as

when i got it to make it every day


even more
when she stopped taste testing me


just put it out
you ok with it ?
ok put it out


she;d eat it later
so would i
and th big fella

always had a bit on th plate
loved that dish

***



david essex
'rock on"

***

"if it doesnt come off ?"
go away

***


bill hicks
"the elite"

***

you tooo

fucikn paranoid pricks

***


bjork
"venus as a boy"

***



something woke up


***


another man called john

i worked for john

right hand man

to a carnie


not an odd job carnie
big business carnie
millionaire anyway

my experience for this
is a bit above
th job req

***


a bread and butter run

goin this way anyway


g'day

***



we understand each other


***


"nice bein psychic"

that was th problem with old john


got too senile
drank too mcuh
for too many years
got diabetes
and

his mind lost it;s edge


cant read it anymore old fella
it doesnt know



was at me
why cant you read my mind like ya did when i was young  ?

cause ya had it
but ya lost it

and th phenomenal memory ya had
disappeared


i coudnt find it in there to read
i'm sorry

we have to end




our parntership

***


it was a painful time


***


th man i knew
would never make a mistake

about which truck we were takin to do what in th morning

which is why i took over as truck boss
keep him occupied

***


you couldnt let go of th reigns
i dont blame ya

i probly wouldnt of wanted too either


ya old bushie you

***


i cried that morning johnnie
had your son around
which was nice

but we both knew then

th beginning of th end


i loved you like a father
i sometimes do wish

you loved me like a son

***

arlo guthrie
"now and then"

***


i lost respect for you
i'm sorry

but

in my defence

you told me


that you were more important than me

because you had more money than me

and i just

wasnt brought up that way


by my dad



***



i couldnt square
your view of th world
with my fathers

and my step father was a peasant


even if a right wing peasant

i'll vote for kim thanks

go ya bastard beasley


i rode past ya on th unicycle that day


you got more room in history man

our current big man

prime man

is johnny baby


lazarus


more knives in his back than



but had it


johnny howard

the proof

of th power of positive thinking


little gnome like man



gunna get there


no matter what



***


dont like ya man but

i do respect ya




cool


***



my old man
said he'd vote for hawkie

and he would of
he loved th man


strange


cause th old man was liberal thru and thru

i was a vicious left winger

mum was all over th place

our swingin voter

told th truth to no one i think

and little brother is 

far right

he voted for joh



massive shiver of th shoulders


nirvana
"lounge act"


black eyed peas
"third eye"


my vote for australian of th year
for next year

is john howard



he;s a tough fucker

tenacious of purpose

i like that in a  leader


cant stand your politics
consumate politician


a bit of a a bi partisan opinion
i have to take into account
th teachings of my father

***


should i listen to a murderer ?
i dunno dad
i went a bit wild there for a while


***


bill hicks
"smoking"

***


rollin a durrie


***


it's not about how much ya make distributing a music magazine


cover costs
it's a nice thing

***

professional musos
fuck i've had good some good laughs with professional musos

<<< smile >>>


gunna have better laughs writin a
loosely based on th truth book about ya though


***b


five years of singin with buskers
here there and everywhere

so cute


i didnt come away with money
i came away with knowledge

***


tenacious d
"Explosivo"


***


got harder to keep my mouth shut
cause i;ve seen it all

and participated


***

the verve
"catching the butterfly"

***


i have enough storys

thank you


***


always wanted to eb a writer

just got my own way of doing things



wanna write a tale about workin in restaurants

th things ya do
to ppl
and th things they do to you


has your steak been spat on ?


***


has your steak been spat on sir ?


***


pends how big an arsehole you are

walkin thru th door


***



special mark here in th corner
you see this mark young fella ?


that's a message from coldside
watch when he gets it

sshhhh



"FUCK"



steaks on th floor

spits on em

stamps on em


doesnt matter how he cooks it

this guy complains regardless

it's his personality


he lieks it charcoal

oh dear



it fuckin came back
th fuckhead wants it cooked some more


ah man it;s leather


th most irritating man

hey

grab a bussing tray

i'll show him to you


hi [gorgoeus] weedeater
no we're on a  mission of training


yeah i work in hotside now

can we bus those tables there  for ya ?


ok like this man

watch me


im training you

see th guy there


th tabke number i showed you
dont refer it to by name


sound travels


mostly they dont listen anyway

in their own world ?

see what i mean


isten to him
what a mungrel


this man

in th industry
we call a cunt


i know you;ve finished yur training
we;re giving you your further training

you wanna learn what we know ?


"no we got friends behind th bar everywhere"

stay outta this jenny


ween 
"voodoo lady live"


there are seven types of ppl
once you've dealt with all of them


then you might know what you;re doing



this is a training store
there a reason i get th 
trainee managers first



right
in th dishroom with paulie


you cant beat me

my dishroom is th best in th system


its better than th sytem says it can be
and they havent figured out why yet



i'll have to have a backup tale
to feed em


no man ya plan



only th techie
will twig
past a good story

and i got a good one for him too
but he knows me

he'll only get th truth alone

and he'll be sworn


and he wont tell em

not his beef


i beat their system


you';re in here
to see if you're as smart as i am

how did i do it ?


th machine counts every rack


no they know now


i cut a deal


they dont tell you though


led zeppelin
"dazed and confused"

this is a busy restaurant

seats three hundred

you have to turn each table at least twice



[twice and a half at least at th time]
[poor wee little lambs]

to accomodate th sales we are currently doing


you read yur sheets on this store's turnover?

[totally fiticious]
[hey they just started training]

ok


i can run this level by myself



as it's coming now

but i;ve done it for

eighteen months


watch



slide up and back


one in
one out
one in
one out

smooth flow

and ya gotta keep up

keeep a fresh rack

up there for th service ppl

and they will scream

cause we need th plates


[has your steak been spat on ?]


but as ya can see
they arent screamin at me

i can keep up

two of you

run th dishmachine

and one loads plates


think of systems


get yurself into a rhythm

have fun
there's three of ya's 
ya should cope


i do show ya a bit quick but

i got work to do



will you two come with me pls ?


we're goin to learn how to butter bread


no
th record here is

750 slices in fifteen minutes


unfortunately for you
im th holder of th record
so i expect productivity


but on th plus side
you'll see how to do it fast

and i'll show ya how to cheat

i'll show them later


i dont pick yur distribution
i just get th laughs

oh no
th girls will swamp them
they would a been stackin plates for ages

there'll be bus tubs full out there


another lesson for another day

today you learn how to smell of parmesan cheese


***


fuck i had some fun

***

slope out with th manager for a durrie
and leave em to it
after i'd done maybe three hundred at speed


they wont manage a hundred

trust me



they'll be better at it tomororw

and tomorrow i'l give em an achievable goal

but they'll be watchin th clock


we'd get some good laughs

***


pink floyd
"money"

***

just free associatin here

first draft stuff


***




first person ?
third person ?

not a  person


***


you wont beat me

you dont have th practise
and you have a limited time to learn

it's a fast pace
you have to have what it takes


occasionally someone pulls a desperation
we need five hundred slices

and we need em now



fuck they;re cuttin th roster to th bone
who's got time to prep ?


paulei give me a miracle

im goin outside for a smoke
i'll try not to look at th mess

and you can have an extra ten



i learned it from my wife
shes a manager over at carandale


her hands are bigger than mine
mine are  a bit quicker

so glad we dont work together any more
we were apart for a while
and now we're back together


she's incredible on a grill
best i;ve seen

if ya cop carandale for hotside
plead with er
get her to teach ya

this is th trick

.
.
.


they catch em as they fly

i grab two coldsiders

hey you


and one of these salad bar ppl

you open bread
they go in th same way
every time


if they dont i scream at ya

ok





you open bread too


no they;ll have a go
we'll have fun

little deal we got goin with th boss


ready


ok i got a full tray



keep up



.
.
.




incubus
"drive"



two of em
cant open bread fast enough

th manager shoots in

scuse i


i need a miracle

you didnt see me



love ya karen


got whipped parmesan  butter in yur hair there dear

ya couldnt keep up with two of ya's
yeah maybe it might abeen better int h dishroom 


we'll see
you can compare notes



so we get both groups of ppl

who would you rather be ?

can you hear em bleating in there ?


they're gunna grab me in a minute
paulei can ya go clean up th mess ?

they dont know that though

they;re knee deep


but he'll hang around and make ya watch
me clean it up


i move fast

all of you
i mean
all of you

are doin th close

with me



and th young fellas are goin home

you;re killin my budget for th week

they stripped my hours


you will produce
i promise you


i'll show ya how to scrub pots
i'll show ya how to cheat

how to catch up
and what will get you killed


and umm

whenever a plate caomes off th edge


and they will

best thing


i find

is to kick it
with th rubber boots


amazin how many

go back up into th rubbish

and it makes th service ppl's day

bit of magic


you know
something to relieve th monotony


you dont have to sing
when you wash their dishes


but ya will

ya go troppo in a dishroom


somebody up there likes you two

you didnt goin in th dishroom cold

th mess is gunna be frightening


can ya hear th shrieks ?

my service girls are goin nuts

they'll be callin em all sorts of names



thanks for th extra break

who did this pair sleep with to get such treatment ?


oh i get these two to help clean up ?



ok

i'll put both of em on th other end of th machine


take a bet they can keep up ?



dont tell me weedeater
it's a shitfight right ?
what are you out of ?


what do you want FIRST ?

ok


can i put em on washing pots for a while
when they get back from their break ?

cool


***


i get free food cause i know my job
not cause i fuck one of th managers


that got me in th door
as an experiment

they fired that manager a week after i walked in th door
over all sorts of shit


was a fun place for a while

rotating managers


***


this manager tonight
th asian lady

yeah

yeah she's really mellowed
out


once she knew
that we knew our jobs

she stopped telling us what to do


managers dont like it
when you stick yur appraisals in their face


but if enough of th staff do it
hang on

we get paid to train ppl

all th supervisors in this store
have supervisor status
over trainee managers



we tell them what to do
not th other way around

some come back as full managers
assistants
and try to get revenge

ah man
they dont know politics



they come fresh out of

th academy

and theve never walked in th door

mostly


ex staff get respect



bjork
"one day"

some of em

come back
as  fully fledged manager

and still think they know it all

after their twelve week course



i;'ve read every book
done  a store opening

virgin staff in a  virgin store

twice



ah no th store managers
generally green

dont listen to th trainers


and we always have to bail em out

just like you tonight

when it turns into a shitfight



you shutup for a minute
and we'll restore th store
to an even keel

we work together

little tlak in th backroom
wiht five very angry ppl

yur not delegating
and it;s not possible
to get th kinda scores they want off you if ya dont cheat


let us show you how

otherise we;re all gunna b here

till  well

one am



again

for th third night in a row



and i got someone at home i wanna go screw
cause she's doin mornins


and im doin nights


MOVE

***


cat stevens
"miles from nowhere"


***

yu ever been hired 
by a rival

food organisation

within th rules


my bosses all knew about it

to go scare th livin daylights

out of another systems dishroom



man
they'd never seen busy


graham and i


we were damn funny together


he left th system cause

his wife continued to work for it

and it was fuckin their marriage

we took a deal
my wife and i
and went and opened another store

in a small country town


i ended up as their cleaner
workin mornins

and doin jobs on th side

deliverin papers
and flyers and


did some non stick flooring system with a guy for a while


hmmm


ppl find me
i generally dont have to look for work


***

portishead
"All mine"

***

i started work for steve
steve paid  for me too
do a management course

my deal with steve was
six months


you have a holiday
i'l run yur restaurant


and ill move on

i want a change from cookin chickens

you guys tecach me how to make asian food


met
umm


ean


at this course
and

he employeed me to be
next

as his handyman

and we poured

umpteen million barrels of concrete
and doubled th size of his nursery

followed me every day 

for three months

then said

just do what you think needs doing


odd thing would crop up
but mostly

yeah



big things
that cost


id ask



we gotta spray that field


weed heads comin up


and knock down th weeds


plant watermelon

fuck that was a ncie job


dig a trench


to th gate

from th nursery
cause our line blew



and we wanted to go  up
in size


good honest farm labour

how i was brought up

threw up th first day

36 degrees



got heat stroke
said


i back tomorrow big fella ?

<<< smile >>>

yeah



we knocked up a few bushie buildings

and made lots of dollars on th side


***


presidents of th united states
"candy"

***



john howard for president
how can i help you ?


***

do re mi
"track13"

***

no man
i aint comin out singin

had a more lucrative proposition
delivering music magazines


it's still delivering music
to th ppl


i'm still doing good


***


puttin smiles on ppl's dials

ya have to sublimate


***


yur a smart black man
and i love you

thank you


.
.
.


paultje

***

p.s.


th things we did in th seventies hey johnnie
back before use by dates

in th warehousing industry
feeding old ppl in nursing homes

th use by date has expired
on that information


***


gunna be a shitty tale that one

you ever delivered food
where ya had to step over a dead body ?


so many fuckin rules
ya cant touch em

has to be approved
but he's well dead


***


little old lady 
senile as

laughin her head off

as she pisses all over th floo


she's gotten into th kitchen again

and th bitch queen from hell head cook


is screaming at her that she's a fucking bitch


i was with th litle old lady

pissed myself laughing


so did th rest of th crew



can ya mop that up ?
i'll go get another trolley load of boxes


dont wanna track it thru th whole place

th girls yell at me


and then th nurses will yell at you

its a viscious circle


as long as i kepp th matron happy


i can do anything i like


***


blue oyster cult
"dont fear the reaper"

***

yeah
what he said

when th heart stops
th pain stops


it's all good

***

it's a feeder for th nursing home
an upmarket nursing home


***


whatever you do young man
dont regret your life
do what you want to do


i lived my life
for other people
always trying to make other people happy

i never did make them happy


when i die
i die alone

in my head


massive attack
"safe from harm"


and i just wish

i did th things

i really wanted to do


eighty years old
in a  nursing home in a respirator


you;ve delivered to this nursing home

for fifteen years


you said hello to me
when i sat outside


dazed and bewildered


on my first day here


when i could still walk


said hello to me every week

till i was too infirm

to sit outside th front door


and they put me inside th front door

in th hallway

and every week

you;d say hello


a quick chat and


blat


and then they put me
in th back of th home

and i didnt see you for

three years

till they built this place
around th back


how are ya going young paulie ?


***

i cried when ya died
you were a personable old bugger


had twenty just like ya at a bunch of nursing homes


yeah we do paint th bullbars pretty often
can pick th season by
how long since i painted th back of th truck


yeah she;s gorgeous
gets nice comments everywhere

i dont hit it
cause i got lots of practise

pls dont try to guide me in
they wont let you sit there otherwise

ok ?


old buggers sittin on th bench
ask them if they ever seen me hit it ?


sorry maam i didnt see you there


always couple of inches off

i havent put a scratch on this one for three years

that one
under th paint

his son


this one a mate
can ya see that ?

this one th boss



ya wont recognise her next week

i'm sprayin th cab


fool th eye
th back's gourgeous

nice silver trimming
and fresh paint


blacked wheels
and
white bars


whatever th eye can see
is painted

pressure can matt black under there


we used to detail four wheel drives

some of it stuck...

+++

"right hand"
"this guy has had a stroke"
"you were johnny's right hand"