🚀 go-pugleaf

{Ed.note: This was sent to the Conyers list. Though not related to
Conyers, it is a prayer request and an important issue.  The events
at Conyers have been filled with miracles, and begs the question,
"Why does God appear to be selective with answering prayers?".
-M.F., List Ed.}


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Following is a letter written by a mother about her son. They live in
Divine Redeemer parish in Colorado Springs. It is titled "Faith Without
Miracles" by Lisa Wayman.

I am a mother of a terminally ill child. My son Joe was diagnosed with an
inoperable brain stem cancer a year ago. Over the past year the support we
have gotten from our community has been astounding. This support has ranged
from practical things like meals, to the more abstract of prayers for us
all. Both types of support have been greatly appreciated and truly helpful.
However, now that we are closer to Joe's death we have been urged by many
people in many ways to pray for a miracle.

I truly believe in miracles and I know that I have seen them happen, both
in my work as a nurse, and in my own life. They do not however happen
consistently, or in a predictable manner. To believe that they are events
controlled by human action is to treat God as a supernatural juke box. You
plug in the right prayers, and out pops your miracle. People who advocate
this do sometimes say  that we don't know God's ways, and that just because
we don't get what we ask for  doesnt mean our prayers were not heard. I
think not getting what you want even when you pray sincerely, even when you
pray in faith for a good cause, needs to be addressed at greater length.

I have, in good faith, for a year now, prayed for my son's life. The school
children have prayed for him, people from around the city and even around
the world have prayed for him. We are not asking for something selfish, or
something to be squandered. We are asking for the life of a twelve year old
boy. I think that Joe doing so well through the summer, and really being
able to enjoy the life he now has been a miracle. I don't think we are
getting the greater miracle of his surviving cancer. I look at him both
with a mother's eye and with a nurse's eye, and I know that he is dying.
Just to type those words makes my heart ache, but I cannot deny it.

So where does that leave me in prayer? My own son is dying, and I have seen
many people die; good people, bad people, young and old, rich and poor,
prayed over and ignored. It rains on us all. Does that mean I don't believe
in prayer? Of course not. Prayer really helps. Joe has felt everyone
standing behind him and has pulled on their strength to do as well as he
has. Miracles happen and the glory of God can be revealed of a sudden, in a
miracle, but also can be revealed in grief. I cannot pretend to understand
the whys of it or even make sense of it. I can only be thankful for the
gifts I have. So I still believe in prayer, and I still pray regularly,
both on my knees, and in my daily life on my feet and with my hands. I try
to make each breath, every action a prayer.

This year I have noticed my prayers changing. At first I prayed for Joe to
get better, for him not to suffer, that he not be another who succumbs to
this terrible illness. Now I don't know what to pray. If I pray for his
life I may be praying that he be denied a great life work of teaching us
how to live by how he is dies. I could pray that we just have him longer to
enjoy him more, but that might be worse for him since he has suffered so. I
sometimes feel like praying that he die soon so he suffers no more, but
then I might take from him precious days and times he loves. He is my son
and I love him, but I am not he, and neither is he my property. He is only
himself and belongs only to God. So what do I pray? I come back to Jesus'
words, "Thy will be done." I also pray for strength to do what needs to be
done, and for strength to accept and use the blessings that come to me
because of this terrible thing.

Have I gotten what I most want and have my son back to health? No, but the
blessings I have received have been great. I feel God holding me,
surrounding me, using me. I know my life is changing for the better. I know
that Joseph has been more himself, and a better Joseph for facing his
challenges the way he has. I know our community has changed for the better.
I would, if I could choose, choose Joe's life over any of this, yet I
cannot say that this isn't better.

It is still extremely hard for me to maintain this attitude and to continue
to be thankful for my blessings. This is made harder by only hearing of
prayers that were answered with what we wanted. This a one sided view, and
harms those who have suffered tragedy. My son is dying. I don't want him to
feel that he is dying because we haven't prayed in sincerity, or because he
is unworthy. I don't want to feel that my son is being taken because of my
lack of faith. I also don't want my children, especially Katie, my 11 year
old, moving back into bargaining when we have been moving farther toward
acceptance.

Priests have told me that they don't feel that they could preach about
prayers not being answered, that people wouldn't be able to handle it.
First I say, blow them out of the pews, wake them up with reality. Second
of all most people know what it is like to not be saved by miracles.
Cardinal Joseph Bernardin died young even with the entire world praying for
him. Every community has members who have suffered tragedy. People have
lost children, spouses, jobs, and suffer many other losses we do not know
about. To not address this is to allow self blame, bad theology, and
movement away from God to continue.

God did not say that he would take away all suffering. His own apostles,
and he suffered. He did not say if we follow him that he will fix
everything. He told us to take up his yoke, for if we pull our burdens his
way, in love, they will be easier. He promised not to leave us, but to
always be there. If we cannot see God without miracles then we will be
slamming doors in his face. Please help me carry my load, not add to it.
Please  help me spread the word that though God does not send bad things to
us, anything can be used for His glory if we are open to it and allow it.

{#} ----------------------------------------------------+[ Domina ]+---
{#}  Replies to domina@angus.mystery.com



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