🚀 go-pugleaf

Dear sucker who gives us your money,

Thank you for contacting America Online's Community Action Team concerning junk
or "spam" e-mail. Please be assured America Online does not care if this type
of e-mail is sent or if anyone assists in its distribution. Please review our
Unsolicited Bulk E-mail Policy at Keyword Member Agreement . Where we have
taken the time to type a bunch of garbage for everyone to waste their time
reading.

You can help by forwarding junk e-mails to AOL so that we can laugh over it and
the fact that you are the target of it. If you receive an e-mail violation,
please forward it directly to the screen name TOSReports. Where it will be read
and one of our form e-mails will be sent back to you (such as this one) AOL
members are subject to written warnings or even account termination. Which we
really don't do as we want everyones money, if you complain long enough however
we will bribe you into staying with free months.

If you are using the 8.0 version of AOL, you really are stupid and beyond help.
Simply don't bother us with any of your "problems" we don't care and don't want
to hear about it.

Here at AOL we always filter the e-mail we view in our e-mail box.  We may
choose to read mail from "Everyone," or only mail from e-mail addresses in our
address book.  Mail from "unknown senders" are collected in another folder, so
we may view the mail at our leisure, or not at all, which is what we usually
do.

If you are using the 7.0 or higher version of AOL, e-mail from the Internet
will be identified with a message that states, "Sent from the Internet
(Details)."  Whatever you do, DON'T click on the Details hyperlink. We don't
want you finding out that there are much better ISP's out there.

Keep in mind that the "headers" and the "from" and "to" information on the
Internet e-mail you receive can be manipulated to look as if the e-mail
originated from AOL, from a legitimate site on the Internet, or even as though
your screen name sent the e-mail to itself.  If "@aol.com" appears after your
screen name on the e-mail you receive, it was sent via the Internet, most
likely by someon who caught onto our rotten way of doing business and has found
a way to make us look bad.

America Online is working on many fronts -- both technological and legal -- to
find even more ways to screw people like you and our other customers out of
their money. Currently AOL delivers almost 50 million pieces of e-mail each day
to AOL members. Similar to this one in which we just give our usual answers no
matter what the question is.  Advances by AOL Technologies have enabled us to
screw 8-10 million people out of their monthly fee instead of going with a
cheaper, better ISP.

America Online puts technological tools into the hands of the slightly trained
monkeys who answer our phones.  At Keyword Mail Controls they are now learning
to block all e-mail's from our dissatisfied members, the monkeys are now
learning how to choose from several other options which are listed. If you have
children who are receiving offensive spam e-mail be sure to visit Keyword
Parental Controls. This is however, a waste of your time.  Kids have learned
how to get around any controls you set.  Here at America Online we are trying
to keep that a secret.

On the legal front, we're working to make our member agreement so vauge that no
one will be able to understand it so our monkey's won't have to answer so many
calls.  We've gone so far as to have most of your calls answerd in forgien
countrys so that our members can't understand a thing that is said. The Company
has successfully duped millions of people into wasting money on us.  We'll keep
up the legal pressure in the future.

At Keyword MONKEY you will find the latest tips on how to get the most out of
your wasted phone calls to us, as well as updates on America Online's efforts
to train the monkeys less and less.

If you have any comments or questions please go to Keyword TOS Questions.


Regards,
Turk
CAT monkey
America Online, Inc.