🚀 go-pugleaf

    "Well, you picked a dandy of a time to absent yourself from
the Authors' Altiverse," Miriam Marie (something) observed as she
looked over Chris Meadows, aka Robotech_Master's, shoulder at the
computer screen.  "There's less than nothing going on--everyone's
sitting around on board the Noj, and nothing's happening.
There's not even a current Author plot going on which would
necessitate the structured round-robin writing form that you so
dislike--you could get a word in any time you liked.  And there's
a new Author around.  A new FEMALE Author, and it looks like
she'll be around for a while."
    "Thank you, Mrs. Exposition," Chris replied.  "I decided a
long time ago that I'm not going back there until Gadge returns
from wherever he got to, and we can get back into continuity by
going to Bob City for the Megacrossover."
    "But the crossover happened so long ago...you'd still be out
of continuity by several months!"
    "So we'd use a time machine, or something."  Chris sighed,
looking around the slightly-cluttered room in which he sat
typing.  "I can't even reach the Multiverse from here without
long-distance charges, which are slowly piling up.  I'm
overspending myself, and when the bill catches up to me, I'm
gonna die."
    "I think Bill Paul has probably forgiven you for the Mighty
Guy thing by now..."
    "Ha.  That's not the bill I'm talking about."  Chris grabbed
a can of Mr. Pibb from the fridge and stuck it in the neon-green
General Mills can cooler that depected a Cinnamon Toast Crunch
chef, the Trix rabbit, and Sonny the Coco Puffs kuku getting
drunk and throwing cereal around (really, it does! I can show it
to you!).  "I wish I could find an 800-number dialup Internet
BBS, so I could shake the long distance bills, but so far I've
had no luck."
    "What are you doing now?" Miriam wondered.
    "Just puttering around...I already sent my segments for the
Industrial Revolution finale in to Gary Olson...it should come
out sometime tonight or tomorrow, I think.  As soon as it does, I
can see how I should rewrite Team M.E.C.H.A. #49 and #50."
    "Y'know, for an AA post this is awfully boring."
    "Sorry about that...I'll try to do better next time."

                              -----

    "Hey!"
    Miriam yawned and walked over to the computer.  "What is it?"
    Chris gestured at the downloaded email message on the screen.
"I've just found an 800 Internet service that looks like just the
ticket!  It's called INS Info Services.  Ten cents a minute from
anywhere, any time in the lower 48...This is about half what my
phone bill costs, and it's got better features.  14.4 megabyte
access, five meg quota, two gig 72-hr temporary quota, Unix or
VMS shell access--"
    "You'd choose Unix."
    "Of course...I'm going to call their 800 voice number,
1-800-546-6587, and check out the details."
    One quick phone call later...
    "Okay.  They're going to send me the form via email and I'm
going to send it back, and get access within a few days.  This is
great!  I can get access from way out here in the boonies, or
ANYWHERE, and only pay ten cents a minute.  No other charges
whatsoever.  Of course, if I already had Internet access and
wanted to telnet in, it would be $20 per month for that kind of
an account.  I might do that when I get back to SMSU."
    "Gee, Chris...this sounds kind of like [drum roll] an
advertisement," Miriam observed.
    "Don't be silly, Miriam...I'm in no way affiliated with INS
Info Services--I don't even have my account yet.  I'm just
letting everybody know because there are surely some people out
there in the same boat I'm in--stuck in a rural area without any
form of access other than long distance--and this is one of the
best deals I've ever seen."
    "All right...if you're SURE.  You know, ten cents a minute is
still $6 an hour..."
    "Yeah, but that's a heck of a lot better than $12 an hour."
    "Good point."
    "This is GREAT!"  Chris looked around.  "Aw, what the heck.
I think we can afford to head back into the Altiverse.  I've been
meaning to check out that Laureate's place in the Hall of the
Nerf Mountain King anyway.  You ready?"
    Miriam grinned.  "I was BORN ready."
    Chris looked around one more time, flipped on the the modem,
and then ZOT!  He edited himself and Miriam out of 000REALWORLD.

                              -----

    Miriam and Robotech_Master materialized in a room without
light, gravity, or, most importantly, air.  As Miriam floated
there asphyxiating, R_M, automatically clad in airtight Cyclone
armor as part of his Authorial image, looked around.  "Well.
Here we are, on the bridge of the CONSTELLATION once more.  The
place is a wreck, don't you think Miriam?  Miriam?"  Chris looked
over at Miriam, who clutched at her throat, eyes bugging out.
"Oh, shoot.  Forgot about that, sorry."  Chris snapped his
fingers and an Edit later, there was air.
    ">KOFF< >KOFF< >GASP< You idiot!"
    "Sorry."  R_M looked around, opened his helmet to listen.
"Hmm, the air seems to be leaking out.  Better fix that...while
I'm at it, better fix everything about this crate."
    "Are you sure you can handle it?" Miriam asked.  "You seem to
be having trouble with Edit lately."
    "That was just on Unix machines.  Since this is being written
on QEdit, Editing is simplicity itself."  R_M cracked his
knuckles in preparation.  "And...let there be Edit!"
    A wave of Edit-induced repair expanded outward from
Robotech_Master, racing through the derelict Ikazuchi kind of
like the Genesis Effect from STAR TREK II, repairing, renewing,
rebuilding.  Three seconds later, the repairs were complete, the
lights came on, and then artificial gravity activated.
Robotech_Master's Cyclone thrusters landed him gently on the
deck.  Miriam fell about six feet with an audible WHUMP.
    "Ouch!"
    "Um, oops...haven't been here in so long I'm kinda out of
practice.  Um, let's see.  Wherever the Noj is now, we need to be
there."  R_M snapped his fingers, and with a BAMF and flash of
light reminiscent of Q, the CONSTELLATION III appeared holding
position a few miles off the immense starship that was the
current home of the all the Authors' Planet residents ever since
the unfortunate accident involving said planet, otherwise known
as Mitchell.  The sensor suite was projecting the external image
of the one thing that the Noj's overenthusiastic asteroid defense
system would not shoot at--an asteroid.
    "Okay...let's see.  The Nerf Mountain is on the side of the
Noj facing toward us...should be a cinch."  Chris and Miriam
stepped up onto the bridge transporter pads, Chris entered the
coordinates, and they dematerialized in columns of shimmering
light.

                              -----

    They materialized in a small cul-de-sac.  In front of them
was a well-appointed oak door surmounted by a pale blue neon sign
spelling out "Laureate's" in cursive script.  "Shall we?" R_M
gestured.
    "Let's," Miriam replied.  They started to go in, pausing only
momentarily when Chris realized that showing up in Cyclone armor
might not be viewed as the most friendly possible gesture and
Edited it away.
    Once past the exquisitely Louis XIV-furnished waiting room,
Miriam headed upstairs to chat with the other Museae and watch
the show and Robotech_Master went in to where the other Authors
awaited.
    "So...this place is supposed to cater to individual tastes,
eh?  I wonder what..."  R_M pulled out a tricorder, flipped it
open, and tapped a key.  "Aha.  He's over there."
    Chris walked over to a table halfway across the dimly-lit
room, where a man and a woman were sitting, talking to each other
and gesturing.  The woman had short, dark hair and was wearing a
sweatshirt and jeans.
    The man was similarly dressed, but his face was in shadow.
It was only as R_M got closer that his face was visible.  That
face sported dark hair in a buzz cut and a somewhat disreputable
vandyke beard that made it look as though it belonged to a Hell's
Angel.  In short--it was Robotech_Master!
    "--but the VR-052 Battler actually DOESN'T have those chest
minimissiles.  Siembieda completely screwed up.  I mean, you
don't even see it fire the missiles in the TV series.  One time a
VR-041 Saber fires them, and its pilot speaks with Scott's voice
instead of Lancer's, but that's some kind of dubbing glitch.  I
mean--" the other Robotech_Master was saying.  The woman was just
sitting there, nodding attentively.
    "I'll be darned...they pegged me perfectly," Chris muttered.
"They knew that I don't like to dance, and that I love to corner
someone and talk Robotech, given the chance.  I'd probably better
get in there and rescue that poor girl from myself."
    R_M (our R_M) moved up to the table and sat down to his
doppleganger's right.  "Hi," he said.
    "What's this?" the girl wondered, looking from one Chris to
the other.
    Robotech_Master pointed to the one who'd been there first.
"Was he bothering you?  This is my latest attempt at a workable
android double, to portray me in AA posts when I'm not here--like
in that post by Chaos Engineer that introduced this place.  The
last one sort of exploded during a crossover collaboration
meeting back on Planet Mitchell.  I tried to fine-tune this one,
but sometimes they go sort of strange.  Anyway, I'm here now,
so..."
    "No," the girl said.  "I like him just fine.  We've been
having a fascinating conversation."  The other Robotech_Master
nodded emphatically.
    "But--but he's an android!" Chris said.
    The girl reached up to her face and peeled it off, revealing
a network of circuitry, wires, optic sensors, and the like (kinda
like John Cleese in that Magnavox commercial).  "So am I," a
speaker grille announced.  "You have a problem with that?"
    Chris was, momentarily, left speechless.  Then a girl who
looked and was dressed exactly like the female android came up to
the table.  "Hello!  You must be Robotech_Master."
    R_M, now even more speechless, just nodded.
    "I'm Danielle Cray--I'm a robotics engineer.  This is my
android double--she talks to people for me when I don't feel up
to seeing them."
    "Um..."
    "Wanna dance?"
    "Um...no, thanks.  I don't do that."
    "Me neither.  Hey, I see an empty table there...why don't we
go and talk?"
    "Um..."  Robotech_Master let himself be led over toward the
other table.  As he followed Danielle, he heard the
Danielle-droid behind him saying to the Robotech_Master-droid,
"So, did I ever tell you about the time I met Janice Em?"
    "This place really DOES have something for everyone..." Chris
murmured.


DOES THIS PLACE REALLY HAVE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE?
WILL THIS AA POST INSPIRE A FLURRY OF AA POSTS TO FOLLOW, AND
  MAYBE EVEN A PLOTLINE WHICH WILL MAKE ALL OF THE AUTHORS OUT TO
  LOOK LIKE IDIOTS, AS USUAL?
DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE ANYMORE?

FIND OUT...IN THE AUTHORS' ALTIVERSE, ON SUPERGUY!