🚀 go-pugleaf

                                   CALFORCE
                                  Episode 108
                        (Global Domination, Part Eight)
                       "The Same Thing We Do Every Night"
                                      by
                                 Gary W. Olson


                    "Oh no, they're giving away the ending!"

                            - MST3K's Tom Servo,
                              upon seeing the title of the
                              movie 'It Conquered the World'


         (continuity note: for those new readers out there discovering
          this list via their newsreaders, this episode ends an eight
          part story arc.  This feature is going on hiatus until
          September, when it will resume with (coincidence?) episode
          109.  While I, the Author, viz the person who is typing this
          now, appreciate that this sort of puts you behind the eight
          ball, having not read the first seven episodes, please do not
          e-mail me requesting the previous episodes.  Instead, read
          the Superguy FAQ, which the lovely and talented Eric Alfred
          Burns should be posting soon, if he hasn't already.  This
          will direct you as to how to obtain recent archives, as well
          as non-recent archives.

          Besides, as far as this particular story arc is concerned,
          the plot is secondary to the experience, at best.  Really.
          Would I lie?

          As to why this is called a "continuity note," it's because
          this particular plotline is taking place "out of continuity,"
          that is, out of sync with the events in, say, Rob Furr's
          'Hard Times' or Chris Meadows' 'Team MECHA.'  Not *that*
          much out of sync, I would estimate - probably a few weeks,
          in story time.  This ain't rocket science, you know.

          As for feedback: we, as Authors, love feedback.  But
          *please* do not send it to the list - send it to us privately.
          We prefer this group to be all signal (that is, story posts
          or official Administrivia) and no noise (extraneous
          discussion.)  Again, please watch for the FAQ for more
          information on this and a host of Superguy-related questions
          you're undoubtedly too apathetic to ask.

          One more thing: the characters are fictional.  The conspiracy
          is real.  Bl00p!

          Thank you.  And now, our feature presentation.)


                                 |||---^---|||

     Microvax lurched to his feet, his VaxArmor systems gyrating like a belly
dancer with three bellies.  He tested the sensory net, attempting to see if
he had regained control of the armor, but found it unresponsive.  Through the
eyeslits, he could see that he was no longer in the Mitsubiggi VCR Production
Plant but in what appeared to be a slag heap with a wet bar.
     "What's going on?" he heard his teammate, Criticalman, ask.  "Is this
supposed to be art?"
     "We could overpower him while he's acting goofy like this," Late Show
M00se suggested.
     "@*!%(!@$!!!" Madonna commented.
     "Ack!" Microvax commented, unheard by those outside his armor, as his
armor suddenly and without warning began to disco dance.
     "What *is* he doing?" Teri Garr asked, perplexed.
     "He appears to be trying to tell us something!" Mighty Guy exclaimed.
"Let's see...a bad tv-movie being filmed?  In Dead Rock Canyon?"
     "It looks like charades to me," Biff Henderson said.
     Tom McCavish-Laffalot groaned.  He decided to try the option of last
resort, to disable the remote control that was being used to control his armor.
He only hoped he could undo the damage later.
     His armor froze.  The remote had been disabled, but he still did not have
control again.
     Tom began to wish he had installed cable in the optic circuitry.

                                 |||---^---|||

     "Hmmm," Confusion said, as he pressed buttons on the remote control.
"It's not doing anything now."
     "Here, let me see," Dr. Pethas Scott told him.  Confusion handed the
remote over to Pethas, who peered at it, with Flores Lame craning her neck for
a look as well.  "There's a message on the screen here.  It says that the
account 'MICROVAX@MICROVAX.SUP' is overdrawn, and its been frozen."
     "Microvax?" Percy Grey asked.  "This controls his armor?"
     "It appears so, at least up till now," Confusion said.  He looked down
at No-Eyelids Man, who was sitting, unblinking (for obvious reasons), finishing
off a 'Ho-Ho' he had stashed away in his utility belt.  "No-Eyelids Man here
was controlling Microvax, and using him to cause chaos at the VCR plant while
the Programmer went in to reprogram the VCRs."
     "The Programmer," Flores said.  "Isn't that him now?"
     Everyone looked up, to see The Programmer, in handcuffs, being escorted
towards them by a short, white-haired man in a three piece suit.  He had a
slight smile on his face, which quickly disappeared when he noticed Confusion
looking at him.
     "Sir or madam, as the case may be," the white-haired man said.  "Are
you empowered to arrest this person or persons and take him into custody?  I
caught him attempting to dominate the world."
     "Larry!" Martha Clark exclaimed.
     "It's Calvert now, ma'am," Calvert DeForest corrected her.  "New network."
     "Yup," Johnathan Clark agreed.
     "He was trying to reprogram the clock-programming unit in the plant to
program all the VCRs with a subliminal message," Confusion told Calvert.  "It
was designed to cause anyone who saw it to go out and reprogram already
VCR clocks with the subliminal pattern, until the whole world had seen the
subliminals, at which time he would be recognized as Emperor of the World."
     "Nice plot-recap," the Programmer said.
     "Thanks," Confusion said, glancing out the monitor at the bit.listserv.
superguy reader at home.  He glanced away quickly, realizing that the reader
was naked.
     "Were you able to stop him before he could carry out his plot?" Flores
asked.
     "Yes, I did!" Calvert said.  "And while you're taking him into custody,
you may as well stop by Dr. Sleaze's Secret Hideout/Luxury Resort and arrest
Dr. Pop, who is also running a plan to dominate the world!"
     "Um, thanks," Confusion told him.  "Come on, everyone, into the jeep."
     They took the Programmer and No-Eyelids Man to the jeep and tied them
up (after Confusion removed the circuitry web from The Programmer).  The
Fraternizer, who had been napping ever since the episode began, snorted
loudly, woke up, and belched.  Confusion got into the driver's seat, while
Pethas took the passenger seat and Martha, Johnathan, Flores, and Percy
piled in the back.
     Calvert DeForest watched as they drove away.
     "So long, suckers!" he yelled at them.  "Ahhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

                                 |||---^---|||

     "Damn," Microvax thought.  "This is a good place for a stick up."  Yes,
gentle reader, it was getting a bit gamy in the ol' armor, at around this
time.
     "He may be stuck in there!" Mighty Guy determined, no doubt using his
power of Mighty Fast Thinking.  "I'll help him out!"
     "Um, no!" Criticalman exclaimed, stopping Mighty Guy before he could
be helpful in his rather destructive way.  "That might not be necessary."
     Just then, a bolt of nuclear force slammed into the VaxArmor, plowing it
into the only building for a full dozen miles around that was still standing.
Tom sighed, as the power went out in his armor, with him stuck, upside down,
in a classic John Travolta pose, in the remains of a pot of marigolds.
     There was a definite downside to being an armored hero, he reflected.
     Seconds later, the lights in his armor came back up.  "The system's
rebooting," Tom said to himself.  A green light flashed, indicating that
the VaxArmor was once again fully operational.  He sent the 'fold' command
through the sense-net, and waited.
     Finally, he was rewarded, as the armor began folding back, crimson red
steel compacting itself into a tire-sized belt around his waist.  Unfortunately,
he was still quite stuck in the marigolds.
     That did not last long.  Two strong arms grabbed his ankles and hoisted
him out.  He spat out two flowers and looked at the legs of his rescuer.  He
whistled.
     "Better watch it, buster," he heard his wife say.  He turned his head and
saw another set of legs, a set he recognized as belonging to his wife.  His
rescuer turned him right side up, and set him down.
     "Is that a Gopher in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
Chalandra asked.  Tom chuckled, and attempted to take a step, almost falling
over in the process.  He managed to stagger over to Laura and kissed her
right eyelid.
     "Okay, you're forgiven," Laura told him.  "But next time, I'll spank you."
     "Promise?" Tom asked.
     "Yes," Laura replied, kissing him right on the kisser.  So to speak.
     "Mmmm," Tom said, after the kiss ended.  "I needed that.  What are you
doing here, anyway?  Did Manny get word to you?"
     "No," Laura said.  "Chal, Yury, and I were captured by Dr. Pop.  Who
captured you?"
     "Some boob named The Programmer," Tom told her.  "Clearly a novice
supervillain.  Where's Yury?"
     "She and Key are finishing off Dr. Pop's animated statues," Chalandra
said.  "I thought about helping out, but after MeltDown pounded the first three
statues into dust, I figured I could sit out this one."  She lifted one of
Tom's arms, while Laura lifted the other, and together they helped him out
of the rubble of the building.  Ronald McDonald parts flew by, as MeltDown
vanquished the last statue.
     "Well, so much for pathos," HotFlash commented.  "Hey, Key, you still
haven't told me what's with the old age makeup."
     "Kent and I were infiltrating Dr. Sleaze's scam operation, posing as his
grandparents," MeltDown answered.  "We were out of communication with HAL -
we had no idea you were being held prisoner here."  She tugged at the partially
torn hollywood makeup.  "Ack.  This stuff makes my skin crawl, anyway."
     "Here, let me take care of it," HotFlash said.  Before MeltDown could
answer, HotFlash blasted her with a full-intensity fiery plasma blast.  As
MeltDown's nuclear force field made her invulnerable to most everything, she
remained unscathed as the fire burned away the makeup, as well as the farm
overalls she had been wearing, the clothing under the overalls, and...well,
you get the idea.
     "Eep!" MeltDown exclaimed, as Laura quickly covered Tom's eyes.
     "Don't worry," HotFlash said, pointing out of the monitor.  "The reader's
naked, too."
     [stock footage: a nude man in a wig playing the piano.]
     "Hey, wait, I know that stock footage!" Chalandra exclaimed.
"Criticalman!  A jump cut!  Quickly!"
     One jump cut later, MeltDown was in her heroing costume, which helped
matters a bit.  But only a bit.  Laura dropped her hand from Tom's eyes, which
didn't stop his knees from buckling.
     "Is everyone all right?" Criticalman asked.  Behind him, Late Show M00se,
Mighty Guy, and assorted staff and guests of the Late Show arrived, looking
winded (except for Mighty Guy) and wondering how Criticalman had gotten across
the broken chunks of concrete and steel so quickly.  (Answer: a continuity
error in the script, that may or may not get fixed in post-production.)
     "We're fine, now," Chalandra told them.  "We were captured by Dr. Pop..."
     "I know," Criticalman said.  "You were captured by Dr. Pop, while Manny,
Pethas, and Tom were captured by The Programmer, while Mighty Guy and Key were
investigating Dr. Sleaze.  Fortunately, the M00se Illuminati, or at least this
portion of them, agreed to help me rescue you."  Criticalman paused, trying to
remember what they had done that had actually been crucial to rescuing anyone.
     "Where's The Programmer now?" Late Show M00se inquired, as a jeep drove
up and over a pile of concrete to reach the assembled group.
     "We've got him," Confusion said.  "And his henchmen, too."
     The Fraternizer belched.
     "One of whom has turned over a new beer keg."
     "I could have had it all, too," The Programmer said.  "If it wasn't for
those meddling M00ses!"  He looked away, and muttered: "...but in two months,
just you wait..."
     "*!@$@^&@!!" Madonna added.
     "Well, that's one down," Microvax told him.  "But what about Dr. Pop?"
     "H-here," Dr. Pop groaned, as he staggered towards the jeep.  He handed
his combination Mind Control Ray/Fruit Juicer/Salad Shooter to HotFlash before
tossing himself into the back.
     "Ow!" No-Eyelids Man exclaimed.  "Watch the eyes!"
     "Being pummeled by Lenin's torso seemed to take the fight out of him,"
MeltDown noted thoughtfully.
     "That just leaves Dr. Sleaze," Flores Lame said.  "Speaking of which,
where did Kent go?  And Timmy?"
     "You mean, Timmy might be...d-d-dead...?" Percy asked, hopefully.
     "Here I am!" Timmy 'you're not that lucky' O'Larson said, emerging from
another pile of rubble, along with his parents, Bob and Carol.
     "Ah, Timmy, how wonderful you're alive," Percy said, flatly.
     "This has been wonderful," Bob O'Larson said, smoking his pipe and
smiling broadly.  "But it appears our fellow would-be world domination investors
have fled, so we shall to."  He shook Johnathan Clark's hand.  "Good to meet
you, sir!"  The O'Larsons then proceeded to skip briskly away.
     "Whatever," Johnathan replied.  "I'm going back to my farm."
     "Yup," Martha added.
     "What about me?!" Dr. Sleaze exclaimed.  "Isn't anyone going to arrest
me?"
     "For what?" Confusion asked.
     "For attempting to dominate the world!" Dr. Sleaze told him.
     "Sorry," Chalandra said.  "But all the witnesses have fled.  There's no
proof that would stand up in court."
     "But...it was all a scam!" Dr. Sleaze protested.  "Here, look!"  He began
producing videotapes, documents, and reel-to-reel tapes from the filing cabinet
that was standing, undamaged, not five feet from the group.  "Arrest me!
Please!"
     "You know, Kent mentioned something about this when I was rescuing him
earlier," Mighty Guy told him.  "I'll turn these files over to him when I see
him again."  He took some of the files from Sleaze, while MeltDown took the
rest.  "But until Kent has thorougly examined all this material, we can't
arrest you!"
     "But...but...the creditors..." Dr. Sleaze started.  But it was too late.
They were already leaving him.  Minutes later, he was alone, in the rubble
that had once been his Hideout.

                                 |||---^---|||

     Two months later.
     "Bl00p!" Key exclaimed.  "Argghhh!"
     "This is bl00p! ridiculous," Chalandra grumbled.  "What the bl00p! is
going on?"
     "If I bl00p! again, I will scream," Laura swore.
     "Bl00p!" Kent exclaimed, as he put up his 'Reporter of the Month'
plaque up on the nail that Yury had pounded in.  (The nails that Kent pounded
in, despite the special physics of CalForce HQ, had a tendency to end up
several rooms away from the rec room wall that the plaque was supposed to
be hung from.)
     "Dave, if you turn on the news, I believe they have at last figured out
what happened," HAL said.
     "Good," Manny said.  "Speaking bl00p! of news, it's too bl00p! bad that
vacation we took to Planet California caused us to bl00p! miss the Industrial
Revolution."  He handed his cue card back to Key, who tucked it back into her
cleavage.
     The television monitor blinked on.
     "Worldwide bl00p!ing continues unabated," Bland Tv-Reporter reported.
"Confusion and peaceful chaos has bl00p! the world in its grip, as the bl00p!
citizens of the world find themselves exclaiming bl00p! at random.  We turn
bl00p! now to Dr. Henri Gigawatt, who bl00p! claims he has deduced the cause."
     "Oui," Dr. Gigawatt said, in a stock french accent.  "Ze bl00p!ing, eet
ees caused by a subliminal bl00p! program zat was somehow put into zee VCRs
two months ago.  I have cracked ze program, und have found that it bl00p!
was reproduced in VCRs bl00p! the world over zhru unknown means.  Ze bl00p!ing
appears to be temporary, and should bl00p! last only another eleven bl00p!
hours.  Bl00p!"
     "Any bl00p! clues as to who bl00p! caused it?"
     "Si!" Dr. Gigawatt told him in a stock spanish accent.  "Es de M00se
Illuminati, bl00p! senor.  They left un message en los bl00p! remarks de la
programma."
     "But bl00p! why?"
     "I...don't know," Dr. Gigawatt said, in a stock Raymond Burr accent.
"Bl00p!"
     "Well, there you bl00p! have bl00p! it," Tv-Reporter said.  "In bl00p!
other news, bl00p! The Programmer, recently bl00p! convicted of attempted
global bl00p! takeover, claims that the bl00p! subliminal idea had been his,
but it had bl00p! been subverted by a bl00p! 'Mr. DeForest.'  Authorities
are bl00p! completely ignoring him.  In an bl00p! unrelated story, Dr.
Sleaze was recently bl00p! arrested for jaywalking after bl00p! his creditors
let him go, having decided bl00p! that they couldn't extract more blood bl00p!
from him..."
     Chalandra switched off the television.
     "Bl00p!" Tom exclaimed.  "Arrgh!"

WILL THE BL00PING STOP IN ELEVEN HOURS?
WILL MICROVAX FIX HIS ARMOR SO HE DOESN'T END UP IN A POT OF MARIGOLDS NEXT
     TIME?
WILL KENT ATTEMPT MORE UNDERCOVER REPORTING?
WILL PERCY LET HIM?
These questions have perplexed the great philosophers.  The rest of us just
ignore them.  At any rate, they may be answered when CalForce continues in
September, only here on...SUPERGUY!

Four and six, in a plain wrapper.

+-------- Gary W. Olson --------+   "No good deed goes unpunished."
| swede@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu  |                - Clare Booth Luce
+----- swede@drycas.bitnet -----+