🚀 go-pugleaf

                             The Defense Squad          QUOTE OF THE DAY:
                                Episode 178         Boiler: "Tanby... Tanby.
                          The Last Turdian, Part 2    Hey Dolittle, what's
                                    or                Tanby's first name?"
                             All mobbed up and      Dolittle (thinks about it
                              no place to go          for a while): "What's
                                Written by            *my* first name?"
                                Bill Paul           -from a very weird movie
                        The man with two first names    called: DARK STAR

CONTINUED FROM PART THREE...

        Wonder Grunion found Captain Marvelous picking through the
remains of DefenseCo's rec room looking for equipment that could be
salvaged. The work crews were due to clean this area out next and he
wanted to be sure they didn't unwittingly throw away anything of
sentimental importance. The job was mostly done, but there were a
few items left that mysteriously defied classification.
        "Ah, Wonder Grunion, Perhaps you would know: who does this
velvet Elvis painting belong to?"
        "Actually I always thought it was yours."
        "Well it isn't. In fact I have no idea who's it is. Strange...
and we've had it hanging on the wall over the ping pong table all this
time. Perhaps it's !'s..."
        "If I could trouble you to forget about that for just a moment,
Captain, there's something I'd like very much to discuss with you."
        "Oh. Certainly. I'd offer you a seat but there don't seem to
be any left intact."
        "That's quite alright. Captain, I had an interesting conversation
with Bill a few days ago. He told me some very disturbing things.
Apparently, a large number of parahumans have banded together... with the
purpose of rounding up and exterminating all of Earth's mages."
        "What!? That's an outrage! Who are these base villains!?"
        "That's just it: they're not villains."
        "I'm afraid I don't understand."
        This was a lie, and it showed. His Comic Awareness told him
exactly what Wonder Grunion was talking about, but he couldn't bring
himself to believe it.
        "Captain, they're superguys. Worse, Elizabeth is one of them.
Bill has gone to try to stop them. And her. He asked me to go with him,
but I refused."
        "But why?! Surely you could do a lot to help the cause of the
mages!"
        "Could I? Captain, who's to say that I won't just make things
worse? Who's to say the mage-haters won't point to me and say: 'This is
what we warned you about! This is what will happen to all of us if we
don't stop them!'"
        "Let them say that if it makes them happy. You have to help
the mages. One doesn't need to be one with Elvis to see that."
        "I don't understand."
        "Wonder Grunion, the worst thing you could do for the mages now
is abandon them. If you don't stand up for them, they'll see you as weak.
The mage-haters can say what they want; the important thing is that the
mages don't start believing it. If they see you, the most powerful wielder
of magic on the planet, bar none, backing down in the face of the
mage-haters' rhetoric, then they'll start to believe that their battle is
unwinable. That will spell their doom."
        "But I also have to consider DefenseCo's corporate image. The
fact that DefenseCo hasn't yet been targeted as 'mage-loving scum' because
of my presence is nothing short of miraculous. The publicity could hurt
us tremendously."
        "Ah. Now I think I see now why you came to me. You want me to
go in your place, don't you? I'm an alien, therefore there would be
little reason for me to favor either side. If I went, it would be more,
as they say, 'politically correct.'"
        "I should have known better than to hide something from a man
with Comic Awareness."
        "I thought so. And it's just for that reason that I won't do it."
        "What!? But I can't ask anyone else! Dropout's coordinating the
repairs to the HQ, I don't think I could find it in myself to ask Particle
Girl, and !... well, ! is !. I can't believe I'm actually saying this,
but I wish Loko was here. He'd go in a minute, and he wouldn't care what
anyone thought about it."
        "Then it's a good thing he's away. I'm doing this for you own
good: you have to face this thing, one way or another. You won't be able
to live with yourself if you don't."
        With that, Captain Marvelous picked up the damaged velvet Elvis
painting and left the Scaly Sorcerer Surpreme to his thoughts. Wonder
Grunion wandered through the debris, mulling things over in his mind
until a flash of realization appeared in his eyes.
        "Jake?" he said.
        "Yeah?" the holographic twin of John Belushi replied.
        "That was your velvet Elvis painting wasn't it?"
        "Hey, that thing'll be worth a lot of money someday!"
        "I don't doubt it. Any word from Bill?"
        "Well, not as such."
        "What exactly does that mean?"
        "Take a look at this."
        Jake's form melted into a projection of what looked to Wonder
Grunion like a news broadcast from the middle of a war zone. It was, in
fact, a transmission from Radio Free Hero being beamed live from the Bob
City Correctional Facility, where the battle between the Revolutionaries
and their opponents was raging. The image, when it was clear, was too
disturbing for him to watch.
        Noticing Wonder Grunion's uneasiness, Jake dispelled the
projection and returned to his normal appearance.
         "Jake, could you please prep the Squad Car for me? I suddenly
feel the need to get some air."
        "Aha. You want I should program the autopilot to take you
someplace special?"
        "Well, not officially. But if the coordinates for the Bob City
Correctional Facility somehow managed to 'accidentally' find their way
into the on-board computer, I don't think I would mind."
        "Right. One accidental programming coming up. And if anyone
asks, you're just out for a spin, right?"
        "Yes Jake. Just out for a spin."
        Wonder Grunion moved briskly across the wrecked rec room and
headed down the hall towards the garage. Jake watched him go and paused
to float over the debris of the shattered ping pong table for a while
before vanishing back into the recesses of the net.
        "GUYS!" cried ! as he came rushing by, searching frantically
for anybody and having little luck, "GUYS, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST
HEARD ON THE NEWS! GEORGE STEINBRENNER WAS ARRESTED FOR SELLING DRUGS!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT: GEORGE STEINBRENNER, THE GUY MARRIED TO MARLA
MAPLES, IS A DRUG DEALER! GUYS?! HEY GUYS!! WHERE THE HELL (tm) IS
EVERYBODY?! HELLO?!"

WAS GEORGE STEINBRENNER REALLY ARRESTED FOR SELLING DRUGS?????
IS HE REALLY MARRIED TO MARLA MAPLES?????
WILL HONEY AND DEAR REMAIN UNDERCOVER NARCS?????
DID THEY REALLY ARREST MAYOR GIULIANI?????
WILL LOKO, LARABETH AND EDGAR VON BLIM MAKE IT OFF PLANET CHICAGO?????
WILL SOMEBODY TRY TO PICK LOKO UP?????
IN THAT DRESS?????
WHAT IS THE TERRIBLE EVIL EDGAR VON BLIM SPOKE OF?????
WHO REALLY IS AL PACINO'S (coincidence) MAIN GOOMBAH?????
WILL DEFENSECO GET THEIR BUILDING PERMITS?????
WILL THE HQ PASS INSPECTION?????
WILL THE HUMAN RACE REALLY SELF-DESTRUCT IN THE 98TH CENTURY?????
CAN YOUR BEER DO THIS?????
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE SUPERUSER AND WONDER GRUNION AT THE
INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION?????

Well, we already know the answer to that last question, but for the
rest, you'll just have to...
Find out in the next episode, appearing only in... SUPERGUY!!!

"Now available in regular and new Cool Mint flavor!"