🚀 go-pugleaf

--- You wrote:
How does one support(non Med/mdphd) support one who is so that a healthy
relationship can prevail?

--- end of quoted material ---

I see two relationship issues that are probably relevant to any relationship,
but seem to become even more important in an MD/PhD program.  First, when your
SO says "I need to go into lab,"  believe him/her (even if she/he has been lab
every evening for the past month and seems completly burnt out).  It is
important for all of us to have lives outside of lab, and to plan days off and
fun activities.  However, I've found that this has to be things planned in
advance.  If I'm about to go into lab even though my project is going badly, I
feel like I'm getting nowhere, etc. etc. The *last* thing I need is someone
encouraging me to play hookey just once, or asking who's really going to care
if the experiment isn't done till next week.
     Also, location seems to be an especially big problem for some MD/PhD's the
SO (and sometimes the student too) often spend 7+ years in an area of the
country where they never would have dreament of living because that is where
he/she happened to get accepted/get funding etc.   After all this, the SO who
got dragged along feels like he/she should get to pick where to live next.
Whereas, the MD/PhD feels like he/she has put in a huge amount of time and work
into preparing for a carreer and has to go where the best job is.  MD/PhD's are
not like many MD's who can find the job they want in any city.  After all that
training and specialization, there may be only one or two job openings in the
country that are really the type of research (or combination of research and
clinical work) that that person has set their heart on doing.  This may be
further in the future than you were asking about, but just thought I'd bring it
up because it seems an important part of academic relationships, possibly more
so for MD/PhD's (not that I have any good advice or solutions).
     Also, just be basically supportive, and expect that the MD/PhD may have
numerous emotional upheavals related to their education.

-jo renn