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Article #1931SG: History of the Superguy Altiverse, Version 4.0, part three
From: there goes a tenner
Date: Thu, 01 Dec 1994 04:47
Date: Thu, 01 Dec 1994 04:47
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22116 bytes
The History of the Superguy Altiverse, Version 4.0, is Copyrighted (c) 1994
by Gary W. Olson. The History is a Derivative Work based on stories and
concepts created by the authors who have written works that have appeared on
the Superguy list in its various forms over the years. All characters named
or referred to herein are Trademarked by their respective authors, and are
used here by implicit permission of said authors solely for the purpose of
synopsis as delinated in "The Superguy Frequently Asked Questions List" posted
periodically on the Superguy Mailing List. Permission is granted for storage
of this work in electronic form for personal reference and for the printing of
a single hard-copy for personal reference. All other permissions, including
permission for publication in electronic or non-electronic media (including
CD-ROM) are reserved by the author.
----------------------
(continued from part two...)
The super-powered band Walking Disaster Area (Screecher, Pyro Tekknik,
Billy McCraken, Johnny B, and Boom-Boom) are harassed by minions of
FEAR - the Fanatical Evangelists Against Rock, and decide to invade the
700 Club - FEAR HQ. After several battles against Jessica Hahn, Sam
Kinison, and the leaders of FEAR (Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart, Oral
Roberts, the Church Lady and the back-from-the-dead Tammy Faye Bakker),
they face off against FEAR in a telethon competition. Rad makes a large
donation on the WDA's side, but it is the small donation made by Batsman
that puts WDA over FEAR's total, saving them and all of rock & roll from
doom.
Glum and Manny catch up with Rad and Max Vax, and they all leave the
bowling alley in Akron and head back to California. On the highway, they
are attacked by Faith & Healer and Key & Yury. Healer, with help from
the others, cures the madness infecting Key & Yury, and learns it was
caused by Dr. Madhatter, despite Rad's intervention. The next day, Key
& Yury return to Japan, while Faith & Healer take Rad, Glum and Manny
to the very macho city of Hogsville, Texas ("the pork rind capital of the
world"), the site of Dr. Gigawatt's time machine.
Superm00se is bombarded by VonZiggenfelden radiation by FlatPhoot,
causing him to give birth to thirteen spherical nodules. He gathers them
and leaves the Akron bowling alley for the cabin where he was raised.
The nodules hatch, and the m00se resulting identify themselves as Classic
Superm00se (1 m00se), X-M00se (4 m00se), M00se-Factor (4 m00se) and
M00se-caliber (4 m00se). Mark Kent soon returns to Gothopolis, leaving
his m00se-children in the cabin, and gets off with Cherri.
Dog-Thing, created by the kiss Dangerousman gave Scary Woman, gestates
in the muscle fiber of someone's arm, a someone who would eventually turn
out to be FlatPhoot, though this fact would not be discovered for quite
some time to come.
Wonder Grunion, with Qwyntor's help, learns what he must to to retrieve
his powers. He says "By the Great Flinnegan!" whilst endangered by the
Nun on the Road, after leaving the bowling alley in Akron, and is
transported to the realm of Master Presbyterian (who goes about on
Earth as Jon Lovitz), who tells him that in order to use his powers he
merely has to phrase the request in the form of a four-line poem. Wonder
Grunion, enlightened, returns to the Earth dimension.
Brian Dunn is abducted from a Flordia mall while his friend Logan Amaral
looks on stupidly. Whilst Brian goes on about his training, the Great
Conspiracy, a great asteroid with partygoers crashing through star
systems, advances on Earth. Fortunately, space is quite vast, and
despite the long length of time since the last installment of this
storyline, it hasn't reached Earth yet, and might never, at this rate.
One never knows...
Solutions? Ultd. leaves the bowling alley in Akron and, after the funeral
of Lt. Justice, returns to their headquarters. Soon thereafter, they are
attacked by Fred's Raiders, whom they quickly dispatch. Ninja's try to
steal Qwyntor's brain, but fail. This incident leads Qwyntor to decide
to build a new Solutions? Ultd. HQ in space. Lord Uuwan-tu, who caused
Solutions? to form and had a hand in the creation of Dangerousman, learns
of the death of Lt. Justice.
Archangel Avery Creed of the Alpha/Omega arrives on Earth, in search of
the Seed for himself, the Destroyer. He converses with his relatives -
the mother, Merelith Creed, Angels James Creed and Alycia Creed. Wary
about being detected by Cyrebrax, Avery hunts down Jacqueline Montgomery,
the largest fragment of the Seed, who is captured by enigmatic Cyrebrax
first.
ManMan, Juan Valdez and Dadaman enter the sewers of RatherLarge City,
fighting, annoying and boring the PPLF terrorists on their way to
confront Jane Plain and her "ultimate weapon." Meanwhile, Phil Donahue
and his SNUCCI rent-a-cultists, under orders from Bush/Carvey, also
advance. Along the way, they come into possession of the Robert Smith
twins, who had earlier been captured by PPLF terrorists. The ultimate
weapon reveals something trying to get out.
Rad agrees to pull Bushs through the space-time continuum using Dr.
Gigawatt's time machine, abducting Bushs seen to disappear earlier than
the Akron incident. These Bushs are later sent to Akron, so they can
be there when the final Bush-melding operation is undertaken. While
trying to get the last George Bush, the one who is really Dana Carvey,
the temporal beam is deflected by a transportation from the Kitsch
dimension to the Earth dimension, causing the temporal rift to open way
above Japan, and Robert Smith to be duplicated. Before the gap can be
closed, Glum pushs Rad through it, after giving him Dan Quayle's C.U.A.
credit card. Rad has several adventures in the recent past, using the
timejump crystal to slowly return to the present. Along the way, he
knocks off Dr. Madhatter's madness rifle, which nevertheless made Key and
Yury go mad and get a fixation on him. He rescues Glum from her
exploding starship, and watches an ultraviolet beam give his past-self
his powers. Finally, he arrives back in the present and heads back to
Hogsville, pausing only to donate a large sum of money to WDA's telethon
from Dan Quayle's no-limit CUA credit card.
Dangerousman retires, and he and Relativity Woman decide to vacation with
Dr. Kilohertzmann before their wedding. Lulu and Gus finally become an
item.
Intercontinental Salvage, while continuing to rebuild Washington DC,
learns of a possible job in Akron.
Gorgax returns to Earth, again taking over J. Danforth Quayle. Gorgax/
Quayle hypnotizes Chalandra Harkness, the vampiric government therapist,
planning to use her in his scheme to use Dr. Gigawatt's time machine to
spread a vampiric army through all of space and time. She puts the
bite on Manny Seconds, who in turn puts the bite on Glum. Meanwhile,
Galaxy Hunter awakes from his coma in a Detroit hospital, retrieves his
armor, and heads to Hogsville, following the track of his robotic
companion Starblazer, who forms the heart of Dr. Gigawatt's time travel
machine.
Ramrod, in Denver, is captured by the minions of Norman DeBoss, aka "Da
Boss". He hires Ramrod to perform a one-time courier operation, carrying
a box from Berlin back to Denver, for Da Boss' employer. Ramrod agrees,
and heads to Germany, along with Victor and a dozen of Da Boss' minions.
They pick up the Box, and are attacked by Discordian and Erisian agents
on their way back to the plane. Agents of both the Bavarian Illuminati
and the M00se Illuminati track him, with the Bavarians trying to kill
Ramrod and take the box, and the M00se safeguarding Ramrod, hoping to
take the box after Ramrod has delivered it. After several incidents,
including a lethal slam-dance and a meeting with Dangerousman and
Relativity Woman, Ramrod and Victor reach the plane to New York. On
board, they learn the contents of the box: Hitler's brain. Meanwhile,
Batsman contributes to the WDA telethon, and learns Patrick Swayze is
alive, despite having been killed earlier.
! leaves the bowling alley in Akron, causing the Awesome Force to realize
they are the only heroes still there. Miche, Bink and the Skids/Cookie
Gestalt all decide to retire. Dominic, having lost his Demon-Ick powers
and not having regained his high-jinx powers, sets out to track Ramrod.
After a long search, he finds out he was given a false trail. Rat goes
off to find the She-Devil, and Figuremaster goes off to Maine to buy
Dr. Kilohertzmann's car. Andy Awesome and T return to AFHQ, where they
are attacked by the Perfect Hygeine Gang, attempting to steal Andy
Awesome's brain, only to be defeated. Andy orders Gus to track the PHG,
who are teleported to safety, but they escape without a trace.
Galaxy Hunter battles Rad, Faith and Healer, but all soon realize the
real enemy is Gorgax/Quayle, whom they defeat. Galaxy Hunter, who
reveals himself to be Glum's uncle, Ragna Rok, collects Gorgax into a
soul crystal, freeing Quayle again. Soon after, they form the mystical,
temporally-destabilizing structure known as the "party train" and, using
the energies from Dr. Gigawatt's time machine and Healer's psychic
ability and Faith's reality-altering powers, retrieve the five billion
Bush clones from the height of the Akron battle. They meld the five
billion Bushs into one Bush, but at that point Glum puts the vampiric
bite on Rad, causing the newly integrated Bush to spin off into time and
space, to materialize aboard the Winaprize as it warped into Earthspace.
After George Bush is returned to Earth, he re-assumes the presidency
while waiting to face off against Bush/Carvey. J. Danforth Quayle
returns to running CRASH. Galaxy Hunter and Starblazer return to the
Ottsamaddawidu Empire with the captured Gorgax, and Rad, Glum and Manny
return to California, bearing the mark of the vampire. The time machine,
now useless, is dismantled.
Mike Polinski and the Nun on the Road clash, but then part when the Nun
mistakes Mike for a Catholic and Mike mistakes the Nun for his mother.
The Nun then rolls off in search of the Punk With A Gun.
The Marble-ites return briefly to the Superguy digest, leaving an
unconscious stranger in the ruins of Akron before returning to SfStory.
As far as is known, the stranger is still there, unconscious. Either
that or he was mugged.
After a vacation, the guys of the Walking Disaster Area return, and
wonder why Paula Abdul has so much control over MTV. Later, she sends
the New Kids on the Block out to destroy the WDA. While the details are
sketchy, the WDA entered the Betty Ford Clinic for Overindulgent Rock
Stars soon afterwards, so possibly they succeeded in turning back this
menace. Possibly not. Only the Sage knows for sure.
Chalandra Harkness goes to California and tells Rad, Glum and Manny they
are turning into vampires. To reverse this condition, they go to
Dracula's castle (located conveniently nearby) and contend with Dracula,
Frankenstein's Monster, the Mummy (Manual Noriega) and a Libertarian
Wolf Man, along with Kim Basinger, Ms. Coffee, Quaker Oatmeal Guy, and
The Wind. They are assisted by Abbott and Costello, who are also
vampires, and kill Dracula, lifting the curse and returning them to
their usual selves.
The Button, which had been brought to life by the Scary effect in Akron,
plots to become the nuclear button. To that end, Spock (who crossed
over from the tv dimension to the Earth dimension as a result of the
Scary effect) and Rocco steal some materials and prepare the Button for
implanting, a job that would take them quite a while to complete. They
also go beat up FlatPhoot for pressing The Button (unwittingly killing
a FlatPhoot clone instead) and are seen by the Winaprize crew while
the Winaprize crew was en route to a strip joint.
The Annihilator traces the ownership web of the reactor in Peaceful Brook
to Norman DeBoss, aka "Da Boss." Jake goes to Denver and confronts
DeBoss, learning of the contract he made with Ramrod, and that he was
working for someone else. Realizing the ownership chain must eventually
lead to Cyrebrax, Jake kills DeBoss and leaves a microchip on Ramrod's
check, waiting for him to come pick it up.
Secret Secret Agent Richard Less learns that Project: Grunionbuster is
back on line, while Kate searches for Wonder Grunion in Akron. Wonder
Grunion returns to Earth to be confronted by AMES - the Association of
Mercenary Evil Superhumans (Ticket Gun, Case Cut, Pallet Jack, the Assistant
Manager, and Grey Ghost). He defeats them with his new powers, and heals
himself with Ticket Gun's ticket gun. FlatPhoot, about to attack, is
distracted by Werewolf, whom FlatPhoot appears to kill. FlatPhoot decides to
withdraw, and Wonder Grunion heals himself some more.
Max Vax, attending a poetry reading, sans armor, encounters and battles
the Dead Poets Society, a group of terrorists with famous poet code names
who take the poetry reading hostage. Superguy drops in and defeats them,
quite a trick considering he was being held hostage by the PPLF at the
time. But then, Superguy is quite a guy.
Rad, Glum and Manny go to Japan to visit Rad's stepfamily: his stepfather
Kenshiro Moroboshi, his stepmother Shinobu Moroboshi, his stepsister
Akane Moroboshi, his stepuncle and cheif designer of the Super-
Doubletalk-Fortress-1, Ho Moroboshi and his stepbrother Kaoru Moroboshi,
actually Agent Circle K, cheif agent of the Dalans on Earth. The Dalans
plan to eliminate all life on Earth by causing a war of the monsters. To
that end, Godziller is awakened from the sea, Mike Polinski's size is
increased dramatically and Mike is drawn to Japan, the Dalan's launch
Roboziller, and the Awnoddagyin Tribe is manipulated into sending
Megaloon. In addition, King Gaudyra and Gigoon are drawn to Earth, with
the space pirate Captain Hardeharharlock following. Against the monsters
are pitted the government's SDF-1, 70s monster fighter Ultraguy (Kaneda
Suhiro) and Mothball, the god of the Ito Twins, rulers of Japan's "other"
major organized crime syndicate, the Jakuzi. Rad is drawn into the
battle when Glum and Manny are kidnapped, picks up a worshipper in Ran
Mikoto, and fights alongside Key and Yury, but is nevertheless almost
killed, and is captured by Dr. Madhatter and his real father Willard
Scott, who are planning to use their madness rifle on him. Herve
Villachaize once again turns up as Willard's chief henchman. Prime
Minister Kaifu hopes in vain for a sex scandal involving himself and
Key and Yury.
Burt Ward pines away for scantily clad women.
Rat arrives in Hartford, and starts the rat revolution. Her bretheren
rodents offer to help her get to Cairo where she'll find She-Devil. She
accepts. After arriving in Cairo, she finds She-Devil, who has linked
up with Indiana Jones to contend with Nazis for the Ark. They are
drawn inside the Ark into Another Realm (tm), where Mel Gibson and
Dennis DeYoung assist them in fending off Neanderthals and a Blonde
Bitch from Hell. She-Devil is seriously wounded, but Dennis DeYoung
heals her with his singing as they return to AFHQ.
Superm00se battles the Living Fruitcake, while the M00se Illuminati
contacts Leviam00se, and he agrees to send Mark's children - Classic
Superm00se, X-M00se, M00se-Factor and M00se-calibur to protect Ramrod
from the Bavarians, on his journey from Berlin to Denver (with stops in
New York and Chicago). They do so, although X-M00se, M00se-Factor and
M00se-calibur each lose three out of four of their members, bringing
their total down to four (five, counting Mark). Ramrod is unaware of
their sacrafices, or of any attacks, although Victor is killed. Adso is
promoted to leader of his group and is sent by the Bavarians to take
care of Ramrod.
Superguy escapes from the clutches of the PPLF, smashes their leadership,
destroys the Cube (their "ultimate weapon") and retrieves Andy the
Coffeeburro from the clutches of Dr. Sleaze before leaving to check out
Tokyo. Phil Donahue and his SNUCCI rent-a-cultists arrive soon
thereafter, the Robert Smith twins in tow. Phil is distraught to learn
Superguy smashed the Cube, the Next-to-the-Last-Avatar of Cthulu (as we
all know, Phil Hartman is the Last Avatar of Cthulu), and leaves without
taking the pieces of the Cube. ManMan, DadaMan and Juan Valdez arrive
soon thereafter, and Juan is reunited with his coffeeburro. They then
go their seperate ways. We presume RatherLarge is still being kept
safely mediocre by ManMan, even today.
Rad is driven insane by Madhatter's madness weapon, and trashes good guys
and bad guys alike with his powers, unchained by any rational thought.
Glum calms him down, and Hardeharharlock reverses the process. They
battle the monsters again, with the divided factions fighting on the same
side. Nevertheless, they are defeated, and it is only Superguy's
intervention that saves the day. Superguy sends all the monsters back
where they belong, including Mike Polinski, whom he shrinks back down to
fifty feet high.
Ramrod arrives in Denver and follows in the wake of the Annihilator's
bloody trail. He picks up his check, and finds DeBoss' clones. After
learning that DeBoss had been hired by Wilson's Storage to transport the
box containing Hitler's brain, he fixes things to that Da Boss will
remember nothing of the entire affair. He then returns home to Ellen,
the Batsman, and has a prescient dream about Jacqueline Montgomery. The
fragment of the Seed inside him begins to stir. Ken Gengras' airship
arrives in Denver.
In Maine, Figuremaster tries to reclaim Dr. Kilohertzmann's car, fails,
and returns to Hartford and the Awesome Force.
Buster and Bolt of Good Guys, Inc, defeat the Alien Liberation Front, who
actually turn out to be leftover Creepy Aliens from Pluto, stranded after
their defeat at the hands of Max Vax.
Rad and company attack and defeat the Dalan fleet, rescuing Akane, Ho,
and Sean Connery, who were hostages. Sean goes with Hardeharharlock when
he leaves, and Madhatter is locked up. The madness is drained from
Willard Scott, but he still can't remember who Rad's real mother is.
Kaoru appears to be killed, and the madness rifle is left drifting in
space. William and Thelma, two Dalan agents who discovered emotions,
decide to return to their Empire and stage a revolution. Rad, Glum and
Manny say goodbye to Rad's stepfamily, have a fun day or three with
Key and Yury, then return to California.
Faith and Healer, with the assistance of Solutions? Ultd, contend with
the Skeptic (Ralph Nader) and his minions (Paranoia, Doubt, Harvey
Wallbanger, Thavius, Ms. Coffee, the Wind and Quaker Oatmeal Guy), who
plan on taking over the world by making everyone so skeptical of
everything they hear that they believe nothing. The good guys win, and
Ms. Coffee is killed in the final battle. Eivandt Seconds, brother of
Manny Seconds and formerly Doubt, joins Faith & Healer as their sidekick.
Solutions? Ultd. establishes it's new orbital base/nightclub, which looks
like Mickey Mouse's head, and establishes a skyhook with Earth.
Chalandra Harkness, who quit the government to open a detective agency
in San Francisco, tracks the stolen Queen's Emerald to the half-rebuilt
Washington DC, where the Phil Donahue-led SNUCCI and the Cult of Tip
O'Neil have joined forces to use the Queen's Emerald to focus their
spiritual energies on the pieces of the Cube, the next-to-the-last Avatar
of Cthulhu, to bring Cthulhu to this plane. Chalandra battles undead talk
show hosts, mutant congressmen and the mercenary anthropomorphic donkey
Badass, and succeeds in preventing Cthulhu from returning to Earth.
Instead, the Cube picks up the matter transmission beam of Horace, a
fifteen-foot tall golden dragon who is SpamWay's top salesbeing. The
cultists, including Phil and Oprah wander off into the sewers of
Washington DC. Phil and Oprah are absorbed by a mutant SPAM creature of
unknown origin. Meanwhile, Chalandra returns to San Francisco with the
Queen's Emerald and a new detective partner in Horace.
Galaxy Hunter and Hardeharharlock and their respective allies contend
with Dark Wader, ruler of the evil Muuuahahahah Empire, and his plan to
use his hideously powerful and portable Death Star to rule the galaxy.
They succeed, and Dark Wader is apparantly killed, but Richard Nixon,
the Shadow Figure behind the Ottsamaddawidu throne, orders that Dark be
kept alive and in suspended animation.
(to be continued...)
--
Gary W. Olson swede@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu swede@drycas.bitnet
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X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit X-Google-Thread: 128306,c81a63f22fea13eb,start X-Google-Attributes: gid128306,public X-Google-ArrivalTime: 1994-12-01 04:32:03 PST Path: arc1-ca.pugleaf.net!bga.com!news.sprintlink.net!howland.reston.ans.net!paladin.american.edu!auvm!DRYCAS.BITNET!SWEDE Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU Newsgroups: bit.listserv.superguy Comments: ******************************************************** Comments: * The following "Approved" statement verifies header * Comments: * information for gateway passage. No approval of the * Comments: * content is implied. * Approved: NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU * Comments: ******************************************************** X-Envelope-to: superguy@ucf1vm.bitnet X-VMS-To: IN%"superguy@ucf1vm.cc.ucf.edu", IN%"superguy@ucf1vm.bitnet" Message-ID: <01HK3X9TABAOHSLRQR@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> Date: Wed, 30 Nov 1994 23:47:00 EST Sender: UCF SUPERGUY List <SUPERGUY@UCF1VM.BITNET> From: there goes a tenner <SWEDE@DRYCAS.BITNET> Subject: SG: History of the Superguy Altiverse, Version 4.0, part three Comments: To: superguy@ucf1vm.cc.ucf.edu, superguy@ucf1vm.bitnet Lines: 349