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SO LONG BILL, WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS

By HUBERT BEYER

VICTORIA - "It's just been fantastic," said Bill Vander Zalm. "It's just
been wonderful.
It's been a great campaign."

You've got to hand it to the guy. He's got style, considering his comments
came in the
wake of the crushing defeat he had just suffered at the hands of his Liberal
opponent,
political neophyte Val Roddic.

The byelection was the crucial test for Vander Zalm. A victory or even a
narrow defeat
would have given him the political credibility he needed to lead the B.C.
Reform Party
into the next election.

Alas, it was not to be. Instead, the Liberal candidate trounced Vander Zalm
by a two-to-
one margin, solidifying Liberal leader Gordon Campbell's tight grip on the
political right.
while the candidate for the governing NDP came in dead-last, behind the
Green Party.

So, barring a miracle, this then is the end of Vander Zalm's colorful and
turbulent
political career. Pity, in a way, but as Bogey said, we'll always have
Paris.

Let's face it, we'll never have a guy like the Zalm for premier again. My
memories of
Vander Zalm are nothing short of precious. Like the time he told me during
the 1886
election campaign that he wasn't about to add substance to his campaign when
style was
working so well.

One of my favorite Zalm episodes occurred shortly after he won the 1986
election.
Vander Zalm was a devout Catholic who wore his religious convictions on both
sleeves.

One of his first decisions as the new premier was to open a "prayer room" in
the
legislative buildings where those Members of the Legislature who wished to
do so could
begin the day in quiet prayer.

Needless to say reporters and cameramen were on hand the first day to watch
a handful of
MLAs enter the prayer room. We waited around for a while, but nothing
happened.

The second day, some of us had a hunch that not all might be peaceful in the
prayer
room. And sure enough, all hell broke loose. A couple of Satan worshippers
had shown
up, demanding equal prayer opportunity. Soon after, the prayer room was shut
down,
never to open again.

Sex education in schools? A red cloth to the Zalm, just another way of
saying, "I want to
have sex but I don't want to die."

Then there was the Social Credit Party convention at which, unaware that
reporters were
in the room, he tried to tell a joke, leading into it by asking the audience
if they'd heard
the one about the Jew.

Mind you, he had been a master at making headlines during party conventions
for years.
On one occasion, he vented his dislike of Quebec by singing a song about
frogs. And in
commemoration of a remark he once made to the effect that welfare recipients
should be
issued shovels to earn their keep, he used to hand out silver miniature
shovels to
delegates.

As a brand-new premier, he told reporters that the job was "a piece of
cake." A while
later, he reconfirmed it: "I can't believe how easy it is. It comes
naturally to me."

Well, as time went on, it got a little harder. Plagued by scandals, he
blamed the media,
not an original idea.  But he never understood what all the fuss was about.
Why couldn't
he use his influence as premier to sell his Fantasy Garden theme park? Why
shouldn't he
have asked the lieutenant-governor to entertain a prospective purchaser a
Government
House?

What was wrong with him as premier trying to ram his personal beliefs down
the throats
of all British Columbians by refusing to use health care dollars for
abortions, even though
the law said he must?

When I told him that , I too, was opposed to abortion, but that it couldn't
force my moral
beliefs on others, he looked bewildered. "Why not?" he asked.

And when he was being forced to resign, he said the judicial system in
British Columbia
reminds him a lot of Nazi Germany, not the swiftest of remarks.

But when all is said and done, I'm a little sad to see him leave the
political arena for
good. I wouldn't have minded having him back in the legislature. And I don't
mean that
sarcastically with a view towards good column material. I genuinely liked
the guy.

But hey, Bill, we'll always have Paris.

-30-
Beyer can be reached at:

E-mail - hubert@coolcom.com
Web - http://www.hubertbeyer.com