🚀 go-pugleaf

From: dparsons@jarthur.claremont.edu (Lord Daniel Parsons)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp
Subject: Navero XXV
Keywords: Navero, of the Correct and Unalterable Way
Message-ID: <3902@jarthur.Claremont.EDU>
Date: 23 Jan 90 02:52:56 GMT
Sender: dparsons@jarthur.Claremont.EDU
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA 91711
Lines: 255


Us vs. the DM's pet iguana.

		Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 4th level
		Kortul, male human fighter, 3rd level
		Razuli, male human fighter, 3rd level
		Arlor, male dwarf thief, 3rd level
		Kory, male elf bard, 2nd level
		Topash, male elf druid, 3rd level

The Truly Awesome Reptilian Biped gazed upon us with a contemptuous eye.  The
other eye was full of righteous rage; together, they were more than enough
to tell us that here stood one of the Truly Buff Dudes of the world, against
whom we stood about as much chance as Kory had of performing at the Met.  We
tried to scatter; the Truly Awesome Reptilian Biped cut us off with great
flashes of lightning, and the earth trembled slightly.

Truly Awesome Reptilian Biped: "Hold, foolish warmbloodss.  Your offense is
        not sufficient for the Lords to end your lives at this time.  But you
        must give recompense!"

Dania: "Sure!  How much do you want?" (*big* grin!)

Razuli: "No godamn way!!  FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE!  THAT MONEY'S MINE!" (Attacks
         Truly Awesome Reptilian Biped.)

TARB: (Swings hammer once, bashes Razuli into next week.) "We are not greatly
       interested in the gold you offer.  There is more than enough of that
       already.  A service is in order!"

Kory: "A service?  No problem!  I do weddings *and* funerals.  Topash, start
       the ceremonies, and will somebody useless dig a hole for Razuli here?"

Razuli: "Fuuccc..."

TARB: "Your service... is to obtain the Orb of Spheres!  This you will deliver
       to our temple, where we shall take it."

Arlor: "Why didn't I go home when I could?  I don't like you, yup I sure
        don't, your'e mean, and (FLASH of lightning) really, um, um, help."

TARB: "I sense reluctance.  Is this so!?"

Dania: "Oh, uh, thank you for your great generosity, uh, snakely one!  We'll
        get right on it!  Immedeately!  I can forsee only one problem, oh
        great, mighty, uh... person of long teeth and scales of emeralds!"

Kortul: (sneers)

TARB: "You have a request, then?  Perhaps you wish to know its location?  I
       have not time to waste seeking it out.  That is for lesser beings,
       who may with clear conscience spend their lives in the search."

Dania: "No, no, its about a companion of ours who we miss very much and who
        is an important, necessary part of our group but he's dead you know
        and this whole quest service thing would go a heck of a lot easier
        and more quickly if he were around can you godly-type beings do
        anything about that maybe?"

TARB: "Time is not an issue.  I am sure most of you will be dead by the time
       this minor item is to be used."

Kory: "Ok, how about this, bright eyes: without him, we simply cannot get it.
       It would just be TOO much for us.  Us incompetent little warmblooded
       things are just too bloody INCOMPETENT for such a task."

TARB: "That is true.  How, then, will having one more of you running about
       making messes help your assigned task?"

Razuli: "Uhhhh...."

Topash: (Sigh.) "I SUPPOSE the fact that Navero was a member of the sect who
        worships The Lords of the Correct and Unalterable Way wouldn't help."

TARB: "Hmmm...  (mutters) We do still have to repay them for that last...
       (notices party) Enough!  Here, and then be about your work! (*POOF*
       Whole and complete Navero appears in cloud of smoke, Truly Awesome
       Reptilian Biped dissaears.)

Topash: "Hello, Navero.  How was the afterlife?"

Navero: "Urk..." (Throws up)

Razuli: "Medicccc......"

Dania: "Oh, shut up.  He just got back.  Quit being greedy."

Kory: "Now, now.  He can't help himself."

Razuli: "I can't!  I'm a greedy, selfish bastard!  I like it that way!"

Kortul: "Someone give him a robe."

Dania: "What?  Oh!  Yea, here." (Throws robe about Navero.)

Navero: "I don't feel good.  What happened?"

Kory: "Oh, you died.  Nothing serious."

        Navero was weak as a kitten, but he was there, and seemed to have no
memory of his painful death.  We gave him his pack and he got on his spare
robes and spent some time praying to the Lords for their infinite mercy in
giving him another try.  The rest of the party returned to the treasure pile
to resume the sorting.

        The pile contained a decent amount on coin, and a few magic items
thrown in.  There was a suit of elven chain (only slightly torn), a mace, a
two-handed sword, a long sword, a ring, and some potions.  There were also
some gems and things.  Most of the hoard, however, was worthless to us;
glass and pottery and colored rocks and other things, so the hoard wasn't
worth nearly as much as we thought it might be.  This upset some party
members greatly; others took the news better.

Razuli: "Idiot dragons.  Doesn't somebody have a healing potion?  Waitaminute,
         the magic-user does!  Give it!"

Dania: "Sorry, must have slipped my mind.  Better save it for emergencies."

Razuli: "Aw, come on!  This is a <censored> emergency!  We're all in this
         together, right, kids?  C'mon!"

Navero: (Stumbles over, Cures Light Wounds on Razuli)

Razuli: "C'mon, isat all?  After all the godamn shit I went through for you
         guys, this is the thanks I get."

        The magic items, when identified:
        Elven chainmail, +1
        Mace, +1
        Longsword, +2, Luck Blade
        Two-handed Sun Sword
        Ring of Levitation
        Potion of Slipperiness
        Potion of Extra-healing
        Scroll - Protection from Fire Elementals

Kortul: "Big sword here."

Kory: "And I want that longsword."

Razuli: "Hey, I want it too, bard.  Keep your grimy paws off."

Kory: "Do not refer to my fine-tuned fingers in that manner, mercenary.  Why,
       I can play many an instrument with skill that would leave you in awe.
       My own is out of tune only due to the prevailing dampness.  Besides,
       you already have a magic sword."

Razuli: "Leave your sex life out of it, bard.  I'll trade ya."

Kory: "Hell with YOU.  I like this sword!"

Dania: "Nav, take this."

Navero: "But I already have a mace.  With the symbol of the Order on it!"

Topash: "This one is better.  Trust us."

Dania: "Take the chainmail too."

Razuli: "Hey, I wanted that!  What is this!?"

Arlor: "Me too."

Dania: "Nav, here.  Put this on."

Navero: "Uh...  how does it open here?"

Razuli: "Waitaminute.  You don't unlace that.  Haven't you worn armor before?"

Navero: "Uh... no."

Dania: "WHAT?  Nav, you idiot!"

Razuli: "Well, he doesn't wear armor.  I'll take it."

Arlor: "Um..."

Dania: "Give it!  Nav, (Throws it in his face) get into that."

Navero: "But how can I preach peaceful relations among all peoples when I am
         going about prepared for war?"

Topash: "(Sigh.) Preparation is one thing.  Prevention is also admirable, is
         it not?"

Navero: "Yes.  'The one who sees what the Lords place before him is great in
         the sight of all men.'  But I... uh... it seems so... pessimistic,
         to walk about all armed."

Kory: "Little priest: we all are getting fed up with you dying.  It is highly
       inconsiderate of you."

Razuli: "Yeah!  Here you are, dying all the time.  Don't you ever think
         about what you put us through?"

Navero: "I'm sorry, but I must follow...  I'm sorry I keep getting killed.
         I don't mean to, it just happens."

Dania: "Yeah, Nav.  Kortul!  Could you show him how to use a mace?"

Kortul: (sigh...) "Better." (stomps off with Navero.)

Dania: "Fine.  I want the ring."

(Continue dividing.  Dania gets ring, Navero the potion of slipperiness, and
Razuli the healing and scroll.  Arlor's player was not there to fight for his
share of goodies.)

Kortul: (To Navero) "Padding onto shoulders.  Must find them first.  Right.
        Buckle that.  And that.  Now mace: hold by this end.  Good.  Swing.
        Put legs into it; try again.  (splash!)  Not that much."

Kory: "Oh, dear little Dania: have you looked at the chits yet?"

Dania: "No.  I figure we better just go back.  I can't dispel the spell, and
        I really don't wanna fight the city guards.  Besides, we'll have to
        find a sage in the city who can locate this Orb of Spheres thing."

Kory: "You think so?  I don't think so!  Have you noticed?"

Dania: "Noticed what?"

Kory: "I'm not wearing it anymore!  They just come off!  They're not magical
       at all!  Ha ha, that was a great joke!  I would almost admire them if
       they all weren't such putzes."

(Other party members get rid of chits, look vaguely embarrassed.)

Kory: "So, my dear: in exchange for so cleverly getting us out of that little
       trap, I will be expecting a spontaneous display of affection from you
       at some point in the future.  Hopefully, late at night, by a dark
       reflective pool under the monlight..."

Dania: "Where I will slit your noisy throat and toss you to the mud beasts.
        Kory, leave me ALONE!  You are obnoxious and arrogant and fucking
        insane!"

Kory: "Ah, you're singing my song.  How did a nice girl like you ever get to
       be such a rhymes-with-witch?"

Topash: "Here now, children.  Differences of opinion are fine, but I think
         this has gone far enough.  We should try and get back to that Troll
         cave by nightfall.  With this much dead meat lying around, many
         things will come here in the night, and we don't want to be here to
         meet them all.  Lets get our things together and go."

        We made it back to the Troll cave by sunset.  That night, the swamp
seemed to come alive with night cries and rushing forms in the bushes, and
ripples traveling through the river.  Strange, acrid smells, and sounds of
animals fighting and tearing into meat wafted down the river.  Nothing came
near the cave, with easier pickings elsewhere; when morning came red to the
east the swamp was quiet again.


Dan Parsons                 "Betcha 50gp a Dragon's guarding this Orb thing."
-- 
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