🚀 go-pugleaf

Welcome to Part 6 of the Electrocutioner's Song.  I hope you enjoy this issue.
The only other thing I want you to know before reading is the tag line for this
issue:

ES6:  You'll belive a Ninja can sing!

Now onto the card.
----------------------------------cut here------------------------------------

+-------------------+    +-------------------+
|      ????????     |    | ? in the Nonsence |
|     ??????????    |    |        FILE       |
|   ???      ?????  |    |                   | 
|   ???       ????  |    | Who am I? Why do  |
|            ????   |    | I do these cards? |
|           ????    |    | What are their    |
|          ???      |    | purpose? What is  |
|         ???       |    | my purpose? Why am|
|         ???       |    | I here?  Will I   |
|         ???       |    |show up in the sto-|
|         ???       |    |ry? What will i do?|
|                   |    |Who knows? Does any|
|         ooo       |    | body?.....        |
|        ooooo      |    |                   | 
|         ooo       |    |    (c) LNH 1992   |
+-------------------+    +-------------------+

------------------------cut here------------------------------------

THE 501 BLUES/RATTLER HIDE SPECIAL #2--ELECTROCUTIONER'S SONG PT.6
               "THE TOASTER ALWAYS DINGS TWICE"
                          by SCAVENGER

  In greyness, the ULTIMATE NINJA stood up.  "I do not know about you, 
MARVEL_ZOMBIE LAD, but I am getting out of here."
"I seriously doubt it."
"Nothing can prevail against a ninja born!"
The looming voice said, "WANT TO BET?"
"EAT NINJA BUSH, PAL" yelled the Ninja as he threw the death dealing seeds of
destruction at his unknown foe.
ZAP
A bolt of electricity fried the weapons in mid flight.  A second bolt scorched
the ninja.
"Woah, who are you?" asked Marvel_Zombie Lad.
"I AM THE ELECTROCUTIONER!  I RULE HERE! AND I WANT A SONG! YOU, NINJA, SING FOR
ME!"
"Like hell I wil..."The Ninja felt an irresistable urge to sing and dance.
"I've got shruiken, I've got ninja bush, I'm a ninja, Who could ask for anything
more?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"ROSTERWREAM!!!!"
LIST LAD was storming through LNH HQ, looking for his sidekick.  He entered the
Main Computer Room (MCR) and hit the comm pannel. "RosterwReam!  If you want to
keep what little of a career tht you hve left, I, List Lad, suggest that you
report to me in the computer room, AT ONCE!!!"

RosterwReam, was about to walk out of LNH HQ when he heard the call. "Uh, SIDE-
WINDER, SIDEKICK MAN, you two go on ahead, I've got to go see what he wants."

SideKick Man said, "Oh, it's probably nothing. You really should stick with us."

"No, He may be a pain in the ass, but he is my boss.  I'll catch up later."

Sidewinder said, "C'mon SideKick Man, we got to go break up that fight at the
mall.  I'll drive.  Sheesh and people say that _I_ don't stay on topic."

RosterwReam walked into the MCR. "Yo, List, What'sup?"

"You were trying to go off on an adventure,weren't you?"
"Well, yeah,but..."
"Is the Roster finished yet?"
"No, but..."
Have you even added Slap.sig to Sig.Lad's entry yet?"
"Well, not yet, but..."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"I'm a yankee-doodle Ninja!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"DAMN!"
 MULTI-TASKING MAN slammed off his terminal in the Monitoring Room.  "Just great
! I sit down to some serious work on three of my favorite MUDs, and the system
can't find my client programs.  Now, I have to go to the Main COmputer Room and
reinstall the damn things.  I mean really....." and he headed to the MCR.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Mr. Ninja, cut out my spleen.  Make it the goriest, that I've ever seen."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Destruct sequence for LNH Headquaters: t-2 minutes." said a voice.

"What did you say?" asked List Lad.
"RosterwReam said, "I didn't say anytthing.  It sounded like that Lenny guy from
Laverne & Shirley."
"No that was Squiggy.  What was that about a self-destruct sequence?"
"Maybe it has something to do with this counter."  RosterWream pointed to a 
clock that was quickly heading down to zero.
"Well, this is different.  the HQ is going to blow up.  What do we do?"
"What do ya mean, 'what do we do?'.  I'm just a sidekick.  You're the big net.
hero!"
"Ok, Ok, let me think.....We can:

1) Stay here, get blown up, and die
2) Run, get blown up and die
3) ....3)....oh, jesus.  I, List Lad, can't think of #3.  We're goinng to die
because I, List Lad, couldn't think of #3."
"How about just turning it off?" said Multi-Tasking Man as he flipped an off
switch on the computer.
"I didn't know the computer had an off switch." said RwR.
"Of course you didn't.  That's because you are never doing work at it, like your
supposed to be.  Now, let's see why the computer was talking like a Happy Days
extra."  With that, MT-M pooped open an access pannel.
"Hey," said RwR, " That's the same pannel that SideKick Man was playing with.  
He was installing the new LNH computer game.  I wonder why he didn't notice any-
thing wrong."
"SideKick Man?' said List Lad.
Ignoring the Catagorizing Crusader, MT-M said."Here's the cause of the destruct
comman, as well as the reason behind my missing clients.: He held up a computer
chip that said "NEW LNH COMPUTER GAME".
"But why would SideKick Man's game make the base blow up?"
List Lad answered, "There is no SideKick Man."
"Of course there is.  He was just here."
"RosterwReam, we are responciple for the Roster.  There is no SideKick Man on
it."
"Maybe he's a new member?" suggested MT-M.
"Flip on the computer and check your notes, RosterwReam."
RwR did so and discovers,"List Lad, you're right!  Other than this storyline, 
there is no mention of a SideKick Man!"

All three net.heroes said, "Uh-oh!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"How much is that Ninja in the window?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

THE FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA and DAMN YANKEE were at the mall.  They were heading 
to K-T TOYS AND HOBBY STORE.
"Uh, Fan.dom, didn't we have lackeys with us when we ledt your Nebraskan lair?"
"YES, Damn Yankee, we DID!"
"What happened to them?"
"I polly bagged them, of course.  THE FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA NEVER USES LACKEYS!!
Do you realize what kind of collectors items they are!!!"
"Uh, right. Hey isn't that a bunch of the LNH fighting over there?" said the
Northern Nightmare, as he pointed to a bunch of the LNH fighting in front of
the Toy store.
"IT IS!! AND DO YOU SEE WHO IS BEHIND THEM!!?!!BWHAH-HA-HA!!! I have found them,
AT LAST!!!! wait here!"
The Fan.Dom vanished, only to reappear behind the two police officers, who were 
about to shoot the net.heroes.  The Collecting Cretin enveloped them in his 
cloak, vanished, and reappeared next to Damn Yankee.
"What'd you do?"
"I have just completed my collection of NEW WORLD TELEVISON characters from the 
1980's.  Sledge Hammer and Dori are now double bagged, hermeticly sealed, and
hanging next to Captain Justice. BWHAH-HAH-HAH!!! Now on to the business at hand
Gather all of the LNH merchandise and meet me at the cash register."
"We're going to take the money as well?"
"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!!! WE ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THE ITEMS! I AM NOT SOME PETTY
THIEF."
"What does a Heartbreaker have to do with this?"
"Just go!"
The Fan.Dom walked over to the the LNHers, gathered up the figures that they had
dropped, and said, "EXCUSE ME!!"
The LNHers untangled themselves and SIG.FILE LAD said, "Yes, can we help you?"
"I was wondering if I could GET YOU to AUTOGRAPH THESE FOR ME!!!"
"Woah, a fan. Dude!" said CALIFORNIA KID.
"Yes, you could probably call me the KING OF FANDOM! HAH-HAH-HA!!!"
"Why are you yelling?" asked TIME WASTER LAD.
DOCTOR STOMPER replied," Oh, that has to do with an over-exited lung structure."
CATALYST LASS said, "Sure, we'll sign those."
"It's always nice to meet a fan..." said BROWSING BOY.
"Yeah," said KID ANARCHY, "Let's us know we're appreciated."
"Like, fer shure!" said ORGANIC LASS.
"I really appreciate this." said the Fan.dom
SUPER APATHY LAD thought that the cloaked creature, collecting the catalog of 
conscriptions (well it fits,sorta), looked familiar.  Maybe he had seen a figure
of him?  He thought about it and decided that he really didn't care.
"THANK YOU!  I must GO PAY for these!!"
"You take care now," said Catalyst Lass.  
The Fan.dom head into the store.  The LNHers turned to each other.THE FORGETTING
ONE asked," What we're we fighting about?"
Sig.File Lad answered," That's a godd question.  Ah well, we need to get on with
our search.  Let's go.

The Fan.dom met Damn Yankee at the counter.  They paid for the merchandise and
left.
"TABLE HAS CRAFTED A FINE PLAN!!"
"Table? What's he got to do with this?"
"TABLE OBVIOUSLY CREATED THESE FIGURES!!! Beside REBEL YELL, LURKING GIRL, and 
TYPO LAD, only HE WOULD KNOW OF my existence--afterall, he knows everybody. 
ALSO, there is no Table figure, or Chair for that matter.  I WILL LET TABLE
PROCEED WITH HIS PLAN.  WE shall return to the cave and see what happens. BUT
FIRST...." The Fan.Dom hit a button on a controll pad and all of the FAN.DOM
merchandise, except for the ones that he himself had bought, vanished from 
existence. "WE DON'T WANT TABLE THINKING THAT HE CAN GET AWAY WITH TOO MUCH,
DO WE!!!!BWAH-HAH-HAH!! NOW WE ARE OFF! HA-HA-HA-HA >caugh<

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Tie a yellow sword belt 'round that old ninja tree...."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Table looked at his prototype toys. "Uh-uh."
Chair looked up, "What's wrong, babywabeykins?"
"Not only is there a LNH STRIKE TEAM (tm) outside, but the Fan.dom fo the Alt.
RA is on to my plan."
"Gosh, what should we do, oh leaning tower of love?"
"I think I will go ahead with the plan.  If the Fan.dom plans on doing something
there is nothing that I could do to stop him.  Make a note not to include the 
Fan.Dom in anymore merchandising.
"Ok, love buckets.  I wonder what that nice MANGA MAN is up to?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"....Where a ninja sits..Muching on a ritz!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Manga Man was about ready to launch the Akira Wave.  After seemingly defeating
PLOT KING due to some plot errors in chapter 3, he had rebuilt his machine, 
which had been smashed by an Oreo's truck.  He felt a tap on his shoulder.
"DID YOU KNOW THAT EVERY PLOT LINE WAS ADVANCED IN PART 5!?!"

             WWW         WWW   AAA         MMMM MMMM
              WWW       WWW  AAA AAA       MMMMMMMMM 
              WWW   W   WWW  AAA AAA      MMM MMM MMM
               WWW WWW WWW  AAAAAAAAA     MMM MMM MMM
               WWW WWW WWW  AAAAAAAAA    MMM  MMM  MMM
                WWWWWWWWW   AAA   AAA    MMM   M   MMM
                WWWW WWWW  AAA     AAA  MMM         MMM
                 WW   WW   AAA     AAA  MMM         MMM

Manga Man went flying into the Akira Wave Generator, irrevocably destroying it.
The Story Finishing Fury wiped the dirt and blood off his blazing red Jumpsuit,
accessorized by many wiked looking spikes, and hurled himself, once again, at 
Manga Man.

And the fight contiued....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Who can swing a nun-chuck, and job you up with glee? Who can carve you into 
bits and make you gorey?  The Ninja Man can....."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Back at City Hall, the LNHers were gathered around the motionless, and quite
mangled body of the ULTIMATE NINJA.  The apparently villanous Z-TEAM was 
confering in a corner.
"So what do we do now?" asked CHEESECAKE-EATING LAD.
HALLS JORDAN said, " I am just too shocked aby this sick massacre to think of a
plan now."
"Huld ohn, i tink i gaht wun."
And Typo Lad weaved that funky voodoo that he do so well

SICK MASSACRE -> SICK MESS ACRE -> SICK MESSER OGRE -> SUCCOR MESS AGE -> SECRET
MESSAGE.

Typo Lad looked woozy from the effort.

"Good Job, Typo Lad.  But what did the message asy, and where did it go?" said
Halls.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"It's a ninja-attack, ninja-attack on the floor.  And he's slicing like he 
never did before....."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Rebel Yell's strike team was gathered outside Table's safe house on Wood street.
"Ok y'all. I want suggestion on how to get Table."

"Hell, I say we march the hell in there and kick the hell out of Table's ass!"
said CLICHE DUDE.

"Explain something to me," said KID FROTHING-AT-THE-MOUTH, "Why are you saying
hell so much?  It really isn't necessary.  What are you hopping to accomplish?"
Cliche answered,"Uh, sorry.  I'm just really excited about being back in an 
ACRAPHOBE book."

"Oh, please.  That is just the sort of responce I would expect from someone who
lists Guy Gardner as one of favorite characters." sniffed COMICS-SNOB BOY.

"Let's focus, people." said Yell.

Lurking Girl asked, "OCULTISM LAD, can you do anythng with that magic of yours?"

"Nope, I'm still a bit worn out from my jaunt through the chapters."

Suddenly, a piece of paper appeared in front of Rebel Yell.
"What is it, Reb?"asked Lurking Girl.

"It's a secret message from Typo Lad, Luri.  That's our signal that his team has
hit a major snag."  The Southern Sentinel grabbed his comunicator and called
Multi-Tasking Man at the base.

"What's up, Yell?" said MT-M's voice.
"The Ninja's team is in trouble.  Send in some reinforcements to help em out.
DADA DUDE, SARCASTIC LAD, FUZZY, MYK-EL, and OLD COMICS MAN should do. Anything
new to report?"

"Well....if you really want to know. Let's see.  Someone tried to blow up the
base, but we took care of that.  I'm attempting to figure out who.  Uhm, we
discovered that SideKick Man is some kind of evil being, probably working for
whoever tried to blow up the base.  He's off with Sidewinder, but we can't raise
him to warn him.  Also, we can't seem to get a hold of Sig.File Lad's team. 
Sig.lad has mutated again and vanished.  Oh, yeah, it looks like the Cross Over
Queen has escaped.  I think that's it.
"
"G-d, I hate cross-overs.  The plots get so convoluted.  See if you can transmat
the Queen somewhere.  And keep trying to find the others.  Yell out."

While Rebel Yell was talking to MT-M, the still dead OBSCURE TRIVIA LAD walked
over to Lurking Girl. "Lurking Girl, Obscure Trivia Lad is worried about 
something."
"Oh?"
"Obscure Trivia Lad has been dead for sometime.  Obscure Trivia Lad knows dead.
Obscure Trivia Lad also knows Marvel_Zombie Lad.  Marvel_Zombie Lad is a friend
of Obscure Trivia Lad's, and these clones, Lurking Girl, are no Marvel_Zombie 
Lads."
"Hmm, you're sure?"
"Well as sure as Obscure Trivia Lad always is."
"That bad huh? Well keep your eyes on them and let me know at the first sign
of trouble."

Rebel Yell hung up his comunicator and turned back to his team. "So how we going
to get in?"

Just then, a dominoes guy walked up, "I'm looking for a Mr. PLOT ERROR MAN."
A gleem appeared in Rebel Yell's eye.  "Luri?"

"Got it." Lurking Girl gave a nerve pinch to the pizza guy, who promptly fell 
over.
"NO!" pleaded Kid Frothing-at-the-Mouth," You can't be serious. Please don't do
what you're thinking.  It's so.....cliche."

"And what's wrong with that?" said Cliche Dude.

"No," said Rebel Yell, "It is cliche.  That's why you're gonna deliver the pizza
, Cliche Dude."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Ninjas, crawling out of the moonlight....."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Multi-Tasking Man looked at the assembled net.heroes.  "Ok, I've transmatted
the CrossOver Queen and her flunkies to REC.ORG.SCA.  They should be stuck
in the discussions there forever.  Now, you guys are being sent to City Hall
to help out the Ninja.  Remember if you see SideKick Man, he is an enemy."

"Hmmph, in my day we didn't have any trans mats. If we needed to go somewhere,
we walked. Or if we were lucky we knew someone with an invisable plane." said
Old Comics Man.

"I'm not going!" said Sarcastic Lad.
"What!?!"

"Yeah, like I'm gonna go, risk my life for people who didn't even blink when
FLATULANCE LAD died.  Forget it."
"Uh look, Sarcastic Lad,  This chapter is already really long.  We don't have
time for this.  For what it's worth I'm sorry the kid died."

"Not good enough!  Rebel Yell said we could have a moment of silence, but then
he went and got killed in Sieze Dangerous, and it was forgotten.

MT-M sighed."Ok, we'll have a moment of silence:










































Satisfied?"

"It will do."

"Good.  Now go!"
Before anyone could say anything else. MT-M transmatted them to City Hall.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Don't cry for me, Ninja-tina...."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

On board MR. MINISTER's satelite, SLAP.SIG rematerialized.
"WOO! WOO! I'm a wacky, siggy, kind of guy! WOO! WOO!"
He then vanished again.
The satelite didn't seem to notice.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"Ninja-homa, where the swords come slicing up the plains...."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
 
SUFFERYNG brooded somewhere.  He was having trouble getting out of his armor.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

"I'ts a good flip, Ninja's hop....."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Damn Yankee brought some popcorn into the Entertainment room of the 
Fan.Dom's lair.
"GOOD, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME!!! SIT DOWN!!! IT LOOKS LIKE THE FUN IS ABOUT TO
START!!!! HAH_HAH_HAHAHA_hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH> caph-caugh-choke< ha


############################################################################
****************************************************************************
############################################################################

Over to you wReam.  Try not to take another 2 weeks. :-)


BTW first person to correctly identify all of the songs the ninja sings,
will get a Scavie (the only award worth having).



-- 
Alt.comics.lnh -the most fun you can have with  |  kogutt@ucsu.colorado.edu
    your .net on!                               |      (Internet/Usenet)
You don't have to be crazy to be in the LNH,    |  "Oh Bite Me!  It's fun"
    But it helps!!!                             |         -Crow T. Robot (MST3K)