🚀 go-pugleaf

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NO! NO! NO! You heard wrong.
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Not to pay through the nose, folks! TO COLLECT!
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Ed Conrad has launched a slander suit against a dim-witted professor
of physical anthropology who, in a posting on Google Groups a few
weeks ago, said Ed was "dumber than elephant shit."
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No one should ever be called that -- not your wife's ignorant, always-
drunk brother nor your former obnoxious mother-in-law.
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In any event, Ed has not taken this insult lying down and, instead,
will be standing up -- in court seeking a very lucrative settlement.
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Professor Levy's ugly comment was a response to an article about Ed's
appearance on the Piers Morgan Show which drew raves, even from the
National Enquirer and TV Guide.
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Millions of Piers' viewers e-mailed and Twittered to tell CNN they
loved the show, especially when Ed displayed the petrified human bones
that he discovered between anthracite veins (which proves, beyond all
doubt, that man is as old as coal).
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Naturally, that particular program -- which may well win an Emmy for
the year's Best Interview -- did not sit well with the squirmin'
vermin within the Pseudo-Scientific Community and their bag-of-wind
theory of man's evolution.
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That's when Professor Levy went ballistic and fired the following
salvo (even though he undoubtedly knew there might be little kiddies
in the room in thousands of homes across America).
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Saul Levy <saulle...@cox.net> had the audacity to write:
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<< PIERS AND ED ARE BOTH MORONS!
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<< ED IS ALSO DUMBER THAN ELEPHANT SHIT!
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<<                                        -- Saul Levy
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http://mediasickness.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/elephant20shit1.jpeg
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ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
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I'm finally going to have my day in court!
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Sometime later this year, I fully expect to be living in Professor
Levy's expensive home, driving his Mercedes and playing golf at the
Sunny Valley Golf and Tennis Club where obviously he no longer will be
welcome as a member).
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Please understand that I have long weathered the storm amid all sorts
of sarcastic insults from my critics -- but calling the intelligence
in my brain "elephant crap" was the straw that broke the camel's
back.
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Consequently, I have just sent Mr. Levy a notarized letter (return
receipt requested).
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Dear Professor Levy:
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I have just gotten off the phone with my lawyer after discussing your
slanderous statements about the content of my brain.
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He requests your full name and address (with ZIP), your Social
Security number, and all phone numbers where you can be reached at all
hours both day and night.
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My attorney also would like you to submit an appraised value of your
home and other property  (in U.S. dollars) and the current bank
balance in all of your checking and savings accounts as of March 23,
2012. (You should also include any and all deposits in Swiss banks.)
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He also told me he'd also need the names of all organizations in which
you hold membership as well as a list of all your business associates
(as well as their possible aliases).
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My attorney also asked me to ask you for the birthplace of all your
friends and associates, for a copy of your tax returns over the past
seven years, and for the combination to your locker at the Sunny
Valley Golf and Tennis Club.
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He said he'd also appreciate receiving pertinent information
concerning possible previous arrests (excluding all traffic-related
violations or minor infractions such as the illegal dumping).
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In addition, my lawyer would like information relative to any and all
aliases you may have used and/or are still using, and FULL DETAILS of
any and all trips you may have taken  to Afghanistan, Pakistan and/or
North Korea in recent years.

My lawyer also wonders if you'd be so kind to prepare an affidavit
explaining -- in full detail -- why you suddenly have begun growing a
beard.

Today is Thursday, March 22, 2012. Could you kindly have all of this
information in my attorney's hands by, say, 3 p.m. Friday. He says
he'd really like to get started on this over the weekend.
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Thank you and have a pleasant day!
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Cordially,
Ed Conrad
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MEN -- PROBABLY A FEW WOMEN, TOO -- AS OLD AS COAL
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http://groups.google.com/group/alt.gossip.celebrities/browse_thread/thread/c2c882a9adf82f4e/5bfe18b810314891?q=%22and+Truth-Seekers%22+conrad#5bfe18b810314891<
http://www.edconrad.com
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"GOOD GOD!" -- Boy, You Certainly Can Say THAT Again!
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http://www.edconrad.org
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