🚀 go-pugleaf

[Note: As of this issue, I'll be taking over the Constellation reposts from
Chris Meadows.  Give him a hand for a job well done, even if he did lose in-
terest in the job. :) ]

All characters are property of their respective authors, and this story is
copyrighted 1993 by Dave Van Domelen.  Permission is granted for the
distribution of this story via SUPERGUY and for archival, but all other
rights, including repost, are reserved to the author(s).

This story was written by Dave Van Domelen,
dvandom@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu.  It is to him that all praise,
death-threats, invitations to join Superguy, etc. should be directed.


Constellation #8 - "Doors Are Real Tricky" - Featuring Sig.Lad and Particle Man
     Published by Coherent Comics UnInc. - Copyright 1993 Dave Van Domelen
           Particle Man created by Harith Jameel al Khafiz
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     The room is sparsely decorated.  There is a bed, a desk with computer
terminal, and a wooden chair.  A few shelves hold boxes unopened since the
resident moved in, a fairly long time ago judging by the dust on them.  The
computer is off, but radiates enough heat to tell of recent activity.  The
bedclothes are rumpled as if someone had been sitting on the bed for a
while, and the chair is pulled out from the table.  The impression is of
someone having just left, and indeed, they have [ed. note: See the Three Day
Lull for why they left.  Don't look now, but here they come back....]
     A key rattled in the door, first turning the wrong way, then opening
the door.  Sig.Lad entered, casting aside his deerstalker cap and walking to
the computer.  Constellation entered behind him and plopped back down on the
bed, ready to continue the review of the LNHQ's files.
     "So, what has this Tsar Chasm person done, aside from his break-in
today?"  asked Constellation.
     "Well, his file keeps disappearing, but I gathered from some of the
other LNHers today that he took over the LNH for a short time by
manipulating the NWCs, the public domain types."  Sig.Lad queued up another
search program to find the last set of data he had entered on They Might Be
Villains as he spoke.
     "Disappeared?  Like the files on TMBV?"
     "Not quite.  His name and general powers stay, but nothing else.  Any
specific weaknesses, last known locations, etc tend to get corrupted.  The
data just can't be retrieved.  And no, I don't think Acton Lord is
corrupting the data.  But look," he pointed at the screen, which displayed a
"NO MATCH" message.  "I put in a full page of data on your former allies
before we went on that goosehunt.  It's gone.  No trace of ever having been
entered.  I left paper notes for wReamhack and MTM to look into this...email
would probably disappear too."
     "What if whatever's erasing the data gets the notes as well?"
     "I don't think so.  Or at least, I hope not.  That would require being
able to undetectably get into the LNHQ at any time and know exactly what to
look for."  Sig.Lad backed out of the program and flipped off the computer
with a certain degree of annoyance.
     "So, what should we do nex...whoa."
     "What?  What was the 'whoa' for?"
     "Well, either that bagel I didn't have is disagreeing with me, which is
unlikely, or I've just felt some kind of disturbance in the fabric of
reality.  Dot, did you feel anything?"
     ++Yes.  It seemed to come from down the hall, in one of the other
rooms.  It felt like Particle Man, but different.++
     "Different in what way?" asked Sig.Lad, one of the few people beside
Constellation who could hear Dot, the being that made up Constellation's
'costume'.
     ++I don't know.++
     Constellation stood.  "Maybe we should go check on him.  Didn't the
files say he's been missing for a while?"
     "Yeah...a month or so.  Whatever's wiping the files on TMBV is 'smart'
enough to have left his files alone."
     The two (or three, depending on how you look at it) left the room and
walked down the hall to Particle Man's room.  Sig.Lad hung back for a moment
to lock his door, so Constellation knocked on the door to Particle Man's
room.
     "Who is it?" came the muffled reply.
     "Constellation and Sig.Lad.  I felt a sort of disturbance...are you
okay?"
     A faint click could be heard, and the door opened.

               * * * *

     In the Room Where the Paint Didn't Want To Dry, Chesspiece Face noted
with annoyance that the lacquer on his head was beginning to flake.  Ever
since he had tried to kill himself back in high school by sticking his head
in a wood lathe, he'd had to keep his head painted in waterproof paint to
keep it from drying out.  It amazed those who met him how he was able to
speak and hear and so forth without any external organs on his skull.
Actually, he didn't...telepathy went a long way to replacing his
deficiencies, and neurotapped devices in his costume hooked up to his other
sense centers to give him a full range of sensations.  Well, almost
full...no technology could fully compensate for his losses.  And he had
lived on nutrient fluid pumped in by IV since his jaw had been carved off.
     He left the room (since the new paint layer wouldn't dry in there) to
redo his face.  He warmed up the scraper-washer-dryer-painter machine and
checked the paint supply.  It had all turned black.
     What the...?

               * * * *

     The bed in Particle Man's room looked like it had been jumped on
recently, but otherwise the room looked about as disused as Sig.Lad's had.
Particle Man himself looked exhausted, more mentally then physically.  His
hair was mussed and he absently pushed it back from his face.
     "Well, I just got back to this dimension from a rather long trip.  My
arrival is probably what you felt.  I've been gone a few months...what's
been going on?" [See Particle Man #6 for his homecoming]
     "Um, Particle Man..." started Constellation.  "I last saw you about a
month ago.  Maybe a little longer if time worked funny at the gates of
Limbo, but definitely not several months."
     "And the LNH records show you gone less than a month, actually.  You
disappeared in that wierd experiment a few weeks ago," added Sig.Lad.
     "But...I was in that last dimension for three months!  I remember every
hellish day I spent in those alternate worlds.  The one where the LNH had
been destroyed, the one where the LNH was evil, and the one where they were
all subtly wrong...it was never no 'few weeks'!" spat Particle Man.
     "Maybe you traveled in time as well as dimension on one of the jumps,"
suggested Sig.Lad.
     "Perhaps....  Anyway, what's been happening?"
     "Well, we just got back from the Gates of Limbo ourselves, and have
been catching up.  Tsar Chasm was hanging about the building today, Pliable
Lad found his origins a while ago, Sing-Along Lass foiled a
kidnapping...nothing out of the ordinary."  Sig.Lad shrugged to emphasize
his point.
     "And the Stranger had a chat with us while we were near Limbo.  He said
we'd form a team called the Secret Dvanders with someone I've met before,
and one of the team would become a Very Imporant Person, multidimensionally
speaking," added Constellation.
     "Who have you met?" asked Particle Man.
     "Well, before today, not many.  The Raiders, but Dvandom Stranger
implied they were all out of the cosmic spotlight for now.  They Might Be
Villains, but I doubt any of them would be likely to turn heroic now, not
after my Evil Twin had a chance to warp them.  Some mages from Curseworld,
might be one of them.  And I met you and Kid Chivalry, and a few other
LNHers whose names I didn't catch at the time."
     ++You met me...++ Dot added, sounding a little hurt.
     "Yes, but you were along then, I figure you were part of the package
before the new member."
     Particle Man looked a bit confused.  "Um, who are you talking to?"
     "Oh, sorry.  I guess you can't hear her.  My 'costume' is actually a
living being.  I named her Dot.  I guess I got used to Sig.Lad being able to
hear her and forgot not everyone could."  Constellation shrugged.  "I guess
you could call her my little glowing friend."
     Particle Man heard Blue Canary pipe up in his ear "Hey, that's my
line!"
     "I guess we TMBG types can't help but have little companions, eh?"
Particle Man smirked slightly.
     "Anyway," interrupted Sig.Lad, "we just wondered what was going on, and
wanted to make sure you were okay.  Dot said your aura or whatever felt
different, so we were concerned."
     "Hmm.  That might be because I know the World's Address now.  It kinda
redefines my powers, gives me a bit more control over my dimension hopping.
It let me come home, in fact."
     "So, you can dimension travel as well?" asked Constellation.
     "Well, I'd rather not.  So far it takes traumatic events to hurl me
across the dimensional bounds.  Although I *think* I can control my
destination now, it still isn't very pleasant."
     Sig.Lad looked pensively between the two.  "Y'know, I think it would be
a good idea for us to team up.  Form that Secret Dvanders thing.  Even if
you aren't the one the Stranger referred to, your powers and Constellation's
complement nicely."
     Both looked at him.  Particle Man asked "How so?"
     Sig.Lad pulled out the chair at the desk, reversed it and sat down
straddle style.  "Well, Constellation can easily enter the Astral Realm, the
interspace between dimensions.  However, he can't take passengers normally,
and has difficulty getting out.  You know the "World's Address" and
presumably can get into a dimension provided something takes you out of the
one you were in before.  You have trouble 'taking off' and Consty has
trouble 'landing'.  And neither of you really seems able to take passengers
well.  That's where I come in.  I use my Sig.energies to become MSiG, the
Blending Agent.  I'm pretty sure I can make us all indistinguishable as far
as your powers go, so we all go together when we go, as it were.  Wanna give
it a try?"
     Particle Man said, "Well, maybe after I get something to eat.  I'm
kinda hungry after my ordeal.  Howabout Pizza Pit?"

               * * * *

     The results of the chemical analysis came up on the screen, and were
transmitted to Chesspiece Face's optic center by datalink.  The paint was
black because someone had added microscopic flecks of ebony, a black wood.
Nothing else, and it should be safe to put on.  Perhaps Flood's Evil Twin
had done this during his brief reign over They Might Be Villains.  Well,
nothing to be done about it...his head was peeling quite badly now.  And he
couldn't possibly put on one of the heads in the Hall of Heads to go on a
shopping trip for more paint if he left the peeling paint on.  It would get
too messy.
     Returning to the painting machine, he turned it on and applied a glossy
coat of black paint to his head, then waited for it to dry so he could go
shop for more white paint.
     He turned around abruptly.  He was *sure* he had hear someone
chuckling.  He'd have to check those audio systems....

               * * * *

     The Astral Realms are pretty much what you make of them.  And what
Constellation and Sig.Lad made of them was sparkly grey blobs floating
against a black background.  And that was the sight that greeted them when
they and Particle Man arrived in the Realm after a satisfying pizza dinner.
     Constellation paused for a moment, and drew some of the blobs into
himself, recharging his reserves of the odd stuff.  Meanwhile, Sig.Lad swept
his arm around, gesturing to the vast Realm.
     "You see the problem, PM.  There's no really clear exits from this
place into other dimensions.  Just grey and black," said Sig.Lad.
     "If I concentrate really hard, I can pick up faint warps in the fabric.
I can go through these warps to enter a place, but it's time consuming to
find them, and it's often hard to determine where they go.  Apparently, my
perception of this malleable Realm is too 'cosmic' in level...all the doors
are too small for me to see, and I don't have Alice's cakes and tea to
change my 'size'."  Constellation looked mildly irked.
     "So you think I can use my knowledge of the World's Address to force a
clearer perception onto the realm?  One with easier-to-find exits?"
     Sig.Lad nodded.  "Exactly."
     "Okay.  Here goes nothing..."  A look of concentration passed over
Particle Man's face, and a wooden door formed out of the grey sparkly blobs.
On it was stencilled "LNHQ - LNH Looniverse" in black letters.  A plastic
doorknob completed the image.
     Sig.Lad snickered.  "Looks like our world is in a low-rent
neighborhood."
     Particle Man shrugged.  "I guess so.  It's not a very big reality, you
know."
     Constellation scratched his head.  "I seem to recall some of the things
you told me near Limbo about that, Sig.Lad.  About how the LNH is in a sort
of client universe, attached to the more real, but still incomplete universe
I'm native to.  So I guess it wouldn't have an important looking 'door'."
     Sig.Lad looked confused.  "I told you that?  I can't recall much of
what we did near Limbo, actually."
     "Well, you said we'd forget stuff learned 'unfairly' in Limbo...I guess
I'm retaining more of it.  Oh, and I suppose that evil LNH you talked about
was linked to Curseworld, Particle Man."
     A small blue bird appeared on Particle Man's shoulder, causing the
others to start in surprise.
     "Blue Canary, what are you doing out?" asked Particle Man.
     "Oh, I figured it was a nice non-day here in the Astral Realm and it
would be a good un-time to introduce myself, and maybe add a theory about
why you spent so long in our travels.  From what I know already, and what
Dot's been telling me 'under the table' while you guys talked, I'd say that
the last universe you were in might not have been 'real' per se."
     "What do you mean?  Oh, and Sig.Lad, Constellation, meet Blue Canary.
He lives in a little birdhouse in my soul."
     Blue Canary cleared its throat (an interesting trick for a bird) and
explained.  "Well, apparently when you left the Evil LNH universe, you got
stuck here.  However, your time sense was rattled, and since you didn't yet
know the World's Address you were stuck here.  So you hallucinated the
oddball LNH.  However, hallucinations here become a sort of reality.  You
really wanted to go home, but deep down knew you weren't, so you created a
faux reality.  Your timesense came a little loose in the meantime, and you
experienced three months in more like three days.  Then you got out, and
presumably that reality disappeared since you were no longer there to
sustain it.  Well, unless the inhabitants gained self-reality and devised a
way to maintain their universe or at least themselves after you left...[ed.
note: apparently they did, see Particle Man #6]."
     "Hmmm.  Nah, they were pretty much putzes.  I don't think they were
that real.  I guess that explains it pretty well."
     Sig.Lad looked around at the blackness.  "Wanna see if you can 'look
up' any more addresses and form more doors?"
     "Sure."
     As Particle Man concentrated, a few more doors materialized.  Then
more.  Then a ceiling and floors, and they found themselves standing in a
long, long hallway.  The reality became concrete and they thudded gently
down on the floor in the imagined gravity.  A faint sound of typing could be
heard in the distance.  Constellation's face assumed a look of vague unease.
     "Um, Sig.Lad?  Remember that report Kid Anarky filed on that business
with Chicago?" he asked.
     "Yup.  Mostly it was 'I don't wanna talk about it' stuff.  What part
are you thinking of?"
     "That Universal Office thing.  Doesn't this seem to be a sort of
Multiversal Office to you?  I mean, look!  The door to the Looniverse is
boarded up!"  All three wheeled to look at the door.  It was now a
tastefully done, if older, wooden door with frosted glass window and the
name of the Looniverse in slightly neater stencils.  The window was dark.
     Sig.Lad became Sig.Roach and used his prodigious strength to tear open
the door.  He immediately regretted it as an ethereal wind tore at the trio.
Beyond the door was NOTHING.  Void.  Null.  Quickly he slammed it closed
again.
     "That must be where the Universal Office was...Kid Anarky did say it
had been destroyed somehow," commented Constellation.
     ++That would mean that this is the nexus of all the Universal Offices?
Maybe it would be best if we were away, before we get tangled up in Red
Tape.++
     "Yeah, probably...wait, I hear footsteps!  Sig.Lad, quick, bond us, we
gotta get outta here!" whispered Constellation.
     The trio formed the bond and went sidewaysout to the Astral Realm just
as two workmen rounded a corner from a T junction.  They wore work clothing
and carried power tools.  In each one's hands was a sheaf of forms.  At the
top of one was the heading "27b/6: Office Reconstruction Permit".  The
shorter of the two, a tad overweight, commented to his thin partner.
     "Y'know, we're on the gravy train, we is.  Every few years, one of the
Offices breaks, or is lost, or shuts down.  Then we have to actually work.
But we get paid all the time!"  He looked at one of his forms, then at the
LNH Looniverse door, and said "Here we are.  You got the 27b/6?"

               * * * *

     Back in the Astral Realm, the three net.heroes drew heavy breaths.  Not
that they needed to breathe here, but it was a natural reaction to nearly
being discovered.
     "H-how did we get *there*?" asked Particle Man.
     "My...guess is that the framework you envisioned was too close to the
Multiversal Office Building's framework, and we just sort of slipped
through," surmised Sig.Lad.
     "Better be more careful next time.  Well, at least our Universal Office
is still out of order...." said Constellation.  Somewhere, Irony Man
wondered what it was *this* time.

               * * * *

     Deep in the recesses of Chesspiece Face's vast mind, a dark figure
brooded.  The punctuation Elemental had been harnessed, and was busy acting
as the focus for a mystic tapeworm program in the LNH's computer systems.
No scientific measure could stop the sorcerous virus.  The flame Elemental
was still in the HQ of They Might Be Villains, and could be enslaved any
time.  The latent net Elemental resisted control, as did the thread
Elemental.  He would have to create doppelgangers.  But he had time.  No one
in this world even knew of his existence, save one, and he could be dealt
with.
     The figure knew time was on his side.  It always is, for an
immortal....