🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <31d051e0.28084974@news>, bob@ipa.net (Johnny Cash) wrote:

> This will take just a few minutes to read, but will be well worth your
> time. Have you ever thought "How could I make 
> some serious cash in a hurry???", or been in serious debt,  ready 
> to do almost anything to get the money needed to pay off those 
> bill collectors? Well get comfortable and listen to this 
> interesting, exciting find!  

Dear

[ ] sir        [ ] clueless one [ ] twit         [ ] great man on campus
[ ] madam      [ ] dweeb        [X] twerp        [ ] comrade
[ ] Elvis      [ ] moon beam    [ ] boor         [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer
[ ] citoyen    [ ] Geek         [ ] grad student [ ] cur
[ ] Republican [ ] Democrat     [ ] Liberal      [ ] Conservative
[ ] Communist  [ ] Dilbert      [ ] Dogbert      [ ] Ratbert

You are being gently flamed because.

[ ] you sent a please remove me from the list message to the list rather
than the list-sever
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] you advocated Net censorship
[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
[X] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group
[X] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic-weight loss article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid'Fix Your Credit' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning.
[ ] you threatened others with physical harm
[ ] you made a bigoted statement(s)
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll
[ ] you posted an obvious troll
[ ] you have a sig that is more than 5 lines long
[ ] you have a sig with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[X] you crossposted excessively
[ ] you, in any way, make, shape, or form, agreed with Senator Exon
[ ] you posted the Good Times virus spread by e-mail message
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after
    60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post.
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy with
   cancer who is trying to break the guiness book record.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your addition
was "I agree" or "Me too."
[ ] Barged into a quiet little news group/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and
started
    stinking up the place just because you read an article about the news
group/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine.
[ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
[ ] Repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or
    Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.
[ ] you, in any way, make shape, or form, used the term(s)
    [ ] "infobahn"  [ ] "Neutopia"  [ ] "synergy"      [ ] "warez"
    [ ] "SUX"       [ ] "wymyn"     [ ] "ROOLZ"
    [ ] KEWL/KOOL/K0oL              [ ] "information superhighway"
    [ ] Other annoying term:

[ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup;
    [ ] hollow earth theory            [ ] alien President theory
    [ ] orbital mind control frisbees  [ ] faith healing
    [ ] government weather control     [ ] Russian psychics
    [ ] Squeaky Fromme                 [ ] the nation of France
    [ ] robot spy bees                 [ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens
    [ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate"
    [ ] Other:

[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
    [ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
    [ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup [ ] SNL News
    [ ] Oliver Stone           [ ] Hard Copy  [ ] Inside Edition
    [ ] The National Enquirer  [ ] The Sun    [ ] NY Post
    [ ] The Union Leader       [ ] Pravda     [ ] OMNI Magazine
    [ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft  [ ] The Simpsons
    [ ]  An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
    [ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to;

[ ] do not delete the "welcome to the list" message you recieved when you
joined
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
[X] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ] take personal discussions or stupid/boring threads to email
[ ]  get used to being mocked
[X] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmeceutical experiments
[ ] join your people on your planet of origin
[X] remove the pipe from your nether regions
[ ] buy a nice firey lakefront plot in the Hell you so
    richly deserve

I would like like to suggest that, for the common good, you;

[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[X] post only to alt.dev.null
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in
    that thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] shop for clues at a better clue shop
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup
[X] no longer contribute to any newsgroup
[X] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[X] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[X] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
            [ ] patience            [ ] tolerance           [ ] caution
            [ ] common courtesy     [ ] succinctness
            [ ] vocabulary          [X] higher brain functions
[ ] Other:

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine
your progress toward being;

[ ] a useful member of Internet society
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] integrated into humanity
[X] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other:

Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steven Weller                      |  Weller's three steps to Greatness:
                                   |     1. See what others cannot
                                   |     2. Think what others cannot
stevenw@best.com                   |     3. Express what others cannot