🚀 go-pugleaf

[Continued From Part Two]

     Jack paced back and forth in his room, considering stepping outside
once again just to break the monotony of the bare, hewn walls, single bed
and nightstand. But the outside held nothing but more empty walls, packed
with bustling people who seemed to want nothing more than to move through
the very spot where he was standing. After several refrains of 'excuse me'
and more bruises of the shoulder than he cared to count, Jack decided to
wait things out in his room, at least until someone arrived to tell him
otherwise. And so, Jack paced and thought.
     He should have been wondering about where he was and what alien land
he had fallen into. In his mind, he realised that he should be trying to
figure out how the aftermath of his fight with the Dash had sent him into
what seemed to be his own future. By all rights, Jack should have been
asking himself if he could ever get home, and if not, whether he could find
a place for himself here. How would that affect the timeline? Would it
affect the timeline?
     Jack should have been thinking about all of this, but he could not.
Instead, only one thing raced around his mind: father. He was going to be
the father of, by all indications, an exceptional daughter. Jack wondered
when it would happen and knew that if he found out the current year, he
would most likely know. So he resolved to try to keep himself in the dark
about such matters. He also resolved to do his level best not to leave his
Jaquline without a father or mother, the future or consequences be damned.
     As Jack thought of Daphne, a lance of sensation pieced him, both
chilling and heating the man as it washed over him. The feeling wasn't
pain, so much as a deep longing, a cavernous emptiness which was
frightening even as it was familiar. Jack recognised the sensation as
oneness... as a lack of something now vital and primal to his world. A lack
of the woman he loved, with whom he had accidentally bonded soul-to-soul,
who was no longer with him. Alone, his thoughts had turned tenderly to her
while his mind and heart had reached out, only to find her missing. It was
a terrible sensation, and the feeling of being utterly incomplete washed
over Jack again and again. He fell onto his cot, gasping, as he struggled
to get this near-pain back under control before someone walked in on him
and saw him - Jack - the singular and alone. So utterly, completely alone.
***
     A long time passed before anything more was said in the clearing.
Friends looked at each other in a new light, realising just how vulnerable
they had made themselves in the sharing of their most mortal experience.
The silence was not a shamed one - it was simply a silence because there
was nothing more that they could say with words. Angellica looked at the
ground and wondered how she had opened up like this to someone besides
Shard. Karen's wrists were placed between her knees as she sat on the
ground, rocking gently and slowly letting go of the terrible self-loathing
that the caves had handed to her. Boomer - the one who had shared so much
of himself but not his death - radiated much appreciated sympathy but wore
a haunted look on his face. The group was interrupted by the whispering of
rushes and foliage, as Avril melted back into view.
     "Hello, Avril," said Angellica softly, hoping that the girl hadn't
gone away on their account, but deeply appreciating the gesture.
     "Hello..." began Avril quietly, moving closer to the others. "It...
has gotten late. I thought that we might... be getting hungry again... I've
found us more food." Avril held up a rabbit that she had caught and skinned
earlier, then moved to build a campfire. A low sigh, lost and desolate,
escaped someone's lips. Eyes turned to Karen, who was staring at the
rabbit.
     "Kar... what's wrong?" asked Boomer softly. He knew that the woman was
not a vegetarian; perhaps, he thought, she just couldn't deal with the
sight of the rabbit.
     "It's... nothing, Boomer," replied Karen, never taking her eyes from
the rabbit. "It's silly. It's... just nothing."
     "It isn't nothing and you know it," replied Boomer, raising his voice
ever so slightly. "Today's the day we're lancing a little pain... if this
is more, throw it on. We might never get another chance like this again."
     "It's... more death," replied Karen, holding something in. Boomer
nearly blinked in realisation as it struck him that this was the core of
Karen's moods recently. Perhaps it was the way that she said the word
death, the intonation or just the weight behind it, but Boomer knew that
her other problems - no matter how badly they had needed to come out to be
dealt with - paled before this one. "Death... Karen? Who's death?"
     "Everyone's," said Karen, quietly. "I... it was the boy's."
     "Boy?" asked Angellica, trying not to rush Karen with an answer but
finding it impossible to keep silent. "There was a boy? Who? Where?"
     "Shhh," warned Boomer, turning back to Karen.
     "When we were fighting... the big fight... we sent all of the
controlled superguys against the demon horde. I thought I could deal with
that. I thought... the good of the many and all of that applied here. That
the world would survive only if we got them to fight for us. I didn't think
about who it was. I didn't think that they were _people_ who'd been
innocent until they'd had their minds yanked away. I didn't think... and
then I found a boy..."
     "One of Amiga's army?" asked Boomer, in a low voice. Karen nodded to
him and continued.
     "I'd fallen... I just couldn't take any more. Oh god, I was so tired I
just wanted to sleep forever and forget who I was. Then I looked over and
saw someone else who'd fallen and had everything that made him who he was
taken away. Without a choice. I could see that he was dying, damn it...
there was something in his breathing, a catch and the blood that he spat
out... and he looked up at me, his eyes trusting and soft and he asked me
'Did we win?'. And I stared at him and I couldn't say anything because I
didn't have any words for him. Because I couldn't say no... because the
battle was over... but I couldn't say yes, because we hadn't won, damn it!
All we'd done is change sides or become the enemy and that innocent kid who
hadn't even gotten his first pimple looked at me, one of the people who
just stood by and _let_ him be used, and trusted me to tell him the truth!"
      It was several moments before Boomer could ask, "What did you do?"
     "I lied to him," said Karen, her eyes closed. "I looked into his eyes
and I said... 'yes'. And then he said... he said..."
     "Yes?"
     "He said... 'I'm happy'. And closed his eyes... and never opened them
again... and I feel so damned--"
     "Karen..." said Boomer, stopping as he fumbled for something to say.
     "Yeah?"
     "There's nothing to be said about this, Boomer," said Angellica
quietly, shaking her head. "We may have compromised our ideals as a whole
in this affair... for the good of the world."
     "Who gave us the damned right to make that choice?" growled Karen.
     "No one. We don't have any right. Just a duty. Just like Amiga had a
duty. We had a duty to those people who wanted to live another day and who
looked to us for salvation. Because by putting on these costumes, standing
up and saying 'We'll protect you', we put ourselves in a position that we
_have_ to take seriously. We place ourselves on pedestals and sometimes the
view from above makes you dizzy. Or sick."
     "What about the people who were infected?" grumbled Karen. "Didn't we
have a duty to them? Or did they lose their rights?"
     Angel looked at the ground. "We had a duty to them too. We failed in it."
     "Catch-22," sighed Boomer. "Damned if you do... damned if you don't.
But guys? We didn't fail. We stalemated."
     "Hunh?" said Karen, looking up.
     "Stalemate. Chess, when..."
     "I _know_ what it means! Sorry... I didn't meant to shout."
     "Hey, I didn't meant to joke, but it happens. We had a duty to protect
the lives of those people who were infected. We can't argue with that. We
stalemated because we - the so-called legends - couldn't do it alone.
Because if we'd gone down, everyone else would've gone with us. Man, woman,
child, family cat... all of them would've had maybe two, three days more
until those damned things got everyone, and ripped them apart. That
includes all of the infected people who fought for us, because they
would've been a scared mob, instead of an organised army. We put them
together and made them united, better able to protect the world and...
here's the kicker... _themselves_. That's how we succeeded in our duty."
     "But you say it ended in stalemate?" asked Angel.
     "It did. Because we didn't give them a choice. We took it away from
them, just like Maladroit did. We didn't send them to their deaths - we
sent them out to fight so they wouldn't all die. But we took away something
else, something so damned essential that we were also sworn to protect. And
that's a bitch and a half that we can't make excuses about."
     Karen sighed as she listened, then nodded slightly. "Boomer... I...
yeah. Yeah... it doesn't make it any better..."
     "But you feel just a little bit less the hypocrite?" asked Angellica,
looking over at Karen. "If you are... then you're in company."
     Karen nodded slightly, then spoke. "I guess... the reason I've been
pushing so hard to find Jack is to make this all up to him."
     "What?" asked Boomer, looking over at Karen. "How do you mean?"
     "You know how Jack is about life," replied Karen. The others nodded.
     "It's half the reason I respected him as much as I did," said
Angellica. "And it's not entirely because of what he's chosen to abhor, but
how he does it. Jack's reverence for life was total and he would never
betray his principle to take the easy route out of a situation. From that,
I knew that any commitment he made would be just as firmly sealed and that
I could trust him with my life if he promised me that he would protect it."
     "Hell(tm), that's why we silently elected him leader, wasn't it?"
asked Boomer. "I mean, some teams have leaders who're big on discipline or
tactical geniuses. I could never follow one of them. But I could follow
Jack, because no matter what he decided, I _knew_ that I could trust it to
be the best thing he could think of."
     "Yeah," sighed Karen. "Didn't matter if you argued with him about
things, that was just expected, you know? And he invited it... but when
push came to shove and he yelled 'jump' and you had a half-second to decide
what to do, you knew you could jump and he'd catch you."
     "Yes," nodded Angellica, smiling slightly. "He was the best."
     "So I wanted to make all of this up to him," continued Karen, shaking
her head in regret. "All of it. Find him and save at least one life. And
maybe... ask him something."
     "That being?" asked Angel.
     "Why."
     "Why?"
     "Why. Why does all of this have to happen?"
     "And you'd expect him to have an answer for you?"
     Karen shook her head. "No. But I'd still ask."
     "Why?"
     "Because he might have one."
     "If... I may say something?" said Avril, barely audible over the
crackling fire which she'd managed to start. All eyes turned to her and she
spoke, hesitantly, but from deep within herself. "I... feel that what has
happened was a tragedy. I am not... wise nor experienced enough to judge
the morality of what has... happened. But... Karen... you gasped when you
saw the rabbit. It reminded you of the tragedy... but from it, we will draw
strength when we eat. We claim life from the ashes of death.... A muscle
grows... and becomes strong because bit by bit it is damaged and then...
healed. We were all diminished... damaged... by the losses of the recent
past. Yet today... you healed... and so you became stronger. I fear... that
does not answer your question, Karen. I have no answer for 'why', except...
'because'. All I can do is hope that what has happened... is like the
rabbit carcass: death from which we take life, healing and strength. I...
hope I have not offended."
     "No Avril," said Karen, shaking her head. "No... I'm not offended.
Thank you."
     "You're... welcome," replied Avril, colouring slightly with the
attention being paid to her. "I believe... the repast is nearly done..."
     "Then cut me a slice of life," said Boomer, his voice serious. "I
think we could all use some."
     Karen chuckled. It was choked, but somehow the chuckle made its way
from where it had been buried these long days and pushed past all of the
woman's pain to reach her mouth. Just as impossibly, a small smile,
genuine, followed close behind. "I think I need some too. 'Cause my mouth
is full of the ashes of the past and I need to get the taste out."
     Rabbit was served. The fire snapped and popped while five people grew
stronger.
***
     Jack had gladly followed the man sent to fetch him in the hopes that
it would end the monotony of his room. After several hours, he had managed
to get his oneness under control through force of mind and willpower.
Thought became an enemy, so he avoided thought, running from it like a
fugitive, always in danger of being surprised at any moment. He needed
immediacy, something to take him mind off of the person that he missed with
all of his soul as well as all of his heart. When the man had arrived in
his room and told him to follow, Jack had hoped that he would find
something to occupy his mind. He was right, but after several hours began
to wonder if perhaps the room would have been preferable.
     "Just another few laps, Mr Wynn," said one of the scientists who had
been studying him for the past short eternity. They had set up one of the
hewn caverns as a track and gymnasium, which made it an ideal place to
study a man who sped. Machinery and computers - of a type that Jack thought
he recognised, though the brand names were different - had been carted into
the cave and positioned about the track, ready to analyse anything from his
bioenergy to his powers to the distant and remote chance that he was
somehow complicit in the Big Bang. At first, the men of science had been
happy just to poke and prod at Jack with their technological vodoun,
running tests and making measurements which meant nothing even when
explained in lay person's terms. After awhile, however, they must have
realised that Jack was still comfortable and so they had put him on the
track to run. Run he had, and as Jack ran the scientists became more and
more excited by what they found. Of course, rather than freeing Jack, this
only led them to demand that he run faster. Expend more energy. Give their
feast of science yet another course. Until finally he begged off from
exhaustion, ignored their pleas for 'just a few minutes more', and
collapsed into a chair to rest. As he wiped sweat from his eyes with an
equally sweaty arm, Jack felt something cool being pressed into his other
hand.
     "Sorry about that, Dad," said Jaquline, who had moved to a position at
Jack's arm without his noticing. "They get a little over-zealous. You know
how scientists are."
     "Yes, I do... is that Gatorale?"
     "Gatorboost," replied Jaquline. "Um... same thing, really, I think."
she finished quickly.
     "Bless you, little girl," said Jack with a tired grin, accepting the
sports drink gratefully. "When do we know more?"
     "Probably in a few minutes, dad," replied Jaquline, having a seat next
to Jack. She sat back in her chair, her legs not quite touching the floor.
"These guys are really good. Faster than they should be. Makes me
suspicious sometimes."
     Jack laughed, Jaquline didn't for a beat before joining in. As
predicted, several moments later one of the scientists walked over,
clutching a well-scribbled notebook.
     "Claude, report please," said Jaquline, catching sight of the man.
     "This is the most _fascinating_ thing we've studied," said Claude,
looking at a notebook covered with illegible scrawlings and tests. He spoke
with the enthusiasm of a man firmly in his element, but there was a trace
of some reservation in his voice, as though he was skirting some important
issue.
     "Might I remind you _who_ that thing you're studying is?" asked
Jaquline, with a smile. The scientist looked shocked before noticing the
girl and her expression. He grinned slowly - it almost didn't seem forced.
     "Of course, Miss Wynn, of course. However, I trust you'll forgive my
occasional slip."
     "Don't worry about it," replied Jaquline, with a dismissive wave of
her hand. "I know that you're just enthusiastic to tell me everything
you've discovered, aren't you?"
     "Yes," replied the man, nodding quickly. "That's exactly right.
Exactly. What we've found astonishes us. We've never seen anything like
this before, but--"
     "The point? You said that you had one."
     "The point, yes, to the point," the man turned to Jack. "The point is,
we've discovered that all of the motive energy which you store has been
subtly altered by your bioenergy, changed in ways that I would love to
study for a few years to completely understand them. When you attempted to
store a trans-lightspeed charge in the reservoir of energy that you possess
it reached a critical mass and, as near as I can tell, discharged and
propelled you here."
     "So what does that mean, exactly?" asked Jack, grinning wryly. "I only
took a few basic physics courses in university, and nothing in biology
beyond a high school level."
     "They wouldn't have covered what we're seeing here at any rate,"
replied Claude, thumping his notebook. "Essentially, when you store too
much energy, it will activate all at once and quite possibly send you
somewhere else. Like here."
     "How hard is getting back home going to be?" asked Jack, looking
worried. "Do I have to track down a speedster who can run faster than light
here and try to get a charge from them?"
     "No, that's the good news." replied Claude, leafing through his
report. He hemmed and hawed for several moments, trying to find exactly the
page of arcane scrawls that he needed. "You see, you're technically still
en route to here, even though you've reached it."
     "I'm sure that makes sense to someone, somewhere."
     "In terms that even a Fine Arts graduate could understand," began
Claude, carefully keeping his patience, "the charge of kinetic and speed
energy which you've absorbed is much greater than the energy required to
make the trip here. Normally, I'd expect the excess energy that you didn't
spend on the jaunt to radiate away in some form, but in your case, your
'body' is attempting the make the trip again and again, using the excess
energy. However, as you're already here, the trip is a zero-energy one,
nothing is expended and you continually try again. Eventually you will run
out of energy with which to try this, owing to entropy and the fact that
'zero-energy trip' is a fallacy as you do lose a minute amount of power
with each attempt, but..."
     "The point, Claude, the point!" said Jaquline, sighing and giving Jack
an apologetic look.
     "The point. Yes, the point is that we can redirect your energy to
'point' back home and then cancel your body's efforts to return to where
you already are."
     "I see," said Jack, looking pensive. He considered for a moment before
looking back up at Claude. "There's just one thing that I don't
understand."
     "Just one?" asked Jaquline, letting a hairline smile appear on her face.
     "Well, just one that I _know_ I don't understand. The rest could just
be me not listening hard enough."
     "And what one thing is that?" asked Claude, looking through his
booklet again.
     "I came from the past to the future... here, your present. So that
must be my trip. But since it's hours after I arrived and I'm still here,
I'm confused. Why didn't I keep zapping back to the second that I arrived,
if my body's always trying to get back to where it arrived?"
     Claude looked up sharply and nearly darted a glance to Jaquline. His
next action was to look back down at his papers and flip through them
hurriedly without reading anything. Finally, he nodded to himself.
     "You're not taking the forward motion of time into account!" he said
triumphantly, looking sheepish as he quieted his voice. "I mean, it's
obvious, isn't it? Time's pressure keeps you moving forward changing the
nature of your trip and... um... of course, it's obvious." He nodded and
tried to look smug, as though he'd explained everything in one fell swoop.
     "Right," said Jack, trying to figure out if his lack of scientific
knowledge was to blame for that explanation seeming shoddy, or if he had
just been handed a bill of goods. "Perfectly obvious. Can't see how I
missed that. How soon could you try to get me home?"
     "Give us twenty minutes to set up some basic equipment and we'll give
it a whirl," replied Claude, confidently. "With Miss Wynn's permission, of
course."
     "Granted," replied Jaquline. "If you'll see to your work?"
     Claude nodded and turned on his heel, walking away. Jaquline stayed
silent for a moment before looking up at Jack.
     "Dad?" she said quietly.
     "Yes?"
     "I... hate goodbyes."
     Jack nodded, sighing slightly. "Me too, Jaquline. Me too."
     "We're so much alike," said Jaquline, with a tiny smile. "Talk to me?
Before you go? Talk like you're just going on a trip, not like you're going
away forever? So maybe, sometimes I can think back to this and just...
maybe pretend to expect you back someday..."
     "Maybe one day I will be back, Jaquline," said Jack soothingly. At
that, the girl shook her head violently.
     "I don't want anyone outside of me trying to give me hope, Dad. If I'm
going to... be lied to to keep my spirits up, I want it just to be me doing
the lying. Not you. I know you'd never lie to me so don't start now..."
     "It might not be a lie," began Jack again, but stopped when Jaquline
shook her head once more. "But we won't talk about that any more.
Jaquline?"
     "Yes?"
     "I'm going away for a while... is there anything you'd like me to
bring back for you?"
     Jaquline smiled.
***

[Continued In Part Four]