🚀 go-pugleaf

[Continued From Part Five!]

   Spoongirl found herself straining to fight off a half-dozen blue-and-red
clad ninjas in the middle of the fray.  Nearby, AquaRegia had somehow
located some hot dogs, and Sporkboy was reading from a book.  "Could
you--"<spin-kick> "--two--" <double-punch> "--be any less--" <flying
roundhouse> "--helpful?" she demanded.
   "Sure, if that's what you want," said AquaRegia.
   "I think there might be something here in Ralph's Rules of Superheroics
that could help you," said Sporkboy, flipping pages.  "Here we go!  Rule
56: Observe the cyclic patterns and be decisive at the turning points."
   "Great--" <side-kick spin>  "Now, all I--" <rabbit-punch> "--need--"
<Himalayan thunder-strike> "--is someone to--" <downward block> "--tell me
when the turning points--" <forward roll into groin-smash> "--are."
   "Now!" said AquaRegia.  "Now!  Now!  Now!  Now!  Aaaaaaaaaand... *NOW!*"
   Spoongirl attacked on cue, and the ninjas dropped, one by one, except
for the last one, who just stumbled away in a dazed manner.
   "You missed the last turning point by two thousandths of a second,"
AquaRegia told her.
   "That was... pure luck," said Spoongirl, a little dazed herself.  "It
had to be..."  She then ran off in search of more superguys to battle.
***
        Mr. Morbid groaned as he took another shot to the stomach. Two
large superguys had a secure lock on his arms while a hideously
unproportionate gym-freak drilled him in the gut with fists similar in
proportion to bowling balls.  Countless other superguys swarmed around,
just waiting for their chance to strike.
        Luckily, Morbid had been in a similar situation before and knew how
to get out of it.  Go for the the kneecap of the guy on the right with your
heel, and then hit the guy on the left with everything else once you're
free.  Morbid raised his foot and brought it crashing down on the leg with
all his might.
        *That tactic does not seem to work as well on superguys as it does
on regular people,* Eugene pointed out.  He was right.  It just seemed to
make him that much angrier.
        At that moment, the gym-freak brought another hand crashing down
into Morbid's side.  That's when he felt a terrible pain in his ribs.  He
felt one of his vitals cave in, which was always a bad thing no matter the
situation.  But for Morbid, this vital area was almost certainly a fatal
one -- his cigarette box had been crushed beyond recognition.
        "Nooooooo!" Morbid yelled in anguish.  With the strength of ten
men, he launched the two superguys that were holding his arms back high
into the air.  Now free, he grabbed the cigarette box from his jacket
pocket to see if there were any survivors.  The top flipped open on it's
own, which wasn't a good sign.  It appeared to Morbid as its dying gasp, as
if saying, "why didn't you save me?"
        Morbid averted is eyes.  The carnage inside was too terrible for
him to deal with at the moment.  Saving the world came first, and
cigarettes followed.  Even if the tobacco companies said otherwise.
        He pitied the first person to get in his way.
        Ten seconds later, gym-freak was down and not getting up any time soon.
        "You killed them!" Morbid yelled at gym-freak.
        *He can not hear you now, Morbid.*
        "Morbid!" A booming voice called to him.
        Mr. Morbid turned to see Gutbuster, the psycho-crazed, professional
wrestler, and part-time infected superguy that he had last seen in Plight
Heights.  "That's impossible!  How did you get here?"
        "Never mind that," Gutbuster returned angrily "give back my
championship belt that you stole!"
        "You want it," Morbid replied in his best macho voice, "you got to
take it from me!  To be the man, you got to beat the man!" In truth, Morbid
wasn't sure where the belt was anyway.  He vaguely recalled storing it in
the overhead compartment of the TFA troopship on the way to Canada.
Morbid's pro-wrestler impression didn't seem to do much to improve
Gutbuster's attitude.
        Gutbuster charged pushing friend and foe aside.
        Thinking fast, Morbid grabbed a small superguy in red pyjamas  by
the collar and yanked him close.  "C'mere geek, whats your name?"
        "Umm ... umm ... Stevie the Mole-Man, sir.  I really just want to
go back to the Mole Cave and ... and I hope you're not about to do what I
think you're about to do."
        "Sorry," Morbid returned apologetically, "it's you or the world,
buddy.  And to be honest, it looks like it may be you *and* the world
anyway.  So, why not just get it over with now?"
        "I understand," Stevie replied stoically.
        Morbid grasped Stevie by both ankles and met Gutbuster's ferocious
charge.  At the last second, Morbid swung Stevie and planted him right
upside Gutbuster's head.
        After a brief but intense episode of clubbing, Gutbuster was
defeated yet again.  Morbid and his new sidekick continued to work their
way through the endless masses.
***
        The hulking man known as Bodyslam thundered through the crowds of
fighting superguy, plowing through as many 'uninitiated' people as
possible.  Behind him, the robot known as HMR-One followed, but was
gradually falling behind, as he was trying *not* to run over people as he
ran.
        "OUTTA MY WAY!!" Bodyslam shouted as he plowed through the
superguys, knocking over a few, including some on his side.  "WILD ROBOT
AFTER ME!!!"
        "Oof.  Excuse me," HMR-One said politely as he made his way through
the crowd.
        "Need some help, big guy?" a voice said behind him.  HMR turned to
see HotFlash and MeltDown landing next to him.
        "Sure do," he said.  "Do you think you ladies could carry me above
this crowd?"
        "Not a problem," HotFlash said.  "You're chasing that big guy over
there, right?" she asked, pointing at the still-running Bodyslam.
        "You got it."
        "Right," MeltDown said.  "Yury, you take one arm, I'll take the other."
        In no time at all, the two CalForcers and their passenger were in
the air, and, with some weaving due to the fact that HMR weighed a lot,
eventually managed to catch up to Bodyslam.
        ++He's gaining on us, Steve,++ Mark said telepathically.
        "Wha?  How?!?" Bodyslam asked, turning to look at his pursuer.  "Oh."
        ++If you've got any tricks up your sleeve, now's the time for them!++
        "Hey, they're your sleeves, too," Bodyslam said as he ran towards a
convenient trench (carved out sometime during the battle). "Hey, that's
it!"
        ++What's it?++
        Bodyslam leaped over the edge of the trench.  "They're looking for
Bodyslam, not--"
        There was the sound of one person suddenly splitting into two.
        "--us!"
        "Wha?" Mark asked as he landed on the ground.  "Ow.  Next time,
warn me when you're going to do that, okay?"
        "Sorry," Steve said.
        Meanwhile, HotFlash and MeltDown had just landed themselves and
their passenger several feet away from the trench they had seen Bodyslam
jump into.  The trio advanced cautiously to the side of the trench, and
were surprised to see not Bodyslam, but two men sitting in the trench.
        "Hey, either of you two seen a big, muscle-bound guy run through
here?" HMR asked.
        "Uh-huh," Mark said.
        "He went that way," Steve said, pointing in one direction.
        "Thanks.  Okay, ladies, I can handle it from here," HMR said to the
two CalForcers.  "But thanks for the ride."
        "No problem," MeltDown said, taking off into the air again. "Come
on, Yury, we've got to find Mighty Gu-- er, Bizarre Guy!"
        "Right!" HotFlash said as she joined her.  "See you, Roboguy!"
        "Roboguy?" Arnie/HMR-One mused as he took off in the direction
Bodyslam had gone in.  "Not bad.  Certainly better than 'HMR-One'..."
        Steve and Mark waited until he had left, then pulled
themselves out of the trench.
        "Well, whaddya know?" Steve chuckled.  "It worked!"
        "Yeah, but we're powerless unless we remerge," Mark said.  "And
then he's bound to find us."
        "Actually, I've already found you," HMR said from behind them.
They turned around quickly, and found themselves faces-to-face with the
robot.  "I figured one of you would be Bodyslam in a more normal form, but
I didn't expect *both* of you to be him."  A quick jab to the chin knocked
Steve out before he and Mark could attempt to remerge, after which the
robot hero picked Mark up by the lapels of his shirt.
        "Wh...What ARE you?!?" Mark demanded.
        The robot pulled him closer to his face, and Mark got the feeling
that had it had a mouth, it would have used it to grin.
        "I'm Roboguy."
        Mark decided that fainting was the better part of valor, and did
just that.
***
     HotFlash landed next to Badass, who had a pained expression on his
face, but was nevertheless participating again in the battle, a bit more
bitterly than before.
     "We've got to break through the line!" she declared. "Chronosphere's
given the call -- he's got to get through!"
     "I heard him," Badass responded.  "Now ask me if I care!"  He kicked
Posterior Lad, whose mere presence seemed to demand it, then fired a rocket
into a knot of superguys on a nearby hill, not caring whether they were on
his side or not.
     "That's no wa--hey, why are your pants hiked up so far?"
     "None of your business!" Badass returned.  "I--oh, hell(tm), I'm
sorry.  You're right.  Let's take care of these bozos once and for all.
Microvax already went up that way a minute ago."
     "There's too many of them between us and Chronosphere," HotFlash
mused.  "I've got to fly you over the line, only you're too heavy..."
     "Just get me going, and let go when I've got momentum," Badass
instructed.  "Only don't lift me by the--hurrrrrrrk!"
     Ignoring Badass's protests, HotFlash lifted him into the air, holding
securely onto the back loop of his belt.  She pushed her flight powers to
the limit, soaring as far as she could over the battlefield before her arms
threatened to give out.
     When she finally let go, Badass's war cry sounded extremely violent,
indeed.
***
        Morbid punched a superguy in the face.  The unlucky superguy, who
had gained the power to crush aluminium cans with his tongue from across
the room, buckled under Morbid's mystically enhanced strength.
        "Twenty-three noses," Morbid counted while kicking another superguy
down.  "Thirteen eyes, eleven arms, seven kneecaps, ..."
        *Eight kneecaps,* Eugene corrected.
        "Thank you," Morbid replied and continued counting his injury
scorecard.  "Five jaws, two groins ..."  He paused his count and defeated
another superguy.  "Three groins."
        *It is a pity that you have to go easy on them because they are not
in control of their actions.*
        "Huh?" Morbid asked.  He was completely surrounded with people
trying to bite, scratch, tear, and energy blast him.  Every time one
monster went down, another took it's place.  "Damn it, Eugene!  It's like
I'm at a concert without a band playing.  If I'm going to take a kick to
the face, I'd rather it be for music."
        *Morbid.  Chronosphere has given the order to advance.  Time is of
the essence at this point.*
        "Advance which way?!  I can't see anything but spandex."
        *Proceed in the direction of the furry superguy with the red eyes
and snout.  Our objective lies beyond.*
        "Got it, Eugene!  And I have an idea."
        *Always a novelty.*
        Morbid raced through the small hole he had managed to create and
jumped up at the furry superguy.  He landed on the superguy's snout and
leaped high into the air once more.
        "Crowd surf!"  It wasn't the best of ideas or battlecrys, but it
just had to do this time.
***
     Trashman surveyed the roiling mass of zealous superguys who blocked
Chronosphere and Amiga's path to Maladroit. He estimated that the thinnest
crossing available in the shifting mass was no fewer than thirty people
deep; and that was subject to change at any moment. Yet the call had gone
out and the heroes were expected to breach and hold an opening in the mass.
     Tricky.
     But not impossible.
     CalForce seemed to be doing the most damage, using sheer power to
begin slogging their way towards Parliament. But they needed more force to
be able to push through. Their current strength was far from adequate.
     "You and you," said Trashman, his voice calm but commanding as he
pointed to Roboguy and Michael Dasher. "CalForce has established a small
zone of control. I've noted that the two of you have the power to extend
that. Do so."
     The two androids glanced at each other, and shrugged. Trashman's tone
of voice told them both that he would not make such a request lightly or
ask if he thought that there was someone else who could do the job. Perhaps
he would have to work on his 'people skills', but this was Trashman. When
he asked, you listened. The two rushed into the fervour where indicated,
helping to push back enemy superguys from CalForce's position. Satisfied
that the two 'draftees' were as effective as anticipated, Trashman turned
and scanned the battlefield. He saw his next 'recruit', and executed a deft
leap next to her, where she battled a large reptilian mutation. Trashman
stiff-armed the creature with his trash can lid, then turned his gaze onto
Karen Moire, not watching as the beast fell stunned to the ground.
     "We are trying to break through the wall of superguys presently," he
said evenly. "You can help."
     "Right," said Karen, stretching her muscles slightly while turning to
wade into the fracas.
     "Not with strength," said Trashman, in a tone that caused Karen to
turn back around, however involuntarily. "You and your crystal companion
will be more useful funnelling blasts of earth in the direction of the
advance, to soften the enemy. Find your friend and go." he finished,
indicating the slowly expanding beach head that the assembling heroes were
building.
     "Now wait just a second!" cried Karen, her danders raised by being
ordered around so handily. Trashman raised a single eyebrow at her.
     "I estimate that CalForce and allies can hold their advance for
another five minutes - perhaps six. That will not be enough time for them
to break through at present. With your help, however, it will be. Should
you wish to debate chain of command and matters of protocol with me, I will
make myself available to you - after the battle. Now, if you'll excuse me."
With that, Trashman plowed into the battle, searching for his next recruit.
Karen sighed, called to Shard, and plunged forward to join in the fight.
***
        From overhead, Windswimmer saw what was happening.  Yes, there was
a real weakness here, one they might have a chance of breaking through with
they could concentrate a bit more power there.  She hurled her last rock at
one of the Superguys advancing on Battletank, but could see that was not
going to work.  But maybe...
        She swooped down upon Battletank.   He was still valiantly trying
to break through the wall on his end, but Judy could see it was a lost
cause, as ever greater numbers of attackers surrounded him and his blaster
grew weaker.  She snatched him up with her air-enhanced strength from the
midst of his fray.
        "Hey, whut choo doin' thar, gal!" roared the big man.
        "Saving your butt, and putting you where you're needed more!
They're almost through now, over here!  Can you recharge that thing?"
        "Shore, jes' give me a second..."  A second was all Judy gave him
as she toted him over to the area where Trashman was leading his charge and
dropped him into the midst of it.  Ludge came in, blasting full strength.
***

[Continued In Part Seven!]