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Salt Lake City, Utah-- Leading historian and scholar, Dr. John Dough,
has corroborated the rumors that jealous gorets are capable of
extremely heinous deeds when involved with celebrities.  In his
upcoming book, he describes several situations in detail.

``Many people aren't aware of the fact that Lee Harvey Oswald was
dating a young female goret at the time of his death.  I have
exclusive photographs of Oswald and this goret in ice cream shops,
walking in parks, and snuggling in bed.  My research indicates that
the goret pressured Oswald into his deplorable act.  Although her
motives are not clear, it is apparent that she was seeking fame and
fortune.  When Oswald was arrested, this young goret became worried
that he would talk about her, so planned his demise as well.  Since
gorets are rather noticable in public, and can't avoid attracting lots
of attention, she hired Jack Ruby to kill Oswald.'' say Dr. Dough.

A young male goret was often seen with Marilyn Monroe.  The goret
had the role of a cab driver in one of Marilyn's early movies.
``Needless to say, it required quite a make-up job to pass off this
goret as human, but it's been known to happen.  I found out two weeks
ago that my congressman is really a goret.'' adds Dr. Dough.  The
goret and Marilyn were rumored to be passionate lovers

Recently John Goodman was seen Jello-wrestling with a group of young
gorets from the American Academy for Young Pristine Gorets who shared
nearby rooms at a convention center.  Dough reports ``the incident get
very ugly as the young girl gorets starting fighting over Goodman.
Despite protests of `there's enough for everybody,' Goodman was
brought to a local hospital where he is listed in stable condition.'' 

``It's well known that Elvis was a goret hater.  Although hundreds of
gorets would fight over him whenever he made an appearance, he was
thoroughly disgusted by all of them.  Despite rumors that he was
seeing a grommet, nothing every came of this, until one day hundreds
of dead gorets were found outside Graceland on the grounds near some
packages of Cool Aid.  Apparently the mass suicide was a result of
unrequited love.''

Dr. Dough will be giving lectures at local Universities and Rotary
Clubs.  He is the author of an upcoming book entitled _Et Tu Goret_.
He is also the author of _The Goret Diet_, _Go Go Goret_, and the
delightful children's book _Mommy, There's A Goret in My Closet_.