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My Insecurities That Ruin Chrissy’s Life

March 23, 2010

When I first meet a girl, I hardly know what to disclose. All my
following statements seem to be about who other people around me
perceive I am, even how I want others to perceive who I am, but I find
it utterly hard to describe who I really am.

‘Who are you,’ many first like to politely ask, ‘and what do you do?’

But for having never said this, but in all true honesty, I sometimes
think to myself, ‘why do you think you can know who I am, if I don’t
even know who I am?’

‘I’m a lawyer, and I work for Minter Ellison,’ some would declare.

‘I’m an accountant, and I work for KPMG,’ said some others.

Yet others state, ‘I’m an engineer, and I work for Disney Research.’

Still others say, ‘I’m a doctor, and I work at the Queen Victoria
Hospital.’

However, what exactly is being asked, and what is being understood.
The theory of communication requires a stimulus idea to be developed
in the brain of the sender, and for that idea to be communicated, and
understood by the receiver. The question is thus, by making a
statement of one’s occupation is and where they work, what is one
attempting to communicate?

The answer lies in the structure of our economy and the labor market.
Our capitalist system is set up in such a way that those whose
services are demanded most by society, are paid the highest price. As
a result, doctors, lawyers, accountants, and engineers are often among
the most high paid in society. In other words, when one states their
occupation, what they are actually trying to communicate is that they
are valued by society.

‘Maybe,’ I think to myself, ‘I shouldn’t start at who I am, but
rather, whose I am.’

The theology changes, you see, when you switch from atheism to theism.
Say for example if there were no creator, your value, is the net sum
of everything you are. However, if there was a creator, your value is
that which is given to you by your creator. Take for example a $50
note. The inherent value is just a few grams of plastic. However,
because society has placed $50 value on it, no matter if you trample
or scrunch it, its value still remains at $50, no matter what it’s
been through.

In a relationship, does not the woman need to know the man, and vice
versa? However, if they do not even know who they are themselves, how
can they communicate this to one another? Furthermore, if we replace
the Greek conceptual ‘know’ that is being referred to here, with the
Hebrew relational ‘know’; how can a woman let a man ‘know’ her, if she
doesn’t know whether she should let him know her (because she doesn’t
want to waste his time, as a Godly woman)?

Too often, I see this dilemma being solved as follows. Holly and Todd
are both non-existent hypothetical teenagers who attend youth group.
Todd likes Holly, and Holly feels similar feelings for Todd. Before
becoming friends, however, they both discover mutual feelings for each
other, and as a result, have to decide, whether they should go out, or
not. The issue is Todd doesn’t even know Holly, and as a good
Christian man doesn’t know whether he should date her or not.
Similarly, Holly doesn’t know Todd, and as a good Christian woman
doesn’t want to disappointment Todd later in the relationship. Given
that Holly and Todd are Godly, they would simply call off the
friendship, and a potential relationship subsequently dies. Given that
Holly and Todd are immature, they would subsist with the friendship,
which too often leads to failure. Unfortunately, both these actions
lead to results, which I would class as disappointing: a potential
relationship that fails, and a failing relationship that is being
worked on.

I still don’t know whether I should date Chrissy, or whether I should
ask her whether she even is interested in dating me. However, if she
is the Godly woman that I believe she is; she is probably also praying
about whether she should date me, if she were interested in me.

And the truth is, I don’t know, not because I don’t know who she is,
for I know she is a daughter of the Most High God ? but because I
don’t know who I am, and I don’t want to ruin her life because of my
own insecurities.

Source: http://www.christinafusco.com/