🚀 go-pugleaf

  They don't have to do anything, because they are in fact plotting a
coup.  In England, their communication is easy, due to a laboriously
calculated method of placing goat hair *just so* on peoples clothes.
They have used this method to begin placing goats in all major
population centres.  (You thought those 'city farms' were a human
idea?  Hah!)
  However, in Alpine Europe, they have to use a modified form of Morse
Code (modified as the goat alphabet has 33 letters) and encrypted
using a code which has not presently been broken.
  The only way people can communicate safely at the moment is via the
compuer networks - goats do not at present use the human computer
networks, as they installed their own version of same in ~1837
throughout the world, and that system is still superior to ours.
  Talking is no good, as the hair around their ears has evolved to the
point when it can hear a conversation from over 400 miles away.
Indeed, early experiments by the CIA (sadly curtailed due to the
dissappearence of several crucial figures, and the obliteration by
'forces unknown' of two bases) suggest that goat's hearing is so
sensitive that they can 'hear' the pattern that electrons hit a CRT
with, thus being able to tell what letters are being typed.  Luckily,
this ability is limited in range, most goats apparently unable to
achieve this feat if they are more than 10 metres away from the
screen, or if there is some *extremely* loud diversionary noise.
  This has led to the development of the nuclear bunkers in this
country, with them now soundproofed, and filled with Country and
Western music at a 100 dB level.  (Hatred of C+W crosses the species
barrier - some psychologists hold this offers the hope of an eventual
peace settlement.  Others point out that even cockroaches hate C+W
music.)  All workers are of course issued with ear protectors, and so
far this has been successful.  However, some information does some to
be leaking out.  It is believed that some goats are developing a
system of hearing that can actually filter out any noise of a lower
volume than a thermonuclear explosion (for an observer situated 30
metres away) *at will*.  They can then select which noises to hear -
this is akin to the focussing of hearing that humans can achieve, such
as being able to carry out a conversation in a crowded and noisy room,
though obviously the goats ability is at a much higher level.
  The UN is obviously worried about this situation - it can be seen
that continuous explosion of nuclear devices could cause a bit of a
stir, and even alert the general population to the threat.  They are
therefore examining any and all ways that the necessary volume can be
achieved without recourse to such drastic means.

  They've been after Kate for a while, apparently.

  Spread the truth!  Don't let them keep you in the dark!  Together we
will survive!

-- 
Trev - I think I need more sleep and less caffeine.