🚀 go-pugleaf

	           < continued from preceding post >

   12 October 1995

   Rush Limbaugh's smiling face disappeared his show took a commercial
break.  Richard carefully separated another slice of pizza onto his
paper plate, and glanced over at Mary.  She just stared at the screen,
chewing the mozzarella stick with the same energy she used on her
bubble gum.
   Feeling a need to say something, Richard asked, "So, how's school?"
   Mary looked away from the television, to see him gently peppering
his slice.  His attention briefly darted to the television, before
returning to his operation.  "Um, it's okay."
   "Good."  Richard visibly relaxed, glad that the foray into the
unknown was brief.  He leaned back in his easy chair, enjoying the
newly decorated slice of pizza.
   "No, it's *not* good!" Mary blurted out, her eyes watering.
   "Huh?"
   "You don't care about me any more!"
   "What is that supposed to mean?"
   "You just aren't interested!"
   "Hey, I asked you a question; you said things are okay.  What am I
supposed to say?"
   "What did I do?  What did I learn?  What did I have for lunch?
Something!"
   Richard capitulated.  "All right.  You're taking History, right?
Okay, what are you studying there?"
   "We're doing the Vietnam War, and what the soldiers coming back
from there are going through."
   "Oh, the Agent Orange fiasco," Richard added.
   "No, not that.  The soldiers themselves.  In fact, Miss Cortes even
asked me about *you* on Tuesday."
   Richard tightened.  "And what did you tell her?"
   "Nothing, Daddy!" Mary replied, as if it were obvious.  "Well, it's
not like you were there very long before your accident, and I couldn't
tell her about all the secret stuff, could I?"
   "No, you couldn't. .. Show's on."  He returned to watching Rush.
   "Daddy!" Mary cried with exasperation.
   "Shhh!" Richard replied, relaxing with his pizza again.
   "This is what I mean!  You keep tuning me out!"
   "This is important."
   "Miss Cortes says he's an egotistical blowhard."
   "I disagree.  Now hush."
   Mary jumped up and turned the television off.
   "Mary!  Turn that back on!"
   "We have to talk!" Mary countered, tears forming.
   "As soon as the show is over."
   "Now!"
   "Mary!  It is important to know what is going on in the world!"
   "And I'm *not* in your world?"

   Richard's only reply was a gesture of helpless frustration.  "Now
isn't a good time to get into that," he muttered.  He set down his
pizza and angrily stalked to the television.
   Mary wailed and ran from the room, stopping at the doorway to say,
"By the way, I met Mom."
   Richard did a double take.  "Your mother?"  He turned and called
after her departure.  "How is she?"
   "You just watch your television; it's not important.  Not to you,
anyway!"
   Richard watched her disappear, wondering if it was right to follow
her.  His decision was influenced by the voice of Rush.  Better to
give her a little time to cool down and be reasonable.  Maybe after
the program was over, if he felt up to it.

				*****

   13 October 1995

   Richard plodded into Mel's Place, and occupied his usual stool.
"Evening, gents."
   "Dick!" Fred cheered.
   "Hey there, Richard!" Mel waved, as he served up the usual.
   "How's it goin'?" Bill asked.
   "Could be better," Richard replied glumly.
   "Still having troubles with your girl?" Mel asked.
   "Yeah.  But this is new."
   "What is it?"
   "Elaine's in town."
   "This is your girl friend from back when?"
   "Yeah."
   "You getting back together?" asked Fred.
   "I doubt it.  She still won't talk to me."
   "Did you tell her you've missed her?"
   "That's just it.  She won't even see me.  She went and caught up to
Mary in school."
   "And she never told you she was coming," Bill filled in.
   "Right."
   "How did Mary react?"
   "She's upset.  But she seems really mad at me about it."
   "Go on."
   "She just sprung it on me yesterday, and ran to her room.  I just
can't figure out how to talk to her."
   "How old is she, again?" asked Mel.
   "Seventeen.  I think."
   "Well, that's part of the problem.  She's at the age where she goes
through a lot of changes.  Of course, having her mother return isn't
going to help matters."
   "Especially if Elaine still doesn't want anything to do with me."
   "You think she's setting Mary against you?"
   "I'm getting that impression.  You know why she left me, right?"
   "Yes, you've said.  Didn't want to compete with your career."
   "Uh-huh.  She was saying that I kept pushing her to the wayside any
time something came up, and just got fed up.  When I came back home
one day, she was gone without a trace.  She only left a note, saying
she resented that I never told her what was more important to me than
she was."
   "And you think she still resents you?"
   "Yes.  I could hear her in Mary's words to me yesterday -- about
blocking her out of my world."

   Richard sighed, and downed a large swallow of beer.
   Bill patted him on the shoulder.  "I wish I knew what to say."
   Richard set down his mug.  "I wish I knew what to *do*."
   "Talk to her," Mel suggested.  "Tell how much you loved Elaine.
Tell her how much you love *her*."
   Richard stared into his mug.  "That's just it.  I don't really feel
*anything* for her," he confessed.
   His pals looked at him in stunned silence.
   Bill spoke first.  "Let me get this straight.  This daughter of
yours, who you've doted on for seventeen years, means nothing to you?"
   "That's about the size of it."
   "That business in Japan was worse than I thought," Mel added.
   "No, it isn't that.  I know exactly where my problem comes from."
   "What is it?~
   Richard took a deep breath.  "I can't say it," he said finally.
   Mel looked at him sternly.  "You're not making it any easier.  Now
just get it off your chest."
   "You'll think I'm nuts."
   "That's a given," Bill joked.
   "No," Mel intervened.  "You can tell us."
   "It goes against half of what I believe in."
   "What?" Fred wondered.  "You've turned queer?"  Bill and Mel only
looked at him.
   Richard paused.  "I'm really gonna need your help with this one."
   "You've got it," Mel assured him.
   "No matter what I say?"
   "No matter what you say."

   Richard took another deep breath, grimaced, made a decision, and
let the words fly out all at once.  "I've got amnesia."
   "Amnesia?" Fred repeated.
   "I used to know what that was," Bill quipped.
   "Guys," Mel hushed them.  "Now, Dick.  Are you sure that's it?"
   "Yeah.  Everything about Mary is a total blank; it's like she was
never part of my life.  I don't remember her being born; I don't
remember her growing up.  For all I know, she's just the girl next
door."
   "And so that's why you haven't been talking about her."
   "Right.  These last couple months have really been hard getting
used to, since my every instinct tells me she doesn't belong there.
So I need your help -- tell me everything I've told you about her."
   "Got a few years?" Bill asked.
   "The highlights then.  Bring me up to speed.  You said you'd help
me if I asked for it -- I'm asking for it."
   Fred, Bill, and Mel just looked at each other.

				*****

   1 November 1995

   "Hello?  Jacksons."
   "Hi.  Is Mary there?"
   "Speaking."
   "This is Chris Lovitz."
   "Mom!"
   "Hi, darling.  Betty says you wanted to talk."
   "That was more than a week ago!"
   "I realize that.  This outfit here is going through some changes,
and I've been busy.  But I'm putting a note in my calendar right now
to call you once a week for as long as you like."
   "Only once a week?"
   "Darling, you have to understand.  I'm relocating to North Carolina
next month, and there's a lot I still have to do."
   "Can I come with you?"
   Lovitz chuckled.  "This *is* bad.  Having a tough time at home?"
   "Yeah."
   "Spill."
   "He's shut me out.  I can't talk to him."
   "Sounds like your Dad's got a new obsession."
   "A what?"
   "Obsession.  Once he gets hold of something, he never lets it go."
   "How did you know that?  You've never met!"
   "I think we have.  Just after you were born."
   "You mean, back when you were, like, selling your body?"
   "Yep."
   "So, you and my Dad, like --"
   Lovitz chuckled again.  "Nothing like that.  Neither of us was up
to it.  He was drunk; I was wasted.  Easiest money I ever made."
   "So, you didn't do it?"
   "After childbirth, I wasn't up to much of anything, physically or
mentally.  I was half-considering suiciding when I see this soldier
stumble out of a bar, drunk out of his gourd.  It looked to me he
could use a friend, so I picked him up.  Just like I thought, he
didn't care, so we went to my place.  But that's as far as it went,
because even drunk, he couldn't get his girl friend out of his mind.
We ended up just talking."
   "He actually confided in you?"
   "Surprised the hell(tm) out of me."
   "What did you talk about?  Elaine?
   "'Elaine'?"
   "His girl friend from back then.  Whenever I ask him about Mom,
that's who he talks about."
   "That might be her then."
   "So what did he say to you?"
   "How the hell(tm) do *I* know?  It's been years!"  She laughed.
   "Then what makes you think it's my Dad?"
   "I coveted the loyalty he showed for his girl, and wanted my child
to have the same.  So, the next day, I called the adoption agency and
told them the guy was her natural father."
   "And then they called him up?"
   "I don't know.  I never saw either of them again."
   "So, my Dad really thinks I'm his daughter,"
   "That's my guess."
   "This is really weird."
   "Take your time.  Gotta go; call you next week."
   "Uh, bye!"

				*****

    12 November 1995

   Ichii inched forward, stopping just before he passed the stand of
potato chips.  Peering through, he spotted his target poring over the
magazine rack.  Moments later, he noiselessly passed by, drawing out
the bottle he had seen in the other's jacket pocket.
   "Hey!  Give that back!" the teenager shouted as he turned.
   "'Raspberry-Lime Diet Yoo-Hoo'," Ichii read.  "Good stuff."
   "Yeah," the kid agreed, noticing Ichii's employee apron.  "I *was*
gonna pay for it," he added unconvincingly.
   "Be sure you do," Ichii admonished.  "I'll be seeing you," he added
casually, as he sauntered off, savoring the startled looks the kid had
given him.  It would probably be enough to get him through the rest of
the shift.

   "Hey, Ichii!" someone called ten minutes later.  Ichii followed the
voice to see one of the high school gangs.
   "Hi, guys.  What's up, Jose?"
   Jose looked about the store.  "I was kinda wondering where you'd
been these last couple months."
   Ichii shrugged.  "Working."
   "You taking up a job?  Since when?"
   "Since August.  Like you said, a couple months."
   "But I don't get it.  Why?"
   "I need the money," Ichii said simply.
   Jose (and his cronies) laughed.  "You need the money," he repeated,
"and so you get a job.  Why don't you just smuggle a few cartons of
cigarettes outside?  They sell for a lot on the street."
   "I never did that."
   "I know you didn't.  Beats me why not."
   "I never needed the money."
   Jose looked at the floor as he laughed, then looked up again.  "But
why this?  What's so important that you try to get a job?"
   "The guy I owe money to.  I promised him I'd earn it legit."
   "Who's this guy?"
   "Mary's old man."
   "The cop?  You made a deal with a cop?"
   "He's an okay guy, really."  Ichii shrugged.

   Jose ignored Ichii's comment and continued.  "You're letting those
rumors get to your head, aren't you?"
   "What rumors?"
   "Come on.  Everyone's heard them.  About you being a superguy."
   "So?"
   "Well, you're sure acting like one.  I saw that kid leave the store
a few minutes ago.  I don't know what you did, but he kept looking
over his shoulder."  Jose snickered.
   "I didn't want him to get away with it."
   "What do you care?  It's not like you haven't done it yourself."
   "You really want to know?  My job is on probation for three months.
If anything goes wrong on my shift, I take the fall."
   Jose snorted.  "You're tellin' me that that's it?"
   "That's it.  So if Taz would put that candy bar back, we're cool."
   The punk behind Jose looked at Ichii with surprise.  "Huh?  Whatcha
gonna do?  Report me?"
   "I'd rather not, but my manager is about to round that corner."
   Taz palmed the candy as he turned around.  Indeed an overweight man
in a leisure suit showed up and looked down the aisle at them.
   "It's okay!" Ichii called.  "Friends of mine!"
   The manager grunted and went his way.
   "You're not going to turn me in?"
   "Leave it or buy it.  Your choice.  I only want to keep my job."
   Taz adopted a look of bravado.  "And what if I steal it anyway.
You gonna stop me?  You gonna try stopping all of us?"
   Ichii looked at him, at Jose, and the rest.  "I don't have to try.
I know where you live.  Remember, Mary's old man is a cop."
   Jose looked at him coldly.  "What?  You threatening us?"
   "I'm just saying that if you don't cross me, I don't cross you.
You think I wouldn't have turned you in already, if I cared?"
   Jose scanned the faces of his buddies, then nodded.  "That's fair.
We can live with that.  See ya around."

   Not to Ichii's surprise, the manager returned after the gang left.
He stood and regarded Ichii for some time before speaking.  "You said
those were friends of yours?"
   "From a couple years ago, actually."
   "I'm not fond of seeing juveniles in my store."
   "Don't worry.  They didn't steal anything.  I was watching."
   "I'll be checking that when I take inventory."
   Ichii merely shrugged.
   "Just remember that.  I don't like seeing them around," the manager
continued.  "Besides, you're not paid to chat."
   "Right.  But it's okay.  They won't be coming around no more."

				*****

   15 November 1995

   ".. But then when I woke up, it was all a dream.  But it doesn't
*feel* like a dream."
   "Well, you're here now, aren't you?"
   "Well, yeah.  But I just can't get rid of the feeling that I'm
loving someone who could kill me."
   "Some would say that that's the purest love there is."
   "Thanks, Mom.  I really feel a lot better having told you this."
   "I do too, dear.  And I know how you feel.  There's someone right
now that I'm really attracted to who hates my guts."
   "But do you see him killing you?"
   "Not personally, but -- well, I get the picture."
   "It's really nice having someone I can really talk to about this."
   "There's nobody else?"
   "Well, Ichii keeps reminding me that it wasn't real.  I think he
cares, but I just can't get him to realize why I'm sometimes afraid.
He didn't have to go through the experience in those caves."
   "But your Dad did?"
   "Yeah, but what am I supposed to say?  'Daddy, I really wish you
wouldn't shoot me'?"
   "Tell him what you told me.  Describe your dream."
   "I wish I could, but any time I even mention it, he looks away.
It's like he feels guilty about it; I almost think he knows."
   "That's not good enough, and you know it!"
   "But, Mom!"
   "Look!  This is obviously making you unhappy.  I don't want my
daughter to be unhappy.  Deal with it.  And soon."

   "...  I wish you were here."
   "You mean, in person?"
   "Yeah."
   "Sorry, darling.  I've got a new job here, and can't get away."
   "How about Thanksgiving?"
   "I'd love to, but I can't.  I have to work."
   "On Thanksgiving Day?"
   "The media doesn't stop for holidays, dear."
   "Oh."
   "Sh**.  I'm beginning to sound like your Dad, aren't I?"
   "Huh?"
   "Here I'm saying I can't spend time with you because I have other
priorities in my life."
   "I guess.  But at least you're willing to talk about it."
   "I'll make it up to you.  First chance I get, I'll come out there
and pay you a visit.  Okay?"
   "Cool!"

				*****

   30 November 1995

   Richard reread the letter a third time.  Then stamped to the corner
of the living room that led to the rest of his apartment.  "Mary!
Come here, please!  Now!"
   The door to Mary's room burst open and Mary came running.  "What is
it, Daddy?"  Richard held the letter up.  "What's that?"
   "*This* .. is a subpoena."
   "A subpoena?  You mean you have to go to court again?"
   "Uh-huh."
   "But I thought that was all over!"
   "It is.  This is something else entirely."
   "What is it?  Can I see?"
   As Mary reached to grab the letter, Richard held it out of range.
"It seems there's something you haven't been telling me."
   Mary looked up at him in bewilderment.  "What?  I'm in trouble?"
   "Yes, you are.  You've been talking to your mother this past month,
haven't you?"
   "What?  How did you know?"
   Richard thrust the letter into Mary's bosom.  "She's suing for
custody."
   "No!" Mary scanned the letter.  "This can't be her!"
   "Can't it?" Richard roared.  "Who else would it be?"
   "But she wouldn't do this!"
   "When were you going to bother to tell me?"
   "I didn't know!  Swear to God!"
   "You've been talking to her for over a month!"
   "But she never said she'd do this!  She thinks you're swell!"
   Richard paused.  "She does?  Then why won't she call me?"
   Mary answered quietly.  "I promised not to tell."
   "You could at least have told me you were keeping in touch."
   "How could I?  You've been getting drunk every night!"
   Richard stood silent a moment.  "That is not true."
   Mary screamed in frustration.  "Ichii's seen you!  You go to your
favorite bar every time!"  With another wail, she ran to her room and
slammed the door.
   Richard stamped angrily, irritated that his attempt to reconcile
should backfire so completely.  He reviewed the accounts related to
him of his prior dealings with Mary, but searched in vain for a useful
memory.  It was then that he noticed the subpoena on the floor at his
feet.

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