🚀 go-pugleaf

[Flashback to last week's bloodshed. Howard Feldman, Vietnam Veteran and disci-
ple of Michael S. Schwartz, has been sent into a deep cover mission to fight
BLUE HERRING by infiltrating VWAR-L@UBVM, told nothing but "Just be yourself,
Howard." This as you know Them always does to Rambo in real life to get him
mostly killed. But Howard survives. BLUE HERRING whereabouts unknown. Howard
has found out that BLUE HERRING is in with the very Evil and very extremely
superrich H. Ross Perot to swindle widows and orphans out of last nickels in
hope that he, Perot, can discover MIA hsband or father's whereabouts; but only
he, Howard, has ever brought any of "My Brothers" out ALIVE. They lied about My
Brothers. The Capitalist State lied. The Capitalist Class lied. The women's
movement lied. They lied about where the class struggle went, don't you believe
it went the same place as the Yellow from Pepsodent. You know how many are
going to die, Foss, before I kill every one of those Evil lying motherfucking
bastards, Foss, who BETRAYED ME AND MY BROTHERS, Foss? We could have won in
Vietnam. They didn't let us win. Nobody who did this will escape BLOOD
VENGENCE.]

   Okay, put out the joints, listen. They are are going by Clausewitz, we are
going by Sun Tzu. Which makes us certain we will win, they think there's always
a risk they will lose. This makes us invincible.
   A Team makes the first attack on LISTSERV@UBVM. That's the decoy. BLUE
HERRING Telnets into "Toby . Hughes" aka thughes@lonestar.utsa.edu, thinking
she is safe but we have gone down to Brookhaven Mall and bought this thinkie
from Pearle Vision and Fiber Opticians' Center For the Fiber Optically Blind Or
Will Not See which we start stringing out from when we get off the FWY at
Josephson Junction TX all the way to the Alamo. Which is in Henry Gonzales'
District, the same one who has been reading into the Congressional Record dood-
les from George Bush's wastebasket proving that Foss' Paranoid ravings to
HISTORY about the phony war against Iraq were Worse even than even the Para-
noids think.
   Henry Gonzales has given us a Mexican Government document which is Santa
Ana's battle plans which won total victory at the Alamo in 1835. This is no
time to get racist. After we win we can get racist. B Team takes the Alamo.
   And C Team brings me H. Ross Perot back from Dallas dead or alive.
   LET'S GO!

                             *******

   ...<choke> a charnel house of depleted accounts, used-up flamewar ammo,
invalid userids, A(191) eating viruses selfdevouring, forgotten passwords. What
a mess! Wasson, bury the bodies!
   No, Howard, last one was the last movie I bury the bodies, you bury half the
bodies.
   Leslie, are you disobeying a direct order....
   You don't catch Ridley burying any bodies, Howard....
   WHERE IS FOSS?
   Lookit the size of that barrel holy fuck!
   Foss means 'barrel' in Polish, this is part of the plan.
   Look, up there!
   A Flying Fish!
   No, a falling fish!
   Yeah, smoking from a Son of Sam 22 up the tail.
   Smoking Salem Filter 100s!
   SPLOOOOSH!

                  *******

  This is the easy part.
  Yeah, shooting Fish in a barrel, ho ho ho...
  Shut up Private Gomer Pyle....
  [A lone gunman fires exactly three rounds from a bolt action Mannlicker
   Carcano carbine, still only $19.95 retail while they last so hurry, with
   telescopic sight screwed on funny because the gunman has his head screwed
   on funny as in the famous picture.]
   YOU ALL HEARD THREE SHOTS.
   I heard four shots.
   BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM
   <ok three shots sir>
   Lee, since when you come back from the dead after all these years?
   I never died said he.
   Wha...?
   Got, you know, Deactivated since I turned off Yuri Andropov's dialysis
machine back in eighty-three. Deactivation is a real funny state of Being you
know....Not a person or thing around except John Cunningham Lilly in the guise
of a Clam. You know where that's at.
   You hadda FNORD omigod....
   *****
   OK, here it is, C Team gone into action!
   Gallium arsenide activated.
   Phasers on Kill, captain.
   BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......
   Feldman! The PeeROT's got away!
   Don't worry, time is on our side. Gentlemen, I am clued into is Weakness.
   Wuzzat?
   A goyisher kopf.
   HOWARD WASH THE DISHES, TAKE A SHOWER, THEN WE FUCK.

        but it will never so long as one mia is in captivity be

                          THE END

    SHOW YOUR SOLIDARITY WITH AN MIA, FREE SLAVE BRACELET WITH EVERY 12-OZ
                        PEPSI COLA
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          BE SURE AND VISIT THE REFRESHMENT STAND IN THE LOBBY
       AND THENK YOU FOR NOT SMOKING WHATEVER YOU WERN'T SMOKING.