🚀 go-pugleaf

""The Great One"" <honestjohn@centurytel.net> wrote in message 
news:AaudncIr8s8o20_XnZ2dnUVZ_qmdnZ2d@centurytel.net...

"Rusty Trombone" <rustytrombone18@yahoo.com> wrote in message 
news:8656b762-9daa-4d84-9cfe-1812123306e6@g31g2000yqc.googlegroups.com...
> So, you've picked up your brand new nigger, eager to get it working,
> but you just aren't sure what to do with it! Well never fear, the
> Nigger Manual is here! In this manual, you will learn many handy tips,
> from how to fill your nigger's noggin' with bleak, empty promises of
> reward, to how to thoroughly discipline your nigger when he decides to
> steal a watermelon from your watermelon patch! If handled properly,
> your nigger will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service. In
> just fifteen minutes it'll feel like 1853 again, guaranteed! Ready?
> Here we go!
>
> In this manual:
> __________________________
> Contents
> * 1 INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER
> * 2 CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
> * 3 HOUSING YOUR NIGGER
> * 4 FEEDING YOUR NIGGER
> * 5 MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK
> * 6 ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER
> * 7 DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS
> * 8 COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS
> * 9 NIGGER GENETICS
> * 10 FURTHER READING
> __________________________
>
> INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER
>
> You should install your nigger differently according to whether you
> have purchased the field or house model. To start, set your nigger's
> jumpers to the slave position. Field niggers work best in a serial
> configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another
> nigger immediately upon unpacking it, and don't even think about
> taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you
> put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if
> nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but
> should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape.
>
> At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use
> the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too
> much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Gary Niger, Carslisle, Carlton,
> Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, Drumondo and Sambo are all
> effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a hoe, it
> should be called Latrelle, Bix nood, L'Tanya, Sheneequa, or Jemima.
> Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom,
> and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go
> straight over your nigger's head, by the way.
>
> CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
>
> Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and
> vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases
> with this apparatus - "muh dick" and "IM PRESSIN CHARGES" being the
> most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, and yapping
> noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a
> vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your
> nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining
> anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say,
> anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons
> (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly
> recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the
> boat.
>
> HOUSING YOUR NIGGER
>
> Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make
> sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger
> food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of
> cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two
> hundred niggers (equivalent to 120 white people). You can sit a nigger
> cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger
> fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an
> escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the
> shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger
> is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food
> holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it
> will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated
> in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
>
> FEEDING YOUR NIGGER
>
> Your nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. It also
> throughly enjoys drinking malt liquor from forty ounce bottles wrapped
> in brown paper bags, or what is more commonly known as a "fo'ty
> ounce". You should therefore give it none of these things, because its
> lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it
> porridge with salt, acorns and creek water. Your nigger will
> supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other
> niggers, dead babies, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push
> watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of
> the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and
> nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation
> reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal
> something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he
> doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a
> result.
>
> You should never allow your nigger to have meal breaks while at work,
> since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be
> retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger
> to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no
> idea.
>
> MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK
>
> Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most
> prominent anatomical feature, after all, is its oversized buttocks,
> which have evolved to make it more comfortable for your nigger to sit
> around all day doing nothing for its entire life. Niggers are often
> good runners, too, enabling them to sprint quickly in the opposite
> direction if they see work heading their way. The solution to this is
> to *dupe* your nigger into working. After installation, encourage it
> towards the cotton field with blows of a wooden club, fence post,
> baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all that cotton belongs to a
> white man, who won't be back until tomorrow. Your nigger will then
> frantically compete with the other field niggers to steal as much of
> that cotton as it can before the white man returns. At the end of the
> day, return your nigger to its cage and laugh at its stupidity, then
> repeat the same trick every day indefinitely.
>
> Your nigger comes equipped with the standard nigger IQ of 75 and a
> memory to match, so it will forget this trick overnight. Niggers can
> start work at around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back
> at around 10am. Your niggers can work until around 10pm or whenever
> the light fades.
>
>
> ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER
>
> Your nigger enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it
> regularly. A happy smiling nigger works best. Games niggers enjoy
> include:
> 1. A GOOD THRASHING: Every few days, take your nigger's pants down,
> hang it up by its heels, and have some of your other niggers thrash it
> with a club or whip. Your nigger will signal its intense enjoyment by
> shrieking and sobbing.
> 2. LYNCH THE NIGGER: Niggers are cheap and there are millions more
> where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit
> and lynch a nigger. Lynchings are best done with a rope over the
> branch of a tree, and niggers just love to be lynched. It makes them
> feel special. Make your other niggers watch. They'll be so grateful,
> they'll work harder for a day or two (and then you can lynch another
> one).
> 3. NIGGER DRAGGING: Tie your nigger by one wrist to the tow bar on the
> back of a suitable vehicle, then drive away at approximately 50mph.
> Your nigger's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for miles. It will
> shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the nigger, do
> *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This is
> painless for the nigger, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt
> and never exceed the speed limit.
> 4. PLAYING ON THE PNL: A variation on (2), except you can lynch your
> nigger out in the fields, thus saving work time. Niggers enjoy this
> game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white hood.
> 5. HUNT THE NIGGER: A variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played
> outdoors, with Dobermans.
> WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a nigger, as they are highly
> toxic.
> 6. A SHOW: Have a party for your nigger with Kramer as the
> entertainment.
>
>
> DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS
>
> Do not return your dead nigger to our nigger distribution facility. Is
> there a sign outside that says dead nigger storage? No, there isn't,
> and that is because storing dead niggers ain't our fucking business.
> We distribute live niggers only.
>
> Niggers die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years
> too late, but there you go. Most people prefer their niggers dead, in
> fact. When yours dies, report the license number of the car that did
> the drive-by shooting of your nigger. The police will collect the
> nigger and dispose of it for you.
>
> Please note that if you have the African Pygmy Variant, these can be
> cooked and fed to the homeless in lieu of disposal.
>
> COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS
>
> Notice: The following problems are very common. If you have several of
> these defects with your Nigger, do not feel like you were ripped off.
> Niggers are often very defective; it is their defining trait.
> Returning your Nigger for a new one would not show any better results.
>
> * MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESSIVE.
>
> Have it put down, for God's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What are
> we, short of niggers or something?
>
> * MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN, BUT NEVER BLACK HOES.
>
> They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any
> white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.
>
> * MY NIGGER WANTS TO PLAY QUARTERBACK, BUT KEEPS THROWING
> INTERCEPTIONS
>
> Being the highlight reel whores they are, they naturally want to play
> quarterback. However, thinking under pressure is not his strong suit.
> Let him play wide receiver, so he can run in straight lines, as he did
> from feces-throwing chimps in his natural habitat.
>
> * WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
>
> Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely.
> If niggers successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort
> out their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were
> nonexistent (until some fool gave them rights).
>
> * MY NIGGER KEEPS BLEATING ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
>
> Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.
>
> * MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A
> NIGGER?
>
> A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color
> you can see is the shit your nigger is full of. This is why some
> models of nigger are sold as "The Shit-skin".
>
> * MY NIGGER ACTS EXACTLY LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
>
> What you have there is a "wigger".
>
> * WOW! IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE OR VALUABLE?
>
> They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of
> them was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage
> with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops
> acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the
> niggers dispose of it.
>
> * MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BADLY.
>
> And you were expecting what?
>
> * MY NIGGER WON'T STOP TALKING OUT LOUD IN MOVIE THEATERS AND
> LIBRARIES.
>
> Don't let your nigger own a cell phone. If the problem persists, apply
> duct tape to its clown-lips.
>
> * MY NIGGER DISPLAYS A MASSIVE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT.
>
> This is normal.
>
> * SHOULD I ALLOW MY NIGGER TO FORNICATE WITH OTHER NIGGERS?
>
> Where are we, Wonderland? You'll have a lot of trouble getting it to
> fornicate with *other* niggers.
>
> * WHERE CAN I BUY MYSELF A BETTER QUALITY NIGGER?
>
> I don't really understand the question. Better quality nigger?
>
> * MY NIGGER STOLE MY BIKE, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
>
> You should immediately put on a pink jump suit and chase it.
>
> * MY NIGGER'S LIFE GOT FLIPPED, TURNED UPSIDE DOWN, WHAT HAPPENED?
>
> This occurs when a nigger is taken out of his natural habitat and re-
> planted within an upstanding black community.
>
> * MY NIGGER KEEPS TRYING TO KILL MY OTHER NIGGERS, WHAT AM I DOING
> WRONG?
>
> Sometimes when the nigger is given too little chicken, it will try to
> acquire more chicken from nearby niggers. You can solve this by either
> treating all niggers at the same time, or more effectively not
> providing any chicken at all. This may cause problems at first, but a
> good thrashing will soon cure this.
>
> * MY NIGGER LIKES TO RAP, WEAR ALL SORTS OF SHINY STUFF AND OFTEN
> REPEATS STUFF LIKE "YO NIGGA" AND "MY HOOD"
>
> Your nigger is of the Rapper subspecies. Bring him to the local
> Universal recording studio and have him tagged. Then bring him to the
> zoo and make him imitate the apes (mostly the hand gestures). Take any
> piece of text longer than 10 lines (anything like the back of a beer
> bottle will do), then randomly add words like "yeah for my niggas"
> "east coast for life" "bigup for my homies". Proceed to sell your
> nigger to a nigga ranch. Profit!
>
> * MY NIGGER THINKS HE IS CAPABLE OF OBTAINING SOME SORT OF POLITICAL
> OFFICE
>
> This is actually a severely misconfigured nigger and you should
> immediately take your nigger into the upstanding communities near you
> for the purpose of showing them what happens when you leave your
> nigger alone long enough to begin thinking on it's own. You should
> then string the nigger up by one foot, usually from something high
> enough to get a descent sway, and beat it soundly with large solid
> objects. Once your 'Independent' nigger has been properly dealt with,
> you should then happily allow yourself to be used as an example by
> others for the upstanding community around you to understand what the
> hell happens when you let your fucking nigger start thinking for it's
> own damn self. TAKE THE BEATING, YOU DESERVE IT.
>
>
> NIGGER GENETICS
>
> The following excerpt from A Farmer's Guide to Biology: Making the
> Best of Your Nigger has been included below for your interest.
>
> The observable differences within a nigger are called variation. Think
> of your and your friends' niggers and all of their different sizes,
> shapes and features. These are variations. Animals and plants also
> show variation; usually more than a nigger is capable of showing. For
> example, dogs are all one species and can interbreed together but have
> many different colors, shapes or sizes. The same can be said about
> niggers -- but note that they always remain the same color.
>
> Some variation is inherited and some variation is determined by the
> environment. Characteristics such as height and weight are partly
> inherited and partly caused by diet. Genes and the environment can
> influence your nigger.
>
> Farmers often try to improve their niggers by breeding new variations
> or combinations of characteristics. For example, short and disease
> resistant niggers crossed with tall and susceptible niggers will give
> rise to tall, resistant niglets (provided the characteristics tall and
> resistant are dominant). Cross breeding provides a cheaper and more
> reliable way of improving a nigger, compared to genetic engineering.
> Genetic engineering is only used to introduce genes that cannot be
> introduced by breeding. Seeing as niggers are only able to handle
> simple tasks, this is usually not necessary.
>
> A characteristic showing continuous variation is controlled by many
> pairs of genes and is usually influenced by the environment.
> Continuously variable characteristics show no distinct phenotypes;
> there is usually a spectrum of varieties. For example, some niggers
> are tall and some niggers are short, and it is possible that a nigger
> is any size in between. The same could be said of weight and skin
> tone. However, intelligence is not a variable factor as the brain of a
> nigger is severely underdeveloped.
>
> Any adaptation that allows a nigger to live longer is said to have
> survival value. For example, a nigger with chicken survives longer
> when his owner decides that it is not necessary to feed him. Some say
> that the addition of fried material to the chicken can lengthen the
> nigger's lifespan considerably. Fried Pork Chops supplemented with
> copious quanities of Collard Greens greatly enhance the work output of
> your units. A word of caution here though, units fuelled with the
> foregoing should only be used in well ventilated areas. Some
> variations have mutated and come equipped with "Prehensile Lips".
> These "Prehensile Lips" create tremendous suction on Fried Chicken and
> frequently strip the meat off the bone so completely that the dogs are
> insulted if offered one of the bones. Bar-B-Qued ribs are also treated
> the same by the "Prehensile Lips".
>
> R.Trombone

The "Bambis" need to see this here !!
--
John C.

Yes.

Hallo John.