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[NIA 17:13 hrs.]
Did Hezbollah Shoot Down the Blue Angles?

Thousands of spectators gathered on the North end of the County of San
Francisco, California wondered today (Sunday 20121007) what was
keeping the U.S. Navy jet jox from starting their air show on time.
Scheduled to begin at 15:00 hrs, the fighters finally roared in an
hour later.

Now the story can be told!

It all began on Monday when Admiral Izzy Bathengold brought his fleet
into port for the traditional annual celebration, passing by on
entering an amphibious landing craft or Tourist Duck which was flying
the Israeli flag in honor of the 3 branches of regime. As required by
protocol in place since the Billary days, the Admiral ordered a 21-gun
salute to be fired. Since the SF harbormaster is a vegetarian pacifist
feminist transgendered lesbian with sensitive ears, however, the
battleship USS Blowmedown decided to use only water pistols for the
gesture rather than its usual cannons with 32-inch muzzles.

This fateful Sunday afternoon @ 14:50 hrs the same foreign fowl was
lurking nearby the flight deck of the nuclear sub USS Nincompoop when
the Blue Angles took off as planned.

Then it turned out that Hezbollah commandos had disguised themselves
as Israeli tourists from Hadassah! Using only slingshots with really
big fire crackers fashioned from some bomblets left beind in Lebanon
by Prime Minister Olmert in 2006, the scary visitors managed to knock
down the whole exhibition team with total loss of life, since they
were too low down to bail out. Using bubblegum & slow fuses they
delayed the detonation on the lead plane until the last follower had
lifted off into target range.

Immediately realizing the PR implications of the catastrophe with all
the NorCalians waiting to have their nex stretched, eyeballs rotated,
ears tickled and pockets picked, Admiral Izzy notified his master
General Martin Dempsey CJCS. Using advanced secret military techniques
for emergencies, the DARPA base at Area 51 was able to repaint the
necessary fighters, train new flyers and have the cosmetic surgery
team from THUNDERBALL alter them to pass for the original pilots.
Hence the delay but even the widows were fooled when the new stars
returned to their several quarters later in the evening. To keep the
ladies quiet, in case they did have any doubts, the physicians
lengthened the dix a half-inch and installed small viagra pumps.

Navy spokesperson B. Lee Vume strongly denied that the AA ambushers
were Israelis offended by the damp greeting. S/he explained that the
Islamic identity of the slingers was established by fallafel crumbs
which fell to the deck in the exact shape of Mohammad's horse.

Secret police chief Janet Napolitano of the Bu"ro of Homeless
Outla"ndishe Secu"ritate vowed to kill all the teerowrists, "even if I
have to fire a billion bullets and collateralize half the country to
do it. We are prepared," she said. The National Weather service
predicted hard rain with hollow points.

Some of the crowd went back to the Mission for burritos, others
lingered at El Zorro taqueria, located in the crotch of North Beach at
Columbus Avenue & Broadway.

You read it here first!