🚀 go-pugleaf

                  --  HOW CANON KNOWS YOU HAVE SINNED --


Note: I guess nobody's planning to get a new Canon BJ-300 anymore. But
if you're planning to buy a Canon product, any Canon product, read on.
There's someting for you under the chapter "Dealing with Canon".


About two months ago, my Canon BJ-300 went awry. For a while white
streaks appeared in the dense black areas, but shortly after, I
thought a streak of  ink on the bleak page would have been
encouraging.

Yes, yes, yes, I had sinned! I had used third party ink, but I had
tested it as a Canon service man had advised me to: put a drop of ink
on a sheet of paper, let it dry, put a few drops of isopropyl alcohol
on the spot, and if a yellowish-brown ring appears, discard! Besides,
the printer went wrong when a Canon cartridge was in it.

Ah! Pitty on us poor sinners! Considering the facts, how can we not
succomb to temptation?

Including taxes, a brand name Canon cartridge costs a mere $40 (can).
Unless you print 500 sheets in a stretch, you should expect to print
little more than 400 pages in high-quality mode, the reason being
that, each time you turn the printer on, the print head "refreshes" --
how do you like the term? -- in the precious liquid.

Have you ever wondered how much wondering and pondering you must go
through each time you print some doc when every page costs 10� ? (The
price of the paper, of course, is negligeable, as you can get it
anywhere.) I mean, with the profit they make on their ink, Canon might
as well give their printers away!

So, I thought that once again the little-ten-cent-sponge-in-the-
purge-unit had gone wrong. It had happened before: that's when the
repairman had shown me how he knew I hadn't been using Canon ink. (The
yellow ring, remember?)

You see, this big BJ-300 looks like a hefty piece of equipment --
that's why I bought it, despite the warning of a friend who, I
thought, was over-praising his HP Deskjet -- but there is a little
sponge the size of a match head that swells when non-Canon ink is
used. That's how Canon knows you have sinned.

The repairman had warned me: "Next time the sponge swells, the
minimum repair charge will be $50. Better think about it!"

When I did get into trouble, I thought this was outrageous. It takes
about 5 minutes to change the little-ten-cent-sponge! That's $600 an
hour... and not paid in yens! So I phoned the company...

DEALING WITH CANON

Man! They've got nice front-line ladies over there at that 1-800
number in Toronto! You can call and be mad as hell, you'd never dare
shout at them: you'd be afraid they'd start crying! And they're so
kind! They refer you to all kind of people all over the place, who all
ask:

"Have you tried step number one, print head cleaning?" (Read: "ink
bath")
And you answer: "Yes".

"Have you tried step number two, print head priming?" (Read: "ink
bath")
And you answer: "Yes".

"Have you tried step number three, print head refreshing?" (Read: "Ink
bath")
And you answer: "Yes".

And Chris who answered your call  yesterday doesn't work in printer
department anymore. And Chris who answers you the following day is
another Chris working in another building. And you cannot speak to Mr.
So and so you talked to the day before unless you call a non-800
number. And Mr So and so is on vacation and you talk to his assistant
who can't take a decision. And the part department that's supposed to
call back doesn't. And, of course, "All our representatives are
presently busy".

And finally, the only answer you get to your little-ten-cent-sponge
problem is "Why don't you bring your printer to one of our authorized
service center?" (Canon doesn't service their printers anymore, at
least in Canada.)

Hey! After a while, you get stir-crazy! What's so imaginative about
that Kafka's Castle, anyway? You begin to shout "Will you send me a
handful of those ten-cent-sponges, yes or no?"

That's when you're REALLY in for a surprise. You learn that the
ten-cent-sponge "doesn't come without the purge unit". Noticed? They
don't say "We don't sell them without the purge unit". It suddenly
seems Canon is a company from outer space servicing a meteorite fallen
on earth.

And, you ask, "How much does the purge unit cost?"

"$180. But please, check with our parts department".

(Believe me, you could put an egg in an inch thick cast iron pan on
your head and it would fry in no time at all.)

"But when I had my printer serviced, they didn't change the whole
purge unit!"

"U... Uhhh... They must have had a defective purge unit within
reach..."

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

You want to kill! This fine gentleman has made the beast come out of
you and he doesn't know his way out.

"Uhhhh... Listen... Maybe you don't need that sponge at all! It was
put there only to prevent the flowing back of ink and we recently
discovered that it wasn't really necessary".

;-)  ;-)   ;-)   ;-)   ;-)   ;-)

Or maybe it was only necessay for Canon to know that you have
sinned???

"Sir, why don't you send me the shop manual so I can get to the purge
unit?"

"They're rather expensive..."

"You mean Canon asks a lot of money for them?" (So that you must refer
to authorized service centers).

"Y... Y... Yes..."
(In some circles, it seems that plain talk is rather hard to learn.)

"So why don't you send me a photocopy of the pages to get to the purge
unit?"

"This material is copyrighted, sir!"

"Copyrighted... Copyrighted by who?"

"Euh... By Canon, sir..."

Now, *I* was fried. I hung up the phone. How could this schizoid dummy
be human? Have you seen their faces at fairs and exhibitions all over
the land? They don't think! They say whatever they're told to!

With one tenth the money it took to give me all this mumbo jumbo,
Canon could have settled the problem. But that's not what they're
interested in. They want to know where you have sinned.


P.S.: 

After much wondering and pondering, I finally managed to open the
casing of my printer. I manually rotated the cam that activates the
purge unit and -- oh, suprise! -- the ink filled the two little hoses
that feed the ink. Maybe, after all, the little-ten-cent-sponge wasn't
at fault. It now works like new.

For how long is another matter. The sponge might as well have
disintegrated and might be getting to the print head, which is worth
around $250. (For the purge unit, the exact price hasn't been
confirmed yet, but even the  first repairman I spoke to agrees on the
price of the printing head.  BTW, he doesn't work for Canon anymore.
Divulging Canon's secrets doesn't pay, I guess.) If this ever happens,
I will end up having the most original  flowerbox in my
neighbourghood.

If, like I thought, you think that you'll get by buying a BJ-20, or
BJ-200,  or BJ-200e, or BJ-200ex, or BJ-100, or whatever -- remember
there's always  a new model coming out that works exactly the same as
the one you own but  that will depreciate it as "and older model"
(Apparently, the next one will  be the BJ-30, but even Office
Equipement  in Montreal is unsure of which is  the "present" model).

Think about how easy it will be to get the drivers for those models
that might be slightly different after all. Wonder RIGHT NOW if, when
the time comes to change a little vinyl bushing, the same company I'm
taking here about won't tell you: "Of course the part is available,
but it comes with the whole printer".

Now, if anybody knows if I should get rid and how I can get rid of
that goddamned-little-you-know-what, I'd really like to know.

My mind is made up on Canon but if you have comments on any other 
printer, please, let me know. I've heard only good things about HP 
and I had  a good experience with their products in college last year,

but I wonder  if they're not a bit expensive. How's the service... if 
you ever need it?