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Big Bertha Thing balloon
Cosmic Ray Series
Possible Real World System Constructs
http://web.onetel.com/~tonylance/balloon.html
7K Web Page
Astrophysics net ring access site
Newsgroup Reviews including sci.optics

The "Monstre" Balloon

From the book
The Ingoldsby Legends
by the Rev. Richard H. Barham
Published by Richard Edward King,
88 Curtain Road,
London E.C.
Inscribed;-
Barbara Death
From Aunt Emma
March 6th 1921
(C) Copyright Tony Lance 1999
Distribute complete and free of charge to comply. 


Big Bertha Thing welfare

29th April 1999
Operations Manager,
The Benefits Agency, 

Dear Sirs,

Further to your letter of 28th April 1999, 
regarding a list of questions, on the possibility of my working at all. 

I will attempt to answer your questions, in order as listed in your letter. 

1.I am not working, I am just pottering arround on the internet. 
  I last registered for course work with the Open University in 
  1997. This would have involved 6 hours work per week. 
  I could only manage half-an-hour per day, so totally failed 
  to do the work or complete the course. Not even one homework 
  assignment was completed.
  In August 1997, I bought a second hand computer for 150 pounds 
  sterling, and was given free access to the Open University 
  computer along local telephone lines at a call charge of 
  1p per minute.
  Since that time, I managed to build up a body of correspondence, 
  within the limits of half-an-hour per day mental or physical work.
  In January 1999, this correspondence was transfered by me to my 
  web site; www.bertha.ndirect.co.uk(since disabled.) 
  I have to pay 14 pounds and 9p per month for this site. 

2.Nobody suggested it, it just happened. 
3.My doctor does not know that I have a web site. 
4.See answer 1 for description of my activities. 
  No job is being done, so no job description exists. 

5.No employer exists or payments have been recieved. 
6.I can think straight for half-an-hour per day. 
  The rest of the time is spent pottering arround. 
  I can do one side of A4 paper of mathematics 
  or computer work per day. 

7.On any day free of a major shopping expedition, 
  I can do half-an-hour of original work and 
  about an hour of copy typing at non-typist speeds. 

8.My principle interest is a 50 year scientific project, 
  which was started 30 years ago. 
  If I could spend 48 hours per week doing it I would. 
  However half-an-hour work and an hour pottering, 
  seems to be all I can manage and 
  at that not every day of the week.
  Due to my condition, I asked Mrs. Pam S...., 
  a fellow Open University student to be the project archivist 
  for my work on the Open University computer. 
  She agreed and kept the archive of the correspondence 
  which is now on my web site. This is both an unusual 
  request and an unusually generous service 
  to a fellow student on incapacity benefit. 

9.Zero income for as far as the eye can see. 
10.Not applicable, zero wages or income. 
11.August 1997 and is ongoing. 

I trust that the above will put the internet feeding frenzy 
of the newspaper hype into some perspective. 

Thank you,
Tony Lance
judemarie@big-bertha-thing.com


Big Bertha Thing debit

UK big banks have now made debit cards mandatory.
1. Every cheque book has a debit card.
2. You do not sign agreement for debit card.
3. Lost or stolen cards must be cancelled.
4. Insure debit cards for 1000 pounds sterling.
5. For every 8 pounds loss charged to the customer, the bank can
   lend 92 pounds. (Multiplier)
6. Cheque guarantee card included.
7. Cash Card included.
8. Phantom withdrawals included.
9. 50 pounds cashback at supermarkets.
10. 250 pounds 'Hole-in-the-wall' withdrawals.
11. 100 pounds Post Office and bank withdrawals.
12. How do you prove that you have cut the card up and disposed of it?
13. How do you prove that you did not use it before destruction?
14. Cut the card up and give to your solicitor or third party for
    safe-keeping. (Escrow)
15. The survival of the banks depends on putting customers to the
    sword. (Barbaric) Obviously not all customers, just enough.
16. Unauthorized access to debit card accounts, includes both
    criminals and bank insiders, which seem to be synonymous.
17. Authorized access to debit card accounts, includes bank
    insiders, grazing on the customers like milk cows, in their
    official capacity, as per job description.
18. You no longer need to prove this in a court of law, since it is
    endemic and ubiquitous. (Common knowledge) Case law sufficient 
    for class action.