🚀 go-pugleaf

     Dar blinked, facing the morning sun as he and Hecate emerged from the
Bob City Jail.  He stopped, ignoring the mutterings of those who had to
step around him to go down the steps to freedom.
     Typically, he would cast a spell of glare reduction, scowl, and
teleport away, intent on continuing another of his plans to gain power, or
wealth. It reminded him of his twin, Rad, his polar opposite in so many
ways.
     What would Rad think of him now?  What would he say, if he knew his
brother wanted to see him again?
     Hecate stood beside him, watching quietly.  He remembered what
happened the night before, the kiss that had been both unexpected and
welcome.  The first kiss he had been given in a longer time than he wanted
to contemplate.
     The stream of magi, bubbas, and heroes was lessening.  It would be a
good idea to depart, Dar realized, before the authorities realized that he
was a wanted criminal.  He closed his eyes and began to gesture--
     "Hubba hubba!" a voice declared.  Dar opened his eyes and looked
around. Hecate hadn't said it, and she was looking around as well.  Those
leaving weren't paying attention to them at all, save to maneuver around
them.  So who...?
     "Hubba hubba!" the voice said again.  Hecate looked down, and saw
something that she would have described as an orc-stomper with legs.  To
Dar it looked like a trash can with a bowler hat.  They watched as it
lifted its hat and wandered off.
     Dar did something very rare, for him.  He smiled.
     "Okay, can we go now?" Hecate asked.
     "Yeh...yeh..." Dar said.  He frowned - or, to be more accurate, he tried
to frown.  The smile on his face refused to budge.
     Hecate peered at him.  "I was afraid you'd do that," she said.  "You
haven't used those muscles in so long - you probably pulled one."
     Dar sighed, as best he could.
     "I'll teleport us back to Chicago," Hecate told him, just before
kissing his nose.  "It'll be all right.  You'll see."
     He nodded.  They would go to Chicago, though they wouldn't stay there.
     It was time to go home.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     They were playing the version of quarters that said that when you got
it in three times in a row, you could make a new rule.  Skids had made the
rule that when you got it in twice in a row, the member of the opposite sex
of your choice had to kiss you.
     Scholarman was more than a little buzzed, at this point.  But he had
gotten it in twice in a row.  He had surprised everyone by not choosing
Miche to kiss, but instead kissing Batsman.  His eyes were closed.  It was
intense. Very intense.  His toes curled.  His whole body began to tingle.
     "Wow," he said when they came up for air."
     "Agreed," Batsman said.
     "Guys," Richard said, "I don't think it's the kiss that did it."
     Scholarman looked down at himself.  He was sparkling with white
sparkles, that seemed to be flowing down from him into the floor.
     No, not into the floor.  Down to his body.
     There were three women and a ton of cats around and on his body.
"What he Hell?" Scholarman asked.
     "Innovative medical techniques," Lightnin' Hopkins said.
     "Indeed.  Dey haff made improvements."
     Polly barked in agreement.
     "You're being healed," Doctor Bizarre said.  "Your soul is being drawn
back.  Goodbye until later, my friend."
     "Uh, I don't feel drawn anywhere.  Just tingly," Scholarman said.
     "Really?"
     "Humph," the Decrepit One said.  "Whatever those cats are, they aren't
enough to really heal you.  They've brought you back from the brink, but
that's not the same thing."
     "Hey," Miche said.  "That's She-Devil and Rat!"
     "What?" Scholarman asked.  "Why would the Awesome Force be taking an
interest in me?"
     "Didn't you save Figuremaster's life?" Miche asked.
     "Uh, yeah?"
     "There you go."
     "Well then," Doctor Bizarre said.  "Let's see what happens next."

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     "That's it," Anne said over the Comm.  "The Cats are exhausted.  I
think he's stable, but he's still in a coma, and he's still pretty badly
hurt. There's nothing more they can do -- he'll never have a good quality
of life. Probably bedridden for the rest of it."
     "Unacceptable," Andy said over the link.  "We have to restore him to
health.  We owe him a great deal, even if his role was comparatively
minor."
     "So what can we do, Andy?" She-Devil asked.  "I mean, the cats have
had it."
     "What cat is that?" Rat asked Anne, pointing to a grey Maine Coon Cat
that was curled up next to Scholarman's head.
     "I have no idea," Anne said.  "And she isn't paying much attention to
me. She must go with him."
     "I have help on the way," Andy said, "but you have to get Scholarman's
body to the Bob City Awesome Amalgamated Offices as soon as possible."
     "You got it," She-Devil said.  "Anne -- can he live without the wires
and everything?"
     "Sure."
     She-Devil smiled, and bared her claws.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     The Masked Bruce extended his hand.  "Pleasure to meet you, Rainy Day
Woman.  Safe trip home."
     "Likewise, Bruce," she smiled, accepting the handshake.  "And thank you."
     "For?"
     "Lightening my heart up a bit in there.  I needed that.  We all did."
     "All in a day's work for...MR. NEUTRON!" he said.  "Ready, Trudster?"
     "Am I ever."  Unorthodox Girl turned to Nora.  "Where to now?"
     "Back to Seattle."  With a glance, she excused herself from the Masked
Bruce and took Trudy's arm, pulling her aside.  "Got a pen?"
     Trudy produced one somehow.  Nora turned Trudy's hand over, and wrote
on her palm.  "Next time you're in Seattle, look me up.  I've got a
bartender who lets underaged superheroines have a beer now and then.  And
Trudy...please be careful with that number.  Outside of the Mayor of
Seattle, the Governor of Washington State, Andy Awesome, and my
grandmother, you're the only one who knows it."
     Trudy lifted her eyes to Nora's face.  "Why?"
     "I don't know.  I just want you to have it."
     "Thanks," Trudy said.  She hesitated, then gave Nora a quick embrace.
Nora smiled, sensing that she was fulfilling a need she didn't really
understand, but happy to be doing it.  Trudy released her, and they
returned to the others.
     "How you gettin' home?" Thane asked her.
     "Guess I'll have to fly.  But I'm exhausted."
     "Well, we could use a third to share the driving," Anna said.
     Nora nodded.  "Yes.  I'd like that."  She stepped between her two new
friends and put her arms through theirs.  "Let's go.  I don't want to see
the inside of this place for another minute.
     With a goodbye to the Masked Bruce, the trio made their exit.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     The buzzer in the Third Floor Nurses' Station went wild.  "Cardiac in
313!" one shouted.
     "Another -- damn, this guy wants to die!"  The Emergency team ran for
the room--
     And stopped, staring.
     All the cords and cables were cut.  The bed was empty.
     And Bill, who was allergic to cat dander, began to sneeze his head off.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     "I'm sorry, Doctor Tanner, but I can't find Mister Farley's file," the
receptionist said.
     "Really?" Damien said.  "But he's in the computer?"
     "Well, yes, but--"
     "One side!" She-Devil said, forcing people out of the way.  Behind
her, Rat, carrying Scholarman's comatose form, was snarling at slow movers.
Anne and the cats took up the rear.  "Get outta the way!  There's a
kidnapping in progress here!"
     They went out the front door, to the amazement of all around.
     "Gee," Damien said.  "I must have left the file in my expensive car.
Mrs. Farley, Sister Mary, won't you help me find them?"  The two superguys
in drag nodded furiously, and all three ran out as fast as they can.
     Chris got up, folded his notebook computer shut, shrugged, said "bye,"
and ran after them.
     The receptionist stared at the door for a long time.  She then picked
up the PA.  "Valium to the front desk," she announced.  "Someone with
valium, please come to the front desk."

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     Wonder Grunion was decked out on the Squad Car's hood, enjoying the
Bob City sunrise and the welcome respite from the rain that accompanied it.
That the car was totally hemmed in by police and emergency vehicles of all
shapes and sizes didn't seem to faze him.  He finally eased himself onto
his feet when he spotted the Superuser and Ginsu World Class trudging
towards him, arm in arm, in full armor.  No better way to remove it from
the jail, he mused.
     "Thanks for waiting around for us, Wonder Grunion," said Bill.  "I'm
sorry we took so long, but some of the goodbyes were fairly lengthy."
     "Think nothing of it. It was wonderfully entertaining to watch the
endless variety of people leaving the jail.  Something like a clown car at
the circus.  Besides, I spent most of the evening healing more injuries
than I could count, so the rest was welcome.  You'll be pleased to know
that Daydream Believer will recover completely."
     "Oh thank goodness." Liz gasped.
     "Elizabeth?  Are you all right?"
     "I think so. I don't know what could have posessed me to do what I
did.  The past couple months have been really strange."
     "I know the feeling.  It must be the stress of the being corporate
executives that's getting to us.  If you don't mind my asking, what did the
police say?  How did you all get out?"
     "Well," said the Superuser, "stupid as it sounds...you know Space
Moose's story?"
     Wonder Grunion nodded, baffled.
     "They bought it."
     "Surely you jest."
     "I'm not joking, and-"
     "Don't you even dare," Liz warned, stopping his mouth with a kiss.
     "Maybe for the best," Wonder Grunion said.  "A trial would have been
difficult.  It seems the Bob City Courthouse (Best Bailiffs in Bob) was
recently demolished by a giant robot chicken, and repairs are on hold
because of some problems with Intercontinental Salvage.  Elizabeth, if
there's anything I can do..."
     "Thanks, Wonder Grunion," said Liz, as she and the mage shared a hug.
"You're really being much kinder to me than I deserve. I... I did some
truly horrible things and hurt a lot of people... I feel so... so...dirty."
    "So did Radian. What's important is that you've realized that you made
a mistake. You've suffered as much as anybody from this disaster.  And even
though I can't forgive everything you did, I still consider you a dear
friend."
     Liz said nothing and backed away from Wonder Grunion, looking down at
her armored hands.  After a few moments of silent contemplation, she began
ripping the Ginsu World Class armor from herself with all deliberate speed
and angrily threw the individual segments into the Squad Car's back seat.
She trembled a bit as the cold morning air attacked her now unshielded body
and gave the dismantled armor a final hateful glance before slamming the
door on it.
     "Bill, I want to you take that... that... *thing* and lock it away.  I
don't ever want to see it again."
     "You sure about that?"
     "I know you worked on it for months, and I know Smartman almost fired
you over it, but I don't think I can ever wear that armor again without
getting sick to my stomach.  Besides, I can't be a superguy now anyway.
I've got a criminal record."
     "So does Crankshaft." Wonder Grunion noted, trying to be helpful.
"And Citrus Man."
     "We could do worse than to have you on our side." said the Superuser.
"None of us are angels.  If you really want to put Ginsu World Class behind
you, you could always go back to being Ultimate Ginsu.  And Wondy's right:
DefenseCo is an equal opportunity employer."
     "Oh shit, I just realized: Smartman will be furious when he sees me."
     "Screw him." said the Superuser as the trio started piling into the
Squad Car's front seat.  "Sometimes I think he's almost as big a jerk as
Benedict.  Y'know, the only thing I regret about this whole sorry affair is
that I never got to actually meet the Gun Avenger.  I mean, he was *here*,
and I missed him by seconds."
     "You really look up to him, don't you," remarked Wonder Grunion.
     "Are you kidding? He risks his life for total strangers, doesn't even
wait for them to thank him, and even without super powers he's got the
courage to take on enemies that are hundreds of times more powerful than he
is with only a single Gun to defend himself.  Of course his taste in beer
could be better, but still: it's heroes like him that make me proud to be a
superguy."
     In response to the Superuser's cybernetic instructions, the Squad
Car's engine sputtered to life and the vehicle began slowly rising into the
air, much to the dismay of the leather-jacketed Punk who'd been asleep
underneath it.  With his shelter now gone and nary a policeman in sight,
the Punk divested himself of his now empty six-pack, adjusted his
sunglasses, checked his Gun, scratched himself, and started off for the
heart of Bob City where the gleaming peaks of Manchu Towers beckoned.

        *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *

     "Ooo," Miche said.  "They've got Bink.  She can do the job, you bet!"
     "Hey," Skids said.  "She's pregnant!  Very pregnant!  How long have we
been dead, anyhow?"
     "What's time?" Doctor Bizarre hiccuped, and drank more beer.
     Polly barked.
     "Vell, I vould say you are goink back!" Doctor Kilohertzmann said.
"Gutt luck!"
     "We'll be waiting," Miche added.
     "Richard," Scholarman said.  "I'm... I'm glad to see you're happy."
     "I am," Richard replied.  "And I'll be here when you need me, Eric."
     Eric called his dog in his lap, and spent a few seconds petting her
and letting her lick his face.  It was hard to say goodbye again, but she
seemed happy, and she would wait, too.
     "You're going back?" Batsman said.  "You're familiar with Ramrod?"
     Scholarman shrugged.  "A little.  He broke my foot."
     She pursed her lips and nodded.  "That will do.  Can you give him a
message for me?"
     "If I see him again."
     "I suspect you will."
     Scholarman nodded.  Batsman leaned forward and whispered it in his
ear.  He leaned back and looked at her curiously, then turned to the
others.
     "Say hi for us," Miche said.
     "Yeah -- say hi to Bink and Kevi, too!"
     "I will," Scholarman said, even as he felt the wave of cuteness that
dragged him from that place.  The last thing he heard was Polly's bark.
     "That's a good girl," Scholarman croaked through a dry throat.  "I'll
be right back."
     "What?" She-Devil asked.
     "That's got it," Bink said.  "Someone get the men."
     Scholarman focused through blurry eyes.  He didn't hurt at all, but he
felt completely wiped out.  "Why is... it... that when... I get shot... I
wake up... to beautiful women?  Seems... like the wrong... signals...
are... getting sent...."
     "Ooo... near death and still has a sense of humor," She-Devil said.
"I like it!"
     "The... the rev... o..."
     "It's over," Rat said.  "Everything's all right."
     "Good... good...."
     "By the way," Bink said.  "I can understand all the damage to heart
and lungs and your spine and all -- I managed to fix all of that -- but you
also had a foot that was nearly crushed.  Infection had set in."
     "Oh yeah... that guy... Ramrod... he hit me with... a cab."
     The assorted Awesome Force members arched their eyebrows and exchanged
glances.  "He's expanding his repertoire," She-Devil said.  "How is he
these days?"
     Anne looked at her.  "You like that guy?  Weird."
     Scholarman had to agree.  Worst of all, his soul was drunk, but his
body was sober -- so he wasn't sure what kind of hangover he'd have in the
morning. But if nothing else, he was sure he'd survive it.


WILL HE SURVIVE IT?

WILL SPANDEX BABE SURVIVE IT?

WILL THANE AND RAINY DAY WOMAN CONTINUE TO HIT IT OFF?

WILL SPECTRUM AND SPANDEX BABE CONTINUE TO HIT IT OFF?

WHY DID THE GOVERNMENT PICK UP ON THE "DAVE ROSS" THEORY?

DOES THE PUNK MAKE A HABIT OUT OF SLEEPING UNDER CARS?

ISN'T THAT DANGEROUS?

AND WHAT OF TIPPY THE SHRIMP?

Stay with us, folks, as the biggest Superguy crossover of all time finally
comes to an end and the storylines splinter again.  Stay tuned for the next
big crossover, coming sometime after Hell(tm) freezes over, right here
on....

SUPERGUY!!!!!!!


===========================================================================
| "There were promises to break and dreams to kill."                      |
|                                          -Elvis Costello, "20% Amnesia" |
|                                                                         |
| "He'll rekindle all the dreams it took you a lifetime to destroy."      |
|                                          -Nick Cave, "Red Right Hand"   |
|-------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| William R. Dickson, M00se Illuminatus...................wrd@beer.wa.com |
| Co-Author, Internet Explorer Kit for Macintosh..........iek@tidbits.com |
| Author, "Team Cynical," Superguy Digest......listserv@ucf1vm.cc.ucf.edu |
===========================================================================