🚀 go-pugleaf

Jack,

One day a 2nd Lt. arrives at the base hospital with terrible burns on both sides
of his head.  When the doctor asks how he got the burns the Lt. replies that he
was ironing his shirts when the phone rang.  Without thinking he lifted the iron
to his ear as if it was the phone's receiver, thus the burn on the right side of
his head.

The doctor rolls his eyes in disbelief, then asks how the Lt. got the burn on
the left side of his head.  The Lt. replies, "I had to call and ambulance didn't
I"?

Jack wrote:

> DOG WARS
>
> The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if
> they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole
> world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with
> one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in
> the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the
> world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
>
> The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in
> the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They
> selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his
> siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and
> after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever
> seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody
> could get near it.
>
> When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange
> animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the
> Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly
> last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the
> Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian
> dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the
> American dachshund.
>
> But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund
> opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was
> nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the
> Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this
> could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the
> meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and the biggest meanest
> Siberian wolves.
>
> "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons
> working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.
>
> --------------------------
>
> One day a general was traveling down the backroads of Lackland Air Force
> base when his driver lost control of the vehicle and crashed. A quick
> thinking basic-trainee pulled the general from the burning wreck seconds
> before it exploded. "Son for your quick thinking and bravery" said the
> general, " I want to promote you." "Any rank you'd like is yours for saving
> my life".
>
> The stunned trainee sat speechless thinking. "How's about we make you a 2nd
> Lieutenant?" "Would you like that, a commission right out of basic
> training?" asked the general. "I don't think so, sir" the trainee replied.
> "Well how about a 1st Lieutenant then, that's a step higher?" Again the
> trainee thought, and refused. "Well son, Captain is the next step above
> that, and as high as I'd be able to promote you, how's that sound?"
>
> The trainee thought for a minute and sheepishly replied, "Well Sir, 2nd
> Lieutenant, 1st Lieutenant and Captain, they all sound good, but what I'd
> really like to be, well, is a Master Sergeant."
>
> "I'm very sorry son" the general replied, "but you have to test to be a
> Master Sergeant"
>
> Military jokes daily  http://militaryjokes.cjb.net/

"Lorne D. Gilsig" wrote:
> 
> Jack,
> 
> One day a 2nd Lt. arrives at the base hospital with terrible burns on both sides
> of his head.  When the doctor asks how he got the burns the Lt. replies that he
> was ironing his shirts when the phone rang.  Without thinking he lifted the iron
> to his ear as if it was the phone's receiver, thus the burn on the right side of
> his head.
> 
> The doctor rolls his eyes in disbelief, then asks how the Lt. got the burn on
> the left side of his head.  The Lt. replies, "I had to call and ambulance didn't
> I"?

Did you ever hear what the Lt said in the bath tub?

"I can't get my shoe laces untied"

Carter

You got the punchline wrong:
"The Boy Scouts have adult leadership."

And of course the Boy Scouts ask and boot your ass if you tell.
;-)



John

--


See sample chapters for my upcoming book "A Hymn Before Battle" (Baen
Publishing) at:
http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200007/0671319418.htm?blurb
www.johnringo.com

"L'acrobat" <husky65@dingoblue.net.au> wrote in message
news:396299d6$0$11144$7f31c96c@news01.syd.optusnet.com.au...
> What's the difference between the army and the boy scouts?
>
> The boy scouts are led by grown ups.
>
>

What's the difference between the army and the boy scouts?

The boy scouts are led by grown ups.

"John Ringo" <johnringo@cuthis.mindspring.exthisout.com.invalid> wrote in message
news:8jvn1p$qhk$1@slb2.atl.mindspring.net...
> You got the punchline wrong:
> "The Boy Scouts have adult leadership."


Cultural difference? "Grown ups" = adults.

I know many adults in the boy scouts that have not grown up yet.

> > You got the punchline wrong:
> > "The Boy Scouts have adult leadership."
>
>
> Cultural difference? "Grown ups" = adults.
>


--
Gulf War help
http://www.gulfweb.org

Paralyzed Veterans of America
http://www.pva.org

VA-Help
http://www.egroups.com/group/VA-problems>
>

Just makes the joke funnier.  American humor.

Roger
AIRBORNE!

L'acrobat <husky65@dingoblue.net.au> wrote in message
news:3963d08a$0$11142$7f31c96c@news01.syd.optusnet.com.au...
>
> "John Ringo" <johnringo@cuthis.mindspring.exthisout.com.invalid> wrote in
message
> news:8jvn1p$qhk$1@slb2.atl.mindspring.net...
> > You got the punchline wrong:
> > "The Boy Scouts have adult leadership."
>
>
> Cultural difference? "Grown ups" = adults.
>
>
>

On Mon, 26 Jun 2000 02:00:21 +0300, "Jack" <webmaster@m-joke.8m.com>
wrote:

High Priced Help

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME SIR!!!!!!.......MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED AND I
WORK FOR A LIVING!!!!!!!!"........the universal response of any
Sergeant or NCO when called Sir by a recruite.

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