🚀 go-pugleaf

AA: The Author Hunts for Muse
By Mason Kramer

Altiverse 000SUPERGUY

Mason looked away from the television set, startled. He could feel a
tingling in his gut, a slight burning sensation. He smelled the faint smell
of ozone. He heard a quiet thunderclap as his Diet Dr. Pepper was blown off
the coffee table.

"Either there's a storm in this room, or someone's just teleported in from
the Author's Altiverse," he commented, pressing the pause button on his
remote control. The image froze, as did all of Altiverse 000SUPERGUY outside
the room. He turned and looked behind his easy chair, expecting to see one
of his fellow Authors about to spooge him.

"Terpsicore! What a pleasant surprise! Uh, sorry, but the place is a bit of
a mess," he said, Editing the mess into the hall where he could collect it
later. "I'm afraid I wasn't expecting company, certainly not the head of
MMInc."

"That's all right. I tried sending you mail, but it kept bouncing back all
week long."

Mason said, "Yeah, I've been having a problem with that. They keep saying
it's fixed and I keep saying it's broken, and they keep... well, you know."
Mason brushed his fingers through his hair and said, "So what were you
trying to get in contact with me about?"

Terpsicore smiled and replied, "Well, I'm happy to inform you that we have
processed your application for a Muse, and you can start looking for a
compatible one at any time!"

"Oh, really."

"Yes. Congratulations!"

"Hmm. Terpsicore, do you know how long ago I turned in that application?"

She checked the application. "May 25, 1993."

"And today is?"

"September 13, 1994."

"Right. So it's been... 15 and 1/2 months since I turned that application
in? And it's only NOW gotten processed?" Mason looked more than a tad
perturbed, but Terpsicore hardly seemed to notice.

"Yes, I'm quite impressed, actually. Most applications take over two years
to clear."

Mason looked even more shocked. "Why so long?"

"Well, it's sort of a trade secret."

"I won't tell, promise."

Terpsicore looked about herself, making sure they were alone. "Well, we
don't like to clear the applications until we know for sure that the Author
is going to work out. That way, we don't hand out a Muse to someone who is
not going to make proper use of the Inspiration Dust."

"I see. Is this why you haven't cleared Pickle's application?"

"Exactly. He's bad enough as it is. Can you see him strung out on Dust?"

Mason shivered. "All right. I see your point. So when can I start
interviewing applicants?"

Terpsicore said, "Why, just as soon as you get back to
223DON'TTRYITAUTHORSONLY, we can start sending Musae your way!"

"Why do I need to go back there? Can't I interview them from here?" Mason
shuddered at the thought of returning to the Noj.

"No, that won't work. We don't have enough of these to go around." She held
up her wrist and showed that "These" referred to a bracelet. It was a nice
enough looking bracelet, if you like silvery, featureless types of things,
but hardly looked like a reason to not leave the Altiverse.

"That hardly looks like a reason to not leave the Altiverse, you know."

Terpsicore frowned and said, "Yes, I heard the narrator. It might not look
like much, but it's an Altiversal Transversal bracelet. It's the only way
someone that isn't an Author can go to and from 223DON'TTRYITAUTHORSONLY
without being with an Author, and it's the only one of it's kind."

"Ah. And I suppose you couldn't just loan it to potential applicants?"

"No, I'm afraid not. If this were to somehow fall into the wrong hands..."
She shuddered and refused to think about it.

"Okay, okay. I'll be there in just a bit. I need to clean up here and then
go take care of the business that I intended to take care of when I first
came here."

"Which was...?"

Mason sighed. "My PowerBook was destroyed when Pickle blew up Mitchell. I
came to get a new one."

"I see. Shall I start arranging interviews for you three days hence?"

"If that means three days from today, sure. And, Terpsicore, thanks. I know
I don't seem too appreciative, but I'm just a bit in shock, I suppose."

"I understand." Terpsicore did something with her bracelet, and vanished.

 -

223DON'TTRYITAUTHORSONLY

Terpsicore appeared in her office, and removed the bracelet. Carefully, she
placed it in her desk, and locked the drawer. She left the room, locking it
carefully behind herself.

Time passes.

"FRINK!"

The grate over the air conditioner vent popped up, and five lemurs climbed
into the room.

"PTANG!" said the first to the others. "FRINK! WHOOOOOO!"

They nodded their understanding, and picked up the desk, lowering it into
the vent.

WILL MASON GET A MUSE?

WILL MASON GET A COMPUTER?

WILL MASON GET A LIFE?

WILL SOMEONE -PLEASE- DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE LEMURS?

The answers, my friend, are blowing in the wind, the answers are blowing in
the wind, on SUPERGUY!