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                              RADIAN & SHADEBEAM
                                  Episode 39
                  (Just Because You're Paranoia..., part five)
                              "El Poso del Cafe"
                                      by
                                 Gary W. Olson

                                    -<=*=>-

     Shadebeam yelped as a stream of scalding black coffee hit the tip of
her ear.  Beneath her, Andy the coffeeburro brayed plaintively.
     "Hey, I haven't had time to diet, okay?" she yelled at the flying burro.
Andy brayed again.
     "There's no escape, Juan!" Mrs. Olsen yelled, from not too far behind
them.  "The dark side of coffee will claim you!"
     "Yeah!" the brothers Hill added.
     "What she said!" Ms. Coffee and the Tasters Choice couple exclaimed.
     "Around the corner, senorita!" Juan exclaimed to Shadebeam.  "Be prepared
for a quick stop!"
     Shadebeam hung on as Andy rounded the corner of the seedy Blue Warp
cafe, and let her momentum pitch her off of Andy when he came to a sudden
stop.  She landed on her feet, twisting, a spell on her lips and her hands
flashing in movement.
     Nothing was happening.
     The brothers Hill rounded the corner first.  Juan, who had adopted a
defensive position behind a dumpster, brought a thin white tube up to his
lips and blew.  A coffee bean shot out and hit one of them in the eye,
causing him to trip into his identical, white-bearded brother.  Shadebeam
dove forward and picked up their double-barreled (one barrel with caffeine,
the other without) shotguns, tossing one to Juan.
     "Now we have you!" Mrs. Olsen exclaimed.  "I--"
     "One lump or two?" Shadebeam asked, pointing the barrels of her shotgun
directly between Mrs. Olsen's eyes.  Before she could squeeze the trigger,
a stream of coffee shot across the bridge of her nose.
     "Stand still, dearie," Ms. Coffee instructed her, as she primed another
shot in her Coffee Gun.  "This is good until you at last drop!"
     "Needlewarp!" Shadebeam swore, ducking a shot that would have burned a
hole through her head.  Ms. Coffee attempted another shot, but a blast from
Juan's shotgun blew her into the brick wall of the alley.  The Taster's Choice
couple suffered a similar fate moments later.
     "Oh dear," Mrs. Olsen commented on the sudden turning of the tables.  "I
think I'd better get back to my mountain."  She started backing up, but stopped
when she heard Andy bray.
     "Uh uh," Shadebeam said, replacing the barrel of the rifle where it had
been pointing only moments before.  "You're going to help us find Paranoia."
     "Who?" Mrs. Olsen asked.
     "He's a parahuman with the ability to generate paranoid delusions in the
minds of others," Shadebeam explained.  "He generated you and your allies,
as well as Remmy."
     *And me,* Symon interjected.  Juan trained his shotgun on him as he
materialized.  *The Symon you saw earlier was a shadow generated by Paranoia.*
     "I'm no delusion," Mrs. Olsen claimed.  "Tell her, Juan."
     "Senorita Shadebeam is correct," Juan said.  "You died last month, in our
climactic, unchronicled battle in the Andes."
     "Well, shit," Mrs. Olsen said.  "I don't *feel* dead."
     "Now, take us to him," Shadebeam told her.
     "I...I don't know any Paranoia..." Mrs. Olsen said.  "Honestly!"
     *I know where he is,* Symon said.  *Will you follow?*
     Shadebeam looked at him.  His face, normally serene, no matter what
difficulty she or her sister were in, now held a hint of anguish.  But to
trust him now, after the way he had betrayed her...
     "Okay," she said, after taking a deep breath.  "But stay where I can
see you."
     *Always,* Symon promised.
     "What about me?" Mrs. Olsen asked.
     "What about you?" Shadebeam inquired.
     "I'd like to come along as well," Mrs. Olsen said.  "To see if this story
of yours is true."
     "What do you think, Juan?" Shadebeam asked.
     "I think we should let her," Juan said, after a few moments of silence.
"She has a right to know."
     "Right," Shadebeam said.  "But keep your gun trained on her.  Let's go."

                                    -<=*=>-

     Kaoru watched as they circled him, both looking through him as though
he wasn't there.  Given that much of him wasn't there, but was in fact
lying in bits on the ground, this was somewhat understandable, but still
disorienting.
     "Come on," Ramrod said, the dull blue light glinting off of his
golden, wraparound shades.  "One bolt, right through the noggin.  Even the
score up."
     "Go away," Radian told him.  "I can't deal with you right now."
     "You'll have to, sooner or later," Ramrod told her, his slight smirk
shifting into a sneer.  "The path you're on is all downhill with a bullet,
and I'm waiting at the bottom."
     They circled, and Kaoru struggled to free his other arm from his
manacles.
     "Use your talons, stupid," Ramrod told him.  "That's what they're for."
     Kaoru whipped up his free hand and sliced Ramrod through the chest.
     "No..." Ramrod gasped, as he fell to his knees.  "Use them...on...
your manacle...I...meant..."  He fell face first onto the pavement.  Kaoru
turned to look at Radian, who had a strange look on her face.
     "Akane?" he asked.
     She blinked.
     "Oh, Kaoru," she said.  "Don't worry about it.  He was just an illusion."
     "I thought you said this was consensual reality," he said.
     "Shut up," she told him.  He cut the manacle with his free hand and
looked around.
     "Do you suppose we have time for me to stuff my brain back inside my
head?" he asked.
     "Leave it," Akane said.  "You never had much use for it anyway."
     "Now that's somewhat anti-social, don't you think?" Kaoru asked.  She
glared at him.  "Sorry.  Where to now?"
     -Hey, kids, forget about me?- Andro purred, padding out of a seedy
discotheque.  Akane scooped up the white furred cat and hugged him.
-Watch it!- Andro told her.  -You've got blood all over you, and it clashes
with my fur!-
     "Can you get us to Paranoia?" Akane asked.
     -Sure,- Andro said.  -China's with him now.-
     "She is?" Akane asked.  "Why?"

                                    -<=*=>-

     *Don't be afraid, Mr. Noyae,* China said.  *I won't hurt you.*
     Paranoia cowered in the corner, as far away from the black-clad ten-year
old girl with bone white skin as he could get.  "D-d-don't come any closer!"
     *Why are you afraid of me?* she asked.
     "Y-you're out to get me!" Paranoia shrieked.
     *I'm not,* China insisted.  *I've been chased all my life as well.  I
just want to be your friend.*
     "Nobody wants to be my friend," Paranoia told her.  "They just want me.
Besides, you're a dreamlander, non-corporeal.  The dreamlanders are out to
get me too."
     China walked closer, sending Paranoia into a virtual panic.  She reached
out, and touched the side of his face.  Paranoia jumped, slightly, when he
felt her fingertips, through his layers of sunblock.
     "I...I felt that," he said.
     *Welcome to the new regime,* China told him, softly.
     Paranoia started to settle down, even as his mind raced, spinning through
the multitudes of reasons to be afraid of this young girl, analyzing and
discarding each one.  He felt himself relax...
     The door burst open, and Radian, Andro, and Kaoru dashed in.  Moments
later, the wall to the side was blown inward, with Shadebeam, Andy, Juan,
Symon, and Mrs. Olsen entered.  HAL and Kyoko materialized in between the
two groups.
     China sighed, as Paranoia's shriekings hit a new decibel level.
     *I was getting through to him,* she told them.
     "Sorry, China," Akane said, as she lifted Paranoia up by his collar.  "We
don't want to live in this regime."
     "Let me go!" Paranoia shrieked.
     "Sorry, Paginini," Akane said.  "You've got to let us go."
     "But...I'm not...I mean..." Paranoia started.
     "You created this reality," Shadebeam said.  "You can uncreate it."
     "I...can't!"
     "Why not?" Kaoru asked, brandishing his talons, and not for macrame
purposes this time.
     "Because it's not just him," Akane answered.  "He's a strong telepath,
effective within his idiom, like Confusion or Doubt, but he's not powerful
enough to sustain all this by himself, like Healer might be.  When he landed,
he started to use his power at maximum, broadcasting indiscriminately,
generating random paranoid delusions that grew in size and complexity.
     "At some point, we took over."
     "Er, pardon?" Shadebeam asked.
     <<What she is saying,>> HAL told them, <<is that as time passed, your
minds began to accept the illusions as reality.  Moreover, the new
realities began to merge, as common fears blended together.  A psychic
bond was created among the people of this village, resulting in the
strengthening of the previously fluid illusions.  The concept is known as
'consensual reality,' a concept with some similarities to the now-popular
'virtual reality' concept, save that no technology is involved.>>
     "Fear defines the boundaries of our environment," Juan said.  "New
fears result in new realities...a new regime, if you will."
     -Lovely,- Andro purrsighed.  -I kinda like the old regime better, though.
It had milk.-
     *I like this place,* Kyoko opined.  *I was going to blow up a few
buildings when HAL interrupted me.*
     "So how do we get out of this?" Akane asked.
     "I have the answer," Juan said.  Next to him, Mrs. Olsen sighed.

                                    -<=*=>-

     Darwin Aleister Shaw peered out of the window at the clouds that the
jumbo jet was flying over.  They were light and silvery, reflecting the
morning sunlight.
     He had taken a flight south, to throw Hecate and Katsu off his trail.
They had already attempted to locate him several times through prescient
magic, and had, thanks to his Locational Bafflement spells, failed every
time.  He wanted to insure they couldn't find him through conventional means,
either.
     The excitement of being on the move was still with him.  He avoided
thinking of his destination, as that would only bring him down, and he wanted
to enjoy the current sensation for as long as possible.
     Alas, it was not to be.
     "This is your captain, Frank Lorenzo, speaking," the intercom crackled.
"Flight 173 for Providence will be landing in ten minutes.  Maybe sooner if
we can get the landing gear down."
     Dar sighed, and mumbled a spell.
     "Ah, they seem to be working now," Lorenzo's voice said.  "Now let's
see, where's that control stick again...ah, here it is..."

                                    -<=*=>-

     The walls of perception melted around them, brick disappearing to
reveal small, wooden hovels, seedy brothels disappearing to reveal startled
donkeys and penguins, pavement making way for grass and dirt.
     Akane finished her coffee, and tried to shut her eyes.  It was
difficult, as they were open as wide as possible.  Around her, Shadebeam,
Paranoia, Don Don Donaldo, and the villagers were wandering, wide-eyed, with
half-empty cups of coffee in their hands.
     "It seems to be working," Juan said.
     "This...is some *strong* coffee," Shadebeam said.  "And I've had strong
coffee before!"
     "It is my strongest blend," Juan told her.  "Usually, a single drop
is enough to keep me awake for a week.  Most of it, however, is burned out
in counteracting the consensual illusion, so it should wear off by the end
of the day."  He looked to the sun, which was rising in the east.
     "Great," Paranoia whined.  "Now they'll use the orbiting nuclear
death-emitting satellite on me."
     "There's no nuclear death-emitting satellite," Akane told him.  "We
were in orbit just yesterday.  We know."
     "Oh," Paranoia said, sounding like he didn't believe them.
     "Well, Mister P. Aron Noyae," Akane said, "whatever are we going to do
with you?"
     "Whatever you do, I'll regret it!" Paranoia whined.
     *We could take him with us,* China suggested.
     "He can't see you now," Shadebeam told her.
     "I can too!" Paranoia insisted.
     "What are they talking about?" Don Don asked.
     "Not a clue," one of the villagers replied.
     "It's either that or we let him loose," Shadebeam said.  "Unless Juan
wants to turn him in."
     "This one will not be of further threat to my home," Juan said.  "Now,
if you will excuse me, I must be on my way again."
     Andy brayed, noisily, as he scooped up Juan and flew off.
     *That was abrupt,* Kyoko said.
     *His final destiny awaits him,* Symon replied.  *He didn't have to
interrupt it to save us, but he did.  That is why he was a superguy.*
     "Was?" Shadebeam asked.  She looked at Don Don Donaldo.  "Where's Juan
going?"
     "I don't know," Donaldo answered.  "I'm surprised to even see him.  I
heard he died last month, in that big battle with his arch-enemy, Mrs. Olsen."
     "He did," one of the villagers spoke.  "We buried him in the center of
our village, where the statue you saw now stands."
     "But...he wasn't a ghost," Kaoru protested.  "He was solid!"
     "Perhaps," the villager said.  "Depends on what regime you're living
under."
     *Weird,* China said.  *I never knew coffee was that powerful.*
     *Very few are able to master the metamystical properties of the coffee
bean,* Symon answered.  *He did, and used his abilities for good.  For that
we should remember him, and his coffeeburro.*
     "So now what?" Shadebeam asked.  "Do we just stand around, wide-awake
and vaguely depressed?"
     "No," Akane answered.  "We go after...the One-Shoed Man!  Zero!  I
forgot about him!"
     "He's long gone by now," Don Don Donaldo told him.  "On his way to a
rendezvouz."
     "How..."
     "I was hired to deliver a message to him, in this village," Donaldo
explained.  "I'm supposed to be an accountant, you see, but business wasn't
so good in Argentia, so when I got the offer, I figured, what the hey..."
     "Did you look in the envelope?" Shadebeam asked.
     "What kind of question is that?" Donaldo asked, scowling.
     "Well..."
     "Of course I looked in the envelope!" he told them.  "I had to make
sure I wasn't being set up for a sting.  As it turned out, it was just a
short note, addressed to Zero.  Gave a place and a time for his next contact."
     "Which was?" Akane asked.
     "Twelve-oh-one a.m, October fifteenth," Donaldo told them.  "In the top
floor office of Pedro Bebida, the Vice President in charge of operations for
Harxxon of Mexico, Ltd.  Doesn't say if Pedro is the actual contact, though."
     "Doesn't matter," Akane said.  "This time, the tables are turned.  We
can fly, while he has to go by land.  We know where he'll be, and we can be
there, waiting for him.
     "This chase has gone on long enough.  It's time for some answers."
     "Can I go with you?" Kaoru asked.  Akane turned to look at her brother.
     "Are you sure?" she asked.  "You'll be aiding and abetting a wanted
criminal.  Hardly something a hero would do."
     "I...don't care about that," Kaoru told her.  "I want to help you."
     "Okay," Akane told him.  "But we leave the penguins behind."
     Kaoru sighed.  "Okay.  Let me explain it to them."  He trudged out of
the hut.
     "You're coming with us too, Paginini," Akane said.
     "Why should I?" Paranoia whined.  "I can just make you afraid of me,
long enough to escape."
     "No you won't," Akane said, walking closer.  "You know why?"
     "S-stay away," Paranoia complained.
     "You fear me, more than anything else," Akane told him, reaching up
to run a finger up his chin.  "And if you run, I'll hunt you down.  Just
because you're Paranoia, that won't mean I'm not after you."
     Paranoia gulped, and nodded.

                                    -<=*=>-

     "...won't mean I'm not after you," her voice crackled over the speakers.
     "Switch it off, but continue monitoring his location," Karina said.
     "Should we move in?" Sutherland asked.  "We could overwhelm them with
a determined attack..."
     "No," Karina said.  "Let them move freely.  We might learn more when
she meets Zero."
     "Zero..." Sutherland said.  "Never thought I'd hear that name again."
     "Well, you have, now," Karina said.  "I'm sure you can appreciate why I'm
expanding the scope of the mission now."
     "Yes, sir," Sutherland answered.
     Karina stepped out of the monitoring station into the steel and concrete
hallway.  She had the data she needed.
     Paranoia was one of the five, all right.  Just like herself and Akane.
But, unlike either her or her foe, Paranoia remembered what he had undergone,
in more than just brief, delirious flashes.  His brainwave patterns would be
of great interest.
     She also wanted to analyze the last voice on the tape before Akane had
entered the room to confront Paranoia.  It had sounded like a little girl's
voice, but it lacked the local accent that would have placed her as a native.
Another piece of the puzzle?
     Possibly.  Very, very possibly.

                                    -<=*=>-

     He had been walking for a long, long time, and had hardly noticed when
the hills of Colombia turned to a cloudy mist under his worn, calloused feet.
Beside him, Andy brayed, sounding stronger than he had in a long while, as
though the worms were no longer eating at his insides.
     They passed the elevator that led to Hell (tm), which was crowded as it
was.  Juan looked up and down the line for Mrs. Olsen, but did not see her
anywhere.  Of course, she had died the month before.  She would have gone
down by now, if at all.
     They passed the pearly gates, and exclaimed "wow."  Even Andy exclaimed
this, which is fairly remarkable, given that the structure of his mouth
didn't really permit that sort of thing.  But it did not seem to be a very
happening place, so they kept passing right on by.
     Presently, they encountered a tavern.
     "The Pink Iguana Tavern," Juan said, reading the name above the door.
"Hmmm.  Hope they serve coffeeburros."
     He opened the door, and he and Andy entered.


HOW DID THE WORLD REACT, WHEN IT LEARNED OF JUAN'S HEROIC DEMISE?
WILL COLOMBIA FIND A NEW HERO TO DEFEND ITS NUMBER ONE LEGAL EXPORT?
WILL RADIAN AND SHADEBEAM AT LAST CATCH UP TO THE ONE-SHOED MAN?
WHAT WILL KARINA LEARN BY ANALYZING PARANOIA'S BRAINWAVE PATTERNS?
WILL IT CAUSE HER TO DRINK STRONG COFFEE?

Reality is what you can get away with.  Stay tuned for more literary felonies
on an upcoming...SUPERGUY!

        Gary W. Olson         <^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
swede@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu  >  "If you're so special, why aren't you dead?"
     swede@drycas.bitnet      <      - The Breeders, "I Just Wanna Get Along"