🚀 go-pugleaf

When I was a child, we went camping alot.  The area was known for it's bears. 
Big Bears.  Hungry bears.  Since we did a lot of hiking, my Dad always walked
first, then me, then my mother would take up the rear.  We had many
conversations about this line up and my dad alway assured my mother if we came
across a bear he would make sure mom and I got away...he would let us get away
first.   Many other campers who were stupid enough to leave their food out were
raided during the night, so we knew there were bears in the area.   Well.......
we were on a short hike, the wind picked up and the trees started swaying. 
Before I go any further with this story I must say that my mother is a tiny
little redhead, might have been 85 pounds soaking wet on this vacation.  Skinny
little legs.  No muscles.  Ok, you have to picture a skinny redhead thats only
5 feet tall.  Anyway....she is about 10 feet behind me and my Dad and she does
not hear him talking about the wind and the trees and how we ought to go back
to camp because they are really swaying.  Just then a small branch cracks off
one of the trees near us and falls to the ground.  Dad says "Ok, lets get the
hell out of here"  He and I turn around, pass my mom as he is saying "lets get
out of here".  He has me by the hand and we are walking pretty fast when out of
nowhere comes this white flash with red hair screaming every obscenity she can
come up with "YOU Sonofabitch, how dare you leave me back there with that
f*&^ing bear, you told me you would never let a bear get me you a^%hole, I'm
gonna get you for this.....you sonof a......" and she hauls butt back to the
camp.  He looks at me and says "what bear?"  We turn around....look.  NO bear. 
Then we break into hysterical laughter as we realize she did not know why we
trotted past her on the trail....she had no idea it was the wind we were
escaping.  OH, my sides hurt so bad by the time we caught up to her and she is
still cussing "what the hell are you 2 laughing at?  Huh?  I damn near got
eaten by a bear and you 2 are laughing!!!"  My dad then tells her it was just
the wind, no bear. She says "yeah but I heard it break a branch off that tree!"
 Dad says "that was the wind" (I am still snickering)  "Young lady if you are
going to laugh about a bear eating your mother then get your ass in that
tent!!!"  I go in the tent and bury my face in a sleeping bag so I can roar
with laughter without her hearing me.  Hehehe.  My dad explains the whole
situation to her and she finally realizes why we were laughing so hard at her. 
My dad's description of her flying past us on the trail was priceless.  At this
point my bladder is about to burst and I am begging to go to the bathroom.  As
my mom and I head off for the bushes...my dad says..."Honey your are on your
own, we know what your mom will do if she sees a bear!!!"  It's been over 25
years since that happened and we still tease her about it everytime we go
camping.  The standard joke is...."If you see a bear don't count on grandma
saving you!!!!"  My kids love to hear that story about grandma out running the
"bear". =)