🚀 go-pugleaf

}}}}ave a connect ronnie. go ahead.

uh

Hello. This is Ronnie Dobbs of the Hastings UFO Society channeling to
you by way of Madame Thelma on the Psychic CB Channel Number 22, lower
sideband, from a Real Secret and, uh, unknown location as LOGIC HOLE
WATCH TEAM Leader Harlan U. Blount and Resident Society Skeptic Cecil
Simms say that they "feel" that our chunk of Hastings may have broken
off into Cyberspace, and is now maybe someplace between Hastings, or
Micanope, or Chattanooga...or somewhere.

uh

We would like to comment on the following SCIENTIFIC INQUIRY if the MIBs
don't find us and shut us down again.


Robert Sharp wrote:


> 
> While it may not be commercially viable, what conditions tend to induce
> parthogenesis? What efect does it have on the offspring?
> 
> Thanks
> 
> Robert


Dear Mr. Robert,

We would like to bring forward for SCIENTIFIC REVIEW from you and other
fellow Scientists another cause for parthenogenesis that has apparently
heretofore gone unmentioned, probably because folks is so scared to
mention it.

Some time ago, a certain person, who we will call Miss B to protect her
identity, wrote and told everybody about the Tragic Story of Rocky the
Chicken who had gone berserk and beat up another chicken, who we will
call Claude, and almost put out Claude's eye.

This event spurred the efforts of Vicious Chicken Researchers to find a
solution for the Plight of Miss B, as Rocky was still testy and looking
for other chickens who was minding their own business and not causing no
trouble to anybody.

Unfortunately, before any SCIENTIFIC Suggestions could be made to solve
Miss B's dilemma, it was reported that Rocky was murdered at the hands
of an UNKNOWN AXE MURDERER and that his little body was EATEN by the
UNKNOWN AXE MURDERER and maybe other UNKNOWN ENTITIES that might have
been there. Cecil says he thinks that this was done probably to absorb
Rocky's Strength and Power by eating certain body parts and innards and
stuff, as he has read of folks doing something like that elsewhere in an
old Anthropology book. He says that he would give you the reference but
the cover was torn off during the SCIENCE TRAGEDY FIRE last year but
that he thinks it was maybe the one that had a picture that looked like
clay statue of Alfred E. Neuman wearing a funny hat on it.

Anyway, Miss B wrote back that, shortly after Rocky's Terrible Demise, a
certain Pullet, who we will call, LaWanda began EATING HER OWN EGGS.
Vicious Chicken Researchers everywhere were baffled by this STRANGE
CHAIN OF EVENTS, but Society Resident Psychic and Herbal Healer Madame
Thelma suggested that it could maybe be the REINCARNATION OF ROCKY in
them eggs, or, as ALIEN WATCH TEAM Leader Harlan U. Blount suggested,
and I quote, "them Aliens."(for mor information on this, please see our
SCIENTIFIC REPORT entitled, "The Mystery of Rocky the Chicken", a.a.v.,
1995)

SCIENTIFIC QUESTIONS immediately arose as to was LaWanda eating them
eggs to prevent the RETURN OF ROCKY? And, if so, HOW DID SHE KNOW? And
also, WAS ROCKY MURDERED BECAUSE OF WHAT HE KNEW?	

It was subsequently decided by the Hastings UFO Society Think Tank to
focus more upon the pullet LaWanda as, unfortunately, there wasnt too
much left of Rocky for Investigative Research Purposes (IRP).
Preparations were made for channeling by Madame Thelma with
Communications Director Luther Atkins as the Host Subject (HS) as this
PARANORMAL SCIENCE TEAM (PST) was effective in demonstrating an
EMPATHETIC PYSCHIC RESONANCE BETWEEN HUMANS AND POULTRY (EPRBHAP)some
time back when testing the theories put forth by the Russians in a
report to the SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY by Miss Glenda Stocks. (for more
information about this, please see our article entitled, "ALIEN FUNGUS
ATTACK/MIAMI MYSTERY CORPSE", a.a.v, 1995 or maybe the one of the ones 
before that)

Although the channeling seemed to go okay, Luther said that he could
discern no thoughts from the pullet LaWanda other than a slight
itchiness from feather mites which resulted in a kind of rash on
Luther's body(now being treated by Madame Thelma with a Special Mixture
of Calamine Lotion and Sevin Dust), and the "feeling" that Luther had
that she got emotionally upset and resentful when he suggested that
Rocky had Carnal Knowledge of her.

This "Flat Banding" of thought ran counter to our experiences with The
Chicken of Jesus in our Last SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT with Poultry, and a
Big Discussion of SCIENTIFIC NATURE was held by the Society Think Tank
down to the HandyJiffy.(ibid)

Cecil led the discussion by suggesting that the lack of thought in
LaWanda could possible imply that she had achieved Enlightenment as he
had read something like that happening in the "Empty Circle of Zen or
somesuch".

Harlan countered that he thought it more likely that the chicken was
really incapable of thought, or, possibly, didn't have much on her mind
at the time, if ever.

Cecil responded that, if not, "then how did she know to eat them eggs?"

Harlan thought about it a minute and then said that it was probably
because she "didn't know no better."

Cecil then sort of rocked on his toes in what Society Member Ethel
Godwin describes as a "supercilious and puffy manner", and said, "well
then, what about them mites? And what about her upset at the suggestion
of her having a Sexual Passion with Rocky?"

Harlan, clearly flustered, retorted with,"oh yeah? well what about that
Big Lint then!"(for more information on Big Field Lint, please see our
Taxonomic Report entitled: "Re: Cotton Field Stubble, a.a.v., 1995)

At this point, Society Librarian and Fundraiser Committe Chairperson
Thyra Watson rose to a Point of Order saying that she didn't want to
hear "talk like that", and threatened to charge future offenders extra
at the next Cookie and Bake Sale Fundraiser.

Luther was heard to whisper to Milt Timmons who had stopped in for some
coffee and and a chicken wing that such a move on Miss Thyra's part
would not help sell Miss Ethel's Mystery Meat Cabbage Rolls any better.

Madame Thelma then spoke up and allowed as to how the pullet LaWanda's
upset could be due to the fact that, "unlike certain persons in the
meeting",the pullet LaWanda was thinking "Pure Thoughts" which would
also explain her lack of them, and her entry into the "Empty Circle of
Zen", and subsequent "Enlightenment". She went on to say that she "felt"
that, if this were the case, then LaWanda was probably a "Virgin", and
that them eggs was most likely fertilized by a "Power Higher Than Us."

Rather than solve any of the issues at hand, this SCIENTIFIC THEOLOGICAL
SPECULATION raised NEW ISSUES of COSMOLOGICAL IMPORT, which, according
to Harlan, "could go anywhere" if you think to relate it to apparitions
of the BVM.

As the meeting was running over into the time alloted for a Special
Assembly of the Hastings Alien Rural Response Militia (HARRM), it was
decided to table the issue and send out a call to not only the
SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY but also to the Atheists, Theologians and Psychics
everywhere to lend their expertise to the quandary. According to Madame
Thelma, inclusion of these disciplines should put them "Godless Atheists
and Skeptics and the Masons(Scottish Rite)" in their places once and for
all.

As a way of Public Service we would like to announce that the Orange
Blossom CB Club is still holding their Bingo nites every Wednesday, so
come on down to the Orange Blossom CB Club in Palatka for some mighty
fine Bingo.

This concludes our commentary.


Thank You.


Ronnie Dobbs
President
Hastings UFO Society





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