🚀 go-pugleaf

*Bzzt*

*Whirr-whir*

*Click*

Okay, Mickey, the computer's fixed.

[That's good, I was--  Um, Teeny?]

Yes, Mickey?

[What's all that smoke coming out of the back of the computer?]

It's a carbonized byproduct of the oxidation process.

[But...  It smells like something's burning in there!]

Yes.  Could you hand me some more of those comic books.

[Bwah?  You're burning my comics to power the computer?!]

You've already read them all, haven't you?

[Sure, but--]

We're not getting any electricity from the outlet, so I had to adjust the
computer to work on alternate sources of energy.

[Teeny, you're an Author now!  You can just... what's that term...  You can
just Edit a power generator or something to use!]

I could, but that would be too easy.  I'm supposed to be as dumb as toast,
right?

[*sigh*  I guess I see your point.  Okay then, roll the next episode.]


@@@@@  @  @@@@    @@@   @   @   @@@    @@@   @@@  @   The Series
@      @  @   @  @   @  @@  @  @   @  @     @     @
@@@    @  @@@@   @   @  @ @ @  @@@@@  @     @     @    (C) 1996
@      @  @   @  @   @  @  @@  @   @  @     @     @    Astatine
@      @  @@@@    @@@   @   @  @   @   @@@   @@@  @   H. Valence

             ==Episode #3: I've Got Your Number!==


[Strange.]

What's strange, Mickey?

[We're logged in through a different server now.  Something called Eyrie.
First we lose power and now this...]

We have a new server?  Can he bring me some ice cream?

[It's not that kind of server, Teeny.]

Awwwwww.

[I'll get you some ice cream.  You just continue with the story.]

Yay!  Yay!  Yay, yay, yay!  Which story?

[The--  Gah!  The one about Fibonacci and that Greek guy.  You want
chocolate sauce and sprinkles?]

Yay!

[Okay, I'll be right back.]

Now let's see...  Fibonacci and Pythagoras had to report to the tenure
review committee at the University of Northern Minnesota at 13th Century
Padua.

"Well now," said the committee chairman, "it looks like you've spent the
past three semesters investigating... cake?"

"No," said Pythagoras.  "Kake!  It is a transcendental constant
approximately equal to twenty-two divided by seven, as can be seen by any
cake with a seven inch diameter and twenty-two inch circumference."

"Is that so?" asked the chairman, with an evil sneer.  He snapped his
fingers and one of the other committee members brought out a large
chocolate cake.

"Yay, chocolate cake!" exclaimed the members of the committee.

"Yay, chocolate frosting!" exclaimed Fibonacci.

"Yay, green frosting letters that spell out the words, 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY
RICHARD NIXON!'" exclaimed Pythagoras.

But the evil chairman did not say "Yay!" like everyone else.  And he did
not jump up on the table and do a happy chocolate cake dancing like
everyone else.  And he did not start singing happy chocolate cake songs
like everyone else.  Instead, he just leaned forward and waited for the
dancing and singing to stop.  "Show us the practical results of your
research, Professor Pythagoras."

"Um.  I am unable to do so, my good man."

"And why not?"

"That cake is a bloody quadrilateral.  The kake constant does not apply."

The chairman looked around at the rest of the committee.  "I think we've
heard enough.  Pythagoras, you are a disgrace to this university.  You are
hereby relieved of all of your responsibilities.  Please turn in your
teaching assistants on your way out."

Pythagoras sat in shock for a few minutes.  Then he lowered his head and
slumped out of the room.  "Does this mean we don't get to eat the cake?"
asked Fibonacci.

"You!" shouted the chairman.

"Yes?"

"Professor Fibonacci, if my notes are correct you have been researching
something called Arabic numerals..."

"That's right.  I can demonstrate... if you have a couple dozen cupcakes
for me to count."

"No."

"Jellybeans?  Eclairs?  Cough drops?"

"At this university we use the Roman numeral system.  Every page number of
every book, every number on every dorm room door, every number in the
school's accounting system--  Do you realize how much it would cost us to
upgrade to another numeric system?"

"But it's a much better system.  How are we ever going to implement the
Dewey Decimal System without Arabic numerals?"

"Enough!  Are you trying to bankrupt us, Fibonacci?  If your research is a
failure, it will be a waste of money.  And even if it succeeds, we will
never be able to afford the upgrade."

"We could still use the Roman numeral system for unimportant, trivial
things," Fibonacci protested.  "Like kings, or popes, or world wars..."

"I think we've heard enough.  Your tenure is hereby revoked.  If you step
foot on this campus again, we'll lock you up in the dining commons and make
you wash dishes for the rest of your life!"

"Would I get free food?"

"Out!  Out!  Get out!"

"Okay, okay..."  Fibonacci ducked out of the room and met his friend
Pythagoras out in the hall.

"I say, old chap, looks like we've been given the proverbial boot."

"Yeah," said Pythagoras, "but it's not all bad.  Look!  I managed to grab
the chocolate cake while they weren't looking!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaay!"


WHAT WILL FIBONACCI AND PYTHAGORAS DO NOW?

WILL THEY BE ABLE TO FIND SOME MILK TO WASH DOWN THE CAKE?

WILL RICHARD NIXON BE UPSET THAT HE DIDN'T GET TO BLOW OUT THE CANDLES?

Find out in the next exciting element of the Fibonacci Series!

[Can we turn the computer off now while I still have some Spiderman comics
left?]

Okay.

[Thanks.]

---
Astatine H. Valence                              astatine@eyrie.org

   "Nixon in '96!  Nixon in '00!  Nixon in '04!  Nixon forever!"

---
fishbone@user1.channel1.com                          Greg Fishbone, Esq.

   "Mythic Heroes: Serialized for your protection."

More info on "Mythic Heroes" can be found in the Virtual Chapterhouse:
      http://www.channel1.com/users/fishbone/mythic.html