🚀 go-pugleaf

BK>SB> I think people feel overwhelmed by the frequency of interpersonal
BK>SB> contact in the contemporary urban world and are trying to
BK>SB> minimize it any way they can. I always make a point of making at
BK>SB> least brief eye contact and murmuring "And how are you today?",
BK>SB> then leaving the next move up to the person on the other side of
BK>SB> the counter.

Which enquiries after my health always seem to strike hollow when coming
from a stranger. I too try to speak to others with whom I deal in retail
environments (from both sides of the counter), but I have found that
less intrusive queries are needed to avoid a descent into "happyspeak",
which is worse than even the silence.

BK> During my lifetime I have seen a change. When I was a teenager, it
BK> was still possible to fall into conversation with a stranger, at a
BK> bus stop, say, even in the south where I grew up and the people have
BK> a reputation for keeping to themselves. Nowadays, I find the closed,
BK> defensive faces passing me in the street and jammed up close to me
BK> in the Tube quite pitiful. Yet, strange to say, if a natural reason
BK> for speaking occurs, it's as if the dam breaks and you find yourself
BK> deep in conversation until you have to part. It's as though there is
BK> a hunger for companionship but too much fear to seek it without a
BK> seemly excuse.

You remind me of my move from Los Angeles to Chattanooga. Whenever one
makes a move like that, it takes a while for terms such as "home" to
relocate (and sometimes they never truely do). It happened for me in an
instant.

After living here for about eighteen months, I had traveled "home" to
L.A. to visit family, and owing to time constraints I was flying east.
In L.A. in general, and LAX in particular, one surrounds oneself with an
insular coccon that tells others to keep away. My boarding area at LAX
was under construction, and was, if anything, more crowded than the
aircraft itself. I had my paperback, my shell, and my attitude in place,
and to a very large extent I was not present.

The flight hubbed in Memphis (and if you want to argue about the used of
"hubbed" as a verb, remind me to write about "deplaning", too). At that
point, even as I sat in my seat, the population of the plane changed
from being half Angelanos to being half Chattanoogans. I was dimly aware
of a change in the tone and volume of conversation, but was still in
lock-down mode and paid it little heed. Then one man made an
announcement:

"Hey folks, I've got a rental car and a room reserved downtown, but I
don't know how to get there from the airport. Anybody wanna trade a ride
for directions?" Almost at once, he had a full car. I was so taken aback
that I put down my book, looked at the people around me, and decided at
that moment that I had just changed direction--I was no longer
travelling away from home, but toward it.

While this is, in part, a peon to my current place of residence (and a
not too subtle dig at my old), I think it also shows that less than the
entire world has gone surly and silent. In my travels since that day, I
have tried to observe the nature of each city I visit to see where on
this spectrum it lies. While there is a high correlation between
metropolitan population and isolation, exceptions abound--Pittsburgh is
far friendlier and Jackson, Mississippi far less so than numbers would
suggest.

Perhaps the trend you see is but a sign that your city has grown too
large. One measure I take of a town is to look at restaurants who serve
breakfast; whether they seat patrons at large common trestles or
separate booths. Another is to see if queues are self-regulating; in the
absence of ropes, will citizens create a fair sequence or free-for-all.

I am not by any means advocating a return to "the small town", as cities
can as easily be too small as too large, but I don't expect I shall ever
be so comfortable again in any "world-class city".

Would anyone else care to post their observations on this point, please?
---
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Internet: bruce.metcalf@toadhall.com (Bruce Metcalf)
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