🚀 go-pugleaf

"You've run the tests twice?" The man looked over the government issue
papers at the government issue scientist.

"Er, three times, sir. There's no doubt about it." The scientist rubbed his
hands nervously. He wasn't used to reporting directly to any Special
Deputies of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

The Special Deputy took off his government issue sunglasses, sat back in his
government issue chair, and ran his hands through his government issue hair.
"Just who have you shown these results to, Stan?"

Stan replied, "Just you, sir. Should I send them to..."

"No, that won't be necessary. Stan, as of now, those records never existed,
understand?"

Stan stammered, "Y-yes-s, s-i-r!" and started to reach for the file.

"Now, Stan," started the Special Deputy. "I just told you, these never
existed. Therefor, you can't have them. Now, why did you come to see me
again?"

"Uh... That is... Hey, how about that Houston-Dallas game!"

"Sorry, I don't watch football. If you'll excuse me, I need to take care of
some business." The Special Deputy nonchalantly dropped the file into his
trashcan as Stan left. After the door was closed, he retrieved it.

He opened the file on his desk, and looked at the two sets of prints again.
One set was larger than the other, but that was to be expected. In the
Bureau of Missing Children, he was used to using a set taken from infancy
and matching it with the set of a seven-year-old. In this case, he was
comparing a set from a seven-year-old to that of a nineteen-year-old.

Allowing for age differences, they were a perfect match. Which was
impossible, since the seven-year-olds prints should belong to a kid of about
10, not 19.

He knew the rules. He knew that a superguy was involved, which meant that
this was rightly the MIB's case. He should take that file and forward it to
Special Agent S. Agent, his counterpart in Missing Superguys at the MIB.

Special Deputy S. Deputy was damned if he was going to give this one away
without trying to solve it himself. He closed the file and read the name on
the outside of it. "Mental Dude, you have some explaining to do...."

                         Teen Team #16
                How We Spent Summer's Vacation
                         Chapter Two
                              or
              You've Named A Character Beach Bunny?
              The Feminists Are Going To Kill You!!
                              by
                         Mason Kramer
                  mkramer@mail.tea.texas.gov
                      Comments Welcome

Mental Dude, or Mental as he preferred to be called, was, at that moment,
glaring at the person opposite him. He wasn't willing to make the first
move, but he was by golly going to make the last. "So, it is down to you,
and it is down to me. Make your move."

"Okay, like, if your going to, like, be that way, dude, I'll just, like, see
your 5 and raise you, uh, like, 2."

Mental looked at his cards and decided he didn't have much of a chance
unless he bluffed. Then something caught his attention, and he looked about
in confusion. "Hey, you guys hear that?"

"Uh, like, what, dude?" asked the Sun Worshiper that had already folded.

"We're being narrated! He's back!"

"Oh, like, great. And I was, like, going to win, you know? I had a
straight-Two, Three, Five, Six, Eight."

Mental shook his head. He knew he shouldn't have trusted the thoughts of a
straight he had picked up from the Worshiper. "Right. Such a pity. Places,
everyone!"

The table was shoved back in the kitchen, the Sun Worshipers stepped out
onto the beach, and the Teen Team got back into the positions they had held
at the end of Episode 15.

"So, like, where were we?"

Daydream Believer finished tying on her cloak and said, "You had just told
us to surrender or face the wrath of the Sun Worshipers. That's when the
Narrator had to leave. Shall we pick it up there?"

"Oh, yeah, dude, that's right! Sure, let's, like, start there, you know?"

"Hang on a sec!" cried Nobody from the kitchen. Roger, wearing his new
costume, which looked exactly like his street clothes, stepped out of the
kitchen wall, carrying some papers which he read from. "Uh, we, the Teen
Team, will never surrender to such foul... hmmm, Mirror Maid, what's this
word?"

Maria glanced over the papers and said, "Miscreants."

"Such foul miscreants as yourselves. Leave us, lest we, uh, get very upset."
Nobody tossed the papers back toward the kitchen, where they failed to fly
through the wall. "Can you believe the Author gets away with such stuff?"

"Right! Then it shall, like, be a most righteous battle, like, between good
and, like, uh, not good!" said the slightly more tan individual.

Mighty Dog decided that noone was actually going to do anything, and since
Peter Noone wasn't there, he would have to do, so he launched himself at the
slightly more tan Sun Worshiper, missed, flew over the slightly less tan Sun
Worshiper, through the telephone pole, and into the ocean. The telephone
pole fell and missed the Sun Worshipers by mere inches.

"Whoah, dude. That was, like, close!"

Daydream Believer shouted, "Phobos! Sunblock!" Phobos immediately understood
and darkened the area around the two Sun Worshipers. A scream and a muffled,
"Bogus!" could be heard from within the darkness.

Phobos clapped his hands together and said, "Well! That was easy," just
before the slightly less tan Sun Worshiper decided to use his Nova powers to
dispel the darkness. This had the added effect of helping to add to the tan
of his slightly more tan friend, and of nullifying Phobos' force field.
Phobos yipped and ran into the kitchen, passing through Nobody to get there.

The Sun Worshipers stepped into the hole, making the supreme sacrifice of
leaving the sun's rays to do so, and advanced toward Mental and Daydream
Believer. Mirror Maid made her way behind the muscle bound, scantily clad
pair and prepared to lend support.

Mental focused his thoughts on the slightly more tan Worshiper, attempting
to take control away from him and use him to take out the other.

He blinked in surprise when he couldn't do anything, which gave the more tan
Sun Worshiper a chance to hit Mental in the chest with a Nova blast,
knocking him across the room and through the front door which Summer had
just opened.

"Oh, did the Narrator get back already?" She asked as she caught his limp
body, carrying him back into the house.

"Yes, he made it back. Did you _have_ to go for film while he was gone?"

Summer blushed, which wasn't apparent since she was a hardsuit at the
moment. "I just wanted to be ready for tomorrow when we go to visit
CalForce..." Summer put Mental down in the kitchen, then went out to help
the others.

Daydream Believer had successfully convinced the less tan Sun Worshiper that
it was midnight, and he was leaving through the hole they had made to find a
truly righteous party. Mirror Maid and Nobody were attempting to confuse the
more tan Sun Worshiper, which wasn't much of a problem, since he started out
that way. Nobody was immune to the Sun Worshiper's Nova Blast, as was Mirror
Maid, though in different ways. The Sun Worshiper took a swing at Nobody,
which of course passed through and hit Mirror Maid instead.

The Sun Worshiper, as has been previously noted, was overly muscle bound. He
also was scantily clad. These two facts meant that when he punched, he
punched hard, and even taking 98% of that force back to his fist hurt really
bad.

"Like, Ow, dude! That really, like, hurt, you know?" he told Roger.

"I apologize if I have caused you pain, but you must understand, you did
that to yourself," said Mirror Maid. "Nobody, maneuver 7."

"What did she, like, say?"

"Like, dude, sorry, you know, but, like, it was your, like, fault, you
know?" Nobody said, consulting his English -> Californian dictionary
briefly. Nobody then vanished, and the Sun Worshiper felt someone push him.
Mirror Maid was on her hands and knees behind him, and he went sprawling
over her, only to be grabbed while off balance and carried out the hole the
Sun Worshipers had made by Summer.

The Sun Worshiper was worried. He didn't want to get _too_ close to the Sun,
after all. "Hey, like, let me down, you, like, supervillain, you know?"

Are you sure you want me to let you down from this--" Summer paused as his
words sunk in. "What do you mean calling _me_ a supervillain? _You're_ the
supervillain!"

"Like, no way!"

"Way, dude! Did I just say that?"

"No, dude! You guys are, like, the bad guys, you know? We, like, saw your
friend, like...."

Summer stopped him. "We need to talk about this with the others, I think."
She turned smoothly around and headed back to the beachhouse, pausing
briefly to tell Mighty Dog to stop giving the other Sun Worshiper the
hotfoot.

 -

"...So, like, then we, like, were really in, like, a lot of, I dunno,
trouble, right? All because we, like, started a chain reaction in, like, the
reactor or, like, something, you know?"

Daydream Believer jumped into the pause and said, "Look, we're all _really_
very interested in your origin story, but could you save it for next
episode's prologue or something? We have things to settle here!"

The more tan Sun Worshiper looked hurt. "Well, fur sure, okay?"

As the two were sitting quietly, Mental tried probing the pair again, but
with no better results than earlier. It was almost like they had no minds.
Everyone else in the room he could read with no problem, but these two...
"Would you mind explaining why you attacked us?"

The less tan Sun Worshiper said, "Well, like, sure, dude! We were, like,
lying in the sun, like, working on our, like, tans, you know? We were, like,
talking, okay? And I go, hey, have you seen, like, Rad around lately? And he
goes, like, no, dude. Then he, like, goes, maybe he's, like, been kidnapped
by a, like, supervillain or, like, something, you know? And I go, like,
bummer, dude, we should, like, do something or, like, something, you know?
And he goes, like, Yah, maybe we should, like, find a, like, supervillain
and ask him, like, what have you, like, done with, like, Rad, you know?"

As he paused for breath, the more tan Sun Worshiper said, "So, like, then
she," he indicated Daydream Believer with his finger, "like, rides by on a,
like, horse or something, you know? And then she, like, rides through a
wall, okay? So we go, she's, like, a supervillain, because, like, there are
laws against, like, having animals on the, like, beach, you know?"

"Actually, I didn't, because we just got here. But I'll remember it for
later, really." Daydream Believer shook her head slightly. For riding a
horse they thought she was a supervillain.

Summer said, "We aren't supervillains, we're superguys. Get it?"

"Like, got it."

"Good. However, I do happen to know that Rad is doing quite well, and has
moved to outer space, and is consort to the Empress Glum."

"No way!"

"It is absolutely true."

"No way!"

"Sigh. Way." When in California, Summer decided.

The more tan Sun Worshiper said, "But that is, like, so bogus, you know? He,
like, threw the most, like, excellent parties, you know? Bummer, dude. Oh,
well, dude, we are, like, wasting rays, you know? We need to, like, get back
out and work on our tans." The Sun Worshipers got up, shook everyone's
hands, and walked out the way they came.

Through the hole they'd blown in the side of the beachhouse.

Phobos said, "Are we just going to let them walk out the door and go after
all the damage they caused?"

Mental glanced at him. "Do you want to try talking to them to get them to
take care of that hole?"

"Uh, well, like, I guess, like, we could, ack!" The ack, it should be noted,
was from Nobody punching him in the arm.

"Right. I'll put in a call to Intercontinental Salvage. It's a bit smaller
than their usual jobs, but..." Mental's voice trailed off as he went to find
the phone.

"Uh, Summer, why don't we, uh, work on tomorrow's itinerary while he takes
care of that?" asked Phobos, pulling off his mask now that the battle was
over.

"I thought Jenny was going to take care of that for us?" Summer referred to
the AI that the Teen Team used.

Mason said, "Uh, I forgot to get it from her before we left." In truth, he
had wanted to minimize his time with the amorous AI, and maximize his time
with Summer.

"Hey, mind if I help, too?" asked Maria, looking at Mason longingly.

Summer said, "Sure, we'll work on it together." She started digging in her
bags for the travel brochures they'd managed to get so far.

Mason sighed. Why was it that every time he arranged to have a moment or two
alone with Summer, Maria joined them?

 -

Hey! What happened! Where am I?

"Hah! I've got you trapped now! Now the Teen Team will be helpless against
me!"

What? Who-who is that? Do you realize what you've done?

"Yes! I know exactly what I've done! I've trapped a Pan-Dimensional Narrator
to make sure that you couldn't help the Teen Team out when I put my
nefarious plan into effect, that's what I've done!"

Just checking. Say, is that--?

"Yes! Soon, the Teen Team will face the wrath of (dramatic pause) Beach
Bunny!"

DUE TO THE UNFORESEEN KIDNAPPING OF THE NARRATOR, THERE WILL BE NO TEASER
QUESTIONS. READ SUPERGUY.