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And now. . .

IT'S

                          The quest for planet Planet
                                   episode 18
                                by Ben Brown

[You don't really want to know how far out of continutiy this is. Trust me.]

     Scene: a desert on planet Planet.  A space needle sits upended in the sand,
the smell of dead flowers wafting slowly across the sands from it.  This is not
really important, but it helps the reader identify which space needle this is,
if he (or she) has read some of the earlier episodes of this saga.  If the
reader hasn't, then the reader is probably unaware that there is more than one
space needle.  There is.  This is the one that the extreme was catapulted into
space in.  The other one, the one with Mister Safety, and Sam and Bert, and
erstwhile graffiti artist Winifred "Fred" Corley, should be coming into view
right about [the narrator checks his watch] NOW!

     With a cloud of dust and a hearty "hi-ho silver" the second Bob City
Space Needle and rotating oyster bar shreiked through the atmosphere of planet
Planet, coming to rest in a crater of sand not too far from its predecessor
in the Bob City Space Needle department. For those of you in need of sound
effects, a nice "FOOSH!" would do here.

-----------

     "There's been another landing in the desert," announced Squadron Poobah
Johnson (at last we have given him a name).

     "So take a Winnebago and go check it out," said the High Shah. "I can't be
bothered right now, and neither can the Dark Master. He's with a very important
prisoner."

     "Um, by the way," asked the Poobah, "Why are we working for him?  What
exactly do we plan to get out of this?"

     "Don't ask," said the High Shah, groaning. "Do you think the Shriner
high command tells me?  It's an okay strategic position on the Deadheads, but
we could do better than this.  Just put it down as necessary to the plot.  Now
get out there and check out that landing."

     "Well, what I wanted to tell you, sir, is that we can't take a Winnebago.
There's a sandstorm coming up."

     "Oh, just what we need.  Okay, take some of those big furry animals, then."


--
Insert footage here of mad scientists from MST3K making vague threats about
a sandstorm, and attendant horrors.  You've seen the episode.
--

Meanwhile, back on dear old Earth. . .

     Professor Destruction walked calmly along the street toward Manchu Towers,
his black cape flapping merrily in the breeze.  He whistled a little snatch
of the Major General's Song from the Pirates of Penzance as he made his way
down the sunlit street.

     "Hold it right there!" said a deep resonant voice behind him.

     The professor turned, to see three heroic looking figures outlined
against the afternoon sun.

     "We are," they said, "The Three Guys!"

     "Strong Guy!"
     "Fast Guy!"
     "Laser Guy!"

     Oh no, not again, thought Professor Destruction, his eyes rolling.

     "This time you can't get away from us!" said one of them.  It was hard
to tell as the sun was in our villain's eyes. "You don't have your henchmen,
or your vehicle, or your partner in crime."

     "Or any outstanding warrants," Professor Destruction pointed out vainly.

     "Surrender, villain!" shouted one of them.

     Faced with a three to one situation with opponents much more powerful than
him, able to outrun him and outfight him, he did what any person with a lick
of common sense would do.  He surrendered.

     The three guys stood stunned for a minute.

     "Really," Professor Destruction said, "I give up.  Take me in.  You've got
me outnumbered."

     "It could be a trap," suggested one of the guys. "These supervillains are
a tricky bunch."

     "Are you guys gonna take me in?  If not, I gotta go."

     The three guys went into a huddle.  Professor Destruction seized upon this
opportunity to dive behind a parked car and attempt to make his way quietly to
a place of relative safety.
     Realizing in the middle of their conversation that Professor Destruction
was not actually surrendering, the three guys attacked.  Strong Guy picked up
the car that the Professor had dived behind, and looked around for him.  The
Professor was by this time, across the street, running for the branch office
of the Farmers' and Merchants' Trust Company (best bank in Bob).
     Professor Destruction charged headlong through the door, and dived behind
the assistant manager's desk.  The three guys followed, ready to attack.
     "He's robbing the bank!" said one, now identifiable as Fast Guy.
     "I have an account here!" the Professor yelled back in protest.
     "Who the hell are you guys?" the bank manager put in his two cents worth.
     "We are," said the Three Guys, "the Three Guys!"
     "I'm Strong Guy!" he put his fist down on a desk, breaking it.
     "I'm Fast Guy!" he started  running laps around the room, causing great
consternation among the employees and patrons.
     "I'm Laser Guy!" he fired off a shot, which, after bouncing off the
mirrored partition behind which the tellers stood, and ricocheting off the
glass door behind him, sliced him neatly into a dozen pieces, much to the
disgust of everybody.
      "I'm outahere!" said Professor Destruction, taking advantage of the
momentary confusion to spring out the door.
      "What the hell?" said the bank manager, echoing the sentiments of just
about everybody.
     "We'll stop him," said Fast Guy.  "We're the um, uh, Two Guys!"  They
ran out the door, but Professor Destruction was nowhere to be seen.  Well,
not nowhere, but not where they could see him.  He was in fact on top of the
art-deco style overhang in front of the bank, hiding behind a large aluminum
eagle.

-----------------

      The sands hit in the heat of the afternoon.  Of the members of the
extreme team, only Bulletproof had ever been in a desert before, much less
seen a sandstorm.  Thus, when the storm hit, they were almost totally
unprepared.

      "Wha?" Pinky started to say before his mouth filled up with sand.

      "Head for that rock!" Bulletproof said, grabbing Deadman by the ankle.

      "Glmph *pfththt*" Pinky replied.

      "I agree," Captain Non-Sequitor agreed.

      Through the churning wind and dust, the four made their way to a small
outcrop of rock which rose above the desert floor. They gasped for breath as the
grains filled their nostrils. Well, Pinky and the Captain gasped for breath.
Bulletproof's internal oxygen system seemed to be working okay, and as for
Deadman, he didn't need to breathe--another of his amazing powers.  Quite a guy,
the Croaked Crusader is.

     "In here!" Bulletproof had spied a small cave.  The members of the Extreme
team one by one shuffled into the small opening.

     "We're safe," Bulletproof declared once they were all inside.

     "Yeah," Pinky said, looking around.  "But what is this place?"

     Indeed this was no ordinary cave they had wandered into.  It had a very
square appearance, and the bas-relief on the walls made it clear that this was
no natural cavern.

WHAT WILL THE EXTREME TEAM FIND IN THE CAVE?????

WILL THE THREE.. UH.. TWO GUYS CONTINUE TO MOLEST PROFESSOR DESTRUCTION?????

AND WHERE IS WALLY IN ALL OF THIS?????

You'll find out if you stay tuned right here to the MOST out of continuity saga
going, right here on. . .

                      SUPERGUY!