🚀 go-pugleaf

One of the many mysteries about the _Anonymous_ was its original function.
The two major schools of thought suggested that it was either a battleship
or some sort of colony ship.  The battleship group pointed to its numerous
weapons, powerful shields, thick hull, and fighter squadrons, suggesting
that these made the _Anonymous_ rather heavily armed for a colony ship.  The
other group pointed to the large farming section and twenty-two residence
sections and suggested that only an idiot would put room for so many people
on a warship.  A third group suggested that it had originally been a warship
that was later converted to a colony ship, but they were generally ignored.
    Of the twenty-two residence sections, Sector 7G (so designated for
reasons that are quite logical, but can't be easily explained without a
three-dimensional map) was the largest.  Ranging from seven to ten stories
tall, depending on where you were, it's layout was vaguely reminiscent of an
immense mall, only much more convoluted.  As it happens, Sector 7G was
chosen rather early on to serve as the primary commercial area on the
_Anonymous_, making it's resemblance to an immense mall even stronger.
    Of the many restaurants in Sector 7G, the most respected was Chez Casa.
It was founded long ago by Clive Jonson, who had previously been a chef at
the world-spanning, five-star restaurant McDonalds (where, it was said, he
was among the top five preparers of such specialty items as McSnails,
McCordon Blue, and Veal McCutlets).  Needless to say, there was always a
rather long line to get in.  However, for reasons better left unsaid, the
elite fighter pilots (who numbered twenty-five because there had only been
twenty-five applicants) were always assured a table there.
    After the hockey game between the Green and Black Squadrons (they tied,
six-six) ended, Stan Losar, Sally Winters, Dave Menendez, and Amy Masaki
headed off to Chez Casa for dinner.  Afterwards, they passed the time
playing a lengthy game of whist (Clive was a big whist player, and often
granted free beverages to participants) while discussing the upcoming visit
to Planet Gloom.
    "Personally," Menendez was saying, "I think it's madness taking an
untested starship into the heart of enemy territory."
    "Yes," Winters agreed, "but the _Anonymous_ is a very tough ship.  I
can't imagine we'll be in too much trouble.  I mean, the _Futility_ did
pretty well against a whole fleet just the other day -- although they
weren't really aiming that well, now that I think about it."
    "Both of you have good points," Masaki said quietly.  "I think you may
both be correct in this case:  it's a bad idea, but we'll probably survive."
    "Unless they've got a secret weapon," Losar commented.
    "Well, yeah.  That goes without saying."
    "I wonder what the civilians think?" Menendez wondered.
    "They're too upset about losing cable," Winters replied.
    "It figures.  Here we are, in the majesty of spa--"
    <<Attention,>> the public address system boomed, cutting him off.  <<The
_Anonymous_ will be activating its overly-hyped drives in five seconds.
Please make appropriate preparations.>>
    Masaki blinked.  "What would those be?"
    The others shrugged.  "Finish your drink," Winters suggested.
    There was a slight lurch, and then the PA system spoke again.  <<We have
entered overly-hyped space.  For your own safety, please avoid looking at
outside views, as extreme boredom or death may result.  That is all.>>

                            -------------------

                           STARCRUISER ANONYMOUS
                          (A Tale Within Sfstory)

                                Episode 11
                              Wherein Elahte
                             Explains His Plan
                                    by
                               Dave Menendez

                            -------------------

Deep within the generic hallways of the Fortress of Gloom, the capitol and
primary hot-dog stand of the Zakavian Empire, strode the tall,
trenchcoat-clad form of Bob.  Beside him was Jen Kadar, who was having to
alternate between walking and running in order to keep up.  Bob had wanted
to go alone, but Jen had insisted that she be allowed to accompany him to
make up for the favors he had done for her.  He had relented, although he
refused to clarify exactly what his mission was, which meant that Jen was
only partially able to match his look of firm resolve.  Any Zakavians that
they encountered tended to leap out of their way, in an over-dramatic
manner.  They were ignored.
    The exception was an armored Zakavian soldier who nearly collided with
Bob as they were turning a corner.  As armored Zakavian soldiers tend to be
rather violent and armed, Bob decided to acknowledge this one's existence.
    "Pardon me," he said.  "I wasn't watching where I was going."
    The soldier, however, didn't seem to be paying attention to Bob, instead
seeming to stare at Jen.  Finally it spoke:  <<Jen?>>
    Bob and Jen shared a confused glance.  They were the only two on the
planet who knew Jen's name.  "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
Jen asked nervously, trying to change the subject.
    The armored figure gave the impression of blinking.  <<What?  Oh, the
uniform.>>  With that, it removed the armor's helmet, revealing features
that were neither Caphanite or Blargoloid, but human.  And familiar ones at
that.
    "Megan?" Jen gasped, recognizing her younger sister.  She opened her
mouth but was too surprised to say anything.  Trying again, she managed to
ask "How did _you_ get here?"
    "That's a long story," Megan replied.  "I think I'll let Roy tell it."
    "He's here too?"
    Megan nodded.
    Bob cleared his throat.  "I assume," he said, "you two know each other?"
    "That's a pretty safe assumption," Jen replied.  Seeing the impatient
look on Bob's face, she elaborated.  "She's my sister."
    "Ah.  Well, I'm on a tight schedule here."  He glanced around, saw that
no one was in the area, and continued in a more quiet voice.  "I've got to
make sure the Zakavians don't cause massive destruction with their new
ultimate weapon."
    "An ultimate weapon?" Megan asked.  "Maybe I should tell Orliss about
that.  He's into the whole good/evil thing."
    "He's a space hero?"
    Megan shrugged.  "Not really, but he's minoring in Space Heroism at
Interstellar University."
    Bob slapped his forehead, the scales on his hand making a thwapping
sound as they hit the scales on his forehead, and sighed.  "We'd better work
together then.  I don't want him to suddenly show up and try something
heroic and get us all killed."
    "Great!  Now just let me remember where they are...."

                                 *   *   *

The problem with ironic situations, Captain-General Tvanir decided, was that
you can't appreciate them when they're happening to _you_, instead of some
other person.  Had she heard of anyone else trying to spark a rebellion to
justify his or her position and then getting captured by those rebels, she
probably would have found it immensely amusing.  Worse, if the newly-arrived
Captain-General Mselt freed her, _he'd_ get the credit for stopping the
rebellion and her career would stagnate even further.  She didn't want to
think about what her assignments after that would be like.  Probably
internal security in the Fortress of Gloom or something.
    The door to the room she shared with Prince Boltar of Arorua opened and
two Arorans walked in.  They were Garav, who had captured her, and Bentor,
who seemed to be in charge.
    "Hi, Secret," Boltar said in greeting.
    "Huh?" Bentor replied.
    "I said--"
    "I heard that," Bentor interrupted.  "Why do you keep calling me
Secret?"
    "It's your name, isn't it?"
    "I am called Bentor."
    "No, not your code name.  Your _real_ name."
    Bentor made a strangling noise.  "My real name is _not_ 'Secret'."
    "It isn't?" Garav asked.  "Then how come you've never told any of _us_
what it is?"
    "It is _a_ secret," Bentor replied through clenched teeth.  Regaining
self-control, he turned to Garav.  "Garav, get Boltar."
    "So how come _I_ don't get a secret name?" Garav asked.
    Bentor slapped his forehead.  "No one knew 'Garav' _was_ your real name
until right now.  Now go get Boltar, our ... 'new prisoners' want to speak
with him."
    "But they _aren't_ prisoners."
    Bentor visibly restrained himself from strangling Garav, and instead
gestured at Boltar.
    "Right."  Garav quickly untied Boltar's hands and walked him outside.
Bentor glanced at Tvanir and then left, closing the door behind him.
    "Idiots," Tvanir mumbled.  As if being imprisoned wasn't embarrassing
enough, she had to be imprisoned by amateurs.  She doubted they were even
keeping a guard on the door.  With that cheerful thought in mind, she went
back to loosening her bonds.

Roger Vasta looked up as Bentor returned, along with someone else who was,
presumably, Prince Boltar.  Somehow, Chancellor Elahte had convinced the
Aroruan People's League that, although he _seemed_ to have been working for
the Zakavians, he was actually on their side.  More importantly (in Vasta's
view), he had also convinced them that Vasta and his companions were also on
their side -- despite the fact that none of them knew exactly which side
that was.
    "Prince Boltar," Elahte said in greeting.  "I hope you were treated
well?"
    Boltar shrugged.  "Sure, except that they tied me up and left me in a
room with Captain-General Tvanir."
    "We assumed they were working together, like Princess Elim and Governor
Jjana," Bentor explained.
    "Ah," Elahte said sagely.  "Well, hopefully we can avoid similar
misunderstandings in the future.  Allow me to introduce these people I just
met, they are ... um ... enemies of the Zakavians."
    Vasta sensed that that was his cue to explain his group's origin.
"We're from the starship _Anonymous_.  We were out testing some weapons
systems when Captain-General Mselt -- he was just a Captain at the time --
showed up and captured us for reasons that I've never really heard
explained.  We were taken to Planet Gloom," those familiar with that planet
shuddered, "where we managed to escape.  Then we snuck back onto Mselt's
ship."
    "Why?" Bentor asked.
    "It was better than Planet Gloom," Samantha Dixon answered.
    "Indeed," Thomas Dent agreed, looking up from the copy of _English
Syntax_ that Alex McCurry had lent him (no one knew why McCurry was carrying
a book about grammar, and that suited them just fine).  "We also knew it was
going somewhere else, where we would stand a better chance at escape."
    "The point," Elahte continued, "is that all the primary anti-Zakavian
forces (with the possible exception of Princess Elim, whose loyalties are
suspect) on the planet are gathered here today.  Since we can no longer lay
low and hope the Zakavians will get so bored they'll leave for a more
interesting planet," he cast an irritated look at Bentor while he said that,
"we'll have to take a more ... direct approach."
    "Like what?" Bentor asked.  "The only bargaining chip we've got is
Tvanir, and I don't think the Zakavians really like her that much."
    Elahte shook his head.  "I wasn't thinking of bargaining.  It's time we
attacked."
    "Attacked?" Bentor demanded.  "Are you out of your _mind_?  Even if they
join us," he gestured at the Blue Squadron, "we've still got less than
twenty people.  What can we do against the Legion?"
    "Actually, my plan requires only five people to succeed, but they must
be familiar with high technology."
    No one spoke for a few moments.
    "Well," said McCurry eventually, "_we're_ familiar with high
technology."
    "_Some_ technology," Dixon corrected.  "I doubt that would be much of a
help in this situation."
    "You'd be surprised," Elahte said.
    "So what's the plan?" Vasta asked.
    "Well, as offworlders, I assume you're unfamiliar with the legend of
Ampron, right?"
    The Blue Squadron expressed agreement.
    Elahte nodded and took a deep breath.  "Many years ago," he began, "our
peaceful planet was defended by a powerful force of good.  That force was
called Ampron, the Really Powerful Defender of Niceness and Stuff."
    "Nice title," McCurry interjected.
    "Er... yes.  That particular phrase was created by the chief of public
relations... a Ms. Varneyloop, I believe.  [She may or may not be related to
G.X.P. Varneyloop.  We had asked the research department to go check, but
they spent their budget on inflatable weasels instead.  Evidently, there was
a sale or something -- Ed.]   Anyway, Ampron was a giant robot--"
    "Typical," Dixon snorted.
    "What is it with the giant robots?" Vasta wondered.  "How come planets
are never defended by vast armies of fanatic celery or something?"
    "They're not as appealing to adolescent boys," Dixon explained.  "Harder
to merchandise."
    "If I may continue?" Elahte asked acidly.  After the others finished
mumbling apologies, he continued.  "It's commonly believed that Ampron was
destroyed it its last battle.  As you might expect, that's not completely
true.  It was split into five components, which were rebuilt by various
secret organizations and hidden should the need for their use arise again.
Five keys to the components were also created and hidden.  Unfortunately, I
only know the location of four of them. They're in the palace at the moment.
 I should be able to sneak some people in to fetch them."
    "Will four be enough?" McCurry asked.
    Elahte pursed his lips.  "Without all five, they can't combine to reform
Ampron.  They're not as effective individually."
    "We can't partially form Ampron?" Vasta asked.
    "No.  The missing key is for the primary unit."
    "Rather inconvenient, that."
    "Could we try to start it without the key?" Bentor asked.
    Elahte grinned weakly.  "That brings us to the other problem:  the
location of the units has been lost.  The keys receive a homing signal, but
it's unlikely they're all in the same place."
    There was another moment of silence as the rebels and displaced Terrans
considered.
    "So what's your plan?" Bentor asked at last.
    "Well," Elahte said, "on the off chance we can find the fifth key, we'll
need five pilots."  He paused and looked at the Blue Squadron.  "Will the
four of you be willing?"
    Vasta looked at his group.  Dent was still scanning his book on syntax,
but McCurry and Dixon looked fairly interested.  He wished Jen were still
with them -- she'd provide a good fifth pilot.  Plus, he wouldn't have to
feel guilty for accidentally leaving her on Planet Gloom.  "We're willing,"
he said, "but who will be the fifth pilot?"
    "Ooh, ooh!  Pick me!" Boltar said, waving his hands around.
    "You?" Bentor asked, raising an eyebrow.  "You've _got_ to be kidding."
    "But, I've got political connections!  And I'm familiar with Aroruan
customs!  You've _got_ to pick me.  Please?"
    Elahte sighed.  "I suppose," he said, sounding reluctant, "it would be a
good move politically.  Certainly, the public likes you more than they like
Princess Elim right now."  He turned to Vasta.  "Do you accept?" he asked.
    "I suppose so," Vasta replied.  Glancing around at his team, he saw that
they agreed.  He turned to Boltar.  "Welcome to the Blue Squadron," he said.
    "Not the Blue Squadron," Elahte corrected, "the Ampron Force."
    "Right."
    "So," Dixon asked Elahte, "what's the _plan_?  How are we going to find
these ... units?  And what _are_ they?"
    Elahte hesitated for a second, and then spoke.  "Penguins," he said.
"I'm told they're robotic penguins."
    "How do you make a giant robot out of _penguins_?  More importantly, how
do you make five penguins out of a giant robot?"
    "With an instruction manual?" Dent suggested.
    Elahte shrugged.  "As for your first question, I plan for a small group
to infiltrate the palace -- it should be fairly easy, since they still trust
me -- and return here with the keys.  Then we can sent larger groups out to
find the penguin units and then we'll be ready to plot our assault on the
Zakavians."
    "Sounds good," Bentor said.  He was about to continue when Garav
suddenly burst in.
    "Bentor!" he cried.  "It's Tvanir!  She's escaped!"
    "_What_?"  Bentor demanded.  "How could this happen?"
    "She managed to untie herself, and then she snuck out," Garav explained.
    "She may have heard our plans," Elahte warned.  "We must move quickly."
    "What about the guard on her cell?" Dixon asked.
    A silence descended on the room;  had there been any crickets in the
area, this would have been the cue for their solo.
    "I _knew_ we forgot something," Bentor groaned.


WILL TVANIR'S ESCAPE DERAIL THEIR PLAN?
WILL THEY SUCCEED IN RETRIEVING THE KEYS?
WILL THEY MANAGE TO LOCATE THE FIFTH PENGUIN?
IF SO, DO YOU SUPPOSE AMPRON MIGHT POSSIBLY GET INVOLVED IN SOME SORT OF
    FIGHT WITH THAT GIANT, TRANSFORMING ROBOT THE ZAKAVIANS HAVE?

Well, there won't be any giant robots fighting when Orliss and Bob discuss
strategy in the next phone-mangling episode of Starcruiser Anonymous.
    SFSTORY:  It Stays Crispy, Even in Milk

--
David Menendez        <zednenem@psu.edu>
<http://www.cse.psu.edu/~menendez/>
Sfstory Author and DNRC Member
He's back! In pog form!