🚀 go-pugleaf

"I just found out that the brain is like a computer.  If that's true, then
there really aren't any stupid people.  Just people running DOS."

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow."
		- Woodrow Wilson

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension.
                                           -Oliver Wendell Holmes

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!
			- Othello

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
-- the rest is overhead for the operating system.

\LISTS\NORMISMS


Here is a list I came across a while back.  Enjoy the timeless
wisdom of Norm.

The Normisms file, Version 1.3.

    Maintained by rjc@math.princeton.edu (Raymond Chen).  Please
    do not distributed modified versions of this file.  This      
    header may not be deleted.

In chronological order:

The Coach's Daughter:

    Norm:  Gentlemen, start your taps.

Any Friend of Diane's:

    Coach: How's life treating you, Norm?
    Norm:  Like it caught me in bed with his wife.

Friends, Romans, and Accountants:

    Coach: How's life, Norm?
    Norm:  Not for the squeamish, Coach.

Truce or Consequences:

    Coach: How's it going, Norm?
    Norm:  Daddy's rich and Momma's good lookin'.

Coach Returns to Action:

    Sam:   What's up, Norm?
    Norm:  My nipples.  It's freezing out there.

Endless Slumper:

    Coach: What's the story, Norm?
    Norm:  Thirsty guy walks into a bar.  You finish it.

The Spy Who Came in for a Cold One:

    Sam:  What's new, Norm?
    Norm: Most of my wife.

Now Pitching, Sam Malone

    Coach: Beer, Norm?
    Norm:  Naah, I'd probably just drink it.


Let Me Count the Ways:

    Coach: What's doing, Norm?
    Norm:  Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst.  I happen
     to be the guinea pig.

No Help Wanted:

    Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
    Norm:  No, I know what they look like.  Just pour me one.

    Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
    Norm:  Hey I'm high on life, Coach.  Of course, beer is my
     life.

Fortune and Men's Weights:

    Coach: How's a beer sound, Norm?
    Norm:  I dunno.  I usually finish them before they get a word
     in.

    Coach: What's up, Norm?
    Norm:  Corners of my mouth, Coach.

Snow Job:

    Coach:  What's shaking, Norm?
    Norm:   All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.

    Coach:  Beer, Normie?
    Norm:   Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
            Eh, why not, I'm still young.

Norman's Conquest:

    [Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]
    Coach:  Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
    Norm:   With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.

I'll Be Seeing You (Part 2):

    Coach:  What's up, Normie?
    Norm:   The temperature under my collar, Coach.

Diane Meets Mom:

    Coach:  What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
    Norm:   Going down?

    [Norm returns from the hospital.]
    Coach:  What's up, Norm?
    Norm:   Everything that's supposed to be.


Peterson Crusoe:

    [Norm comes in, depressed.  He just stands by the door with a
     sullen face.]
    Norm:   [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.
    All:    Norm?  (Norman?)

The Heart is a Lonely Snipehunter:

    Sam:  What's new, Normie?
    Norm: Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.
          They're demanding beer.

King of the Hill:

    Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
    Norm:  Just the usual, Coach.  I'll have a froth of beer and
     a snorkel.

The Mail Goes to Jail:

    Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
    Norm:  Daddy wuvs you.

Behind Every Great Man:

    Sam:  What'd you like, Normie?
    Norm: A reason to live.  Gimme another beer.

    Norm:  Afternoon, everybody.
    All:   Norm!
    Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
    All:   [silence]

The Executive's Executioner:

    Sam:  What will you have, Norm?
    Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass
     of whatever comes out of that tap.
    Sam:  Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
    Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.

Birth, Death, Love and Rice:

    Sam:  What do you say, Norm?
    Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.

Woody Goes Belly Up:

    Sam:  What do you say to a beer, Normie?
    Norm: Hiya, sailor.  New in town?



Diane's Nightmare:

    Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
    All:  Norm!  (Norman.)
    Sam:  Still pouring, Norm?
    Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday:

    Sam:   What's the good word, Norm?
    Norm:  Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
    Sam:   Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
    Norm:  Yeah, yeah, yeah...
    Sam:   One heartburn cocktail coming up.

Love Thy Neighbor:

    Sam:   Whaddya say, Norm?
    Norm:  Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.  And down it
     goes.

From Beer to Eternity:

    [Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama]
    Off-screen crowd:  Norm!
    Sam:   How the hell do they know him here?
    Cliff: He's got a life, you know.

The Bar Stoolie:

    Woody:  What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   Boxer shorts and loose shoes.  But I'll settle for a
     beer.

The Triangle:

    Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Elope with my wife.

    [Norm is angry.]
    Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Clifford Clavin's head.

Take My Shirt... Please?

    Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.

The Peterson Principle:

    Sam:  Hey, what's happening, Norm?
    Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy,
          and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.

Diane Chambers Day:

    Sam:  How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
    Norm: Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp.

Strange Bedfellows, Part 1:

    Woody: What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  The question is, Woody, why is it happening to me?

Strange Bedfellows, Part 2:

    Woody: What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  My cheeks on this barstool.

    Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
    Norm:  Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ...
           Eh, make that one-thirty.

Strange Bedfellows, Part 3:

    Woody: How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Poor.
    Woody: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
    Norm:  No, I meant `pour'.

The Proposal:

    Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's the story?
    Norm:  Boy meets beer.  Boy drinks beer.  Boy gets another
beer.

Tan 'n Wash:

    Paul:  Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
    Norm:  Like a baby treats a diaper.

    Norm:  Hey, everybody.
    All:   [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
    Norm:  [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
           Norm!   (Norman.)
           How are you feeling today, Norm?
           Rich and thirsty.  Pour me a beer.

Knights of the Scimitar:

    Woody: What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer.
           Film at eleven.





Chambers vs. Malone:

    Woody: How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be
     better.

Norm's Last Hurrah:

    Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
    Norm:  See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.

    Sam:   Well, look at you.  You look like the cat that
     swallowed the canary.
    Norm:  And I need a beer to wash him down.

Home is the Sailor: [the bar is completely different, since Sam
went sailing around the world and sold the bar]

    Norm:  Afternoon, everybody.
    Woody: Norm!  [nobody else in the bar says anything]
    Norm:  That was it, Woody.  Last chance.  I'm out of here.

    Norm:     [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer,
               as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
              This looks like a nice, friendly tavern.  What the
               heck, I think I'll give it a chance.
    Customer: Norm!
    Norm:     Not now, you idiot!


Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2:

    Woody:  Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.

Paint Your Office:

    Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Let's talk about what's going <in> Mr. Peterson.  A
     beer, Woody.

A Kiss is Still a Kiss:

    Sam:  How's life treating you?
    Norm: It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.

Let Sleeping Drakes Lie:

    Woody:  Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   A little early, isn't it Woody?
    Woody:  For a beer?
    Norm:   No, for stupid questions.


Airport V:

    Woody:  What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:   The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
            Let's just cut to the happy ending.

One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape, Part 2:

    Pepe:  [something in Spanish]

Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back:

    Woody:  Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for
          you.
    Norm:   I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.

Don't Paint Your Chickens:

    Sam:  Beer, Norm?
    Norm: Have I gotten that predictable?  Good.

Call Me, Irresponsible:

    Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer
     here.''

The Two Faces of Norm:

    [Norm tries to prove that he is not Anton Kreitzer.]
    Norm:  Afternoon, everybody!
    All:   Anton!

Two Girls for Every Boyd:

    Sam:  What can I get you, Norm?
    Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
          Ah, just kidding.  Gimme a beer; I think I'll just
     drown the little suckers.

Feeble Attraction:

    Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
    Norm:  Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh:

    Sam:  What are you up to Norm?
    Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.





Loverboyd:

    Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
    Norm:  You mean, `Nice cold beer going <down> Mr. Peterson.'

    Sam:   What do you know there, Norm?
    Norm:  How to sit.  How to drink.  Want to quiz me?

    Sam:   Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
    Norm:  Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.

    Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Pretty nervous if I was in the room.

Breaking In Is Hard to Do:

    Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
    Norm:  The warranty on my liver.

    [Norm returns from another trip to plug the parking meter]
    Sam:  What'll you have this time, Norm?
    Norm: A cow if I have to climb those stairs one more time.

    [The Cranes are concerned that Frederick has yet to say his
     first word.]
    Norm:      Afternoon, everybody.
    Frederick: Norm!
    Lilith:    He said Mommy!

Bad Neighbor Sam:

    [The bar clientele has turned yuppie.]
    Bradley:  Ciao, gang!
    All:      Bradley!

Veggie-Boyd:

    Sam:  What can I do for you, Norm?
    Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.

It's a Wonderful Wife:

    Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm:  Another layer for the winter, Wood.

The Norm Who Came to Dinner:

    Sam: [answers the phone]  Cheers!  ... [to gang] Hey guys,
     it's Norm.
         [holds up the receiver]
    All: Norm!
    Sam: [to phone] Hey, what's shakin' man? [chuckles]
         [to gang]  Where does he come up with these things?

Where Have All the Floorboards Gone:

    Sam:  What's going on, Normie?
    Norm: My birthday, Sammy.  Give me a beer, stick a candle in
     it, and I'll blow out my liver.

Head Over Hill:

    Woody: Hey, Mr. P.  How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
    Norm:  Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut.
           Found him every couple of blocks.

---

Not yet categorized:

"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things
about it!"



-- 
"A horse! A horse! Somebody give me a horse, man, because|glazier@ 
I come to bury this dirtball, not to praise him. Whaddya |harvard.isr.edu
think I am? Whether it's nobler for the mind to make people suffer with all
these totally outrageous arrows arrows for a fortune, or what!" -- D.R.

In article <1993Jan22.211339.19687@burrhus.harvard.edu> glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier) writes:
>\LISTS\NORMISMS
>
>The Normisms file, Version 1.3.
>
>    Maintained by rjc@math.princeton.edu (Raymond Chen).  Please
>    do not distributed modified versions of this file.  This      
>    header may not be deleted.
>

This Header may not be deleted???  Yeah, OK.  First off, these are Cheers
quotes, not yours.  You have no copyright of them.  Most Likely, 
everyone compiling such lists is infringing on the WRITERS rights :).
Alt.fan.david.letterman (sp?) can no longer post top ten lists because
of copyright infringement.  

Anyway,  I appreciate your efforts on compiling this list.  However,
you have no "rights" to it.  I'm sorry if that`s not what you meant by
"...may not be deleted." 

Cheers,
Alex

In article <1js545INN7sp@hopi.cis.ohio-state.edu> almaguer@cis.ohio-state.edu (alejandro almaguer) says:
: In article <1993Jan22.211339.19687@burrhus.harvard.edu> glazier@isr.harvard.edu (Andrew Baker Glazier) writes:
: >\LISTS\NORMISMS
: >
: >The Normisms file, Version 1.3.
: >
: >    Maintained by rjc@math.princeton.edu (Raymond Chen).  Please
: >    do not distributed modified versions of this file.  This      
: >    header may not be deleted.
: >
: 
: This Header may not be deleted???  Yeah, OK.  First off, these are Cheers
: quotes, not yours.  You have no copyright of them.  Most Likely, 
: everyone compiling such lists is infringing on the WRITERS rights :).
: Alt.fan.david.letterman (sp?) can no longer post top ten lists because
: of copyright infringement.  

Lessee.  First, I should point out, in case anyone missed it, that Andrew
Glazier, who posted the list here, isn't the one who originally compiled
the list and put the above "header" in it.

Now, nowhere in that posting does the Raymond Chen claim any copyright
on it...certainly not in the paragraph you quoted.  He simply gave the
name and email address of the person who compiled it and asked that
that information remain in it (and he asked politely...even said
please).  I can think of at least two legitimate reasons for that
request.

First, Raymond obviously went to a lot of trouble to compile the list
and include references to specific episodes.  I see nothing wrong with
wanting to get the credit for that as long as he doesn't claim that he
wrote the dialog or that he "owns" it in any way.

Second, the dialogs quoted probably aren't all of the normisms (ick)
from the series.  Keeping the compilation information in the file makes
it more likely that Raymond will be notified, by readers, of dialog
which he missed...thus allowing him to keep the list more up to date.

I see nothing to suggest that he wanted anything more than that.  Unless
you have some more specific information you might want to consider
lightening up a little bit.

BTW, specific quotes like these probably come under fair use since they
are small parts of a larger whole (where letterman's top ten lists may
consititute entire "works" in and of themselves).
--
Frank Peters  -  UNIX Systems Programmer  -  Mississippi State University
Internet: fwp@CC.MsState.Edu  -  Phone: (601)325-7030  -  FAX: (601)325-8921