🚀 go-pugleaf

HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH'


What a laugh

Gman
CBR250rr


"SonofaGunderson" <sonofagunderson@fuckyou.co.uk> wrote in message
news:70c91ebb.0111100801.18c2a90@posting.google.com...
> My first pair of cargo shorts.
>
> For as long as I can remember Ive always worn shorts with an elastic
> waistband with two pockets at the side and one in the back. I usually
> have a brown pair but Ive also owned a green and a red pair.
>
> A year ago for Christmas my Aunt Florence gave me a pair of khaki
> cargo shorts, the type that go down right to your knees with eight
> pockets and buttons everywhere. I smiled and thanked her politely and
> promptly put them in the back of the closet when I got home.
>
> Last week I was walking home from the shops carrying my groceries when
> without warning, the elastic in my shorts snapped. I was walking past
> an all girls school at the time and all the young female students were
> leaving the premises and getting in their parents Mercs and BMWs. And
> there I was struggling with my shopping and desperately trying to hold
> up my shorts. The fact that I had about $20 in change in my pockets
> didnt help matters as the weight was almost yanking my shorts to my
> ankles while the young female student of this affluent school were
> laughing and pointing at me.  This was one of the most embarrassing
> moments of my life, and believe me there have been many.
> Finally I got home and put my shopping down and inspected my
> malfunctioning shorts. The elastic had just clean snapped. Usually I
> can predict to a reasonable degree of accuracy when the elastic is
> about to go and purchase a replacement pair but this one caught me by
> surprise.
>
> Now Im all alone, my favourite shorts are gone and I know Im going to
> have to try on the cargo shorts.
>
> I fished them out of the back of the closet and held them up for
> inspection. They looked so big and baggy and I just couldnt imagine
> what they would look like on.  I couldnt go ahead with this so quickly
> so I decided to go to bed and Id wake up to a new day and a new pair
> of shorts.
>
> The next day when I woke up the shorts were exactly where I left them,
> still looking all baggy and puffy and daring me to try them on.
>
> I sipped them on and did up all the fastening buttons and the button
> fly.  So far so good, the waist felt snug and secure.  I looked down
> and was surprised when I could barley see my knees.  I turned to
> inspect my shorts in the mirror and it was as if someone had played a
> cruel hoax on me and switched my mirror with one from a fun house.  I
> looked shorter and squatter than I usually do and the short just
> emphasised  my portly figure and stumpy legs.  I ripped my shorts off
> and began to sob.  I sobbed for over an hour and I just didnt know
> what to do.  Eventually I cried myself to sleep.  The next morning I
> decided I needed some help so I called my Aunt Florence, she always
> knows what to do.  I explained my predicament and she said she would
> be there within 40 minutes.  38 minutes later I heard her car screech
> to a halt outside my house.
>
> She spoke quickly and apologised for being rude but said this
> situation required swift action.
>
> She told me to put on the shorts and stand in the middle of the living
> room.  Aunt Flo then walked around me, sizing me up, inspecting me
> from every angle while not saying a word.  Eventually she reached into
> her shoulder bag and pulled out an oversized white T-shirt. Try this
> on she said.  I slipped the T-shirt on and proceeded to tuck it into
> my shorts (like I have always done) and she said Ahhahh..  NOT
> TUCKING!!!
>
> So I left the bottom of the oversized T-shirt hanging out and felt
> totally stupid as Aunt Flo lead me to the mirror.
>
> I couldnt believe the reflection in the mirror was actually me!  The
> T-shirt hid some of my ample frame and de-emphasised my stumpy
> stature.
>
> The next day I did my shopping and all went well except for when I was
> carrying my groceries home I could feel my shorts slipping ever so
> slightly. Im going to rectify this by wearing a belt in future.
>
> Im so lucky I have Aunt Flo to help in situations like this.  She can
> be curt at times, but she really gets the job done.
>
> I now have a new found confidence with these shorts like Ive never
> felt before.  Im going to new places and doing new things.  Im also
> going to add a baseball cap to the assemble.