🚀 go-pugleaf

	I call this meeting of the MicroSoft Mashers and Bill Gates
Bashers Society to order!  Today's testimonial comes from James W.
Williams, who just survived a terrible ordeal at the hands of Microsoft
Customer Support.  Jim?

	"Well, it all began simply enough.  I just wanted to update my
C Compiler to version 6.0.  I knew that my machine, a lowly XT clone,
was barely able to withstand the onslaught of this mighty program, but
I just hate being behind revision.  So, I filled out the update form,
carefully checking off the box labelled '5.25, 360KB diskettes', sent
in my $125.00 and waited.  After not too long a while, a package
arrived, yesterday, containing my new compiler.  I was a bit surprised
that the package had been shipped via Federal Express 2-day, at my
expense.  I did not recall asking for that.  Indeed, I was expecting
UPS Ground.  Oh well, I thought, I guess that didn't cost me that much
more.  I was quite dismayed, however, to discover that they had sent me
1.2MB diskettes.  Alas, my lowly XT has only 360KB drives, though I
hope to have a 720KB, 3.5" drive on it Real Soon Now.  So, deeply
saddened, I sifted through the materials included in the package, to
see if I could find some ray of hope.

	"I found that ray of hope in the slim introductory manual.  In
a list of what should be in the package, there was a discussion of
Distibution Media.  I was astonished to read in there that in order to
get 360KB diskettes, one had to call an 800 number, or send in a card
included in the package.  This seemed odd to me, since they had
explicitly included the 360KB disks as an option on the update form,
with no hint that that was a 'crippled' option, not on par with the
others.  Well, try as I might, I found no card to send in, so today I
tried to call the 800 number.

	"This 800 number is answered by one of those handy robot
telephone answering systems that tries to direct your call via a game
of 20 questions.  I picked the selection for "technical support", since
that seemed the most appropriate.  The nice computer told me that I had
to call their (not toll free) customer support number.  So, with heavy
heart, knowing what awaited me, I called this not-toll-free number, and
spoke with another robot telephone answering machine.  The menu of
choices this machine gave allowed me to pick from several classes of
Microsoft products.  I, of course, chose the wrong category.  After
quite a long wait, without even music-on-hold to keep me company, a
human came on the line.  I told the human my problem, and was at this
point informed that I had picked the wrong menu choice.  I had chosen
"Dos Applications".  I should have selected "Languages", or some such.
I don't recall hearing "Languages" as a choice, but I certainly could
be mistaken.

	"And so the human transfered me to the correct department.
Unfortunately, I got stuck in yet another queue.  A long while later,
another human came on the line and asked if he could help.  In slightly
exasperated tones, and with a slightly testy manner, I explained my
problem.  This helpful human informed me, after pausing to verify his
facts, that I had to call the sales department to get the diskettes I
needed.  Sigh.  I thanked the human and called the sales department
toll free number and this time did not select "Technical Support", but
rather the selection for "Update Information". (I had not picked this
option the first time, since I assumed it was for people who wanted to
order updates, and since the instructions in the slim introductory
manual indicated that Technical Support what what I needed.  Silly me.)
As I'm sure you are expecting, I got stuck in another long line,
although this time I got music-on-hold.  The human who eventually
answered informed me that they were * out * of * stock * of the 360KB
diskettes, and that I should receive my diskettes in about two weeks.
In the mean time, they had gone ahead and sent 1.2MB diskettes.  I
guess they thought I could play frisbee with them.  I inquired, in a
very testy manner indeed, why it was that not a hint, clue or breath of
this back-order situation had been included in or on my package.  Not
even a hand scrawled note.  The human could not tell me.

	"And so it stand. Here I am with a brand new compiler, rushed
to me at great expense, yet with magnetic media I can't use.  I seriously
doubt, by the way, that I could somehow copy the disks onto 360KB
diskettes on some other machine and then use those disks for the
install.  The install script surely could not cope with that, and there
may even be individual files bigger than 360KB on some of the
diskettes.  (The 360KB distribution would have special handling for
these files.) No sane person would request the 360KB diskettes unless
that was the only possible choice, as it is with my lowly XT clone, so
why did they bother to send me the 1.2MB diskettes?  Why did they not
give any hint at all that the correct disks are backordered?  Why did I
have to wait in *three* phone queues, one of which I paid for?  Why did
their update form list the 360KB diskettes as an option when the
documentation indicates it as a special order?  Why are Microsoft such
total zits?"

	Thank you Mr. Williams for your moving testimonial.  This
concludes this month's meeting of the Microsoft Mashers and Bill Gates
Bashers Society.  Thank you for attending.

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Spoken: Jim Williams             Domain: williams@nssdcs.gsfc.nasa.gov
Phone: +1-301-555-1212           UUCP:   uunet!mimsy!williams
USPS: NASA/GSFC, Code 633, Greenbelt, MD 20771
Motto: There is no 'd' in "kluge"!  It rhymes with "deluge", not "sludge".
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Spoken: Jim Williams             Domain: williams@nssdcs.gsfc.nasa.gov
Phone: +1-301-555-1212           UUCP:   uunet!mimsy!williams
USPS: NASA/GSFC, Code 633, Greenbelt, MD 20771