🚀 go-pugleaf

RE: CHRONIC ILLNESS/DISABILITY/INDIGENCY VS HEALTH, 
ABLE-BODIED,
FULL FINANCES CUSTODY BATTLE IN THE STATE OF NH IN KANGAROO 
COURT.
I need your help. I may even be spamming this notice, but I do
not care at this point; it is much too important to worry about
that and I need to reach as many people, activisits, legalees, 
and organizations, the media, radio, journalists as possible in
a very short time span.  

MY name is Cindy Callahan and I reside in Exeter, NH; have been
on full disability since 1/1/88 for what they termed then as 
"severe fibromyalgia with chronic fatigue immune dysfunction 
disorder." My form is chronic progressive and seems to be related
very closely to Polio, MS, MD, and all the 111 forms of diseases, 
disorders and illnesses under the catchall name of Arthritis. 

In February of 1987, my divorce from my ex-husband of only 4 years
was finalized. At that time, we made up our own decree and have 
had no problems with that agreement until a couple years ago, in 
particular after he remarried three years ago. On May 31st, 1994,
completely out of the blue, a month after he picked up from me 
an envelope of receipts which were part of our  agreement on 
child support, I received a Petition to Modify. Since then, it 
has turned into one very ugly child custody case, where he does
not care who he hurts or how, and let me tell you if you wanted
to screw up a kid, this is the perfect way to do it. My son is 
now 12 years old - he will be thirteen in December. Obviously 
I have been his only caretaker, but thus far, I have been 
stripped of all my rights as a mother, parent, permanent 
custodial parent. I'm even restricted to this state and cannot
leave it with my son for more than 12 hours!! I wasn't even 
born here. In his process to discredit me in every way possible, 
and influence anyone and everyone involved, he has done nothing
but harm, cause emotional and physical pain to both myself, my 
son, and my small family here. The fact I have another son, 
age 23, whom I also raised alone (his father died as a result 
of a motorcycle accident in 1978) is the proof in the  pudding.
As it stands now, with this vile, evil, controlling, demanding
ignorant and selfish man, his wife who started the litigation
because she did not want her husband to fulfill his duties, and
every professional they have spoken to, convinced and influenced
in their direction, it looks like I will lose my son after a 
four day trial in September.  This just cannot happen; I could
never live with that outcome. Please help me not to allow this
horrendous travesty of justice happen, for then, we all lose. 
More disabled mothers will lose their children to their 
ex-husbands: that is not only unfair but totally discriminating.
The closer it gets, the harder it is for me to go without the 
tears streaming down my face and my heart from breaking, I'm so
scared.  I don't want to lose my son, especially not to this 
terrible person and those professionals who believe him. 

I fought having a psychological evaluation knowing full well 
that I would come out with a personality disorder and that's 
exactly what happened. They have set me up to lose and to fail
and this man has that psychological eval in his hand as another
weapon against me. We all know that you cannot compare a healthy,
supposedly "normal" able-bodied individual with a chronically
ill and disabled person. It can't be done, but these laypeople
don't care and don't know anything. They have continued to hammer
at me for the last 27-28 months. A healthy mother could never 
withstand this persecution and torture, never mind someone who's
health and life could, can and is, put in danger because of the
stress and length of time this litigation has been ongoing.

The Stress alone has exacerbated my illness and this was 
intentional. I went from doing okay to a motorized chair.  
I lost insurance and had to go on Medicare Parts A and B 
and Medicaid for my $1300 a month script bill. I've been
hospitalized; have had three ovarian cysts burst - the 
last one two-three weeks ago almost killed me. I've had 
ulcers and gastroscopies and it's getting harder and harder
to function under these circumstances. Even with meds, I'm
finding it very hard to sleep lately. I can't even talk 
about it and as I write this now, the tears just keep 
flowing. Yes, I've needed help and some caretaking, something
I did not need before and I'll be damned if they'll find that
out, so they've made me feel useless and worthless and I'm 
even questioning my own validity and purpose here in life 
as a mother and as a human being. He has forced further 
indigency upon me, as if SSD isn't enough to do that by itself,
making it now not only physically but intentionally 
financially impossible for me to properly care for my son, 
they say, who does not want to leave me. I have maxed every
credit card available and my credit is totally destroyed 
now. All this so they can say how sick I am that I can't take
care of him, do things with him - although he has never 
wanted for anything: neither of my sons have and look, 
she has no money so therefore cannot give him the things
his biological father can, as if money and health were the
most important things in life. They are not; Love is.

They have forced therapy up on him, which has only made things
worse for the therapist is showing preference through his 
attitude and it shows. They literally "Kidnapped" him from 
school going over Domestics' head to a judge saying I was 
dangerous and they feared for his physical and emotional 
being a year ago last September and held him against his 
will for a week where he cried himself to sleep every night.
I went into court alone to get him back and they returned to
me a broken child. How come they don't see how wrong that is??
How come the courts don't see that this man is the "problem?"
That he's a danger and a detriment to this child, to me, to my
family? That what he has done only shows he is a danger and a
detriment to this kid? I live a quiet life and never bother 
anyone, so why is this at my door??  My handicapped significant
other is considered "DAD" and my son considers us "his parents."
He has endangered my son's education for he has a learning 
disability from having undiagnosed FM/CFS, so they say I'm 
making him sick, for he is not sick. Bulloney!! They want 
perfection!! Since school has been out, and he has not  
had any therapy, he has gone back to his old self again 
and he's just so wonderful and a typical almost teenage boy.
I've had him for the last three weeks without his father's 
intervention and it's amazing how fast he has healed. I know
that when it's over and if they rule in my favor, love will 
heal all his wounds and we will not be living in limbo anymore.
I have even filed a motion for my son to speak with the judge in
chambers in privacy and instead of allowing him to do that, the
defense says I'm using him to further my needs. All along, I have
been fighting for my son's rights, not mine, his. For all they
have thrown at me, all the persecution, all the torture, the
lies, the slander, the perjury, the breaches and more, I am 
still standing tall, but the tears never stop, especially now
as we are getting so close to the final outcome and yes, again,
I'm really scared.

Sometimes I dream that Rockingham County Courthouse in 
Brentwood, NH, gets filled up with all the chronically ill,
chronic pain sufferers, parents in wheelchairs and so much 
more, just to show that a parent does not have to be 
"supposedly normal, healthy and able-bodied" to raise a child.
I've raised him all these years, so why now am I chopped liver??
This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with
and take my word for it, when I tell you I have had a lot to 
deal with in my lifetime. By the age of 15, they said I was 
like a 40-yr-old woman. Now I'm a 40+-year-old woman who's 
heart and mind is cracking over this horrendous and ludicrous
situation. I have already spent $20,000 for legal fees. 
I'm behind about $5000 now and most likely will need another
$20,000 for the September trial only to lose him. There is 
so much more to tell you but not enough space to do so. If 
there is anything at all that you can do or say or be done
that can help me keep my child, please let me know. All this
for want of relocation to live a quality life. Thank you.
Cindy Callahan - hp304h@nh.ultranet.com
(Founder of the disability support channel #LifeChallenges)

    DISABILITY AWARENESS
       INVISIBLE DISABILITY AWARENESS


               ME ... and YOU


              I can't dance
                and I can't sing.
              Sometimes I can't do
                much of anything.
              But I can watch and enjoy
                the antics of others.
              Especially those
                of my sisters and brothers.

              I can laugh and cry
                right along with you
              Even if there is a lot
                I can't physically do.

              I can't mow the lawn
                or shovel the snow.
              But I can plant flowers and bushes
                and watch them grow.
              And see them bloom
                and get very tall
              From the beginning of Spring
                right through to the Fall.

              I can't jump in a car
                and go for a ride.
              I can't go for a walk
                so I stay inside.
              Sometimes I have a chauffer
                to sweep me away
              So I can do some of the things
                you can do every day.

              My body may have betrayed me
                My mind sometimes gets defective
              No one is more disappointed than I
                in the changes that are now effective.

              But remember....

              My eyes can still see
               the many hues of the sky
              The sunsets of the day
               that slowly fade away
              The hundred shades of green
               all the beauty of life
              All this can be seen
               even among the daily strife.

              I can still smell
               the freshness of cut grass
                or of blooming roses
              All the scents that tell me
                That I'm still alive
                 and all that it poses
                  that I will survive.

              And my ears can still hear
                and I can still listen
              I am always there in spirit
                even if I can't be there in person.

              For all of those in my life
                and in my heart
              For all of those that I love
                I'll always be a part.

              I can still feel
               and I can still be
              Not the same
               but a new me.

              If I'm ever needed
               I can invisibly be there
              To lend a hand
               to show that I care.
              And to let you know
               you're never alone
              That I can still be a friend
               that we can still share.

              Friends and family
                think I still can
              But they're strong and healthy
                So they don't understand.
              I'm their sister,
                daughter, friend or lover
              But they don't really know me
                Or know that everything I do
              I do in sheer agony
               and the stripping
                of all my energy.

              To say, "I love you"
               and mean it
              Back it up
               and prove it.
              Show that you care
               by your behavior
                and actions.
              That's the only way
               I will know
                your true intentions.

              Be there
               to light the path
                for someone you care.
              Make me believe
                that it does not matter
                 whether I can or I can't
                  jump in a car
                   or go for a walk.
              That maybe all I can do
               is sit and watch
                listen and see
                 enjoy and be
                  without feeling guilty
                   knowing that's okay, too.

              Just be there to let me know
                That I still count
                 for something
              For what I am
                and for what I'm not
                 irregardless
                  of how good I'm looking.

              Never forget
               about the one that you care
              I may be invisibly disabled
               but I am still here.
              So reach out your hand
               and give me your touch
              Letting me know
               I mean so much.

              Fill yourself with understanding
               compassion and support
              It'll make your life richer
               and my life much fuller
              Because you're in it
               and we're in it together.


  Cynthia T. Callahan
  November 9, 1993
  copyright

Founder of the disability support channel #LifeChallenges
on IRC Anothernet.