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                         The Quest for Planet Planet
                                 Episode 19
                                    by
                                  Ben Brown

           [ I'm more out of continuity than you are.  Nyeah!]

     DEATH KNIGHT 3000 examined the room.  This was definitely no natural
cave.  It's gleaming white walls showed in bas-relief pictures of battles,
with hundreds of white clad warriors, all with black markings on their armor.
     "What do you think?" he asked Bulletproof.
     "Looks nice," the armored hero said, "but what does it mean?"
     "No idea.  It's fascinating though."
     "Banana," said Captain Non-sequitor appreciatively.

----------------------------

     "Incoming!" yelled Bert, as the biting sands swarmed over the little
party of Earthlings.
     "What do we do now?" Sam asked.
     "The Desert Survival act of 1908 recommends a shelter of brick, concrete,
adobe, or ceramic, with walls not less than eight (8) inches thick!" Mister
Safety said.
     "We don't have time for that!" Bert cried.  "Any short-term suggestions?"
     But Mister Safety was gone, lost in the thundering winds of the storm.

----------------------------

     A hypothetical observer, observing Wally Manchu strapped to what the
principal villain of this story referred to as "the machine" would probably
sympathise with the young architect, for indeed, "the machine" was not at all
comfortable looking, and as Wally would have told the hypothetical observer,
had said hypothetical observer been other than hypothetical, it was even less
comfortable than it looked.  The point of all of this is, of course, that
Wally was currently strapped to a machine and was rather uncomfortable.
Considering that he had been kidnapped by Shriners from outer space while
attending a supervillains' talent show, and was now in the clutches of a
treacherous madman (and believe me, Wally knew a treacherous madman when he
saw one, being related to at least one of the species)--considering all of this,
he could not have been expected to be completely content, but strapping him to
a machine was not improving his mood any.

     "Can I have a drink of water?" he asked.

     "No," said the sinister looking guard. "Have a nice cold Pepsi.  Join
the Pepsi Generation, come alive with Pepsi."

     Wally did not feel much like a Pepsi at the moment. (He didn't look much
like a Pepsi either, but that's another story)

     The afforementioned principal villain strode into the room, laughing
sinisterly.

     "Well, now, my little friend from Earth," he said, gazing sinisterly at
Wally.

     "Hello yourself," said Wally.  "Can you let me go?"

     "Not on your life," said the villain, who even though we don't actually
know his name, we're going to refer to as the Dark Master, "You're going to
help me take over this pathetic little planet."
     "It might be easier for me to do that if you untie me," Wally suggested
hopefully.
     The Dark Master just laughed.
     "Well, if you're not going to untie me, at least you should tell me how
you're going to take over this planet."
     The Dark Master chortled.  "Since you're so helpless right now, I suppose
it couldn't hurt.  You're actually not from Earth."
     He's not only mad, Wally thought, he's insane.
     "You were actually born on planet Planet, where we are now, but were taken
to Earth as an infant, during my first attack on this world.  Now I've brought
you back, and you will be able to reveal to me the secret of the Material which
makes this world so prosperous."
     "I have no idea what you're talking about," said Wally, who spoke more or
less the truth.
     "There were four children sent to Earth.  All born on planet Planet. You've
got the Material in your blood, but no concept of how it works.  Therefore, I
can mold the power within you to my own ends.  Isn't that nice.  So, how old
were you when you finally left the orphanage?"
     "Orphanage?"
     "Yes, according to my records, the four children taken from planet Planet
were placed in an orphanage in Bob City."
     "Well, then, you've obviously got the wrong guy.  I'm  a Chinese-American,
born in San Francisco."
     "WHAT?" the Dark Master exploded.  "Those idiots picked up the wrong
person."
     "Well, since I can't help you, you might as well just let me go."
     "Not a chance, buster.  If I can't use you to conquer the material, I
can at least use you as target practice for my backup plan."

-----------------------

     "SAM!" Bert yelled through the swirling sands. "SAM! Are you there?"
     "What?" said a voice behind him.  He turned, to see his partner standing
not two feet from him.
     "Don't _DO_ that!" he said, forcefully.
     "Sorry," Sam replied. "What now?"
     "Well, we seem to have lost Fred and Mister Safety."
     "Is this bad?  I mean the Mister Safety part."
     "We need all the help we can get."
     "True."
     They began calling loudly for their lost companions.

----------------------

     The author would again like to apologise for any delays in this story.
The real truth is that it's a hopeless muddle, with too many characters, and
extraneous action galore.  The fact is, I enjoy writing extraneous action,
and trying to relate things to the plot is generally difficult.

----------------------

     "I think I've found something," said DEATH KNIGHT 3000.
     "What is it?" asked Bulletproof.
     "I think it's a secret passage."
     "Why do you think that?"
     "It has 'secret passage' written on it."
     "Seems like a lousy way to keep a secret."
     "I don't know, it's kind of in keeping with the rest of this place. The
doors all have 'door' written on them, and the sculpture says 'sculpture' at
the top of it.  And look at this figure here.  He's wearing a shirt that says
'Hero' on it."
     "Just like Genericman," said an appreciative Bulletproof.
     "That's what I was thinking.  I wonder where he is."

---PRETTYNICESEGUETHEREDON'TYATHINK---

     "Welcome, welcome," said the Ancient Person With Powers Of Prophecy.
     "Who are you?" asked Solly Figure.
     The old man merely spread his arms out to reveal his name/title written
across his white robe in black block letters.
     "By this I can assume you knew we were coming?" asked Ace Reporter a.k.a.
Genericman.
     "You are perceptive, oh Hero.  Follow me.  I will explain more after you
have met our leaders."
     The four newly returned Planet Planetites followed the old man silently.

----------------------------

     Winifred "Fred" Corley clung to Mister Safety's arm, trying not to lose
him in the shifting sands.  The OSHA hero, despite all of his prattling about
insufficient precautions, was making a go at putting up a shelter with available
materials, which included mostly his own clothes.  Since he wore several layers
of protective material, this did not seriously inconvenience him, and certainly
made Fred feel a lot better.  Unfortunately, the sands seemed determined to
overcome them, switching directions almost maliciously at times.  If Fred and
Mister Safety had not been able to look out for each other, each would have
slipped beneath the sands to suffer a miserable death by suffocation under the
desert surface of a planet far from home.

-----------------------------

    Sam and Bert were faring a little better, having found a convenient rock
to huddle behind.  It wasn't very high, and with the shifting winds, it
sometimes merely served as a way to blow sand back in their faces.  The howling
gale mercilessly beat their ears and their bodies, but still they called
fruitlessly for their friends.

----------------------------

     The Shriner search party set out on their Big Furry Animals to search the
site of the second space needle landing.  As Squadron Poobah Johnson was leading
the expedition, he was not in a position to see the car of his dreams, a powder
blue 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air convertible, drive into the other side of town.

WILL SAM AND BERT & CO. PERISH IN THE SANDSTORM?????

WHAT WILL THE EXTREME TEAM FIND IN THE SECRET PASSAGE?????

WHAT AWAITS GENERCIMAN AND HIS COHORTS?????

WILL WALLY BE USED AS TARGET PRACTICE??????

find out the answers to these vitally important questions in upcoming episodes
of The Quest for Planet Planet, now appearing exclusively on. . .

                  S   U   P   E   R   G   U   Y   !
                          S U P E R G U Y !
                              SUPERGUY!