🚀 go-pugleaf

>From: ravenraingoddess

>Warning!  This could get ugly - sensitive readers may wish to avert their
>eyes.
>
>Ladies & Gentlemen, tonight's rant is about MY MOTHER.   Yes, the woman who
>gave me life, who was in labor for 17 agonizing hours.  This is the same
>person
>I want to throw something at.  
>
>As Bmom knows, I've been looking at dress patterns.  I want to make my own
>wedding gown (thanks again Bea!).  So tonight,  I am talking to my mother,
>and
>I mentioned that I want to make my gown.  She says, "A gown?  So you're going
>to have a big wedding?"
>
>I responded "No,  it's not going to be a big wedding."
>
>Her:  "Well, are you going to have bridesmaids?  A maid of honor?"
>
>Me:  "Yeah, probably."
>
>Her:  "Well, who?"
>
>Me: ::insert names of my sister, Knight's sister, my little one::
>
>While I'm naming names, she is looking more & more uncomfortable.  Finally
>she
>says, "I just can't get excited about a second wedding."
>
>So, I'm hurt.  It's not like I was asking for ANYTHING from her - not money,
>not help with the dress (even though she is a very good seamstress),  not
>ANYTHING.
>
>And as far as the second wedding thing - it's a crock of shit.  When my uncle
>(her brother) RE-married (yes, that's right REMARRIED, as in second time) she
>busted her ass for that wedding - made favors,  desserts, hosted the shower,
>everything.  When her friend Joyce got married for <gasp> a second time, my
>mother was a bridesmaid and had a ball.  For weeks I heard about the limo,
>the
>champagne,  how much fun it was, etc. 
>
>I really don't understand it - she really likes Knight, and was tickled to
>death when we got engaged.  And you know, this is something really huge, and
>wonderful in my life - in fact, I think the only other thing that was better
>was having Morganne.  Wouldn't you think that as my mother, she could suck it
>up a little,  and at least ACT a bit enthused?  Maybe offer to help in SOME
>way?  Ask me about the dress, what it looks like?  
>
>Instead, she is acting like instead of celebrating, we should be planning the
>quietest, least embarassing way of getting married.  I don't know why she is
>acting this way,  or why she can be happy and excited for other people but
>not
>for me.
>
>At this point,  I'm seriously considering just doing the wedding I want the
>way
>I want it and showing her pictures afterward.


Well Raven that certainly was NOT ugly! 

I really do feel for you.  Surprisingly enough I have known a few people who
went through the same thing with their mothers. I just don't understand it.  Is
it too embarrassing that their daughter had to "try again"?  Is it the thought
of spending $$?  Jealousy?  Control issues?

I too have had a very disappointing reaction out of my mother on a couple of
occasions and it just shocked the chit out of me.  The last time was when I
told her I was pregnant after many years since my last pregnancy.  She was NOT
thrilled, as a matter of fact she acted embarrassed that her "old daughter" got
knocked up again.  I had actually waited until I was past 12 weeks to tell
anyone, because I was so high risk for miscarriage, I did not want to get
everyone excited, just to have a tragic ending.  At the time my sister was
pregnant with her first child.  She is one of the first I told.  I explained I
was not trying to "steal her thunder" that I had in fact wanted more children
much earlier, but sometimes the body does not cooperate with the heart.  I only
told people "no more babies" when they asked so I would not have to give them
my whole medical history to explain why there had not been any more babies.
Sometimes that is easier than listening to all those "oh I am sorry" or "Oh did
you try this? or that?" I was actually shocked myself when I did get pregnant
because I had not been ovulating for some time.  My ob/gyn was equally shocked!
 LOL.  Anyway, my sister accepted my pregnancy and was excited that we would be
having babies together.  I told her I wanted her there when I told mom. 
Well....the reaction was very dramatic and not at all what you "see on tv" 
LOL.  I just sucked it up, brushed my hurt feelings aside and put on a brave
face.  Later in the day when the due date came up, she was shocked I was as far
along as I was and could not believe I had not told her sooner.  Well, there
was no explaining that.....she just couldn't "get it".  Finally my sister said
"aren't you excited Mom?  More grandbabies!"  At that point I think my mom
realized how negative she had been all day.  Did she apologize?  Nope.  Over
the next few weeks I had several people try to tease me about "don't you know
what causes that?  How could you accidentally get pregnant now?  at your age?" 
I was confused.....what were they talking about?  Well.....apparently my mom
was calling it an "oops" pregnancy.  :::sigh:::  I was faced with making my
mother look like a liar, or looking like a pregnant old fool.  I just smiled,
called it a blessing in disguise, and all those other cliches you hear. =)  I
still have no idea why my mother acted the way she did.  She loves this child
just as much as my other ones, but her initial reaction was not positive. 
Maybe, over time, your own mother will come around and start to be more
positive, especially when she realizes this will not be a huge extravaganza. 
At least I hope so.  =)