🚀 go-pugleaf

In response to Jim Mercer's input about being a responsible NCP, etcetera,
I have several comments. First though, let me say thank you for your
response and getting cooperative NCP's the platform they deserve...if only
more NCP's were like you!

- I am presently seeking the stats on just how many NCP's out there DO pay,
  as opposed to how many don't. I do know that a Vancouver paper stated
  (Sept. '92) that there were 13,000 women on the Family Maintenance
  Enforcement Program waiting list at that time, for B.C. alone. Keep
  in mind that that figure does not include those CP's already enrolled,
  those that haven't bothered to pursue non-paying NCP's, and those that
  are still trying to work things out via  good faith, patience and/or
  costly lawyers.

- I will also indulge you with some personal background here, as I have
  substantial reason to believe my story is somewhat of a cliche.

  It was 3 years before I went the FMEP route, as I truly believed my ex
  and I could work out a mutually suitable arrangement wrt maintenance.
  Initially, I asked him for $450/mo. child support.He refused to consider
  this, refused to grant me interim custody (although he said he had no
  desire for custody) and repeatedly promised visits to our kids that he
  wouldn't show up for.
  A year and 6 weeks later, I took him to court for $450/mo. maintenance.
  He told the judge he felt this was unreasonable, at a time when he was
  grossing $3300 to $6200 a month. The judge looked at both of our income
  info' and expense statements (my ex was paying $250/mo. rent) and ordered
  him to pay me $2000/mo.!
  Silly me, at my expense I had that order significantly reduced to $750/mo.
  despite the court order and my lawyer's advice. I didn't want to get rich
  off the guy, I just wanted some help from him with the cost of raising 2
  kids. Naturally, he agreed to this arrangement, although he still
  maintained that it was too much, though it left him with an average surplus
  mo'ly income of over $550.That was 28 months ago.
  Since that time, he has defaulted in excess of $14,000 for child maintenance
  payments. He left the marriage with $17,000 in assets ($11,000 for moi), we
  split the proceeds from the sale of our home and I have encouraged access,
  as I believe it is in the best interests of our children to do
  so.  I have restricted access on 2 occasions when I learned that my ex was
  leaving our daughters unsupervised to wander riverbanks at 7:30 am (fishing)
  and hitchhiking w/ our 6 yr. old because he wanted to avoid the cost of
  bringing his van over on a ferry, among other things. Initially, I just
  asked him to not take such chances w/ the kids and was told to blankety-
  blank myself. So I invited him to see the girls HERE anytime he liked. The
  matter was finally resolved thru' a Family Court counsellor.

- In response to some of your other comments:
  I am aware, and duly appreciative, that there are men out there who are
  CP's. That's why I talk about _Parents_ for Enforcing Child Support,
  instead of _Women_.
- wrt NCP's having difficult times too, no argument here. In my case, I
  have agreed to reduce or forgive more than $11,000 in child support
  payments, when my ex claimed to be down on his luck, and he
  still owes $14,000+ for the other times! Not only that, through _Discovery_
  documents, I now have copies of his paystubs from those times I bought his
  hard luck stories and guess what? One of those _destitute_ months alone,
  he grossed $7,312.79 (incl. a vac. pay chq. for $1107.74)!
  Well, live and learn...I won't make that mistake again w/o proof of
  his position.
- Finally, I have not --- and will not --- put all apples in the same barrel.
  There are deadbeat NCP's and there are conscientious, responsible NCP's.
  There are cooperative CP's, and there are vindictive CP's. Unfortunately,
  there are thousands of kids in this province alone who go w/o because many
  NCP's actively avoid their moral and legal parental responsibilities. Sure,
  sometimes the CP's are just as financially irresponsible, but that is not
  the issue here. I'm surprised Jim, that you don't seem angry with those
  NCP's you say give the rest of you a bad name. If nothing else, the taxpayers
  bear the cost of trying to collect from thousands of delinquent NCP's and
  that ought to bring scowls to a few brows, n'est-ce pas?
  By-the-way, my best friend is a male NCP who pays support fully and regularly.
  I know there are some of you out there. (He's a friend I sometimes worry
  about losing due to MY _leaching_. He often puts gas in my car so I can get
  my kids to school!

lisa@oneb2.almanac.bc.ca (Lisa Graham)
                  The Old Coot's Almanac
               Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada
                    Courtesy the old coot hisse'f!