🚀 go-pugleaf

go hard th girls bikes (suck my string)
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warning:

th following is part of th diary of a 1 percenter unicyclist
th views contained herein are
not fucking yours matey


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music on fuck ya
"no way paulie give me drugs first"
bitch

.
.
.


jenny's my female half
she talks in quotes
"like thois dckhead"
and she doesnt spell very good

"soryy wiz"

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and breathe out

cugh cough

good drugs

smell liek ammonia

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music on fuck ya

Load windows media player:
make a cup of coffee while th bloatware loads:
ah there y are:

not a fuckin porno ya dumb thing:
all music:


random:

led zeppelin
'ramble on'

close enough:
<<< smiel >>>:

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lucky i cant afford to go to th tour de france in france
i'd ride down th fuckin hills th wrong way
on a  real bike
with one wheel

a boy's bike

with a big sign sayin


the girls bikes are coming
look impressed fuck ya

in english and french
"french and english"

you are not fucking french jenny
yur half dutch and dont forget it
now shut th fuck up

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"cockhead"

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"with ya on th girls bikes thing though"
"fuckin pudknockers"

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if magic fills th air
and it stinks
yur fuckin outta here

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went to barbie girls this mornin
for a coffee and a couple cones
and some

baggin or wowin about different chicks in th magazines


kickle was jumpin up and down about this amorous guy

yeah i know

had one attackin my nipples last saturday

i sympathise


tell me more

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arlo guthrie
'the motorcycle song'
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just wanna ride on my uni sickle

"fly wheel"
"sorry flywheel"

i'll accept both


"it's all good i tell ya"
"i can ride again today i got drugs"


"cool as"

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we'll kick out later and
fly t th shop

and buy some batteries for th mp3 player
and some milk

and go round th big block

for a fly to wright park

"man my life's fun"

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did ya have to defend nicole kidman's dress sense dear ?
"sorry man"

"cute arse ok"
"will that do?"

as bad as kickle

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"selena was funny but"

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kylie minogue
'slow'
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"sure ya dont wanna sing tonight wiz?"
yeah
"my perogative to change my mind"

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"where'd he go ?"
"you see him ?"

"why am i fuckin askin you ?"
"he wont read what you got to say"
"so i wont get it"

"he's off suckin down drugs"

"think i'll go join him"

+++


sorry
i got wet 
and thought

think i better get stoned now

bein payday and all

"only a pension man"


fuck you
i paid tax for twenty years


not my fault if i have a rare condition

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the verve
'velvet morning'
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if ya suffer from th sore nuts thing
every day

ride a unicycle
"hard pudknocker"
for half an hour or so

makes em comfortably numb
pot helps too


well to get on th beast anyway

cuts th blood supply

all i wanna say about that

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"wizard's curse"
yeah alright

fuck off
nicely stoned

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"biggest freak in th world"
you bothered by that ?

"not right now no"
good enough

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the girls bikes are coming
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk"

"ah man"
"i fell off"


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<<< smile >>>

"lance armstrong needs a training wheel"

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"poor boy"

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"suck my string"

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"take my unicycle and ride it down a moving travellater"
"and laugh at you"

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"u say  where's yur other wheel to me"
"i reserve th right to smash yur teeth out with a a baseball bat"

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"for being an idiot"
"do i look like i fuckin need one ?"

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arlo guthrie
'alices restaurant massacree'
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"ok arlo i'll mellow out"
"but they're fuckin chuckleheads man"

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is it hard ?
"fuckin yeah"

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"shut th fuck up"

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"i dunno i got my eyes shut"
"im ridin in th surf"
"in a  fuckin wave"
"in th drifitn sand"

"in th gusty late afternoon wind"
"with an mp3 player goin so i cant hear th fuckheads"

"and he screams"


"is it hard ?"


"let me hit him paultje"
"dont humour th fucker"

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"fuck i can remember when i coudlnt for th life of me"
"get it"



"and man"
"th fucker has saved my life"

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well at least yur testicles jenny
doc wanted  to chop em off

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"smarter than u fuckhead"


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"can write my own image recognition system in visual basic"
"i'm not a fuckin chucklehead"

"just a pothead"
"cocksucker"

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"imageowl if yur interested"

'dont care either way"

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pj harvey
'meet ze monsta'
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"ah yeah, g'day"

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hi

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i dont work as
hard

to get from 

A to B


i ride down hil all th time

on a flywheel that stores inertia

+++


so consequently
i have to go

further

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"which is now a ute solo bicycle"
"sorry paulie, girls bike"
"with three sets of pedals"

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was a goodies bike
three seats
three chainwheels
three sets of cranks

till we got to modifying


now it's one set of cranks

three sets of chain wheels
and

one seat

used to ride it to


hand in my forms

if not on  th unicycle

+++
do re mi
'theme from jungle jim'
***


"ya asked him to leave some fuel"
"fuckin jungle will get away on us"

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i put three bucks in th jerry
ya can fill th mower
i'll still have a small reserve

"i'll think about it"

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oh great
will ya at least stretch today ?

"yeah, goin flyin..."

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at least we agree on one thing

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"yeah , pudknockers ride on two wheels"

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sit down to pee anyway


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"i admit to th girl in me"
"how about you pudknocker ?"

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cake
'i will survive'
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flyin to this song at night
amongst th nightclubber crowd

as a clown


mad devilish clown
on one wheel
after midnight


racin th cars across th lights

not going to make it

not even close


stoned
half pissed on six bourbons

and

i dont care if i dont make it


but


i pick my victims


a taxi


i know most of th taxis
and they know me


i been around for a while

he does a nosedive


five ppl on th footpath
bust a gut laughing


when th real funny chick
goes


after i do a nose dive to make it to th pavement and land clean
uniycle in tow

'ya made land man"

cause i was wearin pirate pants

covered in skulls and crossbones


"and a sharkfin wizard hat"


i been doin this five years
and i 
will survive


cause i'm magic

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and if i'm not
then i'd rather be dead

+++


next time ya take yur two foot unicycle unicycle out for a spin
do me a favour


go out on th big beach in th one foot waves and


catch one of those waves for me

and tell me what ya think


they do carry ya along


dont they ?


<<< big fucking smile >>>


"aint th same with th fucking"


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nirvana
'polly'
***

fuckin pudknockers
man they took a wrong turn


went to th

safety bicycle


right turn was

th other thing they did

chopped th back wheel off a penny farthing

cause that's how we got unicycles


one hundred years ago

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made it into a clowns bike

and didnt respect it
and so few can do it

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i jump fucking gutters

like others of my kind

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and i dont count bicyclists
who do stunts
to be my kind

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yur still on a  training wheel pudknocker
and dont u fuckin forget it

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jewel
'jesus loves you'
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i dont

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fuckin pussies

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i might behave girlie
i was gunna have a sexchange 
at th advice of my doctors


but


i do have testicles
and mean to keep em

and i do not applaud
racing girls bicycles


it's too fuckin girlie for me

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oh i know ya make lots of money out of it
and i make four fifths of fuck all

cause i do it all for love

on th roads where i fly
i get real respect

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freaked me out
when they started calling me legend
i apologize

was silly of me

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powderfinger
'day you come'
***

"blister check"
"legs over heels man"

"looks much better"
was a warm night

had a real sore butt there for while
heat blisters

"fun ride but"

yeah i aint complainin

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so did i pass my preflight physical maam ?
"i got rid of yur pimples"
"jane couldnt do that"

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was that an answer ?
or was i lookin t other way ?


"it was a yes dickhead"

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the black eyed peas
'lets get retarded'
***

big speakers on:

.
.
.

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yur not advanced enough for
a discussion about retardation while riding fly wheels

th balance point
is not a point

as such

***


ride one
you'll figure it out


u use gravity to help you

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falling off th front of th fly wheel
as you
roll
along

"on th edge..."

***



yeah that's pretty extreme man
major air

now throw yur front

spinning wheel away

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the kinks
'where have all th good times gone'
***


ok it's dinosaur rock

funny windows

"way old"

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try it with only one wheel providing gyroscopic forces

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th first time
i dropped into a bowl

on a fly wheel


ok
it wasnt all that far up th rim


not that big a fall

but i did a nice slide and

had some wow crashes


enough so
that next time

im wearing knee protectors


"maybe"


combing's slippery

"saw many huge smiles"

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pink floyd
'pigs'(three different ones)
***


you should never
blow th coppers away
in a  chase

while ridin a sidecar


a motor bi cycle
with a training wheel

a tri cycle

even th judge smiled


specially when th young copper
was describing in detail in court
how i was bein my own monkey
on two wheels and


sliding wrong side of th centreline


ride th back brakes till ya get traction and

nail th eleven hundred

HARD


bye bye piggie



three cars and they couldnt get me


got done for dui

driving under th influence

law had changed three days before

from point zero eight 
to
point zero five

our sytems hadnt adjusted yet

been on th bag heaps of times for th

point oh eight


and 


i was oh seven


have ta example ya

i was expectin nine months
my mates were expectin at least six months 

no license

th judge gave me


three months

for a second offense


and
smiled



in my police statement
somethin about

pudknocker cage drivers

car drivers

in a  light blue car



cant touch me man
i ride in th pack of bikes without fear nor quarter

no fuckin car is gunna do me


and ya didnt

that was a fuckin good day
man i wish


i wish

i wrote my diary on that day


cause i got laid that night as well

by a chick
in my shower
with six guys bashin on th door
callin me names


ah man
ya fuckin pudknockers
ya ever figure it out or what ?


coppers even drove me home from th nick

was a good day



i dint just slay that one
i slayed three of them

over hundrded mile an hour chase with th low flyin piggies

they'd give up th chase these days


they should have then
<<< smile >>>

suck shit

+++


they got taken clean
even th desk sergeant had a smile on his face



i stopepd at my mates place and had to wait for em


i mean
they know who i am right


and they caught th solo motocycle i was runnin with

and he'll last maybe


i dunno

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it's like thirty k's
and over big hills with lots of twisties


and i started th chase
by
leavin th pub on 

one wheel


"up on two wheels"
"straight off th mark"
"with a solo chair on an eleven hundred"


"then pull int h clutch and"
"rev fuckin hard"


"and dumpt h clutch "


"one wheel wheelie party trick"




bought my first unicycle
while sittin out my three months off th road

u know goin to th pub in my sidecar as a passenger
with a water psitol
for 3 months

different story


never looked back

+++


got busted at midnight
for running a red light

on a  unicycle

by th d's

the detectives

"wot was yur first clue orificer ? "
"there always one gotta spoil all us adult's fun"
"after midnight"
"yur fuckin kids are asleep"
"shut th fuck up"

"yur kid never see a tittie"
"fuckin repressed bitch"

plain clothes boys just yell at ya

smile and nod
fuck man
im a  clown

waddya expect ?


searched me
did me for drugs


i got told off briefly in a meeting a bit later
with a gummint man

and he apologised as well as th coppers involved

it's all good

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hey i'm a wizard

+++


pensioned for havin sore nuts and ride a unicycle
as part of my pain mnaagement system

took a  while to get thru my brothers head


he smiles about it now though

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city high
'didnt ya'
***

that's alright 
u stay riveted to th girls bikes

and stress about safety
and bring up yur little boys
without th help of 


men

<<< smile >>>

+++


till their balls drop

+++


woman on th telly

her little boy is choppin at a tree with an  axe

that he has access to


and he's still fuckin choppin
and she's just talkin at im

and he dont listen to his mum

they wont let him come t  school

course

a man


woulda grabbed th axe

and that little boy


would never grab an axe like that again

i got eyes in th back of my head


super fast reflexes and


i hit fucking hard
and you dont tell me what to do

young man

+++
regurgitator
'blubber boy'(riding th wave of fashion)
+++

gotta fall down th stairs three times  before it's child abuse mate

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you were saying ?


+++



you dont talk to me that way in my house young man


+++
ween
'push th little daisies' demo
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we play two and half men on th weekend
my sparring partner
young and toey


"balls have dropped"
my young fella's not all that far off

<<< smile >>>


you'll outweigh me soon
but you'll lose speed and dexterity

bigger muscle mass and 
length



and i'll be abte to kick u in th face


easier


twice

still


and rememeber th golden rule
when fighting a man


when th red mist descends

***
garbage
'i'm only happy when it rains'
***


th temper's under good control young man
i dont do my block when a cat pisses on th bed
when im screwin a  woman
"actually she was on top"

but if ya hit me in th pills
on purpose
you face
every bit of my training from that mad bitch that taught me


what i'm teaching you

how big a fuckin target are ya making ?


turn

+++


"he's learned his lesson"
my son hasnt

"he wont go anywhere near yur hands"

+++
presidents of th united states
'back porch'
+++

i'll ask dad
if we can put up a punchin and kickin bag for us

i used to use a duffle bag at home


adjusted th hardness easier

***


"shut yur face"
"were you trained ?"

"just cause u havent seen me use it"
"im a pacifist "
"yur best friend says so"


+++


"if u say yur nuts are sore"
"his old man makes damn sure ya dont spar"


deb used to rile me up for a grading
"<<< smile >>>"
"cunning bitch"

+++
?
'track no13'
+++


"jenny from th block she's singin"
so 
yur magic
you sound surprised

+++


"fuck she looked after us today"
"ya see barbie girl scope th bag ?"

thanks sweetie

+++


i made  barbie girl and kickle a cuppa tea
and i only smoked mine
"caulie"

and i smoked my rollies outside
"they've all given up smoking"
"still mix with tobacco for spin though"


+++
violent femmes
'country death song'
***

gotta go see wayne babe
before we see womble

i wanna visit my other hippie roots

+++


"mad motorcycle hippie roots"
well...

+++


it's my rep
i can live with it
"daddy's a murderer"
so

+++

that's his rep
and he's dead anyway

+++

ya can make jenny cry
she sings to girls
in th street late at night
and gets kisses blown at her


even repair girls toenails in th street while singin with her arm 
around
a stacked blonde

but paulie's not jenny

+++


"or vice versa"

+++


yeah i've ridden down cootha
kuta th mountain
rode up it too

dont suggest ya do it without brakes

ya miserable pudknocker you
<<<smile >>>

+++
the offspring
'no brakes'
+++

love th magic


get out of th fucking road

if yur not on th fuckin edge


get out of th fucking road

and keep yur miserable fuckin pudknocker mouth 


shut

less ya can say somethin more intelligent than

where's yur other wheel ?


run over you


NO FUCKING BRAKES


RUNAWAY FLYWHEEL



"missed him by     that much"

+++
nirvana
'smells like teen spirit'
***

'suck my string"

+++


"whit eboys CAN jump"

"even pretty ones"



"go hard th girls bikes"
"entertain us"

"not me man"


.
.
.


"jenny"

+++

p.s

cat stevens
'miles from nowhere'


not a soul in sight

rdina  fly wheel

to really excellent music


nicely stoned

and no fcukheads



pls ?

"heaven'll be like that"
fuck that i got it now

just gotta have really really good timing occasionally


and i do


thanks for th magic mum...
"u didnt thank grandma"

grandma's a bitch
"PAULTJE"

david essex
'rock on'

ah gotchya

bteer than th lesbian blues

my fingers are too slow
will ha hurry upa nd get off bitch ?
i wanna go night clubbing


and i've run out of batteries


"fuck hey"


+++

and this chick's blowin kisses at me

jeez i dunno



"suck my string"
"and no ya cant tweak my nipples whiel i'm singing"
"b epolite like th girls have ebeen lately"

"fuckin boys"
"barbie girl was readin out this article about n...