🚀 go-pugleaf

Bright and early next morning, Anghus was loping happily down Main
Street toward the coin shop.  Soon, soon, the silver Dillar would be
converted into mundane currency, and gastronomic delights could then
be his!  Happily his thoughts wandered over grunion bagels and
pineapple liverwurst pizza, or would he rather have the limburger
ratatouille...  Ah, choices!  He beamed cheerily at the passersby.

Surfacing from his reverie after a couple of blocks, he noticed that
he was passing other people also hurrying in the same direction.
Anghus slowed himself a bit to walk beside Freas Tate, a guy from
his accounting class.  "Hey, Freas - where's everybody off to?"

Freas smiled his slow smile and said, "Hadn't heard?  Thought you
must've, to be up this early...well, anyway.  Socket Sighters rally's
today out at the shopping center.  Suprize event, I dunno the details.
It's good for a hunk of carrot cake, though, so I'm goin'."  Freas was
nearly as lean and lanky as Anghus himself.

Anghus nodded.  Going out for free food would explain the crowd of
students.  DieQuick's posted menu this morning had been goatmeal
grits, heavy on the goat.  Anghus had cheerfully thumbed his nose at
it and hiked on for Collector's Cavern.

"No, I'm on my way to the coin dealer's to trade in this Dillar, so
I can buy some real eats.  Hunk of carrot cake won't go amiss,
though..."

"You got a Dillar?  Hey, show it to Hendrik, he was sayin' somethin'
about a Dillar.  Might get you an extra hunk of cake if you run it
by 'im."

"Cool.  Thanks for the tip!  Well, gotta get going, if I'm gonna work
through this crowd to reach him.  See you!"  Anghus sped up, threading
his way through the gathering masses.

As he neared the shopping center parking lot, Anghus saw Socket
Sighters banners plastered everywhere, and a portable podium standing
right beside the Collector's Cavern.  What luck!  Henrik Helsinki, the
Sighters' president, was right near where he, Anghus, was going anyway!
He grinned and wove his way through the gathering, ducking past the
bungee jumping stand, dodging and jostling goodnaturedly through the
packed-in assembly until he finally came up against the edge of the
speaker's platform, right at Helsinki's feet.

"Hey, Hendrik," he yelled up.  "Heard you were looking for a Dillar?"

A hush spread out through the crowd around him, accompanied by awed
whispers.  "....Dillar!  He's got the Dillar!"

Anghus blinked, nonplussed.

Hendrik looked down at the silver coin Anghus was holding aloft.

"It's you!" he cried.  "Praise Elvis!  Praise Authors!  The signs and
portents were right!"  He turned to the crowd.  "Nenes and Genmamen,
we've _found_ him!  The holder of the talisman, the lucky 19Infinity3
Silver Dillar!  I give you our new candidate, the next Mayor of
Eeksburg - Anghus McPeerson!"

Anghus felt his jaw drop as the crowd of Socket Sighters cheered
wildly.

                        *       *       *

Meanwhile back at the Learick, the rest of the Rocky Horrid audience
was still standing in suspended animation while the big purple guy
held Jason up by his collar and glared at him.

"Yep, I'll have to make you a SUPERGUY.  Only thing left to do, see."

Jason gulped.  "B-but, what if I don't _want_ to become a superguy?"

"Well, I still won't make you very, very dead - "

"Oh good..."

"...because the Spam essence will have already DONE it.  Or turn you
into a twitching amorphous Froozball with all your NERVE endings
surfaced."

Eeeep!  Arrrrgh!  NoooOoo....I don't want to be a freshman again!
Never, never, never again in my _life_!"

"So.  See what I mean?  Bein' a SUPERGUY's not so bad...  You get a
keen disguise, nifty POWERS...."

"A lot of backbreaking work, villians trying to kick my butt and
kill me...."

Kid, kid, you're goin' about this all WRONG!  Think of the FAME!
Think of the GLORY!  Think of bein' a serious BABE MAGNET!"

"Um, well, yeah I s'pose.... _Waitaminute_!  Did you say, _Babe_
Magnet?"  Jason quivered eagerly.

"I'm TELLIN' ya, kid, you'll have to beat 'em off with a CLUB!"

"Great!  Sign me right up!"

The big purple guy grinned.  "I THOUGHT that'd bring you around.
OK, here's how it works...."

                        *       *       *

Back at the rally -

"Wow, man, that was some show!" muttered Blarney in Drag, as he
stepped carefully out of the bus.

"I'll say."  The Girl in Black Fishnet blinked owlishly around at the
crowd.  First time they ever kept a Rocky Horrid going all night long.
Must be a new record!"

"Well, it was a cool deal of them to send this Speedex Express bus
out to take us all here in time," added the Satin Teddy Bearer.

"There's somethin' strange about the driver, though," grumbled Hen Tie
Guy.  "That guy Jones?  I swear, he was in the crowd last night, as
skinny and scrawny as me, but today he looks different.  Pumped up,
kinda."

"Aw, he's probably part of the cast, and this is his day job," Blarney
replied.  "You know how people look different in a uniform."

Jason, overhearing this, grinned, tipped his Speedex cap to them
and drove the big purple vehicle away.

Several side turns down back roads later, he pulled off behind an
abandoned barn, and the large purple bus resolved into a large purple
genie.

"Thanks, Speedex!" Jason grinned, shaking his head.  "I wondered how
the Nerf we were going to pull that off, but it seemed to work."

Speedex grinned back at him.  "Gotta be BOLD, Jason!  Remember that!
And remember the PLAN(tm)!"

"Right!  Use my Spam powered super skills to fight injustice, and
attract Babes!"

"Keep an EYE on that Socket Sighters campaign," Speedex declared
loudly, and I'll check back with you LATER!"  Then he vanished in a
cloud of purple sparklings.

"Hey!  Wait!" shouted Jason.  "How'll I get back to... OH!"  He
thwapped himself in the forehead.  "That's right!  Any one power at
a time!  I can _fly_ back!"

He beamed expansively at a very startled looking sparrow, and sailed
off to return to the rally.

                        *       *       *

Meanwhile -
Anghus gaped as six burly Socket Sighters lifted him up and carried
him onto the stage.  The crowd screamed excitedly and chanted, "An-
GHUS!  An-GHUS!  An-GHUS for MAYOR!  YES!"

Anghus stared at Hendrik.  "Drik, this is a joke, right?  I mean,
Mayor?  _Me_?"

"No joke, old son.  Our resident precog, Jenn, here," he gestured
toward a pleasant faced girl with long brown hair, "forsees that
the man who holds the lucky silver Dillar will win the race!  And
here you are, Dillar in hand, just when we thought the Kappa
Grabbans had bought up every single one in town."

"The Grabbans?  But, they're all old money!  What do they need with
measly Dillars?"

"They got wind of the prediction.  Figured they'd rig things so their
candidate would win."  Hendrik grinned manicly.  "But he won't, you
see, because we're going to run _you_ against him.  And you, my
friend, _you_ are truly the lucky one foretold!  _You_ are the one
who will come out of nowhere at the last minute to save us from a
Kappa Grabban takover!"

"But, but..."  Anghus stared at Hendrik as if he had grown 3 heads.
True, he'd known that all Socket Sighters were benignly loony, but
this was beyond all he had ever imagined!

Hendrik smiled entreatingly at him.  "Angus, old friend, we _need_
you.  Are you aware of who the Kappa Grabbans are running for this
same exact office?  Yobbo Morone!"

"Morone?  _Morone_?!  But, but, they can't!  Can they?  I mean, he's,
he's not even a resident..."

"Wasn't," said Hendrick dryly.  He bought a "modest summer cabin"
*cough*, a mere 22 rooms, out on the edge of town last spring.
Technically, he does meet the 6 month residency requirement.  Just."

"Morone?  That's obscene!  Why, he'd make the whole town into one
long eternal drunken frat party!"

"Exactly.  Which is why we so desperately need _you_, to run against
him."

"But, but....I don't know anything about politics!"

"That's OK, we do.  The Socket Sighters are willing to organize all
the publicity for you - posters, campaign appearances, debates, if
only you'll agree to run.  Be our candidate, Anghus!  Clearly, Luck
is with you!  Help us save Eeksburg from the clutches of Morone and
the Kappa Grabbans!"

"Please do," added Jenn, "I have a very good feeling about it if
only you will..."

"Well, if you put it that way..." Anghus took a deep breath, then
shook his head.  "I think I'm completely crazy, but OK, I'll do it.
I'm in."

Hendrik pumped Anghus's hand, then held it up high.  "Anghus
McPeerson - the People's Choice!"  The crowd cheered frenziedly.
When they finally quieted, Hendrik continued, "Anghus, we've got to
get you a campaign platform..."

Anghus's stomach growled.  "Ah, could you get me some food, first?"

Hendrik clapped Anghus heartily on the back.  "Food first!  Hey, I
like it!  Basic, earthy, mass appeal!  Good going!"

Anghus drooped, but brightened as Drik added, "And with that, carrot
cake for everybody!  Marty, pass a pan of that up here for Anghus!"

Anghus dived ravenously into his own chunk as happy cake eating chaos
ensued.


Continued in part 1B.  (Relax!  I'm workin' on it!)