Thread View: comp.sources.apple2
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Started by Jonathan A. Chandross
Thu, 02 May 1991 21:11
v001SRC046: now -- ad-lib Generator For Orca (GS)
Author: Jonathan A. Chandross
Date: Thu, 02 May 1991 21:11
Date: Thu, 02 May 1991 21:11
325 lines
14470 bytes
14470 bytes
Submitted-by: Jawaid Bazyar (bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu)
Posting-number: Volume 1, Source:46
Archive-name: games/gs/shell/orca/now
Architecture: ONLY_2gs
Version-number: 1.2
Ad-lib generator. Requires Orca shell.
Enjoy.
###################################
=now.doc
-
-===========
- NOW
-===========
-
-Version 1.2
-
-There are no parameters for now. Note that now's output might be
-considered offensive by some. You've been warned. People who don't
-read doc files first (or look at movie ratings or read reviews etc...)
-don't deserve to be protected from 'obscenity'.
-
-In any case, now uses VERY random numbers (the x and y positions of the
-electron gun in the monitor) to generate some (usually) funny statements.
-Give it a try...
-
------
-
-Jawaid Bazyar
-Derek Taubert
-
-Copyright 1990 by Procyon Software
-Freeware - distribute but don't sell!
-
-This utility is FreeWare. Distribute them as much as you like, just
-don't sell them or distribute modified versions. Send me your comments -
-I'm eager to hear from you for suggestions and improvements.
-
-Also, if you make any modifications to the code please do not redistribute
-them. Instead, send me the changed source along with an explanation and
-I will consider including your change in the next version.
-
- Jawaid Bazyar
- 1120 Maple Street
- Mt. Vernon, IL 62864
-
- Internet/ARPAnet bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu
- GEnie J.BAZYAR
-
=now.c
-#include <stdio.h>
-#include <stdlib.h>
-#include <time.h>
-#include <ctype.h>
-
-static char *faster[] = {
- "\"Let the games begin!\"", "\"Sweet Jesus!\"",
- "\"Not that!\"", "\"At last!\"",
- "\"Land o' Goshen!\"", "\"Is that all?\"",
- "\"Cheese it, the cops!\"", "\"I never dreamed it could be\"",
- "\"If I do, you won't respect me!\"", "\"Now!\"",
- "\"Open sesame!\"", "\"EMR!\"",
- "\"Again!\"", "\"Faster!\"",
- "\"Harder!\"", "\"Help!\"",
- "\"Fuck me harder!\"", "\"Is it in yet?\"",
- "\"You aren't my father!\"", "\"Doctor, that's not *my* shou\"",
- "\"No, no, do the goldfish!\"", "\"Holy Batmobile, Batman!\"",
- "\"He's dead, he's dead!\"", "\"Take me, Robert!\"",
- "\"I'm a Republican!\"", "\"Put four fingers in!\"",
- "\"What a lover!\"", "\"Talk dirty, you pig!\"",
- "\"The ceiling needs painting,\"", "\"Suck harder!\"",
- "\"The animals will hear!\"", "\"Not in public!\"",
-};
-
-static char *said[] = {
- "bellowed", "yelped", "croaked",
- "growled", "panted", "moaned",
- "grunted", "laughed", "warbled",
- "sighed", "ejaculated", "choked",
- "stammered", "wheezed", "squealed",
- "whimpered", "salivated", "tongued",
- "cried", "screamed", "yelled",
- "said",
-};
-
-static char *the[] = {
- "the",
-};
-
-static char *fadj[] = {
- "saucy", "wanton", "unfortunate",
- "lust-crazed", "nine-year-old", "bull-dyke",
- "bisexual", "gorgeous", "sweet",
- "nymphomaniacal", "large-hipped", "freckled",
- "forty-five year old", "white-haired", "large-boned",
- "saintly", "blind", "bearded",
- "blue-eyed", "large tongued", "friendly",
- "piano playing", "ear licking", "doe eyed",
- "sock sniffing", "lesbian", "hairy",
-};
-
-
-static char *female[] = {
- "baggage", "hussy", "woman",
- "Duchess", "female impersonator", "nymphomaniac",
- "virgin", "leather freak", "home-coming queen",
- "defrocked nun", "bisexual budgie", "cheerleader",
- "office secretary", "sexual deviate", "DARPA contract monitor",
- "little matchgirl", "ceremonial penguin", "femme fatale",
- "bosses' daughter", "construction worker", "sausage abuser",
- "secretary", "Congressman's page", "grandmother",
- "penguin", "German shepherd", "stewardess",
- "waitress", "prostitute", "computer science group",
- "housewife",
-};
-
-static char *asthe[] = {
- "as the",
-};
-
-static char *madjec[] = {
- "thrashing", "slurping", "insatiable",
- "rabid", "satanic", "corpulent",
- "nose-grooming", "tripe-fondling", "dribbling",
- "spread-eagled", "orally fixated", "vile",
- "awesomely endowed", "handsome", "mush-brained",
- "tremendously hung", "three-legged", "pile-driving",
- "cross-dressing", "gerbil buggering", "bung-hole stuffing",
- "sphincter licking", "hair-pie chewing", "muff-diving",
- "clam shucking", "egg-sucking", "bicycle seat sniffing",
-};
-
-static char *male[] = {
- "rakehell", "hunchback", "lecherous lickspittle",
- "archduke", "midget", "hired hand",
- "great Dane", "stallion", "donkey",
- "electric eel", "paraplegic pothead", "dirty old man",
- "faggot butler", "friar", "black-power advocate",
- "follicle fetishist", "handsome priest", "chicken flicker",
- "homosexual flamingo", "ex-celibate", "drug sucker",
- "ex-woman", "construction worker", "hair dresser",
- "dentist", "judge", "social worker",
-};
-
-static char *diddled[] = {
- "diddled", "devoured", "fondled",
- "mouthed", "tongued", "lashed",
- "tweaked", "violated", "defiled",
- "irrigated", "penetrated", "ravished",
- "hammered", "bit", "tongue slashed",
- "sucked", "fucked", "rubbed",
- "grudge fucked", "masturbated with", "slurped",
-};
-
-char *her[] = {
- "her",
-};
-
-static char *titadj[] = {
- "alabaster", "pink-tipped", "creamy",
- "rosebud", "moist", "throbbing",
- "juicy", "heaving", "straining",
- "mammoth", "succulent", "quivering",
- "rosey", "globular", "varicose",
- "jiggling", "bloody", "tilted",
- "dribbling", "oozing", "firm",
- "pendulous", "muscular", "bovine",
-};
-
-static char *knockers[] = {
- "globes", "melons", "mounds",
- "buds", "paps", "chubbies",
- "protuberances", "treasures", "buns",
- "bung", "vestibule", "armpits",
- "tits", "knockers", "elbows",
- "eyes", "hooters", "jugs",
- "lungs", "headlights", "disk drives",
- "bumpers", "knees", "fried eggs",
- "buttocks", "charlies", "ear lobes",
- "bazooms", "mammaries",
-};
-
-char *and[] = {
- "and",
-};
-
-static char *thrust[] = {
- "plunged", "thrust", "squeezed",
- "pounded", "drove", "eased",
- "slid", "hammered", "squished",
- "crammed", "slammed", "reamed",
- "rammed", "dipped", "inserted",
- "plugged", "augured", "pushed",
- "ripped", "forced", "wrenched",
-};
-
-static char *his[] = {
- "his",
-};
-
-static char *dongadj[] = {
- "bursting", "jutting", "glistening",
- "Brobdingnagian", "prodigious", "purple",
- "searing", "swollen", "rigid",
- "rampaging", "warty", "steaming",
- "gorged", "trunklike", "foaming",
- "spouting", "swinish", "prosthetic",
- "blue veined", "engorged", "horse like",
- "throbbing", "humongous", "hole splitting",
- "serpentine", "curved", "steel encased",
- "glass encrusted", "knobby", "surgically altered",
- "metal tipped", "open sored", "rapidly dwindling",
- "swelling", "miniscule", "boney",
-};
-
-static char *dong[] = {
- "intruder", "prong", "stump",
- "member", "meat loaf", "majesty",
- "bowsprit", "earthmover", "jackhammer",
- "ramrod", "cod", "jabber",
- "gusher", "poker", "engine",
- "brownie", "joy stick", "plunger",
- "piston", "tool", "manhood",
- "lollipop", "kidney prodder", "candlestick",
- "John Thomas", "arm", "testicles",
- "balls", "finger", "foot",
- "tongue", "dick", "one-eyed wonder worm",
- "canyon yodeler", "middle leg", "neck wrapper",
- "stick shift", "dong", "Linda Lovelace choker",
-};
-
-static char *intoher[] = {
- "into her",
-};
-
-static char *twatadj[] = {
- "pulsing", "hungry", "hymeneal",
- "palpitating", "gaping", "slavering",
- "welcoming", "glutted", "gobbling",
- "cobwebby", "ravenous", "slurping",
- "glistening", "dripping", "scabiferous",
- "porous", "soft-spoken", "pink",
- "dusty", "tight", "odiferous",
- "moist", "loose", "scarred",
- "weapon-less", "banana stuffed", "tire tracked",
- "mouse nibbled", "tightly tensed", "oft traveled",
- "grateful", "festering",
-};
-
-static char *twat[] = {
- "swamp.", "honeypot.", "jam jar.",
- "butterbox.", "furburger.", "cherry pie.",
- "cush.", "slot.", "slit.",
- "cockpit.", "damp.", "furrow.",
- "sanctum sanctorum.", "bearded clam.", "continental divide.",
- "paradise valley.", "red river valley.", "slot machine.",
- "quim.", "palace.", "ass.",
- "rose bud.", "throat.", "eye socket.",
- "tenderness.", "inner ear.", "orifice.",
- "appendix scar.", "wound.", "navel.",
- "mouth.", "nose.", "cunt.",
-};
-
-struct table {
- char **item;
- short len;
-};
-
-typedef struct table TABLE;
-#define SZ(a) sizeof(a) / sizeof(char *)
-
-TABLE list[] = {
- faster, SZ(faster), said, SZ(said),
- the, SZ(the), fadj, SZ(fadj),
- female, SZ(female), asthe, SZ(asthe),
- madjec, SZ(madjec), male, SZ(male),
- diddled, SZ(diddled), her, SZ(her),
- titadj, SZ(titadj), knockers, SZ(knockers),
- and, SZ(and), thrust, SZ(thrust),
- his, SZ(his), dongadj, SZ(dongadj),
- dong, SZ(dong), intoher, SZ(intoher),
- twatadj, SZ(twatadj), twat, SZ(twat),
- (char **)NULL, (short)NULL,
-};
-
-#define LLINE 50
-static short lwidth;
-
-main()
-{
- register TABLE *ttp;
- register char *cp;
- int getpid;
- time_t now;
-
- getpid = *((int *) 0xE0C02E); /* read the horz and vert scan locs */
- now = time(&now) / rand();
- srand(getpid + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now)));
-
- for (ttp = list;ttp->item;++ttp,++lwidth) {
- for (cp = ttp->len > 1 ? ttp->item[rand() % ttp->len] : *ttp->item;*cp;++cp,++lwidth)
- if (isspace(*cp)) outsp();
- else putchar(*cp);
- outsp();
- }
- if (lwidth) putchar('\n');
-}
-
-static
-outsp()
-{
- if (lwidth > LLINE) {
- putchar('\n');
- lwidth = -1;
- }
- else putchar(' ');
-}
-
-
+ END OF ARCHIVE
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