🚀 go-pugleaf

	Richard.  I finally read your story *Smells Like Free Spirit*.  I'm
glad that you re-posted it, because I had missed it the first time.  I just
wanted to make a few comments.
	Free Spirit is a strong story with powerful themes.  It's not 
about torture, and it's not about freedom;  in the end, the story is
only about having the courage to stick to what you believe in, no matter
how tempting it might be to sell your soul.  It is a theme that we can
all learn from.  Because I liked the story, I beg you to change the 
title!  It does nothing for the story as a whole, and all it does for
me is remind me of Nirvana, which was a distraction.  It may work for 
you, and if it does than you should keep it, but as far as I'm concerned,
it's the only major weakness in a very strong story.
	Also, every once in a while you come out and tell us how your 
protagonist feels, you tell us about his pain, instead of showing us.  I
won't say too much about it, because I'm sure you've heard the "show 
don't tell" rule to death.  In much of the story you ARE showing, but in
many parts you say things like "the pain was unreal," instead of showing
the veins pulse in his temples, or his legs thrashing on the table, or
something like that.  I have a big problem myself with this in my own
writing, and so I tend to be too picky.  It's just my opinion, and you
can take it at face value,
	The story you tell is an old one, and the theme of sticking to
ones values in the face of adversity (or chooing not to) is an element
in almost every short story.  The theme of torture has been explored
quite a lot.  This is why this story is so good!  Even though it is an
old subject, and even though I felt the whole time that your 
protagonist would not give in, I still had to read on.  That's what 
every writer works for in their stories, that tension.  The characters
were engaging, and I really cared about what was going to happen.

Good job!


- Lawrence


P.S.  Your work is too good for those vacuous simps at alt.good.news.
      I thought that the end of Free Spirit was fairly life affirming.
      Quality is welcome at alt.prose, as you know, so keep those 
      stories coming!  Perhaps you could write Free Spirit II, where
      a bunch of Internet subscribers are forced to read the postings
      on alt.good.news for the rest of time.  That would be much worse
      than a firing sqaud as far as I'm concerned!


    
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**larryw@lclark.edu**  |STEVIE for presidend     | "In human relations 
Writer, Musician,      |CHRISTINE for VP         |  kindness and lies are
Laker fan, Blazerhater.|LINDSEY for Sec. o' State|  worth a thousand truths."