🚀 go-pugleaf

The only one missing is "Smarten up because I don't dumb down."

On 11 Jul 2006 09:58:23 -0700, "musea" <tomhendricks474@cs.com> wrote:

>Dear Readers,
>
>A regular reader of Musea,  Melanie, sent me this
>list of the ten Winners of the Dark and Stormy Night,
>bad writing  contest - and I couldn't resist resending it
>to you.
>It is named after Bulwer-Lytton who started one of his
>novels with the line,
>"It was a dark and stormy night."  The list is
>from the English Dept. of San Jose State U. Enjoy.
>____________________
>
>This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest,
>wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:
>
> 10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he
> were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he
> would never hear the end of it."
>
> 9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
>
> 8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have
> envied, a  tanned, unblemished oval face framed with
> lustrous thick brown  hair,  deep azure-blue eyes
> fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that
> vied for competition, and a small straight nose,
> Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
>
> 7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on
> his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre
> creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
>
> 6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting
> edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and
> soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become
> the woman he loved."
>
> 5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it
> did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local
> pet store."
>
> 4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat
> detached, but then penguins often do."
>
> 3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with
> cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus
> lay dead on the hotel floor."
>
> 2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who
> didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man
> who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in
> the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal
> tendencies."
>
> AND THE WINNER IS...
>
> 1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside
> darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with
> sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
> revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat,
> crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the
> sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
> disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception,
> screaming madly, 'You lied!"
>
>_______
>News: there's now a zinewikipedia. See
>www.zinewiki.com
>
>Tom Hendricks
>ed. of the 14 year old zine Musea
>
>musea.us
>hunkasaurus.com
>Myspace.com/musead
>Myspace.com/hunkasauruscom
>tomhendricks474@cs.com
>Wikipedia
>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hendricks