🚀 go-pugleaf

        In every language, there are words that can't be explained.  Random-
ly picked in times of need of something to say, they often (read: usually)
don't make sense to anyone, not even the person who says them.  On occasion,
they will fit perfectly considering the situation, but this doesn't happen
very often.  Go figure.
        Despite the fact that these utterances almost never make any sense,
there tends to be a large number of them in any given language.  In the En-
glish language, for example, common words include 'bl00p!', 'Mitchell!',
and 'Gah!'
        While we here at Fourth Wall Productions cannot comment on the
natures of the words 'bl00p!' and 'Mitchell!', we feel it necessary to ela-
borate further on that of the word 'Gah!'.
        'Gah!' is, surprisingly enough, one of the oldest spoken words in
the history of mankind.  It is widely believed that the first caveman shout-
ed it as his battle cry when he hunted for food, despite the fact that it ten-
ded to scare his game away.  It is also believed that the first alien visitor
to Earth also uttered 'Gah!' upon arrival, but this has not yet been confirmed.
        Therefore, it should be of no surprise to the educated reader that
'Gah!' is the exact word Soundbyte said as his own costume tried to strangle
him.

                                -+=^=+-

                             The Hero Patrol
                                Episode 9
                            "Fashion Disaster"
                                   or
                         "The Evil That Men Wear"
                                   by
                              Mike Escutia

                                -+=^=+-

        "Gah!"
        Soundbyte squirmed as his costume suddenly seemed to take on a life
of its own.  This was, of course, something new to him, as he wasn't used
to clothing suddenly coming alive.
        Next to him, Earth Girl and Starwave struggled against their own
clothing, which decided that they didn't like which parts of the girls' bod-
ies were being covered up.  It took what resolve Soundbyte had not to stare.
        "Help!" Earth Girl shouted, her voice muffled by her jacket, which
had crawled up on to her head and was trying to suffocate her.  Jon Perceptor
was having similar difficulties, though he could still see, for obvious rea-
sons.
        The only one who wasn't affected was Misfit, who had used his super-
speed to dodge the energy beam.  "Hang on, guys!  I'll try to yank them off!"
He ran over to the nearest of his teammates -- in this case, Jon Perceptor
-- and used his super-speed power to rip Jon's costume off.
        Suddenly, Starwave, whose own costume was causing her extreme dis-
comfort, seemed to explode in energy, blasting her costume off of her.
        "Starwave!  Quick!" Earth Girl shouted.  "Put up a dome!  We need
some privacy!"  Starwave, understanding what her teammate meant, did so,
and an opaque dome appeared over the five heroes.
        Meanwhile, outside the dome, the Fashion Victimizer turned to her
two henchmen.  "Let's go.  That'll keep them occupied for a while," she
said as she headed out the door.  The three left the building, and escaped
just before the police arrived.
        Back inside the dome, the heroes were in for a surprise: their
clothes had for the most part returned to normal.  Of course, this happened
*after* Misfit had ripped Jon's to shreads and Starwave had blasted hers
into scraps.  Jon, however, happened to be wearing longjohns under his cos-
tume, and they weren't affected.
        "Amy, you're naked," Earth Girl hissed.
        "Oops!"  A second later, she was covered in a cloak made of the
same energy as the dome she was keeping up.  The dome shimmered slightly.
        Soundbyte got up and seemed to look at his chest funny.  His costume
had some rips and tears in it, but was nowhere near the condition of Jon
Perceptor's.  "Please tell me it's not going to try to bite my stomach off,"
he said.
        "What happened?" Earth Girl asked.  "Why did they stop?"
        "I think that ray wasn't set on full power," Jon said.  "Everybody,
get ready; the Fashion Victimizer could still be outside the dome.  Star-
wave, drop the dome on my mark...Now!"
        The dome vanished (and Starwave's cloak seemed to brighten, tho
no one noticed it), but the villainess and her henchmen were already gone.
        "Damn," Jon muttered.  "Okay...Starwave and I'd better go back to
my...the old base to get spare costumes.  The rest of you guys, split up
and try to find them."
        "Right," Earth Girl said.
        The five heroes rushed outside, and, while Jon Perceptor and Star-
wave ran off to Jon's apartment, the others split up and began the search
for the Fashion Victimizer and her two henchmen.

                                -+=^=+-

        The villainess and henchmen in question were at the time traveling
in an unmarked van to their secret warehouse headquarters.  Once there,
they were admitted in by the Fashion Victimizer's guards, and the warehouse
doors closed behind them.
        In her private quarters, the Fashion Victimizer caressed the wea-
pon.  "It works perfectly!  With the cloth-transforming gun, I can destroy
the clothing industry single-handedly, starting with the fashion shows!"
she gloated.  "The raid on that fashion show and the death of Claude Van
Bun was only the beginning!"
        "And humiliating those heroes only made it all the more worthwhile.
They don't stand a chance against me."  She sat back in her recliner as
her waiter poured her a glass of wine.
        "And to think I was once just plain old Missy St. Jean, a fashion
designer who no one took seriously.  They hated my ideas.  They laughed me
out of the corporate boardrooms and design offices!  Well, we'll see who
has the last laugh.  MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" she grinned as she drank her
wine.
        "And now that I know the gun works," she said.  "I can unleash
it on the city tonight.  No one will stand a chance!" she laughed evilly.
"Come, Alfredo," she said to her waiter.  "I have work to do."

                                -+=^=+-

        It was a relatively small movie theater, with only two screens to
its name, but people still went there.  Of course, it beat going all the way
to the one on South Willow Street, which tended to have all the long lines,
so people's reasons for going to it weren't always the noblest.
        The movie let out early -- around 11:00pm -- and the small crowd
poured out the door and dispersed.  The two girls in the middle of the crowd
quickly made their way out of it and started walking down the street.
        "Man, was that a great movie!" the taller of them said as she
stretched the kinks out of her back.
        "Yeah..." the other girl said, sniffling a bit.  "It was so sad
when the father lion died."  [Author's note: No, I have not seen The Lion
King.  I was supposed to see it with a friend of mine, but I accidentally
went to a flea market with my family the day he was going.  Go figure. --Mike]
        "Hey, I'm going to run to the mall quickly, Laurie," the first girl
said.  "You coming?"
        "No thanks, Kelly," Laurie said.  "I think I'll just head home."
        "Okay.  See you later!" Kelly said as she ran to catch the bus near-
by.
        Laurie sighed, and continued walking, not really paying attention
to where she was going.
        The next block over, she was passing by an alleyway when she heard
what sounded like meowing.  Investigating, she found a stray kitten lying
on the ground, its leg broken.  Carefully picking it up, she held it close to
her and petted it.  After a few minutes, she put it down.
        It's leg was healed.
        As the cat meowed its appreciation, Laurie regarded what she had done
with fascination.  The power to heal was one of the most useful talents she
could think of, right alongside the power to get people to relax, which she
also had.  She wondered if keeping her powers under wraps, like her father
had made her do, was such a good thing after all.
        After all, another healer in the world couldn't hurt.

                                -+=^=+-

        Misfit tore down the backstreets of Manchester, looking for any
sign of the Fashion Victimizer and her henchmen.  It was a hard search,
and one witness's description of an unmarked van the villainess had got-
ten into wasn't helping.  It must have been hidden somewhere.
        He was moving at over one hundred miles per hour.  He could go fas-
ter, but he wanted to be thorough in his search.  But he was still loving
it.  That's why he volunteered to cover the outer part of the city; it
let him move at faster-than-human speeds without too much dodging.
        He oftened wondered about his powers.  It made no sense to him
that he had these powers.  There was only one connection between them, and
it was tenuous at best:  a TV show.  A *TV* show.  Called "Misfits of Science,"
it had a group of people with super-powers fighting evil businessmen and the
like.  But why did *he* have their powers?  He couldn't even remember the
show, let alone any of the powers used on it.  It was only through his friend
Mike that he was re-introduced to the show, and even then, he only watched
a few episodes.
        Misfit tried to make sense of it all, as he had done repeatedly the
past few months.  Aside from the TV show, there was no connection between his
powers.  And that worried him.
        One way or the other, he was going to get some answers.

                                -+=^=+-

        High above the streets and buildings of downtown Manchester, Earth
Girl flew.  Well, it wasn't exactly flying; she was riding on air currents
that she was controlling with her powers.  But it still felt like flying
to her.
        Occasionally, she would see a quick movement from the corner of
her eye that was Misfit whizzing along a backstreet that was lit well enough
for her to see it.  She quickly learned to ignore it.  If he found the Fas-
hion Victimizer, he would signal her and the others.
        She was glad to get away from street level, even if it was only
for a little while.  The air was cleaner up where she was; though it wasn't
a drastic change, it was a noticeable one.
        She banked to the right and headed north, following Elm Street, which
was right below her.  She could see the various shops lining the street, in-
cluding a small corner cafe' and a comic book store.  She vaguely remembered
that Misfit's friend Mike was into comic books.  Probably too much into them
for his own good, she mused.
        In her mind, she went over the night's events that had brought them
to this point.  It had all started when the group, out on patrol, had encoun-
tered a downed alien vehicle.  After helping the two aliens, who were named
Quim and Nina, fix their vehicle, they were thanked in an unusual way: the
aliens gave them their old secret base, which they weren't using anymore.
The five heroes barely had time to explore the place when its AI, Makks (or,
as he liked to be called, Max), alerted them to a situation at a fashion
show.
        And now, they were searching for the villainess responsible, lest
she attack any more fashion shows.
        Which, of course, was all too likely.

                                -+=^=+-

        Starwave shivered, and gathered her 'cloak' around her.  She was
getting cold, and the cloak, which she had created with her energy powers,
was not the most comfortable thing to wear.
        "C'mon, Jon..." she muttered.  "Hurry up."
        As if on cue, Jon Perceptor entered the alleyway where she was
crouched behind a trash bin.  "Here," he said, tossing her a bundle.  "Put
this on."  She did, and moments later stepped out from behind the bin wear-
ing a gymnast's jumpsuit that was a most interesting color.
        It was plaid.
        "Plaid?" she exclaimed.  "*Plaid*???"
        "It was the only thing I could find," Jon said quickly.  "Besides,
look at *mine*!"
        She did look at his.  Looked at it long and hard, in fact.
        It was bright purple.
        Exactly three seconds later, she burst out laughing.

                                -+=^=+-

        Trying to look as inconspicuous as possible for someone wearing
a spandex costume, Soundbyte snuck quietly down the street, looking for any
signs of the Fashion Victimizer's passing.  Naturally, it wasn't easy.  He
didn't have Misfit's super-speed, Jon Perceptor's super-senses, or Earth
Girl's super-air-control.  He didn't even have Starwave's energy-based flight.
        So he continued down the street, looking for any places where a vil-
lianess with a m.o. like the Fashion Victimizer's would be hiding out.
        After about twenty minutes of this, he decided to be bold, and ran-
domly picked a building to investigate further.  It was a fairly large ware-
house, with a single overhead light illuminating the large double-doors in
front.
        "This'll never worked," he chuckled as he tested the door.  It was
unlocked, so he opened it...
        And came face-to-face with one of the Fashion Victimizer's henchmen.
        "And then again..."

(Continued in part two, following...)